Reading Reviews for Life As We Know It
  
261 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Yoshi_Kitten chapter two

30th September 2014:
Hey Erica. I am SO sorry it has taken me so long to get back to this. RL has been CRAZY these past few weeks!! But here I am, finally, ready to review this amazing story of yours!! First of all, let me say that I am really sorry this didn't get more attention in the Dobbys this year. You characterization of Hermione (and now even Draco) is so spot-on. I just feel like you should get WAY more attention for that. This really feels like the I'm reading the characters that JKR created, and that's saying something. You write everything so realistically, and it's very well done!! =)

Honestly, the only CC I really have to give here is in your paragraph length. There were a few instances; like the paragraph right after where Draco leaves the Room of Requirement, and Hermione is thinking about his odd behavior. I feel like that could easily be divided up into two parts - right where she says I shook my head; I couldn't let myself think like that. for example. And the long paragraph where she was pondering all the activity in the common room, right before Parvati came up to her is another example. I feel like a good place to begin a new paragraph there would be when she says I felt strange as I watched everyone else laugh and have fun.

And then, finally, the very last paragraph is another that could be split up as well. Actually, the last three paragraphs of this could be looked back over, but that very final one is a monster of a paragraph, lol. I feel like that one could easily make three parts. You could start a new paragraph when she looks up and Sarah and Lisa come in; and then you can split it up again when Hermione says Was the toll of books and cleverness to be alone I think that would be good...

These are only my personal suggestions though, you don't have to do this if you don't want to. It is YOUR story, after all. It could just be because I was reading this chapter from my mobile device the first time, but I found myself skimming over some of those larger paragraphs, and then had to stop myself and reread back over things. This happened more than once, so I just felt it was worth mentioning. I myself am guilty of writing overly long paragraphs too, and someone brought it to my attention once also. Again, this is probably just a personal preference thing though. Please don't think I'm being too picky, lol. Your writing is seriously really good!!

And the plot is thickening already!! Malfoy wants her to keep quiet and, in exchange, he will do the same. I really like how you have Hermione sort of obsessing over him by the end of this, lol. It's very realistic of her character; always wanting to know the answers to the mystery. That's what I really like about this story so far - it all seems entirely plausible. I think my favorite part though, was the scene between Hermione and Harry. It was slightly altered from the way things happened in Cannon, but yet all of the important aspects of it were there. You, again, write Harry and Hermione's relationship very realistically.

Now I know that I have been using that word a LOT in this review, lol! But that's only because I mean it! Seriously, I've already told you before that I'm not much of a Dramione shipper. But that mostly stems from the sole fact that I just do not see this pairing as being realistic enough to support... With this story, however, you have set it up in such a way that I actually can see this working out; and that in an of itself is an accomplishment, haha!! ;)

This is really great hun, and I cannot wait to read more. (Actually, I may have already read ahead, lol, but I digress.) I am super excited to see where you go with this, especially as the events of DH start to take place, if it goes that far... Keep up the great work!! And again, I'm so sorry it took me so long to get back to this. I cannot wait to see your responses tho!! Hopefully you don't think that I was being too critical with this review... See you in the next chapter. Thanks so much for the swap!! =D

10/10
~Deana~

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Review #2, by AdinaPuff chapter one

23rd September 2014:
Hi, here for our review swap!

Wow, what a great start to the story. I love how you have this scene that happened in the book, in your fanfic. It gives it a lot more of a canon feel, and just proves how much you've thought into this. Poor Hermione, having to deal with Ron being with Lavender when she clearly wants to be with him. And then to top it all off, Draco shows up. Of course this is going to be dramione, so Draco being around is expected. But I'm sure he's the last person she wants to see when she's crying and torn up already (at this point in the story, anyway).

Great job. I actually am going to read on and leave you a review on the latest chapter when I get there. I love this so much already! The characterization is great so far. Spot on. I just can't wait to see you weave a dramione into their years at Hogwarts.

Until the latest chapter!

-Leigh

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Review #3, by Veritaserum27 chapter three

20th September 2014:
Hi hi!

I'm here from Review Tag. I just saw your review of ASLTW and jumped at the chance to leave you one for LAWKI.

Ok, I know I said this before, but I'm really loving this story form Hermione's POV. I love that you've made her so vulnerable. I always thought that was one of Harry's most endearing traits - the fact that he was unsure about his abilities, but carried on anyway. Your version of Hermioine is so deep. She's more than just a girl who cares about her grades and keeps Harry and Ron out of trouble.

The second and third paragraphs show us her deepest desires - she is really passionate and even doubts herself at that respect, thinking that her overactive mind will get in the way. (I don't think it will, when it comes down to that.) The way that she rationalizes Ron and Lavender's tryst was heartbreaking, because we know how that is going to go for her :(

This was just an all around awful day for Hermione. Things went from bad to worse. First she realizes that she lives with Lavender and will have to hear about her and Ron, then she hopes that it was just a one nighter to find out that it isn't.

Then when Malfoy decides to get nasty with her, I was glad to see that her bravery shone through and she didn't back down - she gave it right back to him. Even though she might be hurting on the inside, she can still stand up for herself.

I found one sentence that sounded a bit odd when Draco is confronting Hermione after she follows him out of the Great Hall:

Then again, what am I saying, you are nothing more than a pathetic Mudblood.

I think it might read better as two sentences, because the first one sounds like a question:

Then again, what am I saying? You are nothing more than a pathetic Mudblood.

I also noticed a typo:

It seemed like everyone else though that the personal lives of others were much more important than making sure that their homework was completed for the next day.

I think you mean "thought" not "though."

I have to admit that I'm not normally a Dramione shipper, but this story is fascinating to me because you've fixed it within the canon-verse. We all know what Draco was dealing with during sixth year - and Hermione as well! But I think, more importantly, you've captured their emotions so well.

Great job!

Beth :)

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Review #4, by Lostmyheart chapter fourteen

19th September 2014:
Hi Erica!

I love how this story develops. It follows the story line, and I love the details. What interests me the most is that the school year is almost over, and I can't wait to see what you're planning to do, if you continue following Hermione while she helps Harry and Ron finding Horcruxes or if you change the story completely, to include Draco. Or are you planning to stop it soon? Argh! So many questions, but of course you can't answer them, that's for me to find out while I read.

I didn't like Dumbledore at all, but I do understand why he was so dismissive. He knows about Draco, therefor he doesn't want to talk about it with Hermione, but I wish he hadn't been so rude :) Poor Hermione.

I am so excited to see what you're going to do next, since Harry is joining Dumbledore on the trip to the cave. I can imagine things are going to get intense from now on, since we know what's going to happen later that night... ugh, it makes me sad to think about it.

I'll read on, and I'll see you in a bit. Hopefully with a more constructive review, haha.

- Avi

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Review #5, by mymischiefmanaged chapter two

19th September 2014:
Hiya, here for our next chapter swap :)

You kept Malfoy very in character here which I really like. The danger with Dramione's is that often to make them compatible people twist Draco's character, but you've not fallen into that trap. His smirking was definitely believable.

It says something really lovely about Hermione that she's so concerned about Draco and upset for him after he's just been horrible to her, especially because she's got her own problems to worry about at the same time.

Hermione and Harry's friendship is really well written here. They both realise how the other is feeling without really needing to talk about it, and it clearly helps Hermione to realise her friend is in the same position. I really liked Harry trying to deny his feelings for Ginny - he should probably know better than to try to lie to Hermione by this point :)

I really enjoyed this chapter and am looking forward to seeing what happens next!

Emma xx

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Review #6, by daliha chapter one

16th September 2014:
Dramione isn't my usual cup of tea but this fic makes an exception this first chapter was well written you kept all the characters in character, I just wonder how are you going to get these two opposites together, for that I'll read on, this is definitely on my reading list, thank you for letting me read this and thank you for the swap :)

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Review #7, by crestwood chapter one

16th September 2014:
Hey, here for our review swap!

I'll say, I don't typically read a ton of Dramione fics. I don't hate them, but I don't seek them out either. I have heard that you are an excellent writer now though, so I decided to give yours a chance. I was not disappointed by this first chapter.

I can't believe this chapter has 75 reviews, by the way. That is such a huge accomplishment to be proud of!

A lot of times Lavender does end up sparking these Dramione romances, but I think you've gone about this a bit differently. Usually, the case is that Ron and Hermione are already together and Ron cheats on her with Lavender, pushing her into Draco's comforting arms. And while there's nothing wrong with that approach, I think this way of going about things is even more interesting, as the war is still going on and they're still at Hogwarts and the stigma must be much worse than if it were to occur after everything is over.

I thought Ron's reaction to coming across Hermione was really in character for him. He almost stopped and made sure that she was okay, but something in his pride caused him to leave with Lavender instead. It's that insensitive streak in him that usually pushes Hermione toward Draco in these kinds of stories.

The end with Draco was really impactful. Luckily he's taken joy in witnessing her humiliation so it seems as though we're going to get a lot of drama before we ever end up having them together. I prefer to see the process of them getting together happen in real time rather than skipping ahead. I think you'll handle that well down the line. You handled Hermione's emotions really well so far. We got a good look inside of her head and you laid her state of mind on full display. Really well done as far as pacing and characterization. I can't wait to see where the rest of the plot goes. Thank you for the swap!

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Review #8, by apondinabluebox chapter one

15th September 2014:
Erica!! I'd like to profusely apologise for the delay in getting to this review -- things just keep cropping up, sadly. Nevertheless, I'm here now! ^.^

I was pleasantly surprised that this was set in their sixth year, since personally, I'm not a fan of Ron-cheats-on-Hermione-with-Lavender fics, but this is a good way to establish your Dramione when they're still at school. Bonus points for this! :) This is also the first story I've ever read that's written from Hermione's POV in first person and I have to say, I think you have her down. You show how she analyses everything, like Lavender when she's kissing Ron, herself when she enters the Room and that mysterious sound (which we later discover is Draco).

The pacing of your prose too is good. There's plenty of explanation for the reader to understand what's going on and how Hermione's feeling, but not so much that it overwhelms the plot. I loved that moment when Ron hesitated to leave Hermione when she was crying; it says quite a lot about him. Emotional range of a teaspoon or not, he clearly cares about his best friend.

I noticed a couple of typos you may want to fix: early in the chapter, you misspell Professor Trelawney's name as Trelawny. And in the last line, "Hello, Granger." Malfoy smirked, there should be a comma after Granger, since you go on to describe how he says the words.

Overall, I'm really pleased with this chapter. Your ending has impact and the plot so far is definitely good. The chapter flows well, too; I didn't read this pre-edits, so I can't say how much it's improved, but the result is definitely great!

If you'd like to continue swapping for the rest of the chapters, I would be more than happy to! ^.^ Once again, sorry for the lateness!



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Review #9, by Gabriella Hunter chapter four

14th September 2014:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums dumping this review on you and while I was reading, I couldn't help but think that this story sounded awfully familiar. In fact, I did some digging and it turns out that I had read the first three chapters a while back! I was wondering if I should let you know or simply keep on reading and of course I chose to keep on reading since I'd loved this story.

So, surprise! Yay...

Anyway, I really love your Hermione. I like that you have her still with her familiar traits from the books but there's just something that's really relatable and real about her here, she comes off as like a living girl. There are insecurities and hopes that she can't possibly put all together and I simply love what you've done with her, you've given us a side of her that we rarely, if ever, got to see in the actual books.

I feel really sad for her with the whole Ron/Lavender situation and I'm waiting for that to be resolved. This feels like you're going with canon really well so that might not be for a while yet but I enjoy Hermione's thought processes about their relationship. There's some bitterness and anger there too but also something that's more common: Jealousy. I love that you've written that little emotion in so well, you wouldn't usually see it in any other fic.

My favorite part of this story was the entire last half with Mr. Bleakly. It was perhaps the most sweetest thing that I'd ever read in a while, I thought that you merged the loss of love and the endurance of it beautifully.

And of course, Draco Malfoy has to ruin the moment by being his usual rude self. I'm not sure about a lot of people but I like reading scenes about him and Pansy, that's a relationship that didn't seem to go anywhere and seeing them both as just two teenagers instead of bullies for just a minute is really interesting.

So, all in all I think that you've written another excellent chapter and I can't wait for more! Your pacing is fine and your characters continue to hold up amazingly. :D

Much love,

Gabbie

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Review #10, by Lostmyheart chapter thirteen

13th September 2014:
Hi Erica!

This chapter was very sweet, despite the pain Draco was in.
I liked that Hermione was so concerned, and maybe a little confused with her own feelings. It was so understandable, and I would have felt the same way with a person like Draco - or maybe more, idk, I just love him :b

He does spill a lot of details to Hermione, more than I would have anticipated. But I guess he does have some sort of feelings for her, and perhaps trust her. He could be silently wanting to get help, since he tells her about the threat against his family, even though he probably puts Hermione in more danger that way.

But I liked your chapter! And I love your story. I can't wait to read more :)
Which I will later this day, thank god for weekends, haha.

- Avi

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Review #11, by Lostmyheart chapter twelve

12th September 2014:
Holy moley... I did not see that one coming. WHY DIDN'T I SEE THAT ONE COMING?!
I swear I am clueless about everything, despite knowing the fact that you follow the books events. Damn it, Avi. Pick up the clues! :D haha

But seriously, I smiled like a fool(!!) at the part with the knees. Argh! It hit me so hard. I suddenly remembered when I bumped knees with this incredibly cute guy when I was sixteen. I suddenly remembered the butterflies, the unable-to-concentrate, and the light headed feeling.
So sweet, how you wrote it. I may sound like Yoda now :P

The ending... ugh. It's so sad she waited for him for hours, and without knowing how much pain he was in.

I'll read on tomorrow, I need some sleep :)
It's 2AM right now, which made me realize how slow a reader I am. I swear, my attention is all over the place, so it took me two hours to read this chapter 0_0
Hopefully I'll be able to read the rest of the chapters faster than this one :D

- Avi

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Review #12, by Lostmyheart chapter eleven

12th September 2014:
Aaaarrghh! Erica :D

*happy dance*

She took his hand. Ugh, that was so perfect. I don't know why, but my heart is flying. I am so thrilled :)

Draco has changed a bit, I think, from the previous chapter. Suddenly all friendly, and I'm trying to figure out if he's doing it with a purpose or just because he's beginning to grow fond of her, but the ending seemed to clear everything up! :)

I couldn't agree more with how you make Hermione see around her all the time, and making her feel a little bit lonely. It's one thing we often forget when we write these Hogwarts Era stories, that they are teenagers, hormones are flying all over the place and things are taken personally. So if your friends are dating and you're the only one, it's bound to happen that you question yourself and start to feel like the third wheel.
And chocolate is the cure! Spot on, Erica.

I love chocolate.
Thank goodness it's past midnight, or I would've run to the store to get some :b

I loved it. And I'll try to read another chapter before I go to bed :)

- Avi

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Review #13, by Lostmyheart chapter ten

12th September 2014:
Hi again!

I really like the length of your chapters, I can read them without any problems! It's kind of difficult for me to read atm. since my attention span has changed, but I'm really trying to get it back.

Another bump in, which is a really classy move. Not that I don't like it, since it's quite plausible for someone like Hermione to run into people with her head stuck into her books, but why doesn't Draco ever move? :P He must've seen her coming, hehe.

I've never really thought about why Harry didn't include Ginny into the whole Horcrux thing, maybe he wanted to protect her. I like that you include her in this, it shows that she is a part of the group, instead of just being the girlfriend and the little sister and then have no real part of their plans.

I'll read on!

- Avi

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Review #14, by Lostmyheart chapter nine

12th September 2014:
Hi Erica!

Eeeekk. Another interesting chapter :D Your characterization of Draco is perfect, in my opinion. He's just as evil as he used to be, but still there are some part of him that seems different, changed somehow. And I like how Hermione is so curious, it fits her personality so well. She is stuborn after all, and since everything is so chaotic with Ron (and Harry) I can see why she goes off on her own.

I'll read more tonight! (and probably leave longer and more useful reviews)

- Avi

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Review #15, by lexiatel chapter one

11th September 2014:
Wow, this was written well to the point that I am almost envious! Heh. :) I love the first person POV of Hermione, it has been something I have been wanting to read for a while. So it's a good find, I guess. :)

I do wonder what changed Ron's mind to go after stupid old Lavender. Yes... I am not a fan of her, lol.

Well... I wonder what Draco's going to do :o

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Review #16, by mymischiefmanaged chapter one

11th September 2014:
Hiya!

I really enjoyed this. I'm not usually that keen on Dramione but yours is really well written and I can see that I'm going to like it.

Starting this off with Ron and Lavender is a really good idea. It opens up the opportunity for Hermione to explain her feelings in away that feels natural, rather than a rushed explanation of the situation. Hermione's harsh character assessment of Lavender was impressive too. It's a slightly crueller side of Hermione than the one we see through Harry's eyes, but fits in with how observant she is.

I love Hermione taking to the room of requirement for solitude. It's such a good use of the room, and says lots about her character that she chooses to be by herself where nobody's going to find her rather than to seek out somebody to talk to.

Just a little thing, I think you might want to change Hermione's wording a little bit if Ron and Lavender are going to interrupt her in the room. I'm pretty sure if she said she needed to be by herself the room would make sure she'd be able to stay by herself and would block other people out like it blocked out Harry when he was looking for Malfoy. If you want her to be interrupted she maybe shouldn't directly ask the room to give her somewhere to be alone.

You do a really good job of writing Ron's hesitance to leave Hermione. I'm glad you didn't undermine their friendship by having him rush to follow Lavender, but I can see how in some ways this would be more hurtful for Hermione. Lavender's careless comments reveal a lot about her own personality as well, and I'm interested to see if you develop this side of her further.

And Malfoy was there all along! That revelation was just the right level of plot twist, and you wrote it really well. I'm interested to see what happens next. By the looks of things your Malfoy isn't going to have a change of heart very soon, but maybe your chapter two will prove me wrong.

This is a wonderful first chapter. I'm really looking forward to reading on.

Emma xx

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Review #17, by Yoshi_Kitten chapter one

11th September 2014:
Hello! RoxiMalfoy from the forums here to begin out review-swap!! And I must say that this was such an excellent first chapter!! =)

Okay, so right off the bat, I love that this is in Hermione's perspective. Honestly, I don't think I've really read much from her POV before, so this is a refreshing change already. You have really seemed to capture her inner-voice quite well. She is clearly jealous of Lavender, and you did a great job capturing that. I really liked when you went into detail about Lavender being so unorganized, and what she said about her favorite class being Divination made me laugh. I love the contrast that you have created between these two girls. They are complete opposites, and you have done a remarkable job at demonstrating this! (:

I felt so heartbroken for Hermione though, when she was first entered the room of requirement. You did such an epic job at capturing such raw emotions in this entire chapter, but that part really got to me. This line here was one of my favorites:
Books and cleverness was one thing, but in the end, that's all that they were, just a thing that held no meaning. There was no companionship in them, no comfort, just words. --Right in the feels, lol!! Seriously though, your language in this is just beautiful!

I wasn't expecting this story to start out in their 6th year, but I'm glad it did. I loved reading this part of HBP (though it is slightly different) from Hermione's POV. And I think it's cool how you've shown that there can be more than one person using the room of requirement at once. Was the shimmer she seen there because Draco was using the room as the place where lost things are hidden at before she entered it? Is that why she could not see him at first? You know, I never considered what would happen if two people were using the room for two entirely different things at the same time. This is a very intriguing concept. It would explain how she was able to hear him but not able to physically see him before Ron and Lavender barged in though. I like it.

The beginning of the chapter was perfect, it drew me in right away. And the ending was amazing also, as it definitely has me wanting to read more now. I love your writing style already and I cannot wait to see where you go from here. Clearly Draco and Hermione still hate each other right now, but I cannot wait to see how you go about changing that. And who knows? You might just make a Dramione shipper outta me yet, haha!! =P

Thanks so much for the swap offer. I'll see ya again in the next chapter!
~Deana~

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Review #18, by Lostmyheart chapter eight

9th September 2014:
Hi!

I just saw your name on the review tag thread and thought that this was my opportunity to finally get started with your incredible story again!

I was honestly confused in the beginning, because why on earth would Ron say Romilda's name in the hall? But then when Hermione saw Professor Slughorn and Harry with the unconscious Ron, how could I not see that one coming? Haha. But brilliant detail!
I liked that Draco showed a little decency towards Hermione, even though he did say a few not-so-nice things before (or along the way) but that was expected, so it wasn't a shocker.
I can't wait to read what happens next! Although I have to say that might take a while, unless I take a break from the reviews I owe people, and read a few of yours :b

Anyway, I'll catch up soon!

- Avi

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Review #19, by Veritaserum27 chapter two

30th August 2014:
Hi!

Tagging you from review tag - again!

I love the voice you've given to Hermione. In the books, we only get to see her from Harry's perspective - she's nerdy, a fierce friend and intuitive. But because she's his good friend and a girl to boot, we don't get to see what's going on inside her head. We know she has a crush on Ron and is good at sizing up situations, but there is so much more to her and you've shown us that. Ron and Lavender getting together positively crushed her. That's not something that you get over right away and I'm glad you haven't dismissed it so early in your story. I also like that you're taking the pace of Hermione and Draco really slow. They do hate each other, but this chapter gives us just an inkling of understanding - at least on her part. I think Draco is really in the middle of a mess and it will take him a while to come around.

I also like how curious you've made Hermione. She is always yearning for knowledge and she genuinely can't turn off her brain from trying to figure out what Draco is up to. She moves through the possibilities quickly, and it bugs her when she can't come to a conclusion. So Hermione!

The small scene with Harry was so sweet. They are in the same boat and don't need a lot of words to understand each other. ♥

I also like the way you showed us that Hermione feels a bit of an outcast with the other girls in her year. No one is outright mean to her or intentionally leaving her out, but they are just different than her. Parvati and Lavender are best friends and very similar to each other (a bit boy crazy and into their appearances) and the other pair of girls are either best friends or maybe something more. It makes my heart ache a bit for Hermione, because not having a good friend to share your troubles with just makes them seem a bit of a heavier burden to bear.

Great job with this chapter as well!

Beth

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Review #20, by magnolia_magic chapter one

29th August 2014:
Hi Erica! I'm here from Hufflepuff review tag!

Aw, I liked this! Normally I'm not a Dramione person (and I bet you get super tired of hearing that from people), but I'm open to broadening my horizons a bit. And I've heard good things about this story, so I wanted to take the opportunity to check it out! I loved the way you delved into Hermione's emotions after seeing Ron and Lavender together. I just wanted to go and give her a hug. I know I've been in her shoes, and I'm sure many of your other readers have been as well. You described her humiliation and hurt so strongly; it felt very true-to-life. I know that a lot of readers will be able to relate to your portrayal of her.

I also loved that you brought out some uncertainty in Hermione. She is so often seen as a Strong Female Character--which she is, of course--but that sometimes means we forget that she's a young girl first and foremost. She can't be strong all the time. I think a lot of smart girls feel the way Hermione does here, like their ambition and love of learning might be keeping them from a different kind of life. The grass always looks greener on the other side, especially when your crush is kissing another girl right in front of you. Poor Hermione. It's rough out there sometimes :(

And the way you introduced Draco at the end was great! I like the cliffie, and I can just see his smirky little attitude when he says "Hello, Granger." Ugh. Making him into a likable character will be a tough task, but judging by this opening chapter, it looks like you're up for the challenge! I hope I can make some time to read on soon, because I really enjoyed this chapter. Great job, Erica!

--Maggie

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Review #21, by Veritaserum27 chapter one

28th August 2014:
Hi!

Tagging you from review tag! I really liked this first chapter - and I also appreciated that you put the dates of each update in the chapter titles. A lot of times and author will post in the summary that they are updating the story and you don't know if they just did the first chapter or if they're halfway through and then you get into the story and come to the end of the updates and it doesn't make sense, so thanks for that!

Ok. On to the story. I really liked your portrayal of Hermione. It's a side of her that we don't get to see very often. She is usually so caught up in her studies and keeping Harry and Ron out of trouble that we don't get to see her emotions very often. We know that she has feelings for Ron, but we only get a few glimpses. I love that you didn't take away any of her defining characteristics, just added to them. I an really feel her pain - the pain of a teenage girl in love.

You brought to light the huge contrast between Lavender and Hermione. They really are opposites in terms of personality and character traits. Hermione is neat and organized while Lavender is messy. Hermione is in control of her emotions (on the outside) and Lavender is passionate and dramatic. Hermione seeks knowledge, where Lavender loves to study the ethereal.

I also thought it was really clever how you showed Ron as conflicted. He is being a silly, teenage boy and not thinking clearly during this. It added more depth to the story to know that he isn't completely clueless.

This line:

"Ron," Lavender called from her place in the doorway, "just leave her."

Was so heartbreaking - it had a double meaning and added a sense of finality to Ron and Hermione's potential relationship. Ugh! So sad!

Perfect little cliffhanger at the end - and in just a few words, you also captivated Malfoy's character!

Great first chapter!

Beth

Author's Response: Oh my goodness gracious, this review has just completely made my day! This story is my baby (and don't worry I do promise that I'm still working on the edits and new material) and to see that people are enjoying it and think that I've captured the different characters really well is such a wonderful compliment. Hermione is probably my favorite character to write, I just really love how head strong she is but yet she also has her own flaws. I'm hoping to have the next edit done soon ( I was having a small hiccup with getting the beginning figured out and worded right). Honestly, your review has me so happy and I'm just smiling like a mad women at my computer (which probably seems really strange since I'm at work). Anyways, thank you so much for this fantastic review! I really do hope that you will continue reading through the edits! Thank you for reading and reviewing!

~Slytherinchica08~


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Review #22, by UnluckyStar57 chapter one

11th July 2014:
Hello, lovely! I thought I would stop by and check this out for you. :)

Okay, I'm not really a huge fan of Dramione, but I can understand why people like it. It's a good opportunity to explore antagonism and how being mean to someone can actually hide some deeper, more...affectionate feelings. ;)

I find it interesting that Hermione was going to the Room of Requirement. That's a bit different from the book, but it's not a bad thing. It just means that she has a greater chance of running into Draco Malfoy! It was also an interesting choice to have her refrain from unleashing the yellow canaries of fury on Ronald, but I like how you kept the Quidditch party/Lavender snogging Ron in canon. It's fun to deviate from canon sometimes, so long as the basic groundwork is there. :D

Uh oh... Angsty, smirky Draco comes out of the shadows! What will he say? What will he do? I can't even guess...

Super interesting first chapter! When I have more time, I'll try to read/review some more. :)

House Cup 2014 Review

~UnluckyStar57

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Review #23, by DracoFerret11 chapter four

8th July 2014:
Hi there! This is DarkRose from the forums! I said I'd get around to reading the new version of this story, so what better time than the House Cup? So, let's go over things:

Brief Comments on Chapter 1: This goes for all the chapters, but I spotted several spelling and grammar issues throughout. Maybe a read-through would help, or perhaps a beta reader. Other than that, though, I don't have much to say about chapter one. I think you fleshed it out quite nicely. I don't completely remember the first version ( XD ), but I like this one quite a bit!

Brief Comments on Chapter 2: Same thing on spelling & grammar, but I'll quit repeating that. I liked the interaction between Draco and Hermione. I thought that was nice and realistic. I didn't like all of Hermione's thoughts about him, though. For one, it seemed a bit odd that she would obsess over him so much -- maybe he just had allergies and wasn't crying at all! And her thoughts about him "not wanting to be a Death Eater" and secretly being a good guy, etc. etc., seemed a bit cliche. It just seemed too early for her to think about that. Which sort of connects to my other issue with this chapter: Hermione obsessing over guys in general. She thinks a lot about how it would feel to be in a relationship, etc., but that seemed a bit out of character to book-Hermione. It was just a bit over-the-top for me.

Brief Comments on Chapter 3: I don't have many thoughts on this chapter, other than that I really liked that you mentioned that Hermione was hoping that Ron had changed his mind about Lavender. That made a lot of sense and I really, really thought it fit with the story and Hermione's characterization. Great job. I wasn't too sure about her corning Draco yet again, but we'll see how things progress. :)


REVIEW FOR THIS CHAPTER:

Grammar/Spelling: Same issues as before!

Plot: Okay! So, this is a new chapter and I like it quite a bit. It was sweet and made sense, and I liked seeing Hermione on a relaxed day of her own. The story about the book shop owner's wife was a little extraneous, but I still liked it. I thought it was cute for him to give her his wife's books, but I almost feel like those books/that man/that scene have to MEAN something later to not just be filler. I also loved the gifts Hermione bought for her parents. Very nice.

Characterization: I think you captured Hermione very well in this chapter. When she's on her own, I can definitely see the canon-Hermione that I recognize. She was quiet and bookish, and I really loved that. Great job. I also, of course, think you pulled off writing Draco and Pansy well here. I haven't written about Pansy in so long that I've practically forgotten she exists.

Descriptions: I liked the details about the weather outside and the gifts Hermione bought for her parents. I could do with more details about the settings, though, and about more than just visual imagery. Remember: sight, sound, touch, taste, smell. Adding more of those in will help a reader to picture the scenes better.

Emotions: I would have liked to see more of Hermione's emotions in this chapter. We briefly get that she's disappointed that she can't be with her friends, but not much else. There's the scene where Mr. Bleakly tells about his wife, and I expected more of a reaction from Hermione, but I didn't really get it.

Interactions: I did, however, love the conversation between Mr. Bleakly and Hermione. It was very sweet and grandfatherly. Good job with your OC and good job with the scene in general. Pansy and Draco's conversation was also very good. I love whenever Draco loses his patience with Pansy though. ;)

Overall, good first few chapters. I'll ask you when five is revised and I'll read it ASAP. Well done and good luck to Hufflepuff in the House Cup!

--Emily (House Cup 2014 Review)

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Review #24, by Infinityx chapter four

8th July 2014:
HI. I AM HERE NOW.

Wow, this chapter is just a huge bomb of emotion. Why do you do this to my heart? The chapter starts on a happy note when Hermione is thinking about all the shopping she has to do, and then...dun dun dunnn...enters the evil lavender and the gullible Ron. (I was going to use stronger words but 12+) Poor Hermione. When I read the line I had already lost Ron to her, but did I really have to lose Harry too? I cried. I really did. That was such a simple but powerful way of conveying what she was feeling.

I love the way you've described Hogsmeade. The imagery used is just beautiful.

Aw, Mr Bleakly is the sweetest! I love the way he cares about Hermione to the extent that he's giving her his wife's books! And that story. :') SO MUCH FEELS ERICA. That was my favorite part of the story so far and Mr Bleakly is my favorite character now. You should write a story about him!

Yay, Draco and Pansy broke up! It would be cool if you could give a bit more detail on why she began suspecting him. Maybe someone else who had a grudge against Draco or someone who had a crush on Pansy found this to be an opening to break them both up and fed Pansy lies! Okay, my thoughts just ran away from me there.

BUT EXCELLENT WORK WITH THE CHAPTER AND I LOVE THE WAY YOUVE ENDED IT. UPDATE SOON SO THAT I CAN LEAVE ANOTHER GUSHING REVIEW.

~Erin

House Cup 2014 Review

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Review #25, by Lostmyheart chapter seven

7th July 2014:
Hello :D

Hermione's first act of kindness towards Draco! It surprised me, perhaps as much as it surprised herself. But I think it mostly was because of her never-ending curiosity. She just can't help it.

I liked that you've jumped from Christmas to Valentine's Day, it gives this slow feeling to it - that this Draco/Hermione is something that isnt coming easy.

Also, I forgot to add this in my earlier review - the one for the previous chapter: I really liked that you mentioned who didn't like the topics discussed in the cabin, like when they talked about Herbology it wasn't something Ginny liked, etc. And when Hermione started reading her book, only to say something when correcting somebody (you're quite clever with this detail) it made me wonder if it annoyed all of them. Hehe.

I'll go on, chapter eight is waiting!

- Avi

For the HOUSE CUP 2014 REVIEW - EVENT 5

Author's Response: I believe that Hermione is really a good person and that she doesn't really have a bad bone in her body unless provoked. This huge gap between these two chapters time wise is actually something that I don't like I think that it makes the story feel a bit choppier than I would like and so this is one thing that I'm resolving this time around. I'm adding in at least 2 maybe 3 new chapters between chapter six and this chapter seven just to try and close the gap and really build up more to the dramione aspects of the story rather than just kinda kick them out the door. But I'm glad that you liked it!

thank you so much for yet another wonderful review! I can't wait to see what you think of the rest of the story!

~Slytherinchica08~


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