Reading Reviews for Underworld
21 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Pixileanin New Recruits

23rd July 2012:
Hi there! Tag!

Oh, this is very interesting! I love the war stories about the people who are on the sidelines. You made an interesting choice with Caradoc as a focal point and I loved how unique his occupation was. You just don't get enough "normal" seeming people in the Order these days.

A lot of things intrigued me: his profession, his resentment at being assumed on the "Wrong" side of the war because of his House placement back in school, and his attitude towards the new recruits. I loved that you are showing life outside of Hogwarts. You have made me very curious about this character.

You did an exceptional job with all of the initial introductions of the characters at the Order meeting. Everyone seemed to have their own voice and their own concerns. Sometimes I don't get that from fics, but it definitely shone through here.

A well-done first chapter!

Author's Response: Hey there! I know - all but one of the stories I've read about the first war were all to do with the Marauders and I wanted to do something different, so I could really focus on the war rather than children growing into men, weddings, babies, etc. There's so much going on apart from that and that's what I wanted to focus on, hence Caradoc.

Ooh yeah, he has a whole bucket of unresolved issues :P He's a bit angsty, but he's a good guy really! It took me ages to work out what his profession would be so I'm glad you like it!

The Order is a group of such strong characters - Hagrid, Dumbledore, McGonagall, James and Lily - so I wanted to make sure they were all their own people, rather than a collective mass, you know?

Thank you so so much for the review and sorry about the late response!

Aph xx

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Review #2, by Cassius Alcinder Surprise

18th February 2012:
Back for chapter 2!

I absoltuely loved the scene at the bar and particularly Scrimmer's character. The atmosphere was described so effectivley, and it seemed like such a shady place, a real wretched hive of scum and villainy. It actually reminded me a lot of the cantina in Star Wars, except without the crazy band of course.

The converstaion with Augustus was very intriguing, it really makes me wonder what was written on page 7 on how it ties into everything else.

The closing scene was very effective as well, and it really brings to the forefront the danger of knowing that the death eaters could really strike anybody at any time.

There is so much mystery and suspense building up, I'd like to see what happens next!

Author's Response: Scrimmer's awesome. I kinda love him even though I know he's absolutely despicable and I really shouldn't, lol. But the Death Eaters need people like him, so *shrugs* Haha, cantina! I honestly never thought about it that way...
Ah, Augustus... he's so sneaky... he'll turn up a lot later... and so will page 7. Well, according to the plan in my head, at any rate.
I thought about whether or not to put it this early on, but I wanted it do be because it's a war. Not everybody's going to die at the end and not everybody who dies is going to be actively involved and I sort of wanted to kinda get that across early on.

Thanks for the (again) awesome review!
Aph xx

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Review #3, by Cassius Alcinder New Recruits

18th February 2012:
Here from the forums with your review!

First of all, this is such a good idea for the story. I really enjoy stories about the first war since it was such a secretive and dangerous time that we don't know a whole lot about from the books.

I also really enjoy stories about underloved characters, and its great to see one about one of the order members we know so little about. I really enjoyed your characterization of Caradoc. He kind of reminded me of Han Solo in a way, with his attitude and shady business dealings. It was also interesting that he was a sytherin, which really fits in with Dumbledore's message about how the houses have to stay together. The Maruaders and Lily were well portrayed as well.

The desriptions were really well done and painted a great picture of mystery and danger hanging over the story. The plot seems to be well set up, and I'm anxious to find out more about Caradoc's mission.

Author's Response: I'm glad you like the idea! The first war has always intrigued me and I always wanted to write about it, so this is kinda a difficult fic for me coz I want to get it right, you know?
I adore underloved characters! They're just so utterly fascinating... :D Haha, Han Solo? Really? lol. I totally didn't have him in mind... there are a few similarities, though. No Chewbacca, though ;) Honestly, I always decide personality first and house second with characters, and there was no way he could be anything but a Slytherin. Marauders were fun! Ah, how I do love James and Sirius...
Gah, thanks so much! :D I'm never sure how much mystery/danger is enough... it's kinda hard to gauge... Also, I really love your stuff (Behind the Curtain and Their Finest Hour) which is sort of similar, so I'm so glad you like this!

Thanks for the awesome review!
Aph xx

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Review #4, by AC_rules All Business

18th February 2012:
AHh. There's too many great things about this fic. I love it when people take something like the Order and put there won fabulous flair on it. There's so much potential and when people come up with such orginal idea I just lovee it.

Mundungus? Aahhh, this is exciting. I have a feeling you have something great planned for this and I can't wait to read more. Although, it frustrates me that the Order members are walking straight into battle - using each others names out loud and not disgusing themselves. But they'll kill you! They'll kill you all!

Also, just one thing. With the whole 'does that count as a win' it spiralled off my thinking and I really think you should throw in a line a bit like "we don't count who wins or loses, because we're never going to win" or something like that. Worded better, but sometihng like tha would be slap-round-the-face-powerful

Anyway, loved it :)

Author's Response: Hehe, thanks! I really enjoy writing it - it's just hard to find the muse for it coz we already know quite a bit about it. It's fun, though.
Yes, Mundungus! He will show up again, I promise ;) His character is so much fun to write. It's frustrating, but they never used code-names or anything - I suppose the Marauders have their nicknames - so it's frustrating but that's just how it is ;)
Hm... yeah, true. That would shut Sirius up :P I'll definitely think about that when I go through this (before I add the next chapter probably, lol) so thanks for that!

Thanks for the review!
Aph xx

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Review #5, by ToReleaseMe All Business

4th January 2012:
Back again!

Ahh that was such a good chapter! I love the fighting scenes, and this one was brilliant. I really liked the way you portrayed James and Sirius in the battle as newbies.

I'm liking the characterization of Caradoc more and more as I read the story. He doesn't exactly seem like someone to be in the Order, but I do like him. I think he must be doing some sort of "Snape" thing with the Order and some Death Eaters, ya know? It's all very interesting and I will keep reading to see where this leads.

The story is beautifully done and has amazing potential. The next few chapters will be fun to read, I think, and I look forward to them (hopefully they won't take long to get up - hint, hint). Great job!

- ToReleaseMe

Author's Response: Thank you! (I think I've said that at the start of every Author's Response I've given you so far, you know :D) I hadn't written a fight scene for so long before I wrote this one so I was a little worried about it. Okay, alright, a lot. Ah, James and Sirius are so adorable at the moment. So young and innocent.
I'm glad you noticed he doesn't seem the obvious suspect for an Order member, because that was what I wanted to portray! Not all of the members would have been Gryffindors and not all of them would have been the people you'd suspect to be in it, you know? Once again, I can't answer that question :P
I hope what I have planned for the next few chapters lives up to your expectations! :D I'll try to have another one up soon!

Thanks for the wonderful review!
Aph xx

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Review #6, by ToReleaseMe Surprise

4th January 2012:
Hey there, me again!

Wonderful chapter, yet again! The writing is impeccable, and I really liked the bit in the bar. It's a wonder that Caradoc is such close friends with Rookwood. Does he know that Rookwood is a Death Eater? And does Rookwood know that Caradoc is in the Order? Hmm... interesting stuff.

So sad that the first death of the story has come so soon, but I suppose that's war, isn't it? I really hope that Caradoc isn't two-timing the Order, but it would be a good twist (plot-wise, anyway). Looking forward to what the next chapter brings!

- ToReleaseMe

Author's Response: Thanks! Gosh, you're making me blush with all these compliments! lol.
I can safely say that, in this chapter, Rookwood and Caradoc do not know about each other's allegiences. I kinda like Rookwood, actually, even though I don't think I should, really.
It is! Things never happen the way you expect them to in war and I wanted to make it clear that people are dying every day, you know, not just at helpful points in the story :D
Still not saying anything on Caradoc betraying the Order!

Thanks for the lovely review!
Aph xx

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Review #7, by ToReleaseMe New Recruits

4th January 2012:
Hey, it's ToReleaseMe with your review!

Wow, I have to say that there isn't really anything bad about this story. It had a bit of a slow start, I think, but it is only the first chapter and it began to pick up as the chapter went on. The spelling and grammar are perfect, and your writing is beautiful. Very simple and flowing, which is nice :)

I really like Caradoc, to be honest. He is mysterious and puts on a tough front, but I think we'll see him break out of that front in a bit. Although I feel like he's not really in the Order... Not sure, though. I'll have to wait to see.

You've written everyone brilliantly. I've only read one other "Order of the Phoenix" fic (which was amazing) and this one is just as amazing. I'm excited to see where this goes!

- ToReleaseMe

Author's Response: Ohmygosh, thank you! I'm always so worried about it because it's so different to what I'm used to writing, you know?
Hm.. I'll bear the slow pace of this one in mind when I write the other chapters - so thanks for mentioning that!
I'm glad you like him! He's a very flawed character, but really, that's part of what I like about him. His tough front... it will crack slightly occasionally and may crack at some point, but I'm not really too sure, lol. As for not really in the Order... well, I'm not going to say anything about that ;)
Seriously? Thanks! Dumbledore and Moody were murder to write. Absolute murder. Grr.

Thanks for the lovely review!
Aph xx

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Review #8, by Secret Santa All Business

24th December 2011:
The plot thickens! It's really pulling me in. Caradoc is such an interesting character, and I never really thought of him like this, yet it's just so perfect! You have characterised him superbly. His interaction with yet another Death Eater/Ex-Slytherin was great; I want to know what he's up to! He doesn't seem like the sort of person the Order would put up with, but then again, they do put up with Mundungus-- who I was so pleased to see in this chapter :D The fight scene was brilliant; very well written, and seemed very realistic. I like how you had Frank having to wake Caradoc up-- some people seem to think that the Order are always on the ready, whereas they weren't, obviously! I love your Frank in this (though he was already one of my favourite characters) though I hope to see Alice soon! Again, the appearance of the Marauders was brilliant-- especially Caradoc's conversation with Sirius, which really highlighted Sirius' immaturity. You show brilliantly that they are only just out of Hogwarts, and not used or prepared for suddenly fighting in a war.

I can't wait to read more! 10/10

Clue Number 3: One of my pets has something in common with Alan Rickman

Author's Response: Thanks! I really enjoy writing him... when he decides to co-operate with me, lol. I actually kinda like Mundungus - he's a really fun character, because he's so blatantly shady and tricky :D He'll turn up again, I promise!
Oh gosh, I had so much trouble writing that scene! I hadn't written a fight scene for years before that one, so it was oddly hard.
Alice and Frank will turn up again - probably quite a bit, I think. I've always thought that the Marauders would have found it difficult to really understand - especially Sirius, because he grew up with a family on the other side, so to speak. Plus, they're only eighteen - really young, all things considering.

Thanks for the wonderful review!
Aph xx

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Review #9, by Secret Santa Surprise

24th December 2011:
Another great chapter. I'm really intrigued about what Caradoc's up to! I presume he's into something dodgy! He's almost like a more intelligent Mundungus-- he has links in the darker side. I like how you had Rookwood talking to him-- we know he's a Death Eater, but no-one else did, so it was a nod to Caradoc's Slytherin heritage without being "oh my god he's talking to Bellatrix lestrange". Your descriptions are brilliant, and I truly feel as if I am there alongside Caradoc. I'm really being drawn into this story and will favourite it as soon as I get off anonymous :D I like the contrast between Caradoc at work and Caradoc with the order. The talk about the attack was so sad-- the poor Bones'! Yet it fit into cannon so well... you are a really talented writer, and I'm so glad I've discovered your stories!

Right, clue number 2: I do like an Arthurian Bromance

Author's Response: Haha, lol, I never thought of it that way! Yeah, he is a bit like a cleverer Mundungus. I included Rookwood because from what we know of him he was a very, very good spy and I could make him around the same age, which worked well.
I'm a little description-obsessed at the moment, so a lot of my longer stuff tends to have hordes of description, lol. Aww, thanks!
I actually have no idea if my plot really fits perfectly into canon, but I didn't bother so much with that given that we actually don't know that much about the first war, apart from some snippets Moody tells Harry.

Aww, thanks! *hugs*
Aph xx

p.s. so do I! :P

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Review #10, by Secret Santa New Recruits

24th December 2011:
Ooh, what a good first chapter! Very intriguing :) I love it when authors explore more of the little known Order members-- there's much more room there for movement, and you can create your own interesting story for each. Your Caradoc seems very well characterised. He isn't the atypical Order member, which makes him ten times more interesting. Your choice to put him in Slytherin is similar to your choice to make the Black parents nice. You seem to go against the normal in your fics, which is really good. Not every order member was a Gryffindor, obviously, yet no-one ever talks about Slytherin Order members.

I'm interested by the bit at the beginning-- I can't wait to read on and see what it's about. And placing him in trade-- it's different to what most people put the Order in, but obviously just as important to the cause.

The interaction between Caradoc and the Marauders were superb-- brilliantly written, and good at highlighting each of their characters quickly. Your James Potter was easily recognisable from what Rowling tells us of him within one line of him speaking, and I love that you had Lily being the one to make the mistake-- most would have made it be Peter.

Your spelling and grammar is good, as always. I can't wait to read more.

So sorry I forgot your clues last time! Here's Clue Number 1: My OTP is Hodgins/Angela.

Author's Response: When I created Caradoc, I knew I wanted him to be different. It seemed improbable that all Order members would be Gryffindors and his personality really didn't suit the other two houses, lol, so Slytherin it was! And yeah, I like going against normal. Normal is boring ;)
I considered making him a Healer or an Auror or a diplomat - something more obvious, but I'd already put people into those jobs, lol, and it seemed silly to have everyone in the Order being an Auror or something.
Ah, I love me some Marauders :P I'm glad you like them - I know they're not quite the typical way people paint them, especially James and Sirius. I've always pictured Peter as being quite shy, which is why he didn't speak much there - he will show up later on, though, and talk more.

Thanks for the lovely review, Secret Santa!
Aph xx

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Review #11, by Harrypotterbookworm Surprise

18th December 2011:
So many questions still! It's wonderful! What do the cursed necklaces have to do with anything? Who is Adam? What was on page 7? Did any of it have anything to do with the murder of Victoria Bones? Again, you leave the reader wanting more, which is awesome and something a lot of people find hard to do in subtle ways like you. Well done!

Yet again, amazing style. Natural and everything! Keep up the good work. I must check out your other stuff to see if you do this all the time! It's marvelous! You also wrap the reader around your finger so much that I didn't even realize the length. It's a great thing to do that.

Can't wait to read the next chapter!

Author's Response: You do have a lot of questions, lol. In order: the cursed necklaces will turn up again, Adam is... Adam (I can't really explain, but he'll turn up again and you'll find out more about him), page 7 is linked to what Augustus does (again, there'll be more on that later), and none of it had to do with the murder of Victoria Bones. She was killed by the Avada Kedavra.
Yeah, the chapters are quite long, but it's going to be a long story and there's a lot to fit in to each chapter. It's a pain, but ah well.

Thanks so much for the lovely reviews!
Aph xx

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Review #12, by Harrypotterbookworm New Recruits

17th December 2011:
This seems like a very original idea to me. Especially the character of Caradoc. I love how you made the point about him being a Slytherin and the order not being completely composed of Gryffies. Really fits, and extremely not cliche.

I'm interested to see where Sirius and his relationship is going to head. Why is Sirius so intrigued with him? Why does Caradoc not like it? Hmm, questions, questions ...

You've got yourself a nice style here, it reads very naturally and is very descriptive without it going overboard. I also meant to mention, the start of the chapter is very interesting and grabs the reader. I was excited to find out whether he was part of the Order or the Death Eaters.

Looking forward to reading the next few chapters!
Hugs, Nikki

Author's Response: I thought about making him a Gryffie, but it really, really didn't fit his character. Then I considered Ravenclaw, but... hm... Slytherin just seemed to fit him so much better. Oh yeah, he's pretty bitter about the majority of the Order being Gryffies.
Ah, Sirius... yeah, that'll probably come up again *hides that she isn't actually sure* Caradoc's just untrustworthy and slightly paranoid at times, so he doesn't like the attention he's getting from Sirius and he doesn't know whether or not he can trust Sirius, coz he's a Black. As for your other question... well, the reason for that will definitely come up later.
I actually find this one really hard to write, because it's dark and I really want it to be mysterious and full of suspense and that's difficult! I'm glad you like it, though, and the description-overload doesn't bore you ;)

Thanks for the lovely review!
Aph xx

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Review #13, by AC_rules Surprise

18th September 2011:
This chapter was just as brilliant as the first and the fact that Caradoc is friends with Augustus Rookwood is brilliant - although I hope that that won't be his downfall as I've become quite fond of him.

It seems he's quite contradictory: fighting death eaters but also being friends with death eaters (not that he knows that) and saying he didn't care about his friend's viewpoint in the war - which isn't a very good idea. Still, that's a good thing as it only makes his character more real.

I assume that there was more to the distirubance in his office than has been let on so far and I really really want to read some more. So it would nice if you'd update soon... :)

Thanks for the wonderful story!


Author's Response: When I was trying to find friends for him, I wanted someone people would recognise and the right sort of age = Augustus was perfect. Augustus will turn up and concerning Caradoc's downfall. well, you'll see ;)
It's not a good idea, no, but he's an arrogant little jerk at times :D
Ah, the disturbance! Yes, that will come up again - I've already planned where I'm going with that, but it's ages away, so sorry about that!
I've got the next chapter written, I just want to start number quatro before I update, so it should be (relatively) soon.

Thanks for the wonderful review! ;)
Aph xx

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Review #14, by AC_rules New Recruits

18th September 2011:
I actually LOVED this so much. For a start I've never read a story following Caradoc before which meant for me this was completely and utterly orginal - which is fabulous.

Then, urgh, your characterisation was faultless on all fronts ' Caradoc, Dumbledore (and he's impossible to do well), Lily, James and Sirius. I literally couldn't find even a moment when anybody acted OOC or even slightly wrong.

I loved that Caradoc was a Slytherin too and I really want to here more about his story and his mission. I just loved all of it, if I'm honest. It was sensational :)

Author's Response: Thanks! I've always wanted to write something about the First Gen. characters and the First war, but never did, and then Caradoc kind of stuck in my head, developed and here it is!
Dumbledore is infuriating! I'm so glad you think he's alright because I spent about fifteen minutes or something trying to work out how he would speak. Moody is just as annoying.
I find that houses often become very stereotypical and kinda wanted to mess it up a little, not to mention none of the others really suited him either. Except perhaps Ravenclaw. At a stretch XD

Thanks for the awesome review!
Aph xx

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Review #15, by academica Surprise

12th September 2011:
Hi there! I have finally arrived with your review :) I have actually been meaning to check out your second chapter for a while; it's just been a problem with finding time lately. So I've got to apologize about that.

I've got to be honest, this one dragged quite a bit for me. I found it a little difficult to wade through all the detail, and the pacing seemed very slow up until the meeting at the end. I liked how you tried to show an "average" day for Caradoc, one punctuated with his interactions with all sorts of shady individuals, but I think it would have been better if you had cut out some of the less important details, such as Caradoc's task-by-task checking of his office. I hope that makes sense.

I'm still liking the plot, and I'm curious to find out more about Caradoc and exactly where his loyalties ultimately lie. I feel like you've painted events pretty realistically. I'm interested to see what will become of the eleven necklaces he got. My mind went to the cursed necklace Draco gave Katie Bell in Half-Blood Prince, but I look forward to seeing what you come up with. I'm also wondering what in the world Rookwood is referring to on page seven of the Prophet.

I don't think I saw too many technical errors, except I know that at least once you used 'effect' when it should have been 'affect'. The imagery here was well done, though. It definitely created a sense of mystery and pulled me in a little bit to the shadowy underbelly of the wizarding world.

Nicely done! Thanks for requesting, and as always, I hope you find my feedback helpful :)


Author's Response: I know it's really slow and I'm not too keen on it myself, but I felt I had to keep all of it still in, unfortunately. I'll definitely try to cut those bits out in the future, so thanks for mentioning it!
The necklaces will show up again, so watch out ;) and Rookwood's page seven obsession-thingy will also return.
'Affect' and 'effect' are one of those things I do without thinking about it, but I'll try and pick it up when I edit these chapters...
Thanks for reviewing, it was very helpful!
Aph xx

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Review #16, by Erised New Recruits

8th September 2011:
Hi! This is Erised with your review, apologies for it being late.

Okay: wow! This was a powerful start with plenty of mystery and suspense. I really liked the small touches that you added, such as the red ink revealing a hidden message and the golden glow round the door as protection - I felt as if it really added realism to the story. It's the little details that show you've put a lot of work into this.

I liked the characterisation of the characters - Caradoc is an interesting person to choose as he's a very obscure character if I'm correct, as the name rings a bell, and you've completely made him into your own. He has a darker, gritty side that I really enjoyed, almost as if he's a younger and more twisted Moody. Perhaps one thing that struck me was the James seemed a little too puppy-like, in that he was excitable and naive, when I would have imagined him to be more solemn about it all. Sirius perhaps would strike me as more of a joker between the two of them, but perhaps that's just my own personal preferences and how I imagine them. I thought Lily Evans was perfect, though.

The writing itself was elegant and flowed well - I think I noticed one or two typos but nothing major. The structure was good also, and leaving the hook until the very end makes the reader immediately want to move on to the next chapter. The descriptions and settings were also good. If it could do with one thing, then it could possibly be a little darker with perhaps the movements and moods of the characters and more dismal settings, to really intensify the dark mood.

Overall this is a very promising start and I would love to read more if you re-request. Well done!

Author's Response: Thanks! I really like adding details - I try and add them in everywhere I can, really - so it's good to hear that's not backfiring on me.
He's one of those people who's mentioned occasionally - and he definitely has a darker side, if things I'm planning go right :P James... will grow up throughout the story, at the moment this is all really new to him and he's still eighteen. Sirius has known more from a younger age, if that makes sense. I enjoyed writing Lily - she's such a different character to the rest.
I'll go back over it and look for the typos you mentioned when I edit it and definitely think about making it a little darker.

Thanks for your review - it was really helpful!
Aph xx

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Review #17, by Illuminate New Recruits

7th September 2011:
Hi! Here for your review!

I think I like what you've started here. I like how you caught the reader's attention with the beginning of this- your summary's awesome, too xD It gave a little mystery about what exactly he does for his work, and introducing the Marauders and Lily into the Order.

Your characterisation is also really good! I really connected with your Dumbledore to the canon one, and your Lily, James and Sirius were good, too. Oh, and your Moody. As for Caradoc, he seems to be quite closed off and bitter for some reason, and it helps contribute to the dark atmosphere of the story.

I think you can make it seem more like it's in a war by maybe accentuating their fear- I mean, I know they're all brave and in the Order and everything- but you've got to really describe the desperation and danger they experience.

All in all, great opening chapter (despite the fact it was reeeaally long xD)!

Author's Response: Wow, thanks for all the compliments! :P I find mystery quite hard to write, so I'm challenging myself with this and it's good to know there was a bit of that in there.
Moody is so difficult to write! And Dumbledore! I rewrote what he said about three times before deciding it was alright, so I'm glad they seem okay.
You make a good point there - I'm currently writing Chapter 3 so I'll make sure to try and include more of that from there.
Yeah, sorry, all the chapters for this are probably going to be about this length :D

Thanks for the review, it was really helpful!
Aph xx

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Review #18, by fauxthefox Surprise

4th September 2011:
Hello again!

Once again, the mood you've set is really awesome. The first few paragraphs seem a bit redundant, though - I think that the chapter would work if you started with the password exchange, which would also add suspense.

I really like the idea of "honor between thieves." I guess I'm not supposed to have a solid idea of what the necklaces are for yet? But you've definitely made me curious.

I think I said this last time, but I'd really like to know more about Caradoc's background, and to see more of his thoughts and emotions as the story goes on.

Your canon characters are, again, very well-done. The flow and style is practically perfect. :)



Author's Response: Hm... I'll definitely look back at the start of the chapter when I edit it and my queue for the queue is empty, thanks for suggesting that!
Ah, the necklaces will turn up again - twice more, I think - so you'll find out later :P
Caradoc's background will turn up later, particularly when things get moving faster within the Order.

Thanks for your review, it was very helpful!
Aph xx

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Review #19, by fauxthefox New Recruits

27th August 2011:
Hullo there :) This is fauxthefox from the forums with your requested review!

First off, I'd just like to say that I LOVE your summary. I'm also all for your choice to write about Caradoc. I've always been curious about the other people in Moody's picture.

I like Caradoc a lot, and I'd like to see him given even more depth over the course of the story. It's definitely interesting that you've made him a Slytherin - maybe in chapters to come you'll explain what influenced him to go against his fellow Purebloods? The poor guy really cuts himself off from society, which is a bit sad, but makes for a really interesting character.

All the technicalities of the Order meeting seem pretty much spot-on. Even Dumbledore's dialogue (which most people seem to murder) was believable.

Nothing in terms of grammar/canon issues.

I think that the sense of danger could be more palpable. Maybe people could keep looking out the window during the meetings? Or Peter could be acting frightened. The way that people react to a situation is what really makes the reader feel it.

This was so great! :) Feel free to request again if you'd like another review!



Author's Response: The fact that you like my summary makes me so happy you wouldn't believe - I absolutely hate writing them and find them incredibly difficult.
Caradoc will definitely (hopefully) develop over the course of the story, and you'll see some of his views come out. I haven't entirely decided his situation yet, that's still in the works, tbh, but your question has definitely made me think about it :P
Hm... I'll certainly consider what you said for further chapters, thanks for pointing that out! I wasn't too sure myself...
Thanks so much for reviewing!

Aph xx

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Review #20, by Manga_girl New Recruits

26th August 2011:

Hello, I'm mangagirl from the forums for your review!

First of all, I havce to say I love your story! Why? Everything! The description, the tiny details, I cant pick up a bad point!

So, to stayt, I want to praise you of your characterisation. Its so real, I can see the characters dancing off the page! Caradoc is such a cool character! I mean he isnt too perfect or covered in faults, he is realistic and thats what I love in characters. And the fact that he is a Slytherin but has all those views is cool, I like to see that in a character!

Then there is the marauders and Lily. The way you write them sounds so realistic and I can imagine Lily how you describe her and ditto with the others. I love real characters, not wooden boards and I had pleasure from reading this!

The other great character I love in this is Dumbledore. He sounds so much like he does in the book and i can really see him. I think it is harder than it looks portreying canon characters how they are in the book and you have done it beautifully, well done!

I think this flows well into everything and it seems so real. I know I keep on saying that but its true, I love this so much! I dont know what to comment on for you to improve, its so cool and if there was one thing, I would make the ending a bit clearer but apart from that, this is an amazing story with fab description and characterisation! Well done!

Emma xx

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I have to say, I love Caradoc, too and I deliberately gave him a bunch of faults (like hypocrisy) to steer him firmly away from the Gary Stu region of things as that is one of my pet peeves. Him being a Slytherin wasn't planned at all - it kinda happened. I had to put him in a house and Slytherin just seemed to fit. It was never going to be Gryffindor, though.
I'm glad you like Lily and Dumbledore - speaking of whom, it is so hard to get him right. He infuriates me, lol.
I'll take a look at the ending again when I'm editing this - there's a queue for the queue at the moment - so thanks for mentioning that!
Thank you for your review!

Aph xx

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Review #21, by academica New Recruits

21st August 2011:
Hey there! Here with your requested review :)

I love the concept of this story, and I really love the character of Caradoc. You painted a very interesting picture of him right from the get-go, and I love the little details you added about his office, the secretary and his journey to and from the meeting. Imagery is one of my big things, and you really impressed me in this piece. It definitely has a dark feel to it, and I think you executed the bleakness of the times quite well.

I think you did equally well characterizing the more familiar faces in this story, and I especially have to commend you on your treatment of Lily. She's portrayed in an unusually rosy light all too often, and I love her, but I'm glad to see someone judging and attacking her a little bit. That's an incredibly unique feature, and it adds even more depth to Caradoc. I also appreciate you making James, Sirius and Remus sound like different people, which can sometimes be hard to find; I do hope, however, that you'll pay Peter a bit more attention in future chapters, since he tends to get left out a lot.

The whole thing flowed very well and definitely kept my attention. I was so interested by it, in fact, that I'm going to add it to my favorites list in the hope of keeping up with it as the story progresses. I didn't see any grammar, spelling and punctuation errors either, which is wonderful.

Thanks so much for requesting a review! It was a pleasure to read this, and I hope that my comments are helpful to you :)


Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! I'm glad you like Caradoc - there was so much freedom with him (as in, everything) so I was a little worried as to how he would actually turn out. The bleakness and darkness is something that will undoubtedly continue to worry me, but hopefully it'll stay the same at least.
Thanks for your comments on Lily, James, Sirius and Remus - they'll be turning up again later, so it's a relief to see that you like the way I've showed them. I tried to show how Lily's compassion and worry can also be a weakness, rather than a strength as most people portray it. It seemed more fitting, given the times. At the moment I'm planning the rest of the story and Peter will definitely be turning up again, don't worry!
Thank you so much for all your lovely comments - they were all helpful (in fact, I think one or two of them sparked a plunny...)

Aph xx

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