Reading Reviews for Forward
51 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Karou_Marauder Chapter 3: Discovery

9th January 2014:
It flows well and the characters are all well written. Really interesting idea!

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Review #2, by deathly hallows 101 Chapter 3: Discovery

25th June 2013:

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Review #3, by lynlyn121 Chapter 3: Discovery

2nd December 2012:
*bangs upside head with gavel* lol jk. Put up the next chapter already tho! i luv it and im really looking forward to see what happens next. :)

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Review #4, by deathly hallows 101 Chapter 3: Discovery

22nd November 2012:
Please write some more! I loved the story, but could you tell us more about the lockers? When did Harry make them? Why did he make them? Where in Hogwarts is the room? 9/10, great story though!

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Review #5, by Angelica Chapter 2: Into the Future

14th March 2012:
Sorry, but Harry's not that thick and Dumbledore's not that stupid to use their own first names. They would have known right away.

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Review #6, by remi Chapter 3: Discovery

29th February 2012:
Please please please please please please write another chapter! Ive been waiting forever!

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Review #7, by remi Chapter 3: Discovery

27th February 2012:

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Review #8, by i freakin love malfoy Chapter 3: Discovery

24th February 2012:
Good job I can't wait to read more!

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Review #9, by Remus Chapter 2: Into the Future

8th February 2012:
Hey Perelandra again with your review. Im signed in this time around.

Where to begin...

Your characterization is off. Dumbledore would have been smarter that to give the 4 new student more than a new surname. Harry was able to pin point his dad and Sirius when he went into the Pensive but now they just look familiar?

Your flow is off considering you dont take time to give more description to the reader to paint a picture. Imagery is a strong detail when writting a story. Too much and you'll lose the reader, too little and you lose interest. You need to find a good balance. Take time to narrarate. If you need to make the chapter more than 3K words to have a good plot, dialogue and narration then go for it.

Lastly! I love time travel fics. I have written one myself...You seem to be falling for the same old cliches that other time travel fics have. I hope Im mistaken. Considering that this is still early in the story, I hope you're able to change this.

Sorry if I may sound harsh but this is just CC. The more you write, the better you'll become.

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Review #10, by Perelandra Chapter 1: Curses, Hourglasses, and Timeturners

7th February 2012:
Hey! Perelandra here with your review! So sorry it has taken a while but better late than never, right? XD

I have no idea if this has been pointed out but your punctuation is a bit off, specially in your dialogue.

Also, McGonagall seemed a bit OOC for me, specially when wrote "with tears threatening to come to her eyes also." McGonagall has absolutely no qualms about taking points away from her own house. She's done it before. And since we're on that line, finishing a sentence with 'also' just kills the flow you have created.

Remus and LIly sobbing...well, Lily, yes. Perhaps. However, I'm not sure about Remus 'sobbing' into his robes. He seems to be sorta like a very stoic person, specially around Professor McGonagall's anger.

In the part where you have "The headmaster was merely gazing at..." that should be a paragraph of its own. Same goes for "Lily, for the first time since the incident..." The rule goes, as far as I know, that when a different character is going to speak, they should have their own paragraph. Considering that McGonagall sent the students to receive punishment from Dumbledore, why would Dumbledore go back and talk to McGonagall?

Most of your problems are when it comes to dialogue and paragraph, specially when you're suppose to have a new paragraph to indicate who is talking. Otherwise you ruin the flow.

Overall this was alright. However, I hope you don't get trapped with the usual time-travel cliches.

On to chapter 2!

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Review #11, by Snapes Angel Chapter 3: Discovery

1st February 2012:
Write more! It's good! Is Lily going to met the future Snape?

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Review #12, by GinzPotter Chapter 3: Discovery

31st January 2012:
More please! Soon!

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Review #13, by H4NA Chapter 3: Discovery

24th January 2012:
Aahhh this is such a good story idea! I luv it! Please update soon! Pretty please? With a time-turner on top? Hehe :)

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Review #14, by sbmcneil Chapter 3: Discovery

22nd January 2012:
I'm a little surprised that Hermione would blurt all of that out without talking to anyone. I'm glad that Harry knows the truth.

Author's Response: I think Harry is glad he knows now too!^^

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Review #15, by Spellbound17 Chapter 3: Discovery

21st January 2012:
I quite like your story over all! And I can't wait for the next chapter. However, maybe you could try breaking up the paragraphs a bit? Like, every time a new person begins talking, or there is a new subject, split the paragraph. Example:

They came to a stop at the Gryffindor portrait, where the Fat Lady still hung. "Orchideous Rings.” said Harry clearly.

The Fat Lady woke up, irritated. “Why are all of you out at three o’clock in the morning!” she said before turning to look at her, Sirius, James, and Remus. “You four look familiar. Very familiar.” The portrait then murmured as she swung open.

None of them replied to this as they stepped in. “Come on Lily.” Hermione said, going towards the girl’s dormitory. She followed, feeling weird as she had just been here this morning.

Once in the dormitory, she made a mistake and tried to go to her own bed, but another girl was already there. Hermione shook her head slightly, and pointed to an unoccupied bed at the end of the dorm. She then threw Lily a nightgown and Hermione settled down on her own bed which was right next to Lily's.

"Good nig-" she said, as Hermione cut across her.

The bushy haired girl shook her head before saying, "I know your secret... You're Lily Potter... Harry's mum."

Other than that, I really like it! And this isn't even a big thing to worry about. :) You have a very original idea with the whole time turner thing!
P.S. Sorry about all the weird symbols above... my computer's being weird...

Author's Response: I don't see any weird symbols! Haha. Anyway, I'm really glad you like my story. I'll try to rectify those paragraphs as soon as possible! Thanks for reviewing!

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Review #16, by HarryPotterGeek Chapter 3: Discovery

21st January 2012:
I think its great! Please hurry with the next chapter and maybe add some more detail to Harry's room of requierment because I didn't really understand.

Author's Response: Yeah, I plan to clarify what exactly is in his special room in the next chapter! :)

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Review #17, by HarryPotterGeek Chapter 1: Curses, Hourglasses, and Timeturners

21st January 2012:
This is so cool!!! I love the 'Merlins Beard its James Potter!!'

Author's Response: Haha, me too!

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Review #18, by magicmuggle01 Chapter 3: Discovery

21st January 2012:
As far as I'm concerned things are coming along swimmingly.
I thought Harry was going to show James the map and ask for some kind of explaination.
I wonder if what's been discovered so far will effect the future when everthing is put right? 10/10 adding to favs and plz update soon.

Author's Response: I'll try to!

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Review #19, by magicmuggle01 Chapter 2: Into the Future

21st January 2012:
You can't fool Hermione. No wonder she was the smartest witch of her age. This is turning out to be a rather interesting story. Must move on, so 10/10.

Author's Response: Thank-you!

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Review #20, by JamesSiriusPotterLover Chapter 3: Discovery

21st January 2012:
OMG You Finally updated yay!!! Iy's a good chapter and it seems like they're all starting to figure it out!

Author's Response: Haha, procrastination couldn't stop me forever! And yep, they're all discovering stuff!

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Review #21, by magicmuggle01 Chapter 1: Curses, Hourglasses, and Timeturners

21st January 2012:
I love time travel and when I saw this one dealt with past into the future I just had to read it.
A great start to your story. I must read on, so 10/10 and moving on.

Author's Response: Thank-you for your comment and your 10/10 rating!^^

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Review #22, by deathly hallows 101 Chapter 3: Discovery

20th January 2012:

Author's Response: Haha! Thanks! I will!

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Review #23, by Marauder_Weasley Chapter 3: Discovery

20th January 2012:

Author's Response: Thank-you for your review! I'll try to update as soon as possible!

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Review #24, by Corleone Chapter 3: Discovery

20th January 2012:
i love most fanfic tales and this one is no different, my absolute favorite stories are when harry goes back in time to meet his parents or when Lily and james go forward to meet their son...So far I really really love your story so PLEASE update as soon and as often as you can!

Author's Response: I'll try to!

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Review #25, by Polyjuice_Pixies Chapter 3: Discovery

20th January 2012:
This is amazing! Please keep writing!

Author's Response: Aww! Thank-you! I will!

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