Reading Reviews for Beyond the Veil
  
5 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Lunalove21 Of Beginnings and Being Late

10th March 2012:
I love that this is from hannah's pov. I am looking forward to reading more of your work:) If u have time and want to read a possibly horrid story, feel free to check out my story, but no matter what loved your writing :)

Author's Response: Thank you :) I'm glad you enjoyed it! I'll try and check out your story if I have time!

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Review #2, by slytherinchica08 Of Beginnings and Being Late

27th August 2011:
I like the beginning of this you seem to set the way for Hannah rather well. It's interesting to have her as someone who looses stuff and can't find it or keep track of time. It makes her unique and I like that. I feel so bad for her since she has always had a crush on Ron but obviously he really didn't even know her.

I think that this was a good beginning to your story and set it up rather nicely. I enjoyed seeing the bit about how she got hired and found it rather funny that she thought a 3 was a 9. I like where your going with this the only thing was that it was a little long which i already knew by looking at the word count but I dont think that is horribly long or anything but it just takes a lot of time to get through.

The only mistake that i saw throughout the chapter was this sentence: "Fourth time that week, it was, and quite an accomplishment, if I do say so myself." doesn't seem to flow very well for me maybe if you had it as Fourth time that week, it was quite an accomplishment, if I do say so myself. Or something to that effect the and just kind of throws it off.

Really though other then that it was a great beginning. Great Job!

~Slytherinchica08~

Author's Response: Thank you for the review! I did have a bit of trouble with that sentence, but couldn't figure out how to change it. Thanks! And yeah, I know it's a bit long hahah(: but I figured since I won't be updating this as quickly, it would be neccesary. Thanks again!

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Review #3, by hannahfan123 Of Beginnings and Being Late

26th August 2011:
very nicely developed character

Author's Response: thank you very much!(:

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Review #4, by Opalpixiechick Of Beginnings and Being Late

23rd August 2011:
Love your story. Can't wait to see what happens next. :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much!(: and I can't wait to write it.

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Review #5, by academica Of Beginnings and Being Late

20th August 2011:
Hi! So excited this got posted! :)

I was going to complain about more rambling, but it actually seems to work for Hannah here, even more so than it does for Rose in Reverse. You definitely reduced it, which is great, and her clumsiness and lack of social grace may make her an interesting match for Neville. I have to say, all of the references to forgetfulness had me thinking this was coming from Neville's POV until I saw Ron speak her name. So take that however you will, haha :)

I love how Hannah stumbled upon the job in the Department of Mysteries! Very creative. Also, her actual job (studying the veil) is pretty creative as well. I mean, you'd think they would have someone down there, trying to figure that thing out. I've been wondering how and why it got down there in the first place ever since I read Order of the Phoenix anyway. I also loved the detail you put into describing the different parts of the Department of Mysteries. You've really got me hooked and wanting to know more about this strange place! :)

My one complaint is that I wish you had "shown" rather than "told" the details about Hannah's co-workers and the goblin uprising. It was a lot of detail to wade through and I think it would have been a little more interesting if you'd interspersed it throughout this chapter and the next few. For instance, you could have had Hannah walk by some of the remnants of the uprising on her way to work, and then maybe have had her run into her co-workers and show their personalities through dialogue. Just my opinion, however. The uprising itself, however, and the resulting economic crisis are extremely interesting and creative concepts. How did you come up with that -- partial basis on current world events, perhaps?

Wonderful job. As always, your writing flows quite well and I didn't see any technical errors. I'm already drooling for chapter two! :)

academica

Author's Response: Aww yay(: I'm glad you found this! For some reason, it was validated a day after put in the que and then it wasn't on the list of recently updated stories...odd

I like to think of Hannah as a kind of more confident version of a younger Neville. Their interactions are so much fun to write. It's like the more mature Neville dealing with his younger self -- if that makes sense :P

That was my favorite part of writing this chapter -- explaining all the quirks of the Mysteries. And it's a total head-desk moment for me now because I know totally how I could've 'shown' rather than 'told'. I'll definitely be working on that next chapter.

And it wasn't exactly, I just had an idea that diverged into a bunch of different ideas. I tried to figure out what the worst thing the goblins could do to society (and something realistic) and as they already had control over Gringotts it made sense to me(:

Thank you so much for you review! They always make me happy(:



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