So I think this is the first time I've read one of your more serious works, and I have to say I'm impressed with your versatility!
First of all, you had an excellent characterization of Scorpius even though he doesn't actually appear until the end. Most stories I've read with him in it, he ends up being a silvery orbed, quidditch tones gary stu, just like the dramione version of his father. However, I could totally see him being the way you portrayed him, he could totally work as the type of bad boy that girls are attracted to against their better judgement, and in real life, as opposed to Dramione and Scorose, that usually doesn't end well.
It was interesting how you used Lucy here as well. I can't imagine Percy is very pleased that she moved in with Scorpius, and hopefully he can talk some sense into her.
Great job writing a very emotionally packed and believable story.Author's Response: I seem to write a lot of dramatic one-shots, I've noticed. Thanks for the compliment! ;D
Uck, I absolutely hate Scorpius in this story. He's so horrible and manipulative. But it was incredibly interesting to write. Haha, I like your description of the typical Scorp. I think that's actually why I love writing his character so much - so that I can write him differently and try to push those boundaries a bit. I don't imagine him to be all that similar to his father at all, really. Although perhaps in this fic he has some of those nasty cunning genes. And yes! It does not end well! I mean, I love a good cliche like the reformed bad boy, but some people are just bad.
I love writing Lucy! I've actually written her... three times I think with scarily different characterizations. That's why I love next gen so much, because you can basically do whatever you want with the characters. And no, I don't imagine Percy is too pleased with the arrangement. The part of me that loves ruining the lives of my characters believes that Lucy is trapped in this hole of despair forever, but the part of me that likes happy endings thinks that she leaves Scorpius eventually.
Thanks so much for the review! I was very excited to see my three reviews from you! Report Review
Wow. This was really lovely. You captured an awful lot of emotion in a short space, and you took the reader through a lot of highs and lows.
I have to confess something: I didn't pay close attention to the story description, so I spent the first half of it thinking that I was reading Rose's point of view. It doesn't matter too much, but it took me a while to readjust when I realized it was Lucy.
This felt like a perfect characterization of a hopelessly smitten young woman who knows that she has a problem but remains unshakeable in her faith that everything will be OK if she just keeps loving him. There's obviously no way to tell whether Scorpius is being true to her of just using her, but that's part of what makes this intriguing to read.
Your writing is terrific: no typos or spelling or grammar problems. Looking forward to tagging you again in the future!Author's Response: This is definitely an emotional piece. I have no idea what I was feeling when I wrote it, haha, but somehow I ended up with this one-shot. Yeah, I didn't make it very obvious who the characters were. I guess it didn't seem very important so I just let the names come out when they came out, in a sense.
Yes, Lucy is horribly smitten to Scorpius in this. Honestly my heart was breaking for her while I was writing it. She's just in such a bad position, and she just lets herself be manipulated because it's easier to believe that Scorpius loves her than to consider the alternatives.
Thank you so much for the review and I'm so sorry that it took me a million years to respond! Report Review
I really enjoyed this one-shot, it was heartbreaking! Lucy wanted to convince herself that everything was okay so badly, it made me sad :( You know how everyone says 'love makes you weak'? Well this is an example of that.
Anyways, really great one-shot. Cute < 3
xxx sofia :)
PS love the banner :)Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing this! This one-shot had been kind of my baby these past few weeks and it really means a lot to me that people are enjoying it. It was honestly quite depressing to write, but I enjoyed it so much. Thank you! And I love the banner, too. It's so lovely. :P Report Review
Erica! ♥ You posted in my review thread, and so here I am.
I LOVED the way you wrote this, first of all. I've never, ever seen a story written in quite this style and it really, really sets your story out from others in my mind. It makes it unique, even before reading the actual story, and that is something that everyone should strive for. So the fact you HAVE it is amazingly fantastic!
I didn't realize it was Lucy/Scorp until about halfway through, and once I did, I was so hooked. I have never even come close to touching that pairing before (partly because it's not very common). But even when I thought it was Rose, I think what struck me most was the story's realism. The mental contradictions -- in my interpretation, Lucy's conscience -- was just so like what someone would ACTUALLY think in this situation. It is by no means easy to nail that. Mad props to you.
I searched this story like, three times to try and find some CC for you. But I honestly cannot find a way to make this story better, because I feel like anything I might say would take away from the story in its essence. So just keep on doing what you do, Erica my dear, and you're gold.
I seriously loved this story. ♥ Thank you very, very much for requesting it! Feel free to stop back any time. :3Author's Response: OMG JANE. MY LOVE. YOU ARE MAKING MY LIFE WITH THIS REVIEW. /MAKING MY LIFE/.
I didn't want the Lucy/Scorp thing to be obvious, not because it needed to be like secret-y but because it just would have ruined the flow to somehow force into the beginning who the characters were, so I'm glad you appreciated the Lucy/Scorpness. and that you liked the Lucy conscience thoughts. It was fun to kind of manipulate the story to hint at her regrets.
Eee! I am so happy that you liked this! I can die happy now. This is an absolutely wonderful review, my dear. I SHALL CHERISH IT TILL THE END OF TIME~ Report Review
AIRIQUE-AAAH ♥ Yay, second person and Scorpius and he's not with Rose! I love, love, love it! The lines in parentheses were really cool and gave awesome insight into the mood and the emotions and the character - I like how you repeated the structure, with the ever hipster roman numerals and italics. It really worked. You have a wonderful writing style, Erica.Author's Response: Eee! Hattie! The best Scorp is the one who is not in love with Rose, ofc. I'm glad you liked it and appreciated the hipster roman numerals, hahaha. Thank you so much for reviewing, love. (h) Report Review
Ericaaa! I love this. It's wonderful, amazing and makes you deserve a squish. I love the fact that it is Scorpius/Lucy because I am so bored of Scorpius/Rose, so this was refreshing to read. I love the fact that it was in 2nd POV, I mean you hardly see that these days. I also love the lines that you wrote in brackets. You made full use of it. I'm just sad that their relationship is so dysfunctional :( I'm always the happy ending kind of gal. It's so twisted, but so amazing to read about. So in all, I loved it.
- Keely xxxAuthor's Response: Awh, Keely! -squishes- I get bored of ScoRose, too. I like to pair Scorpius up with other next gen kids; switch it up a little. I'm glad you liked the second person, I really love writing it. Eee, yes thier relationship is very dysfunctional. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this, hun! It has made my day. :D Report Review
okay, so not really a fan of Scorpius/Lucy (because in my mind, which is biased, he belongs with me or Rose) but this was (venturing out of my comfort zone) really good!
I like how you have it separated, and the italics and parenthesis at the end were cool and unique and stuff (adjectives are not my thing, actually).
it was written in second person, which makes me happy to read, and confused to write :D
10/10 < 3
-Brielle.Author's Response: I pretty much ship Scorpius/anyone. I like to switch it up. And for some reason, I just felt Lucy fit this. I'm glad you ventured out of your comfort zone for this pairing. :) And I'm pleased you like the structure of it, it's a lot different from anything I've ever written. Thank you so much for the review, I really appreciate it! Report Review
ERICA. THIS IS PRETTY. AND VERY DESERVING OF BEING PROMOTED ON FS. -squish-
okay, seriously. this is taking angst!emo!scorpius to a whole other level. i can see it. manipulating. controlling. she's putty in his hands. a string wrapped easily around his finger, and she knows it. that's the worst part. she realizes it, but she can't pull away because...she can't.
and it's seriously, a very dysfunctional and unhealthy relationship and i love it because you wrote it so well and it's beautiful and i just want to just...sigh, and feel bad for lucy. but at the same time, she isn't deserving of my sympathy because she should run away, turn away and never look back. because it's true, she does deserve better.
would it be weird if i wanted to know scorpius' side to it? plus, your writing is lovely. it flows. it's fluid. i just want to like, bathe in it. (is that weird? xP)
seriously. i'm obsessed with the way you've broken it up into parts. it's just the perfect length. and perfectly written. and the italics and the parenthesis just make it so much better.
IN SHORT: I LIKE IT A LOT, ERICA. BRAVO! ♥Author's Response: BAWW TANYA. ILYSOMUCHFORTHISSQUEE.
Scorpius is extra manipulative in this. I seem to write manipulative characters a lot, haha. But honestly it was a lot of fun to write such a dysfunctional relationship because the combination of like you said, a controlling Scorp and a weak Lucy who can't find it in herself to run away is just so perfect. And yess, Lucy /should/ run away but I enjoy torturing her and messing with her mind too much.
Hmm. Scorpius' side. That would be so difficult to write, haha. BATHE IN MY WRITING ALL YOU WANT! (h)
You are so amazing for giving me this review. Thank you so much, love. Report Review
Erica. Holy wow. This is so, I can't even think of a word sufficient enough to describe this. I love the flow and feel of it. It is very much in the mind set of a person in a bad relationship. The excuses, the lies one tells herself. Gosh. And it was so pretty too! Like there was a certain eloquence about it that made it really terrific. All in all, get some bread and peanut butter because I'm jelly. hahaha. That was so awful, I can't believe I actually am leaving it in your review.
You've got a talent.
(And Like you, I love the second person in one shots when used appropriately and this WAS.)
Fin. Author's Response: OMG MEL IS SAYING THIS ABOUT MY STORY? Hehe. This review is absolutely amazing. I am on cloud nine with all these lovelies I received as part of that impromptu review comp last night. It's so amazing to see that you guys enjoy my writing. I'm glad you liked this piece, it has really grown on me. I'm always skeptical of my work at first, but I've decided I really like this one (for now, at least, heh). And pfft, you can be the jelly to my peanut butter anytime.
Thank you, love! Report Review
Zomg. So much zomgage. This was absolutely gorgeous. It was haunting, too - I just LOVE the character study in this. Just like with your other Lucy fic, the psychology is excellent. I am really blown away here. I like how you framed underlying thoughts in parenthesis like they were whispers in the back of her mind, trying to stretch out to her and taunting her with the truth. Lucy is happily deluding herself because with as many issues as they've got, when she's with him it's subliminal bliss. And it appears that I have forgotten what subliminal means. At any rate, I hope it means the plural of 'sublime' or something. ? Dude, I don't even know. The online thesaurus is about two clicks away but I refuse -
I thought this was wonderful. Your talent is just gah. The way you worded it, I could feel it all and it was like one long dream, that stream of consciousness. The pace was incredible (a talent I've never seen anyone master quite like you), and it felt like the whole thing was over in one breath. I was eager to keep reading. I probably would have gone on for 10k.
You are brill.
♥Author's Response: So much zomgage to this review! Heh, Gubby pointed out that I love to torture Lucy. She's just convenient for my sadism. :P Writing this was fun, because I was kind of messing with Lucy's mind as I wrote it, with all those parenthetical whispers in the back of her mind, as you say. It was admittedly enjoyable to instill those lingering doubts into her mind. Haha. And the way she tricks herself into believing that what they have is so perfect and amazing is just like, sdkjk. Why did I do this to you? But you know. Still enjoyable.
Awh, thank you. I'm glad you think that about my pace. :P I wish I could have had more of it for you to read, then. Haha. It is longer than it was originally supposed to be, actually, but I added a few more sections and I'm glad I did.
Thank you so much, hun. You are amazing. Report Review
Well, looky here. ;) (I stand by what I just said: typing winks is awkward. Very awkward.) Anyway because I am such a good friend and a fangirl of yours, I am here and ready to review!
I have also said this before, but I love how Lucy is in the process of becoming the next Weasley It Girl. She's never really gone that mainstream, as far as I know, but it's always nice to discover something before it gets popular (hipsterism of the day) and I think you've given Lucy a very real, very painful edge. (You kiiind of like torturing Lucy, don't you? Sadface for her, but happyface for me because you do it so well.) Lucy/Scorpius in particular is close to my heart, because of SA, so seeing this was sort of like my fanfic axis being realigned. Lucy and Scorpius in a self-destructive relationship? No! It cannot be!!!1!!~ (This is said in my best Maleficent voice, complete with the metamorphosis into a dragon). But it is, and it is so painful and sad and Scorpius. And second-person! I LOVE SECOND-PERSON, and it's not done enough. But Lucy. The poor thing.
ALSO THE ENDING. I said this when I first read it, but that ending killed me. Just -- inserteloquentkeyboardmash here. I can't. I can't even. That was the happy stroke of genius. Well, extraordinarily depressing stroke of genius. But genius is to be appreciated, and this was such a triumphant return.
Can't wait from more from you (because it will come. IT WILL.) ♥Author's Response: Words cannot express the honor that I feel at having a review by /the/ GUBBEH. ;) AWKWARD WINK.
Ahah, hipsterism of the day (h). Forrealz, though, I'm glad Lucy's getting more attention, too. And I mean, I don't /mean/ to be constantly messing with Lucy in my stories. I just /do/. (Also, am now reminded that I need to finish reading SA.) DRAGON METAMORPHOSIS, ROAR. I love second person, too! And it's fun to write. And yes, poor Lucy. Erica is a sadist.
Hehe, am feeling immense pride at having gotten this sort of reaction. I'm so pleased that you liked this, Gubby. I'm glad I've returned to writing and such. I missed it. And ofc I'm a genius. I'm Ericandela.
THANK YOU. ILY. Report Review
Obvi this was just amazing. I mean, obvi. You're amazing. I absolutely adore your characterization. I love the whole in-parentheses thing you had going on. Epithet was amazing. Loved the second person. :)
ashy.Author's Response: Baww, thank you hun! And also for reading this pre-posting; you are an absolute doll. ILY(: Report Review
I randomly stumbled upon this and was glad I did, because it was a lovely one-shot! I enjoyed it more than I anticipated I would, you're very talented :)
-NishaAuthor's Response: Aww, thanks. I'm glad you enjoyed it! I hadn't written anything in a long while, so it's nice to know my first attempt in awhile is well received. :) Report Review
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