Reading Reviews for Why?
  
17 Reviews Found

Review #1, by HPPC Staff Why?

14th November 2012:
Hey there! Iím here to leave you one of the reviews you won for placing in the HPPC writing challenge.

Rascal Flatts must be one of your favorites, huh? I like almost everything theyíve done. But this song has to be my personal favorite. Itís beautifully sad, like a lot of their songs, but it hits somewhere inside and really stays with me. It goes along well with this story.

It was a little confusing in the beginning not knowing who was narrating and who had died. But I like the mystery, it made me want to keep reading to find out who it was. Survivorís guilt is often a very hard thing to write about. Poor James is blaming himself for Albusís death, and heíll never know. Heíll never know the reasons why Albus choose the path he did and I think that comes across so strong especially helped by the lyrics.

Powerfully dark and interesting.
HPPC Staff

Author's Response: Yes! They are my favorite band(:
This one is my second favorite of their songs, and I have been actually thinking of doing another song fic of my favorite of theirs.

I actually tried to make it confusing, because I wanted that mystery to be there.
It actually was pretty hard to write about, it was heartbreaking to have to kill off Albus, who is easily my favorite next generation character.
Yeah, I felt that James, being who he is, would blame himself, and would want to know why he did end up killing himself, but he never will.
I am glad you liked it, thank you(:

~Sarah
Xxxx


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Review #2, by Amalia_Malfoy Why?

14th November 2011:
Oh wow, this was so sad! It almost had me in tears! I haven't heard this song before so I listened to it after I read the piece the first time then read it again. It is a very moving and very touching song. It was very well written I think, though it is a bit vague. I wouldn't really have known who was speaking and who he was speaking about until I got to the end. It also seems a bit repetitive at some points: like when you didn't put something in there about Hogwarts or Quidditch or something in the wizarding world, it was like a paraphrase of the lyric. I don't really read song-fics that often because they are not really my thing, but I really did enjoy this one. It seemed different than some of the others in a lot of ways. Great job!

~Amalia

Author's Response: I'm sorry I almost had you in tears!!
It is a very beautiful, sad song, I am glad you liked the song (:
Yeah, I know what you mean, by just mimicking the song, I have a problem with doing that :/
I am glad you liked it though, thank you so much for the review (:
~Sarah
Xxx


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Review #3, by That random kid Why?

9th November 2011:
This was so sad, such a tear jerker! So do you have an answer to why Albus did it?

Author's Response: Yeah, I tried to make it really sad.
Yes, I have an idea, and I might make it into a story sometime(:
But you'll just have to wait until then :P

Sarah
Xxxx


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Review #4, by LadyL8 Why?

18th October 2011:
Hey there, I don't know if you remember but you requested this review a while ago. Sorry I haven't been able to give it quicker.

Anyway, this was sooo sad. I'm not joking when I'm saying that I'm crying right now. I just pictured it happening, and it was just so sad. Your words are so carefully chosen, your sentences are about things people are left with after someone has passed away young. About a year ago, a girl I knew died young, so this is a topic close to me. It really touched me to read it. Thank for writing it

... and about the flow and realistic feelings. Everything was perfect so don't worry at all. I really loved it. Great job. 10/10

Author's Response: Thank you for responding (:

I'm sorry I made you cry, but that you so much saying that my words really effected you, and that they flowed well.

I am sorry for the person you know that did though):

Thank you so much, it means a lot to me!

~Sarah
Xxxx


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Review #5, by Maria Why?

17th September 2011:
I AM CRYYINNGG SO HARD RIGHT NOW!!! I am just trying to picture it in my head and i cant cause its way to hard picturing parents burying their own child!! I couldnt do it!! your story is PERFECT!! errors here and there but all in all AMAZING!! It fits perfectly!!

Author's Response: Aw, I am sorry that I made you cry, but yeah, I totally agree with you that I could never bury my own child, that would be very hard to do ):
I am glad that you liked my story, and I will go back and fix the errors!
I am glad that you thought that it fit perfectly.
Thank you so much for the review! It really means a lot to me (:

~Sarah
Xxx


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Review #6, by weasleywizardwheezes101 Why?

2nd September 2011:
Oh my gosh, thanks a lot, you made me cry! I listened to this song when I was reading it, and it was so emotional. Like, ugh, it was sad. :( And that song is so beautiful and I absolutely love it to death so thanks for writing this. 10/10
-Arya:)

Author's Response: Aww, I am sorry I made you cry!!
But I am glad you liked it, and thought it was beautiful! Thatnks!
~Sarah
Xxxx


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Review #7, by piper15 Why?

28th August 2011:
A little more detail in the store would have been good. I liked it but it was kind of repetitive.

Author's Response: Alright, thanks for the contuctive crtisizum (:

~Sarah
Xxx


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Review #8, by Phoenix_Flames Why?

22nd August 2011:
Hi there! I'm here with your review as requested! Im so sorry it took so long for me to get around to this. I've been incredibly busy. Today is the first day of school, but I got around to this while killing time at the library! And wow! I'm so glad I did.

This was a fantastic piece. It really was. I loved every bit of it. It was so different from anything I had ever read before. And poor Albus! I certainly hadn't read a fic about that. The song fit perfectly for this piece; it really did. It was beautiful, and generally with the lines so spread out, I would have said it was a little cramped, but you really worked well with it. You did it well and that lay out worked perfectly. It contributed to the emotion of the story that way and really got the feelings across.

I could feel everything James did, and I certainly understand why James is feeling this way. And it's the perfect question. One must wonder.

This piece felt poetic and it was just straight up beautiful. And you wrote it perfectly. It was wonderful. :)

Thank you so much for requesting! :)

Author's Response: Hello, it's alright for the long wait (:

Aw, why thank you!
I was afraid it'd be a little cramped, but I am glad you thought it was good.

Thank you so much, I am glad you thought it was beautiful, and poetic.
Thank you so much!

~Sarah
Xxx


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Review #9, by Lunnah Why?

18th August 2011:
Hi there!! :-)

Wow...this is really tragic! This is a really creative approach to a Next Generation fic! I've never read anything about the death of any of the new characters, so this was really interesting for me. I kind of have a weakness for tragic stories, especially fanfiction, as the Harry Potter series is kind of about death and examining all of her references to it leads to a lot of thought-provoking material.

I liked how you approached this with Albus as a Slytherin, wondering if he felt overwhelmed by who he had become at school. I like that you made him the more prominent brother, as people generally give most of the popularity to James. I can't even imagine Harry and Ginny burying one of their children! I feel sad for James and Lily and Rose here as well, but obviously we don't know them as well and it just breaks my heart to think of them losing their son :-/

I noticed a few typos. I think you meant Godric's Hollow instead of Godric Hallows unless you changed something. Also, when you said "You're my little brother, and now your gone." the second "your" should be "you're." :-)

This is actually the first song fic I've ever read and I liked it! I think you did a great job portraying James's thought process and the family's grief.

Thanks for posting!
~Lunnah

Author's Response: Hello! (:

Wow, you've never read anything about death for the next generation? I hope I did it justice! (:

Yeah, I really wanted to make Albus a Slytherin, cause it might have been very hard on him to be in a house his family "hated"

Yeah, I agree, I have always read stories with James amazing at everything, I wanted to change it up a little.

Yes, I agree. Burying their son, that would be absolutely horrible.

Oh, yes, I didn't catch the Godric's hallows, thank you, and with the you're as well, thank you for that (:

Yay, first song fic (:

Thank you so much for what you said to me, it really means a lot (:

~Sarah
Xxx



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Review #10, by ashleym15 Why?

16th August 2011:
that literally made me cry.it was soo sad. poor James and poor Albus.

Author's Response: Aww, I am sorry for making you cry!
Yes, it is very sad what happened to them ):


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Review #11, by TenthWeasley Why?

14th August 2011:
Hello! It's TenthWeasleyWriter from the forums with your requested review.

My first thought, at looking at the way your story was formatted, is that it's a bit hard on the eyes. I think it might be a bit easier to read if you broke up the lyrics from your story and used bigger chunks of each -- the alternating thin lines of bold and normal text took some getting used to. Of course, it's a very minor problem. The flow of the actual story wasn't affected by this, in any case, so you don't need to worry too much about that!

At first I was a bit confused about who exactly the narrator was, and then read your note at the end. And you know what -- I actually liked the anonymity, the fact that you hardly used a single name. It keeps the reader guessing, and sort of plays a game with them as they go. Writer/reader interactions are always fun for me, and I liked that you put that in there.

One thing -- I really do want to know why Albus did it! Do you, as the writer, know the backstory? I'd love to hear it, if you do.

Be very careful about homophones like "too" versus "to" and "you're" versus "your". I caught several instances in this story where you meant "too" and wrote "to". They're small mistakes, but very important ones. Have you looked into getting a beta? Betas are very helpful and catch things like that. :)

James's emotions, I think, were very realistic. I have never had to personally deal with something like this in my life, but I think I would react very similarly, especially the constant questions. They're hopeless, but it would be all one's mind would revolve around, I think, so you've captured that nicely.

Well done! Just keep watching for those grammar errors I pointed out, and keep improving as you go. Thank you for requesting, and feel free to come back at any time. (7/10)

Author's Response: Yes, I am always afraid of doing it every line, cause I have never really seen that before, but really is the only thing I feel comfortable with, so I am sorry if I hurt your eyes! ):

Yeah, I wanted to keep it a secret, give little hints of who died, and who was the one talking. I am glad you liked that.

Ha, well I have an idea, and I've been thinking of maybe doing something that explains it. I will have to think really hard about it, because I am afraid that it would ruin the story, but I may do it (:

I actually had a beta in this story, maybe she/he missed some. I will go back and check some things out. That you for telling me about it.

Thank you, I was afraid that it wasn't realistic, I am glad you thought it was, and I am glad you've never had to go though something like this. No one should have to.

Thank you for the criticism! (:
It really helps a lot.

~Sarah
Xxx


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Review #12, by wit_beyond_measure3 Why?

14th August 2011:
Hello! My alter ego/forum name is phoenixflames19, and I have your requested review. Just so you know, I've never reviewed a song fic before, so I'm not entirely sure what I should comment on.

I cried. I literally cried. "I still love you brother. I won't change how I feel about you. You still are my brother, no matter if your not here or not. I love you, for forever, and on." Tears streamed down my face. The song is absolutely perfect, too. I love Rascall Flatts. You should write a companion to this with the song "Here" or "Bless the Broken Road." I've never lost a family member, so I can't comment on exactly the emotions that something that traumatic brings out. But it sure felt real to me.

As for flow, this is where my inexperience with song fics comes into play. I don't really know much about how they are usually written, or what is considered normal. I liked the way you broke it up, though. It seemed natural, with the thoughts progressing from the line that way.

Okay, I just have a few teeny tiny grammar issues. My only big thing (and this isn't really even that big) is the sentence "We all wish we didn't have to be here, to have you with us." I can see two possible meanings for this sentence. The two meanings are very related, but I think changing it so that it doesn't seem so ambiguous would help keep the reader involved in your world. The first meaning I can see is that they wished they didn't have to be *at* the funeral to be with Al. To clear this up, you'd just have to remove the comma. The other meaning (which makes more sense to me personally) is that they all wished that Al could be there and they didn't have to be gathered like this. For that to be clearer, I think you need to rearrange the sentence a tiny bit.

I saw a few other grammar things--tiny things that only bother perfectionists and grammar snobs like me. I think once you used "to" instead of "too," and once you said "cause" instead of "because." That sort of thing. But other than that, your writing is great.

I just want to impress on you again how powerful this was. I could never write a song fic, especially one like this. I can't say I loved it because of the subject matter, but the craftsmanship is beautiful, the narrative is heart-wrenching, and the emotions hit you like a tidal wave. Bravo, friend.

wbm/pf

Author's Response: First song fic, eh. Hope I did it justice!

Aw, I made you cry! I am so sorry!

Mhm, another story following this? I could do it. Sometimes I think it messes up the story, but if it works I could do it (:

Well, I actually always write that way all the time. It's how I feel most comfortable (:

Alright, thank you so much! I will look over that, and make a decision, and change it!
Thanks a lot for that. (:

Alrighty, I will go and look over it, and see if I can spot them out! I am not very good at grammar :P
And thanks for telling me my writing it great!

Aw, why thank you! I try to make my writing powerful (:

I am very glad you liked it (:

Thanks for such a nice review (:

~Sarah
Xxx


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Review #13, by Keira7794 Why?

14th August 2011:
Very powerful!
You could feel the fresh grief coming from James and the hints made it clear that it was Albus. It's really intriging - you want to know what happened - how it happened etc.
It flows really well, my only small point (becuase I have to have one!) is to maybe mention that it is Albus,as when you mentioned Lily, i immediately thought it was Lily Potter (1) who had a brother who died etc.
But of course that was cleared up as soon as I read that it was next gen :P

Really good and powerful.

Keira7794

Author's Response: Oh, thank you.
Yes, I wanted to make some hints that were not to obvious that it was Albus.
Thank you for saying to flowed really well (:
Yes, I could see how it could be like Lily Potter (1) (;
Thank you so much for the review.

~Sarah
Xxx


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Review #14, by adluvshp Why?

14th August 2011:
Hi this is AditiDraco95 from the forums here with your review.

OMG this was so intense and sad. Albus killed himself? Gosh this was so painful. I like how you wrote this in James' POV. It must have hurt so much to lose your brother. Gosh, I feel really terrible after reading this.
Your writing was amazing. The flow was perfect. How you tied in everything with the song was remarkable as well. The emotional intensity was deep and impacting. It was certainly very realistic and extremely touching. The story was captured really well and it made a moving, heartbreakingly beautiful read.
10/10

~AD

Forum Name: AditiDraco95
House: SLYTHERIN

Author's Response: Hello (:

Yes, it was pretty intense and sad ):
Yeah, Albus killed himself, and it was actually very, very painful to write myself. I was crying though some of it!
I am glad you thought the flow was perfect, I was very afraid of that.
I am glad you thought it fit well with the song (:
I am also glad you thought it was realistic, I was afraid for that.

Thank you so much! (:

~Sarah
Xxx


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Review #15, by NextGenna14 Why?

11th August 2011:
Wow, i'm in tears this was amazing 10/10 :)

Author's Response: Aw, I am sorry I brought you to tears!!
But thank you so much!
It really means a lot!

~Sarah
Xxxx


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Review #16, by I_trusted_Snape13 Why?

11th August 2011:
This was so beautful, I'm sitting at my computer crying my eyes out!
You are an ahh-mazing writer, it takes a really good one to make me cry like this over a story(:
I hope you post more stories, this was really good, even though it was the most heartbreaking thing I've ever read.
Albus, Rip :'(
Very well told story though :D

Author's Response: Aw, why thank you!
I am sorry I made you bawl your eyes out!!
That is so nice! I'm always afraid that I am a terrible writer, so this really means a lot to me.
I will post more stories soon! (:
And yeah, RIP Albus ):
Thanks a ton!!

~Sarah
Xxxx


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Review #17, by Zora Weasley Why?

11th August 2011:
This is really beautiful. i loved it.
You made me cry. I don`t know if you like to hear that, but I was really touched by your story. I needed a while to recollect myelf again after reading to leave this comment.
Your style of writing is beautiful.

Author's Response: Aw, why thank you!
Actually, I was going for a sad fic, so I am actually quite touched that I made you cry!!
Thank you so much, it really means a lot to me! (:

~Sarah
Xxxx


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