Abusolutley 'Mazing!!Author's Response: thank you so much! Report Review
I need another update soon.Author's Response: Sorry...I've been putting this one off because of some of the reviews I got, but I'm rewriting chapter 2 and chapter three will be up soon, I promise! Thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
A lot of problems with structure the spaces between speech aren't coincident going from 2-3-4 during the chapter. Plus I felt like I spent more time scrolling than reading.
Also you seemed to take a unnecessary separation of a sentence:
Sure I replied, and walked in. I was instantly attracted to this gorgeous toga like dress that was draped over a mannequin. It was simply amazing, but upon a closer look, I
saw that it was pale pink, a color that would look awful on me.
It really seemed like you might have written this in half an hour and didn't re-read very well if at all.
On the upside the story is still interesting enough and we can definitely see the bitch in Ginny and foresee conflict between Harry and Ron for Hermione, You really need to take more time to read over your work, It could be really good but it needs more work.Author's Response: I realize the spacing issues, and i'm working on editing them.
I have reread my work, I just tend to submit, and then edit
I took a week to write this, thank you.
And.I am rewriting this
Thanks for your review, but I realize this and am fixing it. Report Review
Generally I love all your stories, but it's the same plot different scenario Hermione is cursed, sick or something, try thing of some other way to bring them together than through sickness or injury but that won't stop me reading. I still love the story just try something else next time maybe?
I alway notice something in your writing that I still don't understand how someone can use so little description and structure to the story and basically tell it all through spoken words rather than thoughts and still make a great story that is interesting to read.
At least with your stories they stick to the H/Hr relationship I hate when people establish it and then have Harry run back to Ginny or Hermione with Draco, Honestly you must be delusional to think Hermione would ever go out with Draco they are polar opposites, yeah yeah Opposites attract but their must be limits. (Sorry about that rant.)
Great story.Author's Response: can use so little description and structure to the story and basically tell it all through spoken words rather than thoughts and still make a great story that is interesting to read.
what is this supposed to mean?
Anyway, I have a little thing about making hermione sick, ill, cursed
please explain your criticism
you keep criticizing my work, but I don't understand what i can do to make it better.
I like it, but you seem to always write about Ginny being jealous of Hermione, and I think that happens enough in the books. It's cleverly written though.Author's Response: I'm sorry. It's one of my bad habits. Whenever I write fan fiction, I always either kill Hermione, or have Ginny be jealous of Hermione. I am trying to write one where Ginny is not jealous of Hermione, but its SO HARD!!! Thanks for your review, and I'm trying not to! Report Review
This is Really good, I really like it! This is an unusual story line, and very origional. I also really like your charactersation. I dont normally like using the characters that J.K.Rowling created and characterised herself, but i think you have done it Justice, please check out my stories, I have added more chapters, and new stories! Keep up the good work, I can wait to read more!Author's Response: Thanks! I'll check out yours. I got the idea from a story I read called the Kiss of Death. Thanks you so much! I'll update asap. Thanks! Report Review
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