I also entered that challenge! And I thought your story was wonderful! It is sad, and heartbreaking but I've discovered recently i love those kind of stories. It was very well written, and I loved the ending. It was sad, and it made sense, there where a few very minor grammar issues, but, considering the challenge it was very good. well done!^^
~LunarLuna of SlytherinAuthor's Response: Thank you for the review! :D Report Review
Happy Gryffindor Monday!!
That is truly a beautiful banner though I wonder who is the girl in the banner? The one with the dark hair. Wow that is truly a challenge editing nothing Iím not sure I would be able to do that to be honest with you. I was truly shocked though that he choose Victoire over Raven makes me wonder what was going on in his mind at that time. I really could feel the emotion in this little piece. Well done!
Cleopatra ( Slytherin)Author's Response: The girl with the dark hair is Raven.
Thanks for the review! :D Report Review
Oh, this is a really great piece of writing. I love romantic one shots like this, especially ones that involve lots of emotions. I haven't read your novel, but this was a great stand alone one shot. You introduced me to what was necessary of the characters to make the plot work, and the plot in itself was simple, but the way you wrote it made it really interesting.
The consciousness challenge sounds like a great idea! I think you did a wonderful job at it too! It sounds edited already, so if you do ever edit it, I'm sure it'd be even better. I liked the description and the emotion of Raven and Teddy. I would have liked to read more about Teddy's thoughts on Victoire, just to give it more depth, but otherwise, great writing, and a very good story!
- maskedmuggle, Ravenclaw :)Author's Response: It's not edited at all :P The point of the challenge was just to keep writing XD
Thanks for the review! ;D Report Review
This was a cute story, but very sad. It's upsetting that Ted still chose Victoire even though he only just cared for her. Although in those types of situations, someone always gets hurt.
Oh! And I did spot a spelling mistake in your story. You wrote:
Her arms wrapped around my waste and her lips gentle worked against mine as we kissed gently.
It should be waist, instead of waste.
I read your a/n and I know that you didn't edit anything, unless completely necessary. But I just wanted to point that out to you and even though you didn't really edit anything this was still very well written and amazing. I really enjoyed it(:Author's Response: It was for a Stream of Consciousness challenge, meaning I couldn't delete or edit anything at all :)
Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Okay, so maybe I've been a bit behind and haven't read this first...sorry about that. Anyway, I was reading this, worried about how this would affect the other story, when I read the AN and sighed with relief.
ANYWAY! I thought it was great, really. I think my favorite part is where she realized what Teddy means and Apparates away. How could he do that to her? You did an amazing job with the description there. I was shocked when he chose Vic over Raven after telling her he would never leave just moments before. It's great!
~LilyFire (Hufflepuff)Author's Response: Thannnks! :D
And no, it isn't connected to the novel, so no worries :D Report Review
I know Raven! You have requested in my review thread. I'm really glad of that. If you hadn't, I wouldn't have ever truly understood this one-shot. I can see it wasn't edited for the little mistakes between the lines, but it was a nice piece of work. Well, I'm a Teddy/Victoire shipper, but I do really like Raven as character. The idea was really good and, well, I can and still can't understand Teddy's choice. He made that choice to not break Victoire's heart, but he ended up breaking Raven's one. It is rather an irony...
PS: Talking about Temple of the Night... Why didn't you come to my reviews thread anymore? I'd love continuing reading the story. When you have the time, just go and snag a place. :DAuthor's Response: Oh, sorry! I tend to forget who I have and haven't requested reviews from, so I'll go request soon.
Thanks! Report Review
Hello! Another Taven fan right here! You converted me! Speaking of which, I havent looked at RB for ages... must go check it.
Anyways, you know I adore your writing, and this is no different. I cant believe your stream of consciousness is this organized. If I tried this, it'd be all over the place. It was really amazing.
I felt so bad for Raven while reading this! If this happens in your novel, I will honestly start crying. And I loved the switching PoVs. It made the story just that much better.
Lovely job, as usual! TAVEN FOREVER!
-NaidatheRavenclaw, RavenclawAuthor's Response: Haha GO TAVEN!
I'll have more Taven soon, I promise. Gonna work some more on ch. 7/8 tomorrow :D Report Review
Yay This is my third Next Generation story that I've read!
I must say I love Teddy. There is something about him that makes him my favourite Next Generation character. Raven also seems like an interesting character, pretty well rounded with passionate emotions (how she grabs her hair and takes her fist to her mouth when Teddy says he will marry Victoire) and it would be nice to learn more about her.
This was a very sweet one shot. It really made me wonder that happened seven years ago, when she said she broke his heart. I was surprised that he would refuse her, and continue his engagement - soon to be marriage. I didn't expect that and I loved the twist :D
House Cup 2011, End of an Era Review Extravaganza
Forum name: Debra20
House: GryffindorAuthor's Response: Heh.if you wanna know what happens 7 years ago, go read my novel. It's my pride and joy :D Especially if you love twists and cliffhangers and heartstring pullers.
Thanks for the review! :D Report Review
Hey there gryffie :)
I think the stream of consciousness is such an amazing idea! Editing nothing would be such a challenge for me! I change my mind every five seconds haha, so I'm impressed that you can do it! And it's very well written, I would never guess this was an unedited first draft!
I really felt for Raven, having the person you love most in the world break your heart must be the worst feeling. I was actually really surprised that he was willing to marry Victorie when he loved Raven more. But I guess when you make a promise to someone as important as marriage, it's not easily taken back.
I just hope everyone gets their happy ending someday! I'm really interested to read the novel about them now because I want to see what happens!
Ronsgirl29 (Gryffindor!)Author's Response: See, normally I would have editted it and given Teddy to Raven, made it longer, kept adding on. But somewhere in my mind said, "What if?" and I wrote it.
YES! Read the novel. Of course, there it's a constant WIP, but I'm getting there.
Thanks for the review! Report Review
This was very good for a stream of consciousness/off the top of your head kind of one-shot. The characters were well developed (although I'm sure you've had time to work with them in your novel) and you can just feel the tension, desire, and heartbrokenness of the characters as they each deal with their own personal pains so vividly. I could even feel for Victoire who isn't in the scene despite the situation.
I made a couple notes as I was reading the one shot, but at the time I had forgotten that this was a stream of consciousness challenge (whoops :P) until I was reminded at the end, so I know you didn't edit it. But I'll still point out a few things that I saw anyways, just in case, if you ever decide to brush it up one day :)
One thing that I saw was at certain points there were several repeated my's, me's, and I's in a row. This can definitely be contributed toward a stream of consciousness-type writing style, so that's definitely a comment you can just completely ignore haha.
One thing that did confuse me though was the mention of "Auxilry". I don't know if this character is in your novel or is just part of this one-shot, but it was never explained; so it kind of left me hanging and a little confused as to the significance of her being controlled and how it affected her.
I did like how you added at the end how she told him not to fall in love with her seven years ago, and in spite of that he did anyways. It leaves that bittersweet taste at the end of the story to make you feel compassionate for Raven's character, yet the others as well...leaving nobody as the "bad guy".
There were also a few random things that stuck out to me. One sentence was: "We have kissed before, but this kiss was like falling in love again". The tense was a little off. "Had" would fit better. There was also another place where you said: "Her arms wrapped around my waste and her lips gentle worked against mine as we kissed gently". First off you used the wrong waste/waist. Second, you used gentle twice in the same sentence so it was kind of repetitive. I would pick one and stick with it.
One of my favorite paragraphs was this one: "I love you." Raven usually carried a sort of dark persona around her person, but right now she was practically glowing. Happiness poured off her in leaps and bounds." This paragraph just exonerates her character and gives the reader a great idea of her wants and personality!!
Lastly, there was one sentence that said: "But I still care for Victoire, and she'd heartbroken" and I think you meant "she'd be heartbroken".
Yet again, most of these simple mistakes can be contributed to the fast-paced, off the top of your head typing that goes along with stream of consciousness, so it is absolutely nothing to be concerned about.
I loved this little one-shot. It was well put together and I had a good time reading it. Good luck on your challenge, I hope you do well! I look forward to reading other things you've written, and if you need any other reviews/constructive critcism, don't hesitate to ask! :)
Happy Writing!!Author's Response: Aw thanks! I'm glad someone took the time to read this! :D
"Auxilry" is the bad guy in my novel, and since this was a stream of consciousness writing piece, it got tossed in there. I normally would have editted it out but I decided not to. I probably won't edit this, but I will continue writing stories with these guys.
Thanks sooo much for reviewing! :D Report Review
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