Great One-Shot. I wish there was more. I wish I could write all that emotion.
Keep writing, I will read some of your other work later on in the week.
AJPotterAuthor's Response: Thank you! :) I love writing emotions Report Review
Ooo. This story just gave me chills. I just love Remus/Tonks and I think that you wrote Remus' reaction to finding out that Tonks is pregnant perfectly, considering what he also went through.
I think that it was heartbreaking how he was so frightened that his son would turn out like him.
But Tonks response was so sweet and comforting :)
Very good and very well-written!Author's Response: Anytime I get a comment on characterization being perfect I get all glowy about it and to know that my writing created an emotional effect also feels nice! Thank you! Report Review
That was your first time writing a Remus/Tonks? I don't believe it! You wrote this perfectly! I absolutly loved it!
JasAuthor's Response: Thanks! :) I guess because I love the two so much it wasn't hard to write them. Report Review
This was so amazing, and awful. I love how you described first Tonks' pain, then her original amazement and love, and then back to the pain again - it gave the feeling of a cycle that she would be continually trapped in from then on.
I loved how you described the 'little voice in her head' - it's something that is true for all of us, but you described how Tonks always seemed to follow it, though she knew the consequences. It seemed to ring so true, and the way it was both the devil and the angel on her shoulders was the most beautiful imagery - because Tonks did what she wanted, only now she couldn't because the one she wanted wasn't there any more.
The way you described the pain was so horrible, too. The way that Tonks was hitting Remus and then regretting it so just seemed like another illustration of the little voice, and she was just trying to make him see through violence. It was so painful in the last paragraph, because while it could seem rushed, it feels more like how Tonks would see it - unable to take in what was happening, the time flying by without her noticing, and just knowing how it will affect their baby.
I loved it so much! And I will never be able to think of Remus coming to Harry again without thinking of Tonks and her pain. :(
~TGKAuthor's Response: Thank you! Again a review to make me smile :)
I felt I had been going off on a tangent with the "little voice in her head" but it sounds like it came off well! :)
She seemed to be more impulsive than thinking and I felt this would characterize her well. But she's also a person who would love deeply and when someone hurts you that you love so much, it's hard to control yourself. The violence was just an expression of her inner emotion.
Thank you for reading this and liking it! Report Review
Hi, you're tagged!
Oh what a beautifully gripping piece; I really loved it. I really liked the rythm of this; broken and yet, it fits perfectly. Afterall, love, emotions and passions aren't linear, are they?
I really loved it, I think you really captured the two characters, especially Lupin's heartbreak. Broke my heart as well. Beautiful work.Author's Response: Thanks so much for looking at this! It's definitely a favorite of mine just because of its canonicity and the Remus/Tonks of it all! :) I'm glad you loved it Report Review
Wow, this story is intense. I tend to like Remus/Tonks stories, and this one did not disappoint in the least. The fact that you left it without resolution makes it even more heartbreaking.
You wonderfully describe the emotions that Tonks is feeling as she tells him. I could certainly see the scene happening the way you wrote it. There's a certain inevitability to the scene, as if she knows that it's going to go badly, and that makes it more tragic.
One thing I noticed: you wrote the story in the present tense but the line "Like he always did." is in the past tense. I sort of see why, but since he is still leaving and distancing himself it the present, I think it might read better as "Like he always does."
The same goes for this bit: "she still obeyed that little voice. Like now." It might make an interesting rhetorical parallel to change "Like now" into "Like she does now."
I'm really only nitpicking on that bit, though. Overall, I think you have written a wonderfully description piece that I enjoyed exploring. Great job.Author's Response: Thank you! I wanted to make this scene more real to us since we didn't get to see it at all but just learned of the effects on Remus and Tonks.
Thank you for your nit-picking points! I'm a bit of a nitpicker myself so when someone is able to pick out stuff in something I've gone over a zillion times, I appreciate it!
Thank you again for this! Report Review
Hi! this is for the review tag :D
Firstly, I loved that the story wasn't set up linearly, but we had to kind of piece it together as we moved along. I also loved your characterization of both Remus and Tonks and thought both were pretty spot on. The scene played out so realistically- though I got a little lost when she began punching him, mostly because I didn't expect it, but it fit in with the rest anyways :)
Great job!Author's Response: Yes, I like assuming that my readers are smart because they usually are so I didn't think I needed to spell it out. (Yes, you are in the category of smartness.)
I can see it on the hitting part but I'm glad you were able to fit it in!
xChar Report Review
Awh this is so adorable.
I love the Remus/Tonks ship mainly because it is a ready made love story within the Harry Potter books but at the same time there is so much you can do with the ship.
I'd never really thought about Tonks telling Remus she was pregnant but I really like in this how he reacted as it was really believable.
You show how Tonks feels hurt really well because he simply rejects her and the baby. Not even acknowledging her feelings and this makes the one-shot very emotional.
Remus's worries are also portrayed really well too though as it's only natural he would worry about the baby being a werewolf and he obviously doesn't ahve any friends to fall back on.
I love this!Author's Response: Yay! I'm glad you found this adorable :) The Remus/Tonks love story wasn't one that I was really expecting until JKR came out with it.
It makes me happy to hear that everything I've written here communicates well and what I meant it to communicate!
Thank you! Report Review
Aww poor Remus and Tonks. I always feel sorry for them because their situation definitely isn't easy. I felt so bad for Remus in this scene because he clearly only cares for Tonks and the baby's well-being, rather than himself. You write such good characters and descriptions and emotions that I felt so connected to them both in this. So beautiful and sad :)
MarinaAuthor's Response: Thank you! I'm very happy to hear that you were able to connect with them! Remus is definitely more protective for than protective from Report Review
Oh my gosh. This was so... moving? Emotional? Raw? I love Remus as a character in canon, mostly because JKR didn't try to shy away from his flaws. She very much worked them into his character. He is prone to accept the stay he is given in life, and dips into self loathing and pity far too easily. I love that he finally allowed himself to Love Tonks, and was crushed reading the scene that followed this in canon. This little scene you wrote read like it jumped straight from that canon. Tonks was the 'strong one' in that she spoke what was on her mind and seemed to avoid her tears. I loved the idea of the little voice inside her that she was always following. She does seem like a very, follow your heart sort of person. And your Remus here. he was fabulous. I feel badly for him, you know? I'm sure it would be awful to live with a child that you created knowing you had cursed him to some awful fate. but at the same time, I judge him for being weak. For not having faith. These are the same ways I felt about remus in canon and your writing elicited the exact same feelings in me. That is a sign of good writing. Your use of description to pain Tonks' emotional state was also very well executed. Very well done!!
MelissaAuthor's Response: Thank you! I love Remus too just because he needs love. Tonks is one to be more impulsive and follow your heart than Remus but that's why I think he loves her. Thank you for your compliments! Report Review
I wanna scream out "He comes back! He comes back!" even though she can't hear me.
This fic made me angry at Remus, sad for Tonks, yet happy because I loved this. It was very well written and really captured their fears and emotions. I was not expecting that slap, though. But I'm glad she did it. :DAuthor's Response: LOL, thanks for this. Too bad characters never listen to us! Report Review
Wow. Just wow, this was really good! TONS better then your Bellatrix one (which was also pretty interesting), but I mean you captured the emotions and the characters beautifully. There's only one thing I would take out.
noticing that her hair had changed to a deep rose of suppressed excitement, in almost harmonic contrast to her eyes which had become a deep blue of worry and uncertainty
Your story is already so good, it doesn't really need the unnecessary description, also Tonks's hair only changed by mood in the movies, books was by will. :) :)Author's Response: Heh, I guess you aren't a dark story type of person, eh? I hadn't realized that the changing of mood was just movies! I guess I'll have to see that again. Report Review
Hi, here for the review tag! ^_^
Wow. This was really, really incredible. The way you describe the raw emotion in this story is very intense, and pulls the reader into it. This was short, but it was just enough. I can't even describe how involved I felt. Your emotions are just so perfectly written and spot-on. My heart broke for Tonks and I felt like crying at the end of this piece. I think I'm going to add this into my favorites, it's REALLY really good!
10/10Author's Response: Thanks! I was going for emotional impact so I'm glad I hit it! Report Review
I loved this! Absolutely loved this!
I am a sucker for Tonks/Remus stories to begin with. They are my favorite pairing and I find it pretty difficult to find a Tonks/Remus I donít like. And this story is no exception. You express both of their characters so well! They are definitely in canon, as is their relationship. They arenít just suddenly happy. Theyíre happy, but itís overlaid with Remusí insecurities in himself and his belief that Tonks could have someone better.
I also adore sad stories. Sort of strange, I know, but I love stories that dig at the raw emotions of life. I willing go for stories that make me feel like crying, like screaming, like reacting in the same way as the main character. I take those sorts of stories over happy joy filled ones because the dark emotions are so much easier to convey, which you do beautifully here! I can really feel how Tonks reacts, how she feels about his reaction to her being pregnant. Itís the raw emotion and itís so real.
I also must compliment your writing style. The way the words flow in this story are just amazing. They come together and form pictures in my mind of whatís going on. You also sneak in bits of imagery, which I love. This part, specifically, was beautiful:
ďThe words come out softly but scratched, like nails dragged across a chalkboard. She's choking on nothing and breathing in poison. She's dying inside and he's looking at her with the dark liquid of regret.Ē
I justÖI donít have words for how eloquent that sounds. Itís absolutely beautiful! I also so no traces of grammar mistakes, which adds so much to this story! Great job!
~GrimmerzAuthor's Response: Thanks! I'm so glad you liked this and thought it was eloquent! I don't even know how I have a writing style but I apparently do :) so thanks for the compliment!
I'm glad I got the characterization right! Judging from your user name I can see that you've got some affinity for Tonks :) Report Review
Eeee! This was brilliant. Your Tonks and your Remus is perfect. I'm finding myself as angry as Harry was over his stupid decision and it fits in so well with canon that I'm squeeing inside (I've been having such a canon-esque week - I don't know whats come over me).
It flowed spotlessly and I'm not sure I can find anything to fault. Like I said, characterisation was perfect and I really loved it. I just wanna go give Tonks a hug :)
-ACAuthor's Response: Thank you! I'm so glad that the canon story is feeding your canon belly :) Thank you so much Report Review
I liked this for more than the obvious reason of it was a very well written little insight to what would be a very hard time in their life... I liked it because you've actually recreated my own life within this peice, and I could definitely, DEFINITELY relate to Tonks' pain and suffering when the father of her child disregarded her baby and walked on out the door... You captured the real pain of what that is like very nicely, cuz I'm telling ya now from my point of view... it's very realistic.
Sorry, I dont have much more to say atm, but I did enjoy, just kinda hit a little hard, wasn't expecting this story to be about something I could relate to so directly, so soon after the event took place. Well done tho...Author's Response: Oh goodness...it's strange sometimes how you come across something that parallels your life. I'm sorry if I struck a raw nerve as of course I didn't mean that. But knowing that you do have reality on what I'm writing about here, I find it good (only in a writer's way of thinking) that I could write out what a time like that would be. Again, not to make less of your own event at all! but just to say, I guess, thank you for reading and saying something about it
xChar Report Review
Aah! Oh my god! Remus and Tonks! J'adore! I barely see any fics with them - I guess people are a little put off by the age difference, but come on, they did produce fanfic's most eligible bachelor. Gaaaw, wub 'em.
I really love your style and I love the ship so naturally I love the story. Your imagery and description are superbly executed, and you've chosen such a heartbreaking moment that some writers would ruin but I think you've done justice. (Also... Remus wears tweed? Love!)
The moment where she starts punching him really made me sad. Tonks is a brave and determined young woman, so it's obvious to believe that she wouldn't go down without a fight. The slap worked perfectly, I think. Tiny women hitting taller, stronger men when their angry works all the time in television and sometimes serves as a comedic element, but the slap brought everything back and made it more serious - and serious is just what you need in a story this angsty and dark. Well done.
His shallow breaths are the only sound in the room. The tears that the rage and anger had been holding at bay, flow freely now. Her hair still covers her face so he can't see. His broken whisper fills the empty space, the space that she's tried to fill with love and passion and happy thoughts, but has failed, so miserably failed.
Aaah, I love this! ♥
Really well done. I loved the style, the description, the dialogue. Everything worked and flowed perfectly. Congratz.Author's Response: Are you talking about Teddy? You naughty person you :P
Thanks for complimenting my style! I didn't even realize I had one until I kept writing...but I guess that's how you develop a style.
I love Remus and Tonks. I wish we had had more of them in the book! And because their story seemed to be so insignificant I love writing stories about them to expand on their characters.
Thank you!!! ::hug:: Report Review
oh wow that was so good. i never usually read remus/tonks stories but i think this one shot was fab. i loved it because it focused on the things that JK didnt explain, we sort of just got the 'what if the baby is a werewolf' thing second hand.
loved the emotions - the anger was good and im going to give this an 9/10 because it would be nice if it was longer :)Author's Response: Thanks so much! Yeah, I know it's short and (bitter)sweet but I couldn't help it! :) Report Review
I love well-written Remus/Tonks fics. /Love them/. Because to me, they are one of the most interesting canon pairings that JKR gives us, and one of the best examples that love surmounts all its barriers and obstacles.
Excuse the fangirl moment, please.
Your imagery and description throughout this was amazing - it moved and flowed and was a thing itself, and it was beauty as only words can be when they are written well. My favorite sentence, though, was this one --
She's choking on nothing and breathing in poison. She's dying inside and he's looking at her with the dark liquid of regret.
Describing regret as a dark liquid was, in my opinion, a true stroke of genius. I'm quite jealous of that description. :) And pretty imagery aside, I think the emotions you put into both characters were realistic in both canon and in humans in general. Remus definitely made a jerk move by abandoning his wife, even for the time he did, and I love how you've portrayed that here. I think it'd be interesting to see a follow-up to this, too, when Remus returns to her.
This was a lovely, lovely story, and I am especially glad this one caught my eye. You've got a great gift for words and you actually write really very well. I hope I get the opportunity to read some more of your stories a bit later on! Great work!Author's Response: I so agree on how interesting they are!!! They did have so many barriers and it isn't just the obvious ones (age difference, werewolfness, etc.) but even just their own personal barriers within themselves!!
I myself have just had a fangirl moment so you are definitely excused.
I am so taken aback by what you've written but in a very good way!! Thank you!!! So lovely!! :) Report Review
That was xtreamly heart felt and amazing. I loved it as we never knew what Remus's reacting to the baby was because it was never reall mentioned in the book that much so I found this very insiteful. I just L.O.V.E your style of writing andhow it captivates your reader... kinda like me and banana milkshake...
Off topic. Right so I saw no mistakes and the only problem I found was that it was too short!
Other thank the fantastic. Go team bronze!
RavenclawAuthor's Response: Thanks so much! It makes me all warm inside to hear/read the word "Captivate" :)
heartbreaking but beautifully written!Author's Response: Thanks! That's what I was going for ! :) Report Review
You've done a really wonderful job capturing this behind the scenes DH moment, especially considering it's such a short little bite. Tonks is portrayed well, and I love her description - the hair and her eyes, how telling you've made them. More than that, you've done a brilliant job showing her explosive personality all while reigning it in to avoid cliche territory. Remus is incredibly true to character as well. What I think you've done best with his character (in just a few short lines, no less) is portraying his insecurities - they're always there, underlying everything in canon, but you've brought them to the forefront with very little staging. Best of all, I pity Remus here, but I don't hate him for making me pity him. (If that makes any sense.) Great job!Author's Response: Yes it makes sense :) Thank you so much for this review!! I'm very happy I've captured the characters well and not cliched them. This pairing deserved more I feel than the attention they got in the book. Report Review
I thought that this was very well written. It made me angry (at Remus), sad (because of the situation), and disappointed (with Remus) one right after another and even all at once. It didn't seem overdone/cliche and honestly I don't see how this situation can be. There are only so many ways you can spin this situation so it fits with this book. And you did a very good job.
I hope that somewhere in that I helped you. Haha.Author's Response: Oh good. I'm glad it's not overdone/cliche! Thank you so much for looking at this and I feel reassured! :) Report Review
That was beautifully written, well done! I really love Remus as a character, and I always thought Remus & Tonks were great together, such a pity JK Rowling cut them off both.
Even though it made me a little sad, I really loved it. It's so realistic.. like it could easily be a chapter from the original HP books. The characterization of both of the characters were spot on! This was just excellent, and it makes me want to read so much more about Remus and Tonks. The ending was amazing, sad, but amazing. All I can say is; keep up the great work! =)
x IndianSummerAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for this lovely review! I'm beyond flattered at your words. Also very glad that you are now more willing to look at more Remus/Tonks. :)
Aww :( This was sad. :( Granted, it's a sad canon moment, and there isn't really a way to make it not sad (unless you write when he comes back and they make up! *nods enthusiastically*)
I think you really captured the emotion here well, and the little details you put in really added to the feel of the story.
"He drops her wrists and takes a step back, distancing himself.
Like he always did."
That part kills me. Poor Tonks, and poor Remus. He really has this hang up about not being worthy of love. I'm glad that Harry talks (read: yells and guilts) some sense into him.
I can actually feel Tonk's anguish at the end. So beautifully written.
(Ravenclaw)Author's Response: Hey, Singularity! Thanks for the review!
Of course I can't write about him coming back--where would the angst be in that? :P
Loved everything you said. That line I think pretty much sums up Remus in these days before he accepted that he could have a family. Loved what Harry did to get Remus to think outside his pathetic box :)
xChar Report Review
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