Reading Reviews for Important Decisions
  
6 Reviews Found

Review #1, by megan2u Life and Death

29th September 2011:
Sorry this took so long, here's the review I've owed you since mid-August.
The irony of the whole story is almost too much for me, if only they'd originally trusted Dumbledore how different Harry's life would've been! Or if Sirius hadn't backed out! That line at the end is almost heartbreaking. I think you have captured James well but I'm on the fence about Lily, I would think she'd be more worried and motherly during the war. One small error I found, it's Evans not Evens. Another little detail I loved, that Lily calls Petunia "Tuney" that is almost too cute to handle!

Author's Response: That's perfectly okay! I know how life is when it gets hectic! I'm in a way rather glad you thought the line was heartbreaking, I wanted it to be a kind of 'famous last words' kind of thing. I'll go and look and fix that. I'm glad you thought James was captured well, I agree that I think Lily might have been more motherly during the war but I also figured she's really young and is responsible for so much that this particular news and event would have her feeling and looking more vulnerable which was what I tried to bring across. I'm glad you liked the cutemess though :D to me that was another sign of her fear and the weight of everything on her shoulders.

Thank you for the lovely review! ^^


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Review #2, by adluvshp Life and Death

10th September 2011:
hey! this was an interesting one-shot. a nice moment depicted. it was written well. good job. 9/10

Cheers!
AD
(AditiDraco95)

Author's Response: Hey! I'm glad you thought it was interesting. Thank you very much for taking the time to review! ^^

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Review #3, by Queenie Shacklebolt Life and Death

18th August 2011:
Hi, it's Queenie with your requested review! Ok so first let me just say that I really liked this one-shot. I have even considered writing a one-shot on this topic myself! This is a perfect incident to write a one-shot about. Ok so first I'll give a bit of constructive tips you can take into consideration, and then get to the praising!

The overall flow was good, however I did notice a few sentence fragments that could've used commas or maybe rewording. Example: "A charm that Lily had heard of, one that could possibly work. So long as they had trust in everybody around them." A reworked version could be "Lily had heard of the Fidelius charm. It could possibly work for their situation, so long as they had trust in everybody around them." See the difference? It just flows a little better, and is less of a fragment. I'm not an English teacher, LOL, but there were just a few sentences in there that could be restructured for easier reading. Also, I would've like Sirius to explain why he changed his mind so suddenly once Dumbledore left. Did Sirius not trust Dumbledore? And why doesn't he trust Remus? And Other than that, I thought most everything was very good. I really like hearing a story from Lily's point of view. We always see her as strong in the books, but I like how her fear of Voldemort hunting down her family, and whether or not James was making the right decision, made her seem more vulnerable, and not so "Perfectly Strong Lily." I also liked James, he seems just a bit of a pushy husband, which is how I imagine him to be. He's loving, but always a bit arrogant, and thinks he has to make all the decisions. Good job! Sirius was good too, I liked that bit where Lily noticed how stressed Sirius looked because of the war. I liked imagining baby Harry alseep upstairs, oblivious to what's going on. As to your question of whether or not you should make this into a longer story, I say go for it!!! You could take it all the way up to the Potter's death. I'd like to see part of a story written from Peter's point of view, delving into his character more, maybe with him wondering whether he made the wrong choice in betraying his friends. That's my opinion! Oh, and it was so cute how James called Lily "Lils".

Author's Response: Hey Queenie! Thank you! I'm glad that you liked the one-shot. It's a really interesting topic to think about.

It's great that you thought that the overall flow was good, thank you for pointing out those issues. I'll definitely go and work on that... this is what happens when I don't go back and nitpick XD

As far as I had understood Sirius thought it better that nobody but the three of them knew that he'd changed his mind? I was trying to get that explained and the trust issue in under 2000 words although I'm thinking I will expand after reading all the reviews again.

I'm glad that you liked hearing the story from Lily's point of view, and that you liked that she wasn't completely perfectly strong in this. It's great about the characterization, thank you so much for the positive feedback.

That's a rather interesting idea... I will definitely take that into consideration when working out what I'm writing and such.

Thank you! ^^


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Review #4, by Blue Flame Life and Death

13th August 2011:
*sniffs* Famous last words, unfortunately...

Alright, first things first: 'at the thought of throwing the fact that he didn't trust the most powerful wizard of their age back in Dumbledore's face.' there was something about the wording of this sentence that kinda...threw me off? Like it's not totally coherent? I can get what you mean, but I think it could be worded a bit better. ^^

Other than that twas lovely and definitely realistic, especially James wanting to go for Sirius rather than Dumbledore. Shows that in that instance, friendship trumps over sense, since Dumbledore would be an obviously better choice.

One thing that might of added to it would be a small explanation on why he tells them not to tell Remus? Just in case others, such as myself, can't quite remember or think of why he'd say that about a fellow Marauder. =P

Good job, though! ^^
-Cappie/Hufflepuff

Author's Response: Indeed, given the outcome. Hmmm I'll go back and look at that wording then, thank you for pointing that out. I'm glad you thought that it was realistic, especially that bit. That's a really good idea thank you! I originally had one in but the story had to be less than 2000 words so I didn't keep it. I'll probably go back and add more to the story or something, I'm definitely pondering that option.

Thank you! ^^


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Review #5, by leannemariesnape Life and Death

11th August 2011:
This was a pretty good one-shot. It was a situation that I'm not that used to people writing, but I have a general idea of what it should be like, and I think that you managed to do this time justice. A couple of the sentences, for example : At least Lily didn't think that it meant that although apparently that wasn't the case as James squeezed her hand could do with a comma in order to make the sentences more readable, however, this was only a small thing, and did not take away my enjoyment from the story. I really liked how Lily wanted to know whether her parents and Petunia would be okay. I think it helped her to be more realistic, and shows the caring side of Lily, in my opinion. Initially, when Sirius agreed to be the secret keeper I was a little confused, because I knew Peter was the one to do that, however it began to fall into place when Sirius said that he didnt want to do it after all. Even though I knew what would happen in the end, I still found my heart sinking when Sirius suggested Peter. I think that's a sign of a good piece of writing if even though people know what is going to happen in the end, people still feel hopeful for the characters. I really enjoyed this, actually! :)
Leanne (leannemariesnape, Hufflepuff)

Author's Response: Thank you. I'm really glad you think I managed to do it justice. Thank you for pointing out the missing commas for those sentences although I'm glad it didn't take away from your enjoyment. I'm glad that you thought that it showed Lily's caring side. Thank you! It's lovely to hear you saying that that's a sign of a good piece of writing and that you enjoyed it. ^^

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Review #6, by maskedmuggle Life and Death

11th August 2011:
No don't switch your secret keeper! Ahh, what a pivotal moment. You wrote this wonderfully, I liked how it started with Lily and James a little frightened and listening to what Dumbledore had to say. It was nice to read about this important moment when they did the Fidelius Charm, the moment when Sirius suggested they use Peter instead..

I liked all of their characterisations. Lily was smart as usual, and all of them were a little worried but otherwise themselves. A lovely missing moment story.

- maskedmuggle, Ravenclaw :)

Author's Response: *giggles* Yeah. That was my thought when I realized they'd switched in Canon. I'm glad that you thought I wrote it wonderfully. Thank you! I'm glad that you liked the characterizations, I'm always rather nervous about that when I write a new story. Thank you ^^

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