Reading Reviews for Finding Bella
  
33 Reviews Found

Review #1, by RosieQueen Prologue or A is for Alone

3rd April 2012:
This is Rosie from the Blue vs. Bronze review battle! :)

Oh, this was so wonderfully written! I couldn't catch any spelling/grammar/punctuation mistakes, which you should be very proud of, since I tend to pick out lots of mistakes in every story I read! :) I find it really strange to read stories about the Black sisters, with Bellatrix becoming so evil, it's hard for me to imagine her as a little girl. Which is why I think you portrayed Bellatrix so perfectly! She's a hard character to pull off, especially as a little girl. You have to tone her down just right to make sure she's not as insane as her adult version, and not too kind for a future Death Eater. Narcissa was exactly as I imagined her as little girl. She's sort of the in-between sister who's evil but not quite. (I'm not sure I'm making sense anymore, sorry about that.) And Andromeda, she's obviously the sweet, dreamer-type girl. I love the way you wrote her character, it's so original and well thought-out. All in all, I really enjoyed this. I'm going to keep reading. 10/10!

~Rosie

Author's Response: Hey there! I found it really weird starting to write it because it's Bellatrix, you know, as a child! It was so weird to think about, lol. I'm so glad you liked how I characterised them - it's really hard to do because there are just so many different interpretations of them and I find children so hard to write. I wanted to make the differences between the sisters obvious, but not enough so that they could still be close but also have them showing qualities of what they were going to turn into, if that made sense :D And, seriously, you summed them all up pretty well! :P

Ah, thank you so much for the compliments! (Particularly about the grammar/punctuation thing - I'm really bad at that, tbh, so that made me very happy!)
Aph xx


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Review #2, by Roots in Water S is for Staring

30th March 2012:
Oooh- another great chapter! I really enjoy the way you're telling this story, incorporating her memories with the present in a meaningful way. It makes the story's emotions very present and so much more vibrant. This was especially done to great effect in this chapter when you created the parallel between the two events in her life.

It's very interesting to read about their sisterly bond because we know what will happen, we know what they will become, and yet they were once something else entirely. It was especially interesting to watch Narcissa and Andromeda interact in this chapter because it was the moment before Andromeda left to be with Ted. I liked how you didn't have Andromeda eager to get away, how she still valued her family (she just valued Ted a little more)- it made her decision to run away just that much more powerful.

By the way, I think you meant to have this part "For a moment, as the two of them stood there, ... and so she would." in italics as well - it seemed to be a part of the flashback.

Finally, I think that you did a great job with their interaction in this chapter. It was very realistic and I'm glad that there's the possibility of a new beginning in their relationship.

I'm very interested to see where you go with this and look forward to your next update!

Author's Response: Thanks! I really wanted to kinda merge the two - particularly in this chapter - because the past influences the present so much, you know, and the smallest things can remind you of other events which you thought you'd forgotten about.

I've kinda been waiting to put this moment in ever since the beginning. It is really the most important moment in Andromeda's life and I knew it was going to have to go in somewhere, so voila! :D Personally, I've never imagined Andromeda to hate her family that much when she's a kid - I mean, she grew up with them, there must have been some kind of connection! - so that's sort of where her whole naivity and innocent thing came from, I suppose. I'm glad you like it, though - I know a lot of stories portray it differently.

Ooh, maybe! I'll go back and check and try and make it clearer if it's not meant to be. Thanks for pointing it out!

Thanks so much for the lovely review! And sorry for the really late response!
Aph xx


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Review #3, by TheGoldenKneazle Prologue or A is for Alone

5th March 2012:
This was so brilliant! I love so much how you've completely captured all three of the sisters' personalities in this first chapter; even as their childhood selves, it is easy to trace their paths to the women they become. The way you describe the littlest motions and interactions - Cissy getting her sisters to stop arguing and what they might've said, Bella's retorts, Andy's toe-wiggling at the end - is giving us huge pieces of their characters already. It's gorgeous.

I love how all three of the sisters interacted too; there's such a feeling of comfort and how much they are used to each other that is often lost and/or forgotten in other stories. Childhood bonds are extremely important, and I love how you're focusing on Andy's lost sisterly bonds to introduce this story about her and her sisters. It's almost a reminder that not all the Blacks have grown up alone and fed evil; the matter goes a lot deeper!

But this chapter was absolutely gorgeous; I can't wait to read more! :) Already I want to know more about where you will take this... ~TGK

Author's Response: Gosh, thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it! I adore the Black family and I really wanted to connect the children to the adults - because none of us really change that completely, you know? Bits of you will still be the same when you're older.

I'm not really focusing on the idea of evil in this story (maybe another time ;) ), more the idea that they were sisters. No matter what happened, they were still sisters, still family and that was important. Blood is thicker than water, after all!

Thanks so much for the lovely review!
Aph xx


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Review #4, by LeoLionheart S is for Staring

4th March 2012:
I'm really liking this so far. Good luck writing the rest.
I'm curious as to how things are going to play out.

9/10
-Leo

Author's Response: Eh, I'm curious too... well, not so much because I know what will happen in the end, but I have no idea about the rest of it! ;)

Thanks so much for the lovely review! (and the 9/10!)


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Review #5, by Roots in Water V is for Visiting

19th February 2012:
It's Roots in Water here with your review!

I enjoyed this chapter and I think that you opened a very interesting possibility with this chapter. While we already knew for certain that Narcissa was alive we didn't know that her mother was as well. I found it interesting that Andromeda hadn't stayed in contact with her even though she had (however small) with her sisters. It indicates that she wasn't nearly as close with her mother... It'll be interesting to see how their relationship develops from here, if it does at all.

When you mentioned that there was a mystery guest I immediately thought it would be Narcissa- I was very surprised to see that their mother was still alive. Because Andromeda is a grandmother (however young she is) I always imagined that her parents would be dead. In calculating, though, I realize that she's at most 47, definitely young enough for her parents to still be alive. Math aside, I liked the way you characterized her. She wasn't opening antagonistic or "evil"; rather, she appeared to be a mother concerned about marriage, set firmly in the pureblood ways. I liked the way you did this as it would have been awful for them to fight at Bella's grave. It was certainly a believable way to characterize her and it allows for the possibility that they will reconcile. After all, Andromeda certainly has the desire to be reunited with them.

Though I was surprised at first that her mother talked to her I imagine that the years and grief would have dulled any anger she had at her daughter's unfavourable marriage.

The way you inserted the memory was once again very well done and I think that you chose a very interesting moment. I liked the small details you gave about the sisters in this chapter- Narcissa really came alive for me there when you mentioned that she wanted to be adored in her own right. As well, I found it very interesting that as her mother was talking about her future marriage Andromeda was already planning to elope. In that small memory you did an excellent job of showing Andromeda's current situation with her mother and the small details you included about their lack of contact after the memory really helped to cement the feeling of their relationship.

A small thing: with the phrase "possesses in moments" I think that the word "at" would better suit the meaning of the phrase than "in".

As for the atmosphere of this chapter, there was a definite aura of sadness and I think it did a good job of reflecting Andromeda's actions.

All in all I think that you did a great job with this chapter and I look forward to seeing how you move this story forward from here, what steps you make to (perhaps) bring Andromeda's family back together. Thanks for re-requesting and I hope my comments are helpful!

Author's Response: Hey there! Sorry about the late response - things have been very hectic lately at my end.

First off, I have to confess that this whole chapter turned out nothing like how it was supposed to. It was supposed to be Narcissa, originally, who was also there, and there wasn't meant to be a conversation, but then... well, this happened :p

I know, I always thought their parents would be very old/dead as well. I suppose it doesn't help that Sirius' parents are both dead, of course, which just adds to the idea that all four Black parents aren't alive, you know? I've never thought that purebloods would necessarily be 'evil', just prejudiced, so that's how I wanted to portray her. Also, it was a logical step from the first chapter, where she's so concerned. They might reconcile, they might not... honestly, I don't even know at this stage! :D

Yeah, I thought when I was writing it that maybe time and the fact that she's lost Bellatrix (and, I think, in my notes her husband's dead as well) would push her to just say something, at least. I'm so glad you picked up on that and that it didn't seem odd!

I love putting in little details all over the place so I'm glad you enjoyed them too! Thank you so much for all the compliments and everything - you're picking up on so much and it's so lovely to see! :)

Hm... yeah, you're probably right. I'll take another look over that! Thanks for pointing it out!

Thank you so much for the lovely review - it was very helpful - and sorry again for the late response!

Aph xx


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Review #6, by Illuminate Prologue or A is for Alone

16th February 2012:
Hi! Tag!

I really like this opening chapter! You really set the foundations for the story, and set up the relationships between the sisters. I really want to know what's going on in the present and what Andromeda's doing. She must be in a right state with Ted and Nymphadora both gone :( Great job!

Author's Response: Thanks! I know - I can't imagine what I'd do in that situation! She's lost so many people in so many ways - it's tragic. I'm glad you liked it!

Aph xx


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Review #7, by Roots in Water M is for Mourning

12th February 2012:
It's Roots in Water here with your review!

I think that you did a brilliant job with this chapter, especially in capturing Andromeda's feelings. You truly created a sad, intense atmosphere in this chapter and did a great job expressing Andromeda's conflicting emotions regarding Bellatrix. It's fascinating the way you're giving life to the three Black sisters, the way you're showing the evolution of their personalities. Bellatrix has always had hints of the insane, dark person she would become but she was also a good sister to them. They grew up together and I think that you're doing a great job of exploring how the past influences the present.

The flow was great- the sentences flowed seamlessly from one to the next- and the memory you integrated fit in perfectly with the scene. The method in which you introduced it was great- I was actually expecting the memory before I read it. I only have one more comment about the flow and it's more of a small confusion; with the line "Typically, the day she goes to visit Bella is the day it rains" it sounds as though Andromeda visits Bellatrix regularly, which isn't the impression I got from the rest of the chapter. Where you trying to say something along the lines of "As could be predicited, the day..."?

Though this chapter didn't move the story along very much in terms of action and adventure, I think that it was very important to the plot because it explored (as I said before) Andromeda's confusing feelings over her sister's death. I think that it was very necessary to show this step because of the many layers involved with her feelings regarding her sister's death- not only is her sister dead, but her sister caused the death of her husband and daughter, and Andromeda is friends with her sister's killer (it sounds even more complicated now that I've simplified it like that). Andromeda needs time and peace to sort out her feelings and you gave that to her in this chapter.

The little details you included in this chapter also helped to make the sisters come alive. One of my favourite sentences was the part where you explained that carnations had always been Bellatrix's favourite flowers and that she would only water them when it was her turn to water the garden- it seems like such a Bellatrix thing to do.

I do have a small comment: at the beginning of the chapter you said that it was raining and very cloudy and then, after the memory, said that she was "envelopped in sunshine". In re-reading I noticed that you explain towards the end of the chatper that the clouds have moved away but I think that you should put this explanation before you mention that she's surrounded by sunshine, to avoid confusing readers.

All in all, I think that you did a great job with this chapter and I definitely enjoyed reading it! Thanks for requesting and I hope that my comments are helpful! Please feel free to request again for the next chapter!

Author's Response: Thanks! I really wanted it to be intense, because it's sort of like the first time she's really mourning Bellatrix, as opposed to kinda ignoring the fact that she's dead, you know?
Yes! That's what I meant, lol! I'll definitely change that when I go back and edit this - gosh, thanks for pointing that out! I feel kinda silly now... :P
Her situation is hugely complicated, and I just felt that she needed some time to allow herself to calm down and accept it. Throwing her headfirst into anything else might perhaps have been a little too mean :D
Hehe, I just can't imagine Bellatrix ever gardening willingly, you know? It just doesn't seem to fit in my mind...
Ah, yeah, I should probably make that a bit clearer. Thanks for pointing that out! I tend to forget that other people don't necessarily know my story as well as I do.

Thanks for lovely helpful review!
Aph xx


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Review #8, by apocalypse V is for Visiting

10th February 2012:
Hey! This is apocalypse, here with your review!

I've been waiting for this story to be updated since so long that I thought I'll review this one first and then go back to Seeing Double =)

Firstly, I think that after such a long wait, I was a bit disappointed. It was a short chapter for me and I had expected something more. The plot didn't really move ahead like I wanted it to. I understand the importance of the pace being slow sometimes but I think that you should move it along sometimes too. I hope you know what I mean =)

Apart from that I think that this chapter was lovely. The way you described her emotions and made her change Bella's grave was heartwarming. It's interesting to see how she's feeling that sisterly bond after so many years, and I would like you to explain that point more, but nevertheless it's a good way of continuing Andy's story and it's working so far =)

When she got angry at everyone for not caring for Bellatrix anymore, I felt like I knew exactly how she felt. I think it was right of her to feel the way she did and her frustration and anger were justified.

Your description was beautiful here. It was so brilliant and so realistic that even I got scared when she heard the twig snapping and then turned her head. The overall effect was great! Those words combined with the knowledge that she was in a cemetery made my hair rise at that point. The eerie feeling was created well. Really good job!

I can't believe there mother is alive! I wish there had been more of her in this chapter but I think I'll have to wait after all! It's gotten me excited for some reason =P The way you connected her appearance with the memory was excellent. The transition from reality to memory was pretty smooth. I think that even the simple scene like that memory did a very good job in describing her current situation with her mother. You explained her doubts well and the reason why she ran was pretty apparent.

The uncomfortable conversation and the silence between mother and daughter was written excellently! Loved it all. Well, she wants her family back because nothing is more important than the bond of family! =P Been hearing that a lot recently =D

I loved coming back to this! Update soon! Good luck and Happy Writing! =D

Author's Response: Gah, I'm sorry you were disappointed! The plot isn't moving along quite as fast as I intended it to (things never happen as I want them to), but the things which happened in the chapter, particularly at the end, were kinda important to the plot... as you'll see next chapter ;) But yeah, I know what you mean, don't worry, and I'll try to pick the pace up a bit.
I wasn't sure about making her change the grave at first, but then I thought 'why not?' it's not exactly as if Bellatrix's grave is going to be a popular site, so people won't really notice anything. Sisterly bond... there will be more of that in later chapters, probably the one after the next one, I think.
Thanks! I'm glad you like the description. Hehe... I enjoy scaring people. Tis fun.
I double-checked the Black family tree to make sure it fits in with canon - and it doesn't say when she dies, so I kept her alive! According to the plan in my head, she'll turn up again, but I'm not 100% sure ;)
Writing that conversation was oddly fun. I wanted to make it realistic, so hopefully it worked :) Family is important! :P

Thanks for the lovely review! It was very helpful! (There may be an update coming soon - I'm halfway through the next chapter at the moment, btw)
Aph xx


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Review #9, by accioHPFF Prologue or A is for Alone

8th February 2012:
This was really great. Really great. Really really great. And so on... :)

I really like your approach, it was so unique to write about them as young children. I think you hit all of their characters really well too, so I just generally love this.

Druella was great, and I love how much she was worrying about the kids.
The way that you wrote about Bellatrix's ability to do magic was just great.

Really excellent, well done :)

Author's Response: Aww, thanks! I had quite a lot of fun writing it!
When I started it, I tried to think what sort of things you'd remember about people when you've (effectively) lost them forever, and that kinda popped into my head. It was difficult, though. Thanks for saying you think their characters were alright - it was so difficult to get them acting like children but still recognisably their canon selves.
Druella... yeah, I kinda like her too. I've read a lot of pureblood-centric fics where all the mothers don't care about their children and I wanted to do something different, so she came out like that :P Bella can do magic! I have no idea why that turned up in there... it just did.

Thanks for the lovely review!
Aph xx


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Review #10, by PolyJuice_ Prologue or A is for Alone

8th February 2012:
Hey there!
I love this prologue! :)
(I will only do this one chapter for now though.)
The characterizations are fairly good, I think you could put a bit more into them however. Right now they seem sort of...distant. You should have them interact quite a bit more.

If you put this into one of their perspectives it would help it develop the characters more. I do love how you've done Bella, because I honestly don't think she would be cruel as a child, just a bit... rebellious at first. And the sisterly bond is really sweet.

--

The italics really killed my eyes however. Ouch.

--

The flow is great, if you elaborate on each scene it would really help too. Such as:

(Original)
"Stop it," Cissy ordered them, stamping her foot. Andy exchanged a look with her sister, sighed and the two of them converged on Narcissa.

"We're sorry, Cissy," Andy apologised."

(Elaborated)
"Stop it," Cissy ordered, stamping her foot. She had always been the diplomatic one. Andy exchanged a look with her sister, sighed and the two of them converged on Narcissa.

"Maybe we don't want to!" Smirked Bella, cocking her hip.

"Lay off her Bella." Sighed Andy before adding, "We're sorry, right Bella?"

--

The way you phrase things can be a bit awkward at times too. Such as:

(Original)
"I'm going to get you, Andy!" she told her, and Andy, not bothering to try to keep the smile off her face, took off, sprinting across the room, throwing the door open. She could hear Bellatrix chasing her, the incessant giggles of Narcissa further behind. "

(Edited to add more flow)
"I'm going to get you, Andy!" she shrieked. Andy didn't even try to keep her grin off her face as she took off running through the door, Bella close behind. As the two ran farther away from their middle sister they could hear her incessant giggles."

--

The dialogue is great, and really works well. You seem to do a lot of run-on sentences that are fairly repetitive.

--

I'm sorry if it seems as if I'm picking apart your work too much, or if you didn't want this kind of criticism. :') I'm a big nit picker when it comes to flow of sentences.
Its great though, don't take any of my criticism to mean its bad. ;)

-Liz

Author's Response: Hey there!
I've never before thought they seemed a little distant before, but that might just be me. When I go back over it, I'll definitely take that into consideration and make sure they're fully fleshed out!
I'm not doing any of the memories from any of their perspectives, because they're more general than the actual story itself, so there will always be a slight barrier there.
I know some people don't like the italics, but I use line-breaks and things to indicate a change in time and it would confuse me, lol, to use them for something different. I don't really know another way to do it, tbh...
I could elaborate more in the scene, but I think doing so would sort of ruin the characters I've given them, you know? They're supposed to be innocent and carefree and childish and I'm not sure I can add anything to it without ruining that.
Yeah, flow goes off sometimes. If I ever get round to editing this (I'm awful at ever editing anything), I'll definitely bear that mind, so thanks for pointing it out!

Haha, the criticism is fine, don't worry!
Thanks for the review - it was very helpful!
Aph xx


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Review #11, by LittleWelshGirl99 Prologue or A is for Alone

28th January 2012:
Hello!
Firstly, I love the idea for this story. I also think you've made a great start on it! The young Andromeda is beautifully written and characterised. The young Bella is a bit too similiar to the stereotypical arrogant slightly mean/spoilt little girl however, and it'd be nice to see her as something different.

And oh dear, my eyes! The italics aren't a great idea xD to improve the aesthetics I'd suggest putting a star to separate past from present..or a line...not italics.

But I truly love your writing style. It's very unique!

A lovely story-in-the-making!
LWG x

Author's Response: Hey there!
It took me so long to actually work up the courage to start this, it just seemed so daunting, you know? Young Andromeda is quite fun to write - kinda sweet and normal. Young Bella... yeah, it's difficult to do Bella as a child. I didn't want to make her completely horrible because that's just not realistic, and you'll see more of her in later chapters (if you read those, lol) and different sides to her at different points.
I know, I'm sorry! I thought about doing something else, but I always use 'X' to symbolise a jump in time, so I wasn't sure how to do it without separating it too much, since it's still in the present (she's remembering) but also in the past... confusing... hm... I'll see, I'm just not sure if it would work. Thanks for pointing that out though!
Eh, I don't really have a writing style, methinks. It varies so much depending on what I write :P

Thanks for the lovely review!
Aph xx


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Review #12, by manno_malfoy Prologue or A is for Alone

16th January 2012:
I loved this! Loved it, loved it, loved it! Mostly because I can relate to the bickering and the chasing between the sisters. And how Narcissa, though the youngest, was keen on keeping her sisters from arguing... It's pretty much my life.

Anyway! I was really entertained by the family feel you've given to this one-shot. Because, personally, when I think of the Black family, I think of strict Purebloods, excommunicated rebels, and future Death Eaters. So I really liked how you've portrayed their childhood, and showed how much of a normal family they could be.

I also liked Bella's characterization, and how, when bored, she bothered people. You could actually see this young Bella grow into Bellatrix Lestrange, Voldemort's right-hand 'man', who kills and tortures for fun. Even if here she's just an innocent, little child.

I think I'm going to continue on with the next few chapters now! I'll probably be able to form a more constructive review by the end of the last chapter you have published.

(Oh, and this was for the Review War as well!)

Author's Response: Thanks! Me too - I have two younger sisters, lol. Oh man, does that make me Bellatrix? O.o Yeah, I always thought Narcissa seemed to hate confrontations - she always seems desperate to avoid them in the books, you know?
I really hate the overdone idea that all purebloods have horrible families, parents, etc. and wanted to do something different - hence I characterised Cygnus and Druella like that.
Thanks! There will be more memories later on showing bits of her development (I think). It was hard, though, to get her to act and think like a child yet to have the potential for doing everything she does later. Tricky.
Seriously? Wow, thanks! :D

Thanks for the lovely review!
Aph xx


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Review #13, by apocalypse M is for Mourning

7th January 2012:
Hey! Back for the fourth and final review on your current request!

I know I said that if I had had sisters I would've cried. But I think I'll take that back. Because after reading this, I think ANYbody would shed a tear or two. It's just so heart-wrenching! I know you were about the angst level in this chapter but I'm here to assure you that it's written very well and well.. what else can I say? The sadness I feel courtesy of Andromeda says it all. Excellent job!

The way you made Andromeda go to the grave and then realise that Bellatrix would have hated was just purely amazing. It should how close they actually had been as sisters and how well they had known each other. I especially loved it when she saw that nothing was according to what Bellatrix would have wanted.

The insertion of the memory of their grandfather's funeral did it for me. I sniffed. It was so completely understandable why she would think of such a memory when visiting Bella's grave and I think that it was an important contribution to the level of angst in this chapter. I don't think that it would've had the same impact without the funeral scene. So very good job there! =)

At the end of that memory, I couldn't believe my eyes. I was so surprised to see Bella's sisterly side and I think that writing that was a very good idea! That way Andromeda had more to mourn and it showed to your readers why exactly Andy was crying for Bella- her sister. Really very good job with it!

What else can I say? I was glad to see that you incorporated Ted, Remus and Tonks into her memories and her mourning. I think that that was the best thing to do; her grief transforming from the loss of her sister to the loss of her beloved family. Loved it.

I really like the way you've written your entire story. The imagery and the description level is just epic and I can't wait to see how you take it further. Also, I must tell you that you don't need to worry about the level of emotional stuff too much. You've kept it balanced and have made sure that the reader doesn't get bored with too much of it. Good job! =)

I hope my reviews helped you! Thank you for requesting this story and feel free to re-request when it's updated! I hope you like what I've said =) Keep it up! Until next time, good luck and Happy Writing! =D

Author's Response: Wow! Thanks! Gosh, I have no idea how to respond to that... so many compliments :D
I really wanted to put something in showing Bella in a more positive light, especially at this point, so when I thought about whether it should be her or Andromeda at the end of the memory I thought it should be her. Also, I haven't really shown much of Narcissa before and this was a good point to put her in a spotlight sorta-thing.
Ted, Remus and Tonks will turn up later as well, but I thought they needed to be in this chapter. Not just because she would be reminded of them every day, but also because the last funerals she would have gone to would have been theirs. It made sense, you know?
Haha, thank Merlin, lol! I'm really not an emotional person, so I never know how much is too much!
Your reviews definitely have helped!

Thank you so much for the wondeful reviews!
Aph xx


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Review #14, by apocalypse C is for Clearing

7th January 2012:
And I'm back once again!

Wow. This chapter was written excellently and I loved how you finally broke Andromeda down. I swear, if I had sisters, I would've had tears in my eyes reading that. It was just so emotionally touching and the contrast she made between Bella and Bellatrix was just so.. amazing. Epic. Wonderful. Fantastic. Fabulous. Pure genius. =D

Andromeda's character is slowly taking shape and the way you're writing her makes sound her sound like she's written right in the books. It's original and her grief makes her all the more realistic. She feels like she's so familiar but at the same time I feel like she's a stranger to me when I read her memories and see the real her unraveling before me. The way you write, it's almost poetic. I love it =)

Also, I especially loved the memory where she recalled Tonks and Ted. It showed that she's not only missing her sister and is mourning her family's death too. I really must commend on the way you've captured her grief and her sadness. However, I must say that even though the story's entitled 'Finding Bella', I think you should broaden your scopes slightly and bring in more of Ted and Tonks memories. That way her intensified grief would be justified and would show that she really did care about them too and does not prefer her sister's memory over theirs'. I hope you know what I mean. =)

I'm trying to help you with my reviews as much as I can! I really hope you like them! =) Over to the next chapter now.

Author's Response: Thanks! This was probably the hardest chapter for me to write, since it's so emotional. I was thinking about how to do it (get her to mourn Bella) and that just sort of... popped up, I suppose.
Aww, thanks! I'm honestly not sure what to say to all those compliments... wow :D
There will definitely be more memories of Ted and Tonks in the future, I promise! I have a whole chapter or two planned out which will focus on them a lot more. And don't worry, I know exactly what you mean :)
Hehe, don't worry about your reviews! They're really helpful!

Thanks for the lovely review!
Aph xx


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Review #15, by apocalypse M is for Missing

7th January 2012:
Hey, I'm back again!

Let's start with characterisation first. I think that the way you've created Andromeda is quite believable; she's not completely mourning any of her losses at the moment and that's totally understandable seeing as how she has to stay strong for the young Teddy she has with her. I like how she has started to deal with her grief slowly though. It's a good idea to bring it on slowly; makes the handling easier. Good job with her so far. And I really like how you make Teddy behave. It's just so cute and brings a smile on my face. =) Also, it's so adorable to know that Teddy and Victoire may already have something for each other. The entire concept is just... so cute, for lack of a better word. =P

I really liked how you brought Harry into the picture. It was really interesting and slightly amusing to see how Harry was nervous around her and it was just so like Harry that it again. made me smile. Hehe sorry but it seems like I'm smiling more than usual in this story which is supposed to be angst. =P Well, what can I do? It's just so perfect at times.

Moving on to the photo: I must say that that was genius idea! The vanishing of Bella is actually like a splash of cold water on your face. It makes her face the huge reality of losing a sister. I loved how you described her emotions when she saw the photo. Your description was impeccable and it seemed like I was Andromeda, worried about the photo-Bella, who had suddenly vanished from the picture. Excellent job!

About the end: I'm not entirely sure what the dream was all about. Some of the parts I could understand but some just did not make any sense. For instance, what was the meeting with Voldemort about? Is that all in her head or was it real and the memory has come back to haunt her? I suppose if you had written the dream in italics it would've been easier to distinguish between what's reality and what's in the dream.

Also, I noticed that in the second paragraph in the beginning, your tense wavered and for a couple of sentences you shifted from present to past. It's not a huge deal but I'm mentioning it because it disrupted my flow when I as reading it and I just thought that I should inform you. =)

I hope this review helps you. Great job with the story so far! =)

Author's Response: Andromeda's always seemed to me to be a very strong character, so that's how I write her. She will break down at some point, I think (don't quote me on that, though!), but she also, in a way, lost too much for her to completely comprehend it all now, you know?
Teddy and Victoire are so adorable! I love them to pieces (especially Teddy!). Admittedly, I loathe writing him because I have no idea how a small child is supposed to act and what he's supposed to be capable of doing at this point in his life, but... ah well :P
Hehe... Harry is a bit funny, isn't he? I remembered the bit in DH where he points his wand at her and that kinda influenced the way he acts around her.
The photo... it was a completely random idea, tbh, but it will definitely turn up again! Thanks for the compliments, too! :D
Yeah... I don't particularly like it, really. I just wanted to show that she's still scared, she's still recovering from the war and that she wonders, occasionally, what would have happened if she'd been a Death Eater kinda thing... it's all a dream and inside her own head. Hm... yeah, it could be clearer. I might edit it at some point... when my queue for the queue is not quite so long!
Ah, right, thanks! I tend to do that occasionally... Thanks for pointing it out!

Thanks for the lovely review - it was very helpful!
Aph xx


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Review #16, by apocalypse Prologue or A is for Alone

7th January 2012:
Hey! This is apocalypse, here with your review! =)

As there isn't much angst here in this chapter, I'm just going to focus on a few other things and go back to angst in the later chapters.

I think that overall this was a very nice prologue and the first word that comes to my mind is: sweet. It was a very sweet and cute chapter and the way the sisters interacted made it all the more great. The sisterly bonding is great and I can actually see what they meant to each other even at such a young age. I can see how all five of them were a very happy family and living a normal and peaceful life. The way you've written the parents' characters is actually quite interesting seeing they are so nice here and that fact makes their characters even better to read.

Moving on, I think the flow of you prologue and the memories it had was wonderful. I loved the memories altogether and the impact they has on me was big. It's pretty hard to write young children and I must say you've done a pretty good job if not an excellent one. It's convincing, yes and their characters are totally believable till now.

Bellatrix had a few characteristics of her adult self but on the whole she was nice and caring. I really can't wait to see if and how you show her transform into the Bellatrix the Death Eater. Readinf her character as child I already feel so sad knowing the fact that she's going to turn into a ruthless murderer. So for that sad feeling I have, I would like to congratulate you seeing as how you captured my interest here. =) Very good job!

Andromeda is the one who sounds exactly like her adult self. She's clearly the nicest of the lot and I really liked how, even at this age, you've maintained her childishness but have made sure that her character stands out as the one who's the least bit vulnerable to evil. She's innocent and it shows that she would, to some extent, remain innocent.

Narcissa's character is by far the most interesting. She's the youngest and so is the most vulnerable and sensitive and I could see that clearly. I wonder how she changed into the Narcissa we know from canon.

I think that's all I have to say at the moment. I really liked the beginning to what I know is going to be brilliant story!

Author's Response: Yeah, there's not that much in the prologue - it's a bit more of a comparison to later, looking back at it.
Thanks! I really wanted to avoid the whole 'Andromeda-was-a-blood-traitor-from-her-youth' and 'all-purebloods-are-treated-horribly-by-their-parents' stereotypes as there's no way they would both be true, you know?
Argh, writing young children is so hard! I know absolutely nothing about young children, so I was kinda making it up. I'm glad that it works, though, as I was pretty worried about it.
I wanted to make Bellatrix very definitely a child, and to avoid having her cursing things when young and things like that. Is it alright if I say I'm glad it made you sad, lol?
I'm going to be honest and say that I had no idea Andromeda stood out as the one least vulnerable to evil, lol. I did intend for her to be innocent, but also close to her sisters at the same time.
Narcissa is adorable. She will change over the course of the memories (I think. If all goes to plan), but at the moment she's sweet and cute. Very much the baby of the family :D

Aww, thanks so much!
Aph xx


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Review #17, by MidnightBlue_x M is for Missing

26th December 2011:
Hello There, This is ElysiumJayne again from over at the forums- I'm sorry it took me so long to get around to your review but I'm here now and super excited for the second chapter! I've been so busy lately otherwise I would have left you a review in my own time, anyway- moving on.

I know you said you were worried about the characterisation of Harry but I think you did an excellent job, I find the fact he would be nervous around Andromeda to be quite a possibility in the canon universe. And while on that note, I adore how you write Andromeda! And I love how Teddy's toy is named Padfoot, so sweet! And your characterisation of Teddy is so cute, it is cute how you added that he and Victoire sort of already had a thing for each other!

The idea of the photographs, with Bella missing, is a sad part but also very sweet I think. Your writing makes me feel like I am Andromeda and Bella is my sister, I feel upset and want to find out why Bella is missing. I think this proves that your writing is spectacular, and to be honest- you have quickly become my upmost favourite author on HPFF. I hope to see a lot of good things from you in the future!

I know you also mentioned you weren't sure about the end but I found it very interesting, I can almost hear the thoughts running through Andromeda's head and I feel afraid for her.

I hope this review helped and as I mentioned, I hope to see a lot from you in the future. Please feel free to re-request anytime.

x Ely

Author's Response: I'm glad you think Harry's okay - I find him impossibly difficult to write for some reason O.o I don't think he likes me, lol. Teddy is adorable - I wasn't sure whether or not to call the toy Padfoot or Moony, but I thought that it's more likely for him to have a dog-like toy than a wolf, so Padfoot it was! Ah yeah, I'm a Teddy/Victoire shipper! *nods*
The photograph was a really random idea... but now it's a kinda important one, oddly enough... hm... weird. As for new stuff (and I'm incredibly flattered!) I do have a couple of new things in the pipeline, waiting for when things already up are finished.
It was so difficult! I wasn't sure it if even worked with the rest of the chapter, you know.

Thank you for the lovely review!
Aph xx


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Review #18, by Secret Santa C is for Clearing

17th December 2011:
This is my favourite chapter of this yet. The idea of Bella and Bellatrix being seperate yet at the same time the same was so moving-- especially Andromed'a realisation of that. The line
"But, and she scolds herself for not realising it sooner, if Bellatrix is dead- if the murderer is gone- then so is Bella. They were one and the same, two people in one, two different parts of her life" was simply beautiful and my favourite line of the fic. The memory of when they were young fitted in seamlessly and was once again perfectly characterised-- I especially liked your characterisation of Narcissa, actually. I can't wait for you to update, and I will favourite this as soon as you know who I am!

10/10, again

Author's Response: This was probably the easiest chapter to write, and is my second favourite - my favourite should be in the queue any day now ;)
I had to think a lot for this chapter, especially because I'm not very good with emotions.
I'm glad you like Narcissa because she's actually the one I find the hardest. Bellatrix is pretty easy, and Andromeda's not too difficult - but Narcissa's so hard!

Still no clues, Secret Santa? :D
Aph xx


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Review #19, by Secret Santa M is for Missing

17th December 2011:
This was simply beautiful. Andromeda's thoughts streaming out of her were lovely to read. Andromeda loses so much throughout her life-- her parents, her sisters, her husband, her daughter-- and you captured her loss perfectly. The first half, with Harry and Teddy, was very well characterised-- the little nod to Victoire/Teddy was so sweet. Love Victoire being obsessed with Teddy's hair-- and I enjoyed reading it. But the second half-- wow! The whole idea of the photograph was brilliant, and her not remembering what young Bellatrix looked like was enthralling. Your writing is simply lovely to read, and I'm so glad I've discovered your stories. The nightmare, with Andromeda supporting Voldemort, was the perfect end to the chapter. I can't wait to read more.

10/10

Author's Response: I know! She loses everyone! It's so horrible! I actually... er... enjoyed writing this chapter (I can't believe I just wrote that, lol), because it wrote itself for the most part, even if it was pretty difficult to do. It's hard to know how much emotion is enough.
Ah, the photograph... that will turn up again later! ;)
And Teddy/Victoire - it's just meant to be. It just is.
I was so worried about the end of the chapter - for so long I just couldn't write it, and the dream sequence, when I did write it, just seemed so dodgy. It's growing on me, though. Very, very slowly.

Thank you for the review!
Aph xx


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Review #20, by Secret Santa Prologue or A is for Alone

17th December 2011:
Wow! This is a really good start to what promises to be a wonderful story. Your characterisation of young-Narcissa, young-Bellatrix and young-Andromeda are wonderful; it's so difficult to write young children and you've pulled it off perfectly. I find it interesting that you've characterised Druella and Cygnus as actually nice parents-- so often we see them as cruel and overbearing. Not all pureblood parents are like that, surely? It adds a new perspective onto the whole thing; Narcissa and especially Bellatrix end up so pureblood-heavy, and it's interesting to thing of why if they're parents are so nice. I can't wait to read more.

10/10

Author's Response: Oh gosh, young children are horrible to write! I don't even remember what it was like being a young child! It was like... downsizing the characters, lol.
I know - I get so annoyed when people make pureblood parents abusive/horrible/etc. because it kinda gets old and, actually, there's not really any evidence that purebloods are like that towards their children at all.

I'm glad you like it - it took me so long to actually decide to write it.
Aph xx


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Review #21, by niceone Prologue or A is for Alone

11th December 2011:
First of all, centimeters, huh? Secondly, I like the way you wrote Bella. No, scratch that, I love it.

Bellatrix isn't that challenging as an adult; but a child? That requires subtlety, creativity and lots of hard thinking. She's not evil yet, but there're certain mean undertones to her personality; she has two younger sisters she's fond of; she's only just discovering what it means to do magic. That's a tough picture to paint, and you did well!

The one thing you might want to fix, though, is the chapter title; there should be a comma after the word 'prologue'. It's a little thing, but I do believe, that chapter headings have to look neat.

All in all, I think it's a lovely opening! Good luck with the story -)

Author's Response: Aww, thanks! It was quite hard to get the beginning right - working out what activities a seven year old magical child would do when left on their own in a house? How would they act? - but once that was done, it got a bit easier.
I've read some fics where Bellatrix is using the Unforgiveables when she's thirteen and things, and I definitely wanted to stay away from that, because I just don't think that would happen, you know?
I wondered if there should be... I think if I fixed it, though, I'd have to re-submit the whole chapter, and I've got a lot of stuff I need to put into the queue - but if there's a pause in my queue for the queue, I'll do it for sure!

Thanks for the lovely review!
Aph xx


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Review #22, by AC_rules C is for Clearing

4th December 2011:
You're so good at capturing Andy (I'm shortening it because I am really lazy, so she's Andy for the purpose of this review) and the complicated mix of feelings and emotions that she's got to be feeling - I mean, wow, her situation puts the C in complicated (and cleaning) and I really really liked it still.

I love your use of present tense too and the precise way you use language is just perfect. This remains one of my favourite stories :)

-AC

Author's Response: Hehe, I always call her Andromeda, mostly because I'm so used to typing the whole thing out now :P
It's really interesting thinking about what she would be feeling and how everything conflicts, because her situation is so tangled. I'm glad you think it's alright, because I'm a really unemotional person, so it's a bit odd...
Ah, present tense. I quite like writing in present tense, actually, lol.

Thanks for the lovely review!
Aph xx


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Review #23, by nitenel C is for Clearing

7th November 2011:
What a fascinating story. I love this. It's really drawing me in. Please update soon!

Author's Response: Aww, thanks! There should be an update soon-ish (aka, once NaNo is over).

Thanks for the lovely reviews!
Aph xx


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Review #24, by nitenel M is for Missing

7th November 2011:
Oooh that nightmare was one of the creepiest dreams I've read on this site. Kudos. I also really liked the scenes with Harry. I could really feel the awkwardness and sadness in the air.

Author's Response: I actually hate the nightmare, lol. It's my least favourite bit of the whole story. I dunno why...
Yeah, Harry's really awkward, hehe.

Aph xx


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Review #25, by nitenel Prologue or A is for Alone

7th November 2011:
Hey this is Nitenel from the Black Sisters challenge on the forums!

I really enjoyed this first chapter. I like how you portrayed Cygnus and Druella as normal and nice people and not evil and insane as they are often portrayed as. It really sheds some light onto their characters.

Author's Response: Hey, there!
I've read a lot of stories where they're absolutely horrible and wanted to do something a bit different (I really loathe the idea that every pureblood has a horrible upbringing, it really annoys me) and they sort of turned out like that O.o Not quite was I was expecting, but I like them anyway :D

Aph xx


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