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Reading Reviews for One Night
  
8 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Groundswell One Night

10th September 2011:
Wow. Just want to say I absolutely loved this!

Huge L/J shipper here, but this piece was so well done, and... well, I didn't mind it one bit. Also, the fact that you had two major things in this, making it not really about the pairing, but about Sirius and his departure, it kind of made it more 'acceptable' in lack of better words. Because it was just a thing happening, and that's it, nothing more to that. Very good.

A few 'mistakes' you made. In the very beginning, James is sloshing around a glass with firewhiskey. Two sentences later, it's rum. Just noticing. Also, if the guys are 16, then how come they apparat away from there?

The guys' way of talking is just perfect. It's not overdone, close to a bromance, as many does it, but a perfect friendship between them. I especially liked Sirius' comment about Bellatrix :P Also, their characters, as you portraited them, was perfect. Sirius and his reactions to his mother, James and his help to Sirius and his whole way of just being... Spot on.

Aww, and Sirius can be nice to houseelves, giving them pats on their heads - I liked that!

Wow, that was probably the world's best reaction to be seduced, it made me both cringe my toes, laugh and gasp. It had all these very different elements put together so perfectly. The little mention of Lily here was perfect, not overdone.

Your eye for detail is very good. You put in all these small things once in a while, not overdoing it and not getting into long rambles of a simple things. It keeps the reader there, attentive.

All in all, this was a really good one-shot. The only James/Narcissa I've ever read, but way better than many L/J I've read.

Author's Response: I'm also a huge L/J shipper (it's my favourite pairing of all), so this was interesting for me to write. I'm glad you enjoyed it, despite the couple of mistakes you found... I can't believe I didn't pick up on the fact that they shouldn't be able to apparate if they're 16. Yikes! Thanks for the lovely review and I'm sorry that it took me so long to reply. =)

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Review #2, by foreverfleur One Night

22nd August 2011:
I am a huge fan of the James/Narcissa pairing, one rarely explore--I think its such a unique and fascinating 'what if' scenario!

I would never have pinned Narcissa as a seductress. It was extremely refreshing to see your point of view! Keep up the good work!

Author's Response: Thank you for the lovely review! I'm glad that you enjoyed it. I have actually never read a James/Narcissa before, so I'm glad a fan of the pairing liked it. I thought Narcissa deserved to be something other than a doormat who did what everybody was told for once, so I'm glad you liked her portrayal. Thanks again! =)

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Review #3, by taylorj828 One Night

17th August 2011:
Hi there, this is taylorj828 with your requested review! Very interesting moment, or glimpse here into these characters' lives. I enjoyed reading it! First off, you had a great opening line! In fact, the whole first scene was a great opening scene, really well-described so I could see it all happening very clearly in my head. (o:

I thought it was very interesting to hear the boys talk about these characters that we know in such a different ways, in their future lives in the books. I've never read anything that gave us a point of view of the younger Narcissa, Lucius, or Bellatrix - at least not something that had a bit of depth, a view other than just pre-Death Eaters.

I really like how you've written Narcissa. For example, how she made that statement about the boys escaping the party, rather than asking a question. It's good characterization and I can imagine that would be how a young Narcissa would act.

Haha, she was seducing him! I love it! It intrigues me. And really, wow, I can't believe Sirius said that to his mum! I wondered if that was going to become the day that Sirius moved in with James. (o:

Well, hot kissing scene!! (o: And I really like how Narcissa was the one pursuing him! We see a low of sweet girls in fanfic who are pursued by the boys. It's nice to see a girl going after someone she wants. Just a nice twist to read. (o; Especially because it's James Potter, who could be arrogant and full of himself most times (so it seemed from the books), here, bested by a girl seducing him. I like it!

Nicely written, and very interesting! Well done!

Author's Response: Thanks for the nice long review! I'm glad you enjoyed it, especially the opening scene, since that is probably my favourite part of the story. I figured Sirius wouldn't have trouble mouthing off to his mum at the best of times, but especially not when he was drunk. I didn't even intend for this to be when Sirius moved out at first, but it just fit in with their argument so... there you have it. Haha, I love flustered James too! He can't always be arrogant and in control, after all. Thanks again!

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Review #4, by TheDoctor One Night

8th August 2011:
Hello! Astoria Viana here from the forums!

First off, love the pairing, I mean Lily/James forever but it really does fit that Narcissa and James wold have such an encounter. I think your plot line is realistic, since Sirius and James are best mates it fits that James would go with Sirius, even if he didn't want to.

I loved your characterization of Sirius, his cussing and all. Speaking of cuusig Ive read allot of stories were characters cuss and it seems like the words are just there for shock value. The placing of you're cusses was realistic and not annoying. I especially liked your line about Bellatrix being a 'real f*#$ing peack' I'm not sure why but I just love this line.

One thing I would suggest is a bit more detail about both setting and charcter actions. Such as when Narcissa or Sirius' mum first enter the room. It's not completely nescessary but it would be nice to have.

James' charcter was so great, his awkward reactions and his wishing that it were Lily rather than Narcissa. So cute and realistic.

Your ending was great too,what with Sirius about to go live with James. I also admit that I liked Sirius being kept in the dark about what happened with James and Narcissa. It added a sort of invisible humour in that the reader has a pretty good iea how Sirius would react if he found out. With the added benefit of Sirius being the one that recomended James 'get laid'.

Overall I hink you've done a really good job. You've made an odd ship believable. Again you might want to add a bit of detail but overall you've done a great job! Goodluck in the challenge!

~Astoria

Author's Response: Thanks for the lovely long review. =) I'm glad you didn't think the swearing was distracting or out of place. I hate when people (both real and fictional) just toss it in for no reason. I wasn't sure how much I should use those words at first but the more I thought about it, the more I thought that Sirius just seemed like one of those people who would swear when drunk. The line about Bellatrix was one of my favourites as well and I like how Sirius's comment ended up coming true, I'm glad you picked up on that "foreshadowing" (ha!). I'll try to add more detail in my next fic, for some reason it just didn't come easily in this one. I should probably go back and fix that once I'm finished writing my current story. Thanks again!

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Review #5, by academica One Night

5th August 2011:
Hey there! academica here with your review :)

DUDE... awesome pairing. You hit several of my markers for my preferred stories, so I was stoked to read this one.

This is a really original idea for a story, but it totally makes sense. I mean, if James and Sirius were such good friends, they would do unpleasant things like this for one another. We read all the time in fanfiction about James dragging Sirius into harebrained schemes designed to get Lily to fall in love with the former, but I like the reversal you've depicted here.

The humor in this piece was perfect. There were several times, like when the drink got onto the carpet and Sirius broke the vase, that I genuinely laughed out loud. You characterized James and Sirius perfectly, and you turned Narcissa into quite the little minx. I'm a little surprised James didn't protest more, considering how strongly he felt about Lily in this one, but at the same time, he is a teenage boy ;)

My one teeny critique is to remind you to proofread one more time before you post. I noticed a couple of instances where you typed words twice, like "carpet" and "seemed". Other than that, this was great. It was very well written and flowed just perfectly.

Thanks so much for requesting a review! I hope my comments are helpful, and I truly enjoyed reading your work. Please feel free to re-request for more of your stuff in the future :)

academica (Slytherin)

Author's Response: I wasn't sure if anybody was going to like the pairing, so I'm glad I found somebody who liked it. I'm glad you liked how James got dragged into the family get together by Sirius. I completely agree in that it always seems to be Sirius helping James out rather than vice versa. I also wasn't sure if I made James protest enough, but it had to happen and what 16-year-old boy who has been drinking not be at least a little tempted to give in to the hot older woman? haha I'll definitely fix the mistakes you pointed out. Thanks for taking the time to review my story (especially so quickly!).

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Review #6, by leannemariesnape One Night

5th August 2011:
This was a really interesting pairing, and you managed to ensure that it was still in canon, which I really enjoyed about this! I found it funny when you said Sirius had a tendency to swear when he'd been drinking- I thought that was a nice touch. Initially, I was a little confused by how old Sirius and James were, but further on in the story, you solved that issue. I noticed a few of the times that there was speaking involved, there were no speach marks, but a quick edit would sort that out, no problem.
I did also notice one grammar mistake: “Have you talked to Remus and Peter yet?” instead of talked, it should be spoken. However, as before, it's nothing that a quick edit woudn't solve!
I found it adorable how James wished he was with Lily, and I loved how awkward it was. It was his first time, after all!
I liked the very last line- There would be plenty of time to gross him out later. Which I thought was a good way to end the story. This is a nice little fic, and you made the pairing work well for you! Well done!
Leanne (leannemariesnape, Hufflepuff)

Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing so quickly! I'm glad you liked drunk Sirius and how awkward James was. I thought that between it being his first time and him being drunk it was only fitting that he was a little... out of it, should we say. I'm glad you also liked the ending line, it was one of my favourites. Thanks for pointing out the minor grammar issues, I'll definitely fix that. Thank you again!

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Review #7, by Bookworm045 One Night

5th August 2011:
Oooh, I like this very much! It was quite amusing, and you made Narcissa so wonderfully awesome and James is just so awkward and Sirius is completely oblivious, and I would love to see a sequel of James telling Sirius what went down. I'm still smiling because of it, and I'm really glad I read it. Seems like my entry's got quite the little competition, eh? I hope you win! It was wonderfully written and perfectly paced. :D Good luck(:

-Katherine045 (Slytherin!)

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it. I had a lot of fun with the three main characters. We never see Narcissa outside of Lucius's control except for at the very end of DH, so I had a lot of fun making her do something rebellious... I mean, hey, she had Andromeda for a sister and Sirius for a brother, she couldn't have been too straight laced. Aww, thanks. I've read yours and liked it too. Such interesting pairings we got!

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Review #8, by SpringSinger19 One Night

5th August 2011:
Great piece(: I loved it! Your imagery drew me in from the bat and you kept up quite consistently throughout the entire story. You kept pretty consistent to cannon as well which was a definite plus.

I loved the conversation between Sirius and James. It was believable, which I loved. Both were very in-character which was refreshing(:

I also liked how you characterized Narcissa. It seemed natural. I was a little surprised at how human you made her out to be at first but you showed me when she went all seductress on James.

I also liked James' hesitation because of Lily and the fact that he wasn't a ladies man. That was realistic. I hate it when Marauder Era stories make Sirius and James out to be total sluts. It just doesn't exactly work for me.

Great job! I love how this fit into Sirius' running away and living with James. I wish I could've seen his reaction to James' actions. That would've been a laugh!

Good job and thanks for entering(:

Author's Response: Thank you! I've been picturing the Marauders for years, since it's my favourite era but I must admit, I never pictured THIS one night stand haha. Narcissa was fun to write, since you never see her to anything big until the end of DH. I'm another one who didn't picture James or Sirius to be super slutty. Just because they were good looking doesn't mean they have to be jerks! Thanks for the challenge, it was a lot of fun to write!

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