Wow! This was amazing! I thought your story was very unique; at least I have never read anything from a dementor's point of view before. The descriptions and imagery are fantastic in their creepiness. Very well done indeed :D
I have nominated this story for the Halloween edition of Story Seekers over at HPPC. In case you haven't heard of it, HPPC is a sister site of HPFF that publishes HP fanfiction-related podcasts. And in Story Seekers, the panelists talk about stories that do not have many reviews yet and deserve more recognition. So if this story is picked, you may be getting more readers and reviews soon. Feel free to stop by and keep an ear out whether your story is picked for Story Seekers. Report Review
This was absolutely incredible. Just the way you wrote it made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I really got a sense for how creepy this entire thing is. The way you wrote it was amazing to say the least. The descriptions, the language, all of it really drove your point across. I really loved reading this, and it was a fantastic description of a dementor's kiss! The last line was so poingnant. It will definitely stay with me for a long time. If I have nightmares, I blame you :P Good luck with the challenge!
-NaidatheRavenclaw, Ravenclaw Report Review
Wow...that's the first word that comes to mind after reading this!! Your imagery and descriptions are just enchanting! In such a short piece of writing you have written from the perspective of a dementor and new character and I feel as if I know them as well as if this were the ending of a long story.
It's rare to see someone write in the perspective of a dementor and it's refreshing to see the take that you have put on it. The way that you've set up the story keeps the reader guessing what this creature is and how it is involved with the other characters.
I must say, some of my favorite lines were: "salted tears scatter the air like morning dew on green grass" to open the one-shot, and "the lethargy of emptiness tickles my tongue with pleasure"!!
Okay, so on to a few suggestions:
-Firstly, it will definitely help if you shorten the spaces between the paragraphs. It's distracting as you read, causes a lot more scrolling, and it ruins the effect of how captivating sentence after sentence is!
-I will say that I noted while I was reading that the phrase "diminishing light tastes flicker out", confused me a little, but in hindsight it made sense once I figured out that this character was a dementor.
-There was also a phrase where you said "feeding ever so slightly of the fear" and I think you meant to say "feeding ever so slightly 'off' the fear"??
-On another line you said that "All these little gifts were nothing the taste that was guiding me forwards", and I think you meant to say "nothing 'compared' to the taste that was guiding me forwards"??
-Also there was a place where you said "Nothing would get in the way of my and my lust for this taste" and here I think you meant to say "get in the way of me and my lust for this taste".
-The only place that truly stood out to me and caught my attention was where you said: "I was just stood there". Which isn't proper. So: "I just stood there" or "I was just standing there"? I don't know what you were intending to do with that phrase. :)
-There was also a place where you said "medative" but I think you meant "meditative".
I thought I would just point some things out for you since I saw that you were going to enter this for the Horror/Dark Challenge (which I must say that this will definitely be a strong competitor in the challenge for sure!!).
And Lastly I MUST say that the ending was PERFECT! I loved the last lines where you said: "I had never kissed someone before. And my first and last kiss was the Dementor's Kiss". Ahh it just made me so happy with what you wrote here. It just tied the two stories together perfectly!!
So overall you did a great job with this one-shot. I hope you do well in the challenge! I'm looking forward to reading more from you and if you ever need anymore reviews/constructive criticism just let me know!!
Happy Writing!! :)Author's Response: Wow, thank you for such a lovely long and complimentary review! :D
I'm really glad you enjoyed this one-shot and thanks for all the notes on my mistakes, I shall get to fixing them up now :)
If you liked this one-shot, I suggest you read my other one-shot: Unidentified Red Haired Witch (II). Thanks again! Report Review
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