I thought this was a really interesting one-shot! I wasn't quite sure what this was going to be about because your summary didn't give much away, but as I kept reading, I was finally able to piece everything together. I really love stories that have me a little confused in the beginning and then make me have that "oh!" moment, so I really did enjoy this :)
Your descriptions were all very nice and I liked the little things you added to each character to make them seem believable. The holes on Severus' neck was the one that really stood out to me and it was a small description, but I really thought it added a lot :)
I also thought that the fact that Severus came back as a child was really interesting. It was probably one of his more happier moments in his life being at that age (even though his family wasn't the best) but it made a lot of sense for him to come back at that age.
I loved the fact that James let Lily go and comfort Sev, too. I know it must have been hard for him to accept that she wanted to help him but it was a really nice thing to do for her because I think Lily needed it as much as Sev did.
Your ending really got to me and had me a little teary, actually. I thought when she said "Always," to him, it was the perfect send off and was a really sweet thing for her to do.
Anyways, I really liked this and thought you did an amazing job with it :)
-AmandaAuthor's Response: Thank you so much, Amanda! I'm so glad you liked the story. I didn't want to give too much away in the summary, but I'm happy that everything seemed to fall into place by the end.
I'm inclined to think the same thing -- that even with his family, Snape was probably happiest in those early years of knowing Lily. He didn't have a good childhood, but at least he had her for a little while.
I'm so glad you liked the bit with James. He wasn't really necessary to the plot, but I put him in there to show that just because Lily cares for Snape doesn't make her love James any less. And Harry was his son too -- letting Lily go to Snape without argument was James's way of saying thank you for what the man had done to protect Harry.
I love that this one word has become so integral to the pair. I just couldn't resist putting it in.
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. It was such a lovely surprise! Report Review
Here for review tag!
Wow. This was surely a very different and interesting one-shot. I absolutely loved the entire idea of Snape appearing as a child, and the way Lily was so compassionate throughout.
Your descriptions were beautiful, and I was really engrossed while reading. Your writing style was just amazing and the entire piece flowed smoothly.
I liked the queer feel that surrounded the story from the beginning itself. The part about the mirror somehow indicated to me that the entire story is in an unearthly setting. I also liked how I could guess the child to be Snape from when he was introduced even though you didn't mention it until later.
I think over all this was a very well-written piece. The plot idea is original, your characterisation is spot on, your choice of words is perfect, your descriptions are brilliant, and the emotions expressed are superb.
I am so glad I got a chance to read this story. I have been wanting to read something of yours for a while and its great that I managed to jump at the chance when I got it in the review tag thread =)
(AditiDraco95)Author's Response: Thanks, AD! I'm so happy you liked the story. I wrote this piece a while ago and know there are still some rough spots despite a few recent edits, but I'm really glad you enjoyed it.
I definitely wanted the mirror to give off a sort of otherworldly feel. I didn't want to come out and say what exactly was going, but I did want the reader to suspect early on that something wasn't quite as it seemed.
Wow, thank you for the lovely compliments. Even after all these years of writing, I still have to fight the urge to delete everything I post. Thanks so much for stopping by and leaving such a nice review! Report Review
Hey, this is from the review tag thread.
I do seem to be having issues with my reviews (one prior to this) and I'm not sure what is going wrong. I did make sure I hit 'submit' and I'm not sure what to do beyond that. Anyways, since I'm not sure where to actually respond to your note, I won't do it here incase that's wrong. But Sorry.
This story was more than fantastic. You managed to capture an air of surrealism that was perfect. The language and flow of the story fit so well with the characters that I felt like I couldn't quite breath while I was reading it. Superb.
Thanks for the chance to read it, super sorry about the review issue. I'm a bit flush with the thought that anyone thinks I'm trying to cheat. I'll wait five minutes for it show up in the stories reviews and repost in the thread that all is right?Author's Response: Hi, Ginger. Thanks for the review. I'm really glad you liked the story. Hopefully my PM was able to answer some of your questions about your review posting problem. If you continue to have issues with it, feel free to let me know. Thanks again for the review. Report Review
Oh wow! This was such a beautiful story! I actually read it twice in a row, just to let everything sink.
I really like your writing. The descriptions were spot-on perfect and everything flowed in a very enchanting way. It was so beautiful and sad. My favourite part of it has to be the characters. I enjoyed very much to see all those little details you gave us that made them so canon.
I loved your Lily! She was everything I'd picture her to be in a similar situation. It's really heartbreaking to think how their friendship ended, and I think she would've done something like this to help him move on.
I don't know when I figured out that the small boy was Sev. I guess I knew all along as I read everything in the summary properly before clicking this story open, but I think it was really nice how you still left it unclear.
Oh, and I think you chose his age perfectly. Severus never had a cheerful or easy life, but I think that was the time when he was the happiest. He had high expectations of his life and he thought anything was possible.
The bite marks on his neck were a perfect addition and the ending made me want to cry. Such a beautiful thought to make her say 'Always' to him.
But come on! Rushed and contrived? I didn't think that way at all! Sure, you could've made the ending longer, but I think it worked really well the way it was. As did the plot. I think it was clever and very thoughtful. Definitely one of the best afterlife stories I have read on this site! So do not doubt your skills at all ^^
Overall, I think this was an amazing one-shot. I definitely need to check your other stories too, since this was so brilliant! So thank you for the reading experience, and also, thank you for all your work in the House Cup!
~EleniaAuthor's Response: Thank you so much, Elenia. What an unexpected treat to get such a lovely review. I'm so glad you enjoyed the story. I felt the same way about Snape; his childhood was far from ideal but I think those moments with Lily were still the happiest times of his life and he would "retreat" there after death. And if Lily were to somehow know all Snape went on to do to help Harry and why, I think she'd be more than happy to help him "move on."
I'm afraid I'll always doubt my writing abilities but I really appreciate all the kind words of encouragement. I hope you enjoyed the House Cup this year. They're always such fun to plan. Thank you again. Report Review
Hi it's potterweasleygranger from the review battle!
Wow this is a really beautiful one-shot, that you wrote incredibly well, putting in lots of emotion and description.
I'm kind of speechless right now (or whatever you call it when you can't think of what to write because you have just read an amazing story) so I'm finding it hard to write a constructive review :) so sorry about that!
10/10Author's Response: Thank you so much. I'm really glad you liked it. Report Review
Extremely lovely. Whatever time elapse you had on writing doesnít really show in this short but emotional piece. Truly, the descriptions and the actions and the words all flowed very smoothly and effectively. I didnít have to think about the words I was reading because it really was just a story, a moment out of time that I was reading about. It was beautiful.
I think I first knew it was Sev when you described him as very pale as he was digging the hole. Having him appear as a child seems very apt to me as he was probably happiest in his miserable little life when he and Lily were really close without Hogwarts and James, the Marauders or Voldemort. Lilyís compassion was clearly evident throughout the whole one-shot. I actually did have to go back and read the beginning part a little to really let that part sink into me.
Basically, I really liked this story. Any story that allows closure for either Lily or Sev is good for me! :)
xCharAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for your kind review. I feel the same way about Lily/Snape stories. Any closure is good closure. I pictured him as a child for the exact reason you said. His childhood may not have been a happy one, but I imagined his time with Lily before Hogwarts were some of his best days. Thank you again for the R&R. It brightened my day :) Report Review
Hm a very different one-shot but strangely I like it.
Some of it can be a little confusing with Lily starting off at first with James and I do wonder who the little boy is because he's on his own, he's scared and frustrated and I thought it was going to be a story about something completely different as when Lily was getting ready I thought it was going to relate to maybe her wedding or something but I am glad it didnt as it made the story different.
I liked the story summary though about how she helps him say good bye because in a way she does. She comforts him and tells him everything will be okay which is probably what Snape needed in his younger years. You also made his language very child like and believable which enhanced the quality of this story even more because he actually sounded like a 10 year old boy.
Calling Lily a 'mudblood' though was a shock as throughout his younger years he seemed to be quite accepting towards Lily and even in this piece he recognised who she was which made it a little more heart breaking but it flowed really well and the ending just had the cute factor that most authors strive for!
Well done on this I really enjoyed it.
SHPFFO!Author's Response: Thank you for the review. I'm glad you liked the story even if some of it was a little confusing. I thought, when I wrote it, that it would be obvious by the end that it's an afterlife story but I'm rethinking that after a few recent reviews. Thanks again for reading and reviewing (and SHPFFO-ing). Report Review
I want to give Snape a hug.
Its so sad, but so beautiful. I really, really liked this.
I didn't realise this was the afterlife for a bit, but the description of the place was so perfect, I felt like I was there. I've got a very clear picture in my head of everything you described- you are amazingly talented!
You should have won that challenge :D
-SHPFFOAuthor's Response: Awww, thank you. Snape could have used a hug, I'm sure :) Report Review
So...he's a vampire? And she is too? That is interesting...And this story is really amazing too. I liked it alot. (Wow, that really.got.the statement across). It was wonderfully written, the words, images, everything flowing together so beautifully...And the concept was amazing. I kept trying to figure out who the little boy was, but I guess he's no one we've met before. I know its just a oneshot, but I would love to see more of it.Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review. They aren't actually vampires, though I like that idea. It's meant to be an afterlife story. The little boy is Snape right after his death, with Lily being there to help him "move on." The fang marks on his neck are meant to be from Nagini. I'm glad you liked it either way. Report Review
What a brilliant story of Lily and Severus in the afterlife! I was drawn in straight from the first line and I had to keep reading.
I think you wrote Snape really well. You adapted his adult personality and characteristics cleverly so that they suited his ten year old self. His acceptance of his death was prompt and he didn't make a fuss. Exactly what I'd expect from him.
I've got to admit, I didn't realise it was the afterlife until about half way through. You built that up with the descriptions and imagery; it sort of just crept up on me.
I wouldn't have really noticed the ending being a bit rushed if you hadn't mentioned it, but when I read it again I can see where you might be able to add a little more if you wanted to. You've written a beautiful story here for someone who's not written anything in a year. :)
orderofthephoenix (Ravenclaw)Author's Response: Thank you so much, Sophia. This is such a nice review. I can't say I love the way this piece turned out but it did work to get me writing again so I can't fault it there. And I am really glad to hear you thought Snape was adapted well and that the setting was subtly introduced. Thanks again for the review. I really appreciate it. Report Review
Awww, I loved this. I never read a sweeter reconciliation between Lily and Severus in the afterlife. I'm so glad you did it this way, showing Severus as a child, letting him act on his anger the way a child would. It makes so much sense this way. Finally, his existence can be simple. I didn't think it was rushed at the end. I'm sure you could have written more, but what I'm trying to say is that it would be very well in Severus' character to just accept the reality of his situation and move on once he realizes where he is and what he's supposed to do. I don't see him lingering. Not after all he's been through, and certainly not at the age you've put him. Great piece!
pixileanin (Gryffindor)Author's Response: Thank you, Pixileanin. I appreciate the kind words. It's nice to hear the ending wasn't too abrupt. I agree he would be ready by then to just let go. He deserves it. Thanks for taking the time to read and review! Report Review
Okay, that was awesome! I was hooked as soon as I read that first line, and I couldn't stop reading.
The characters were written wonderfully, and I just loved your descriptions. The ending did seem a bit rushed, but I got into the story so much that I didn't even notice until I re-read it.
I really don't know what else to say, except that you did a great job with this!
(Hufflepuff)Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm really glad you liked it :) Report Review
For not having written anything in a year, this story was beautiful. Seriously, breathtaking. I loved the appearance of the snake bites on young-Snape's neck, by the way. It made a very striking comparison to Voldemort's eyes, like a previous reviewer said. Lovely, sad, but powerful piece.
Nisha/faerieall (Ravenclaw)Author's Response: Thank you, faerieall. I really appreciate the kind words. I wasn't sure if the bit with the bites was too self-indulgent. I'm glad you thought it went over well. Thanks so much for taking the time to review. Report Review
Well, the ending was a bit rushed, but I think if you hadn't pointed it out in an a/n I wouldn't have really noticed it. I do think it's much better than you maybe think it is - solid win for sure, and not just for the mere fact of having been written. It's good writing, homegirl. The Lily/James at the beginning, the child-Snape and his realization of his death, I think you wrote them extremely well - not contrived at all, actually, even if the subject matter has been handled by a lot of other authors. Yours is definitely one of the best I've read of this type of story. The description is excellent, and the emotions are well-done so they're present for the reader but not in-your-face if that makes sense. It's got a very modern-literature sort of feel to it, which I like about it. I'm glad you're writing again!
WTM - RavenclawAuthor's Response: Thank you so much, WTM. I'm a self-loather when it comes to writing so hearing stuff like this from someone whose writing I really admire makes me want to delete my stories just a little bit less. Oh, and I'm glad I can help my readers find the flaws in the story all that much easier. I'll need to remember that before I say things like that in my next a/n :P Report Review
Hi there! Oh I know exactly how you feel.. I haven't wrote anything for more than a year now, and it's always hard to make a comeback. Anyway, back to the point!
I absolutely love it! I'm impressed with the way you describe things. It's like you're really get pulled into the story. The way you wrote Lily was simply beautiful, and of course Snape, perfectly done! He's one of my favourite characters, and you wrote him so vulnerable and realistic.
Please do continue writing, because you're obviously very talented! Well done.
x IndianSummerAuthor's Response: Thank you so much, IndianSummer. It it hard to get in the groove again but I'm really glad you liked it. I'd never written Lily before so it was certainly something new. Thanks so much for the comments. I really do appreciate them a lot! Report Review
This totally blew me away. It's a shame that you had a year-long hiatus because you're clearly very talented (though I'm secretly glad you chickened out of Figment; I wouldn't have had a fighting chance against this masterpiece!).
I love Snape. So, so much. My heart physically ached and sort of retreated into the back of my chest, looking for cover, when I read this, much like it did when I read "The Prince's Tale" for the first time and then saw it on film. I just feel endless pity for him, for everything he went through in life. I'm so glad you decided to write a piece that gave him just a little bit of reprieve by allowing Lily to return to him, even if no romantic feelings were exchanged. I felt warmer inside just knowing that she was there to comfort him.
Your descriptions, while simple, were perfectly beautiful and meaningful. I love the comparison of the snakebite wounds to Voldemort's eyes. I thought your characterization of all three characters was very well executed. Snape was just as tormented, Lily as sympathetic, and James as protective as I've always imagined them to be.
I hope you don't mind if I post this under Story Recommendations as well as favoriting it. You should consider getting it bannered at some point so it gets the attention it deserves. I'll have to see what else lurks on your author page.
academicaAuthor's Response: Thank you so much, academica. Your kinds words are really, really appreciated. I love Snape too. His story is just so compelling it's hard to resist. I'm flattered that you think this is worth recommending and I've already put in a banner request. Thank you again for the R&R. You really made my day.
I saw your status and thought, silly silly delete. I must see what this is!
I like the subtle way you built it up. I didn't realize it was the afterlife at first, but the imagery added up (of the what's done is done and the serene dreaminess and Snape being a child). It makes so much sense that he would arrive as a child, not an adult like I usually see, so this is a fresh spin. It's his happiest days before he had anything to regret.
I love how you wrote his dialogue. I could really feel Snape. I didn't appreciate it fully at first because I read it straight through, but then I realized how much it was really Snape for me, as a child and also as someone with so many regrets (when he begins with the apologies, I wanted to hug the poor thing so much D:). I wonder if he'd ever want to be his older self again.
Don't delete! I love these Snape-afterlife stories, and you write it so well! ♥Author's Response: Thank you so very much! I've always got my eye on that delete button but kind words always help stem the tide. I'm glad you thought it had a little something fresh in it. I know the plot is hardly new but I couldn't help taking a stab at it nonetheless. Thanks again for the encouragement! Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection