Okay I actually love that Lavender has a nickname for Blaise!
I also found myself laughing along with her giggling in the classroom, it's great to see her so happy and full of love :D
Oh the Slytherin's are quite mean aren't they? Poor Blaise being stuck in the middle and Lavender having to deal with their mocking and cruelness. I can't believe that Blaise would just let his friends tell him who he can and can't be with, it's really sad :-(
Are you thinking of expanding this into a few more chapters? I really want to know if she'll forgive him! This was such a good one shot, you wrote Blaise and Lavenders emotion very well and it did seem like Blaise liked her, I wish he could stand up to his friends so that they could be together.
I really, really enjoyed this :D Report Review
Hi, Astoria Viana here from the forums :) Firstly you have all the permission in the world to be very cross with me. All I can say is that I am so very very sorry for this review taking so long.
Okay, well on the review then... Plot: Awe! The ending is so sweet!... but more on that later. I think the idea that Blaise won't admit he's dating a gryffindor (and Lavender in particular). It really fits since it fits with the Slytherin tendency to look out for oneself first (don't get me wrong I'm not bashing the Slytherins, I'm one myself). But it also shows Lavender's gryddindor side when she goes to talk to him at the slytherin table.
I think your characterization was really lovely too. Lavender was just as giggly and boy crazy as she seemed to me in canon so bravo there. And Blaise match my personal idea of how he acts too so as far as I'm concerned bravo there too.
Your story flows really well and your dialogue is very believable. Your storyline fits perfectly in the one shot format, without being overly condensed to fit.
My only note would be about your ending. First may I say that I love the idea of Blaise still loving her but keeping a secret but a part of me feels like Lavender wouldn't be so easily nullified. When Ron ended it in his sleep with her she stayed mad for a very long time, so maybe if the note held some secret sentimental thing they'd had together... I'm not sure that makes sense... anyway I do love the ending but maybe a bit more detail would be nice.
Overall I really liked this story though, Blaise is one of my favorite characters but he doesn't get nearly enough attention, your portrayal of him was just wonderful. Really lovely story and well written too :)
Again I am so very very sorry for the intolerably long wait,
~AstoriaAuthor's Response: Hii,
I know how it is. Sometimes I have something on my review list and two weeks later I still haven't gotten to it. That's life ;)
I was thinking of the Slytherins of a tight-knit group. And if you want to be part of it, well, you just need to make some sacrifices. And I guess Lavender was Blaise's sacrifice.
The ending was so hard for me. I wrote the one-shot in an hour or so and the ending just sat there. Another hour went by, and another and another. And eventually I was like, to hell with it, and just conjured this up. Not happy with it and I will definitely change it sometime in the future.
Thank you for reviewing !
Danielle Report Review
Wonderful one-shot! :) I love the way you characterize Lavender. She's so in character, yet I completely sympathized with her the whole time. I love how you kept her more annoying traits and made them compelling. It was all really sad because Blaise seems like such a crummy guy for leaving her for his friends (but I guess it's more to that - the whole Slytherin , high society pureblood thing makes his reputation important, even if his family is neutral in the war against Voldemort).
Your grammar was great, and I didn't notice any typos. I read straight through this one-shot to the end, without pausing. :) Lavender's emotions are completely believable because that's how I've imagined her from canon. Great job! I really don't have anything negative to say. This was well-written and enjoyable! 10/10
AetherAuthor's Response: Thank you for the review! Glad you enjoyed it. I wasn't too sure about this one-shot, but so far so good ;) Report Review
When I finished reading this I was really sad to realize this was a oneshot and that nothing else would come next. I thought this was a great oneshot, it brought all the emotions the giddy feeling of a new relationship to the horrid feelings of the aftermath. I like the idea that Blaise still does really like her but that he wasn't man enough to stand up to his friends. The little note he left during the night was just so sad because he does love her but they can't be together. This was a really great idea for a oneshot and loved how you pulled it off. I only wish that there was more to come and that they would get back together some how but it does have the bittersweet ending. It was a very fun and easy piece to read and I really enjoyed it. Great Job!
~Slytherinchica08~ Report Review
Hi! Here to review! I think your flow is perfect; your sentence lengths are varied, which is the best way to do it, as it helps put across what the character is trying to say :)
I also really like your Lavender. I really connected her to the canon Lavender, and I liked her persistance at the Slytherin table (though I think perhaps a teacher may have intervened and seen what was going on). I liked your Blaise too, it seemed really realistic that he would be influenced by his "friends."
There was only one grammar mistake that I could see, which was "A ten-page-essay to write before tomorrow morning AT eight o clock," you missed out the 'at.' :)
Other than that, I think this is a pretty stupendous story :) Good job, and well done! Report Review
Well, it's DarkRose from the forums here with your review. And I really only have one word for this:
It was really, really good. And it's hard to get me to say something like that, so I promise that I truly mean it. So good, in fact, that this is going into my favorites. Really, it is.
You didn't have any glaring mistakes in spelling or grammar, which is automatically a turn-on. Then, there's the fact that you wrote a rare-pair and did it WELL. I love that! The characterization was incredibly well done and I truly felt like you brought everyone to life.
I like that you also were able to bring together the mob-mentality in the Slytherins so nicely. It was really awful how they behaved, but so well-written that I was impressed. I really hated that Blaise listened to them though, that was just...ugh. The jerk.
Really good job with emotions, especially the sad ones. I could really feel how upset Lavender must be and that's an impressive thing that you pulled off.
You wrote this very well. Great job! I admit that I wasn't sure how a Lavender/Blaise ship would look, but this proved me pleasantly wrong in being an incredibly written story.
Again, wonderful job.
--Emily Report Review
Hey ! I am shaheen from the forums . Here with your review as requested .
first of all I would like to say that your banner is simply awesome and very attractive.
I can't really find any grammatical errors . They are already pointed out by the previous reviewers.
I like lavender's characterization very much . You did full justice to her character .
Blaise was a fool for rejecting her though I liked the note part.
I think you should write a sequel or something for the story . It would be very nice. Report Review
Hiya! I'm here with your review :)
This was an interesting pairing, that I've never really thought about before. I wouldn't say that I'm a fan of Lavender in any way, but you made me like her and care about how she felt. The giggling was a little bit annoying, but I know that was the intention, and it also kept her in character, because she would be irritating at times, I'm sure.
I also dislike Blaise for doing this to Lavender! He's messing her around, and she's just letting him! The ending was sad, and just shows how much Blaise is massing around with her and at the same time, how Pansy will probably forgive him.
I really tried to find some things to give crit on, and the only thing I could find was this sentence: " wasn’t having it. She wasn’t having any of this. How could he sit there and just deny them, their relationship. If he had just gotten up and had talked to her." Talked should be spoken. But it didn't take away from the story at all.
An interesting pairing, you handled it really well and I like what you've done with it. I also really like the banner. ^^
Leanne :) Report Review
Hello, Ravenclaw_Princess here as requested
What an amazing story. I really enjoyed it. I loved the characterisations, especially of Lavender. I think you got her spot on, from her little giggles to the way she speaks and to the way she acts. She was very much in love with Blaise and this came across in all her actions and thoughts. Blaise was also very good. You showed his two sides well and it was quite heartbreaking when he rejected her at the end. I was really happy when Lavender woke up to find the note.
They may have only had minor staring roles, but the Slytherins were brilliant with their harsh words.
Flow was brilliant, as was pacing. The whole story progressed very naturally and was full of nice detail. I was basically completely absorbed by it which is what you want your reader to be :)
The dialogue was very believable and strong and a lot of emotion was shown with each line. You could sense Lavender's distress and heart break and Blaise's discomfort and hate of what he was saying.
I picked up a couple of errors but other than these, the grammar and spelling is really good.
breathe = There are two instances where this should be breath. Breath is the noun (ie the breath came out of her mouth) and breathe is the verb (ie it's hard to breathe)
o clock = o'clock
so writing an essay its common workings = so writing an essay [on] its common workings.
Well done again on an awesome story. It was well crafted and very entertaining to read :) Report Review
OMG this was amazing. You won't believe but I actually have tears in my eyes right now!!
You wrote this so brilliantly. it was awesome. great work!!
I loved this totally. great great job!
(By the way, I am AditiDraco95 on the forums :D) Report Review
I'm here with your review! I'll go over the grammar stuff first. There were only three things I caught.
"That something like this could happen to her, felt somewhat unbelievable to her, even now, days later." I would take out the second 'to her.'
"essay its common workings" - you missed the word 'on'
"with the end of diner nearing" - dinner
That's all I saw. I think that your flow was really good. There was never a moment when I wasn't aware of what was going on or where we were in the story. I especially love your characterization. Lavender and Blaise were perfect, and even those characters who had a small moment, such as Draco, made sense in every word and action.
I thought the language was a bit strong, but that's just a personal preference. I couldn't sense anything off. It was very 'painful' to read, but I think that's the way the characters would have done it, and I think that's what you want for the story.Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing. Already corrected te errors you found, so thanks a lot ;)
And yeah, painful and somewhat crude/strong was what I was going for. I just need to "polish" it. Thanks again ! Report Review
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