I really don't have any suggestions for this, i'm sorry. Its really good, but I wouldn't be able to tell you where to take this. I also apologize for taking so long to review, and I know writers block is hard to deal with, but I know I wouldn't be able to do this story justice. Good Luck.
Dracolovergirl5000Author's Response: Okay, well, thanks anyway :) and that's okay, I was in no rush to get this review but thanks anyway :) Report Review
Back for the second review! :)
This chapter was pretty nice in the sense that it now establishes the setting and tone for the rest of the story. I thought that it was a bit fast-paced though (One minute she we find out her father'd died, then she's a waitress, then /not/ a waitress anymore, then living with George? My brain needs a bit more time to process all of that. xD), but maybe it's just me.
I really liked the part about George crying. (Hmm, is it mean to like it when people cry?)I just think that it's a great way to show his more sensative side, and it's nice to know that he still remembers and grieves after Fred. The line about giving others what he had lost was classic. :')
I think this was a nice continuation so far. Your story has potential, and I'm interested in seeing how it will develop. Feel free to re-request if you want! xD
~ Chocolate_FrogAuthor's Response: Thanks :) I might go back and edit this story later. Haha, I seem to like about people crying (is that mean?) and yay! I wrote a classic line! Thanks :) Report Review
Hello, this is Chocolate_Frog from the forums with your review! :)
First of all, I'd like to congratulate you on attempting something new: I've never read a Luna/George before! xD
Anyway, I think you have a nice start to your story so far. The inside workings of Luna's head have been fun to read about, and I'm looking forward to reading more about her, and George, too! :)
Oh, and before I go, one thing:
+ "George, there is nothing you could have done."
^ Gah, I don't know why, but this sentence really bothers me, I guess because the phrasing's a bit awkward. Maybe you should change it to something along the lines of "George, there isn't anything you could have done"?
I noticed a few other grammar errors too-- Maybe you should consider getting a beta? They help loads. ^^
~ Chocolate_FrogAuthor's Response: Hi! It was my first time writing an 'out there' ship but I loved it! I love Guna! And a beta? I might get one :) I've got two for my others stories and I think I might get one for this story, thanks :) Report Review
in the books, it never really showed Luna having strong emotions, so i really like that you did that here. i especially like the fact that Luna is amazing! haha great story!Author's Response: Thanks, glad you like it :D Report Review
Very good so far, looking forward to more.Author's Response: Glad you like it :) Chapter three will be up when I finish writing it Report Review
you have a very strong start to the story, and the plot is original and promising. I like how you ad depth without getting all OC (other character) and I look forward to more chapters! Great job so far!Author's Response: thanks :) I'm glad you like it and thanks for reading and reviewing Report Review
Um, a pretty good start. I feel horrible for George. Keep up the good work. ;)Author's Response: thanks and i know :( I feel so sorry for George, I wish that Fred hadn't died.
but thanks :) chapter 2 should be going into validation soon Report Review
Good start so far! This story has a very interesting premise - can't wait to see where you go with it. More soon!Author's Response: Thanks :) I'm glad you liked it. Chapter 2 is written and chapter 3 is a work in progress Report Review
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