Hey doll face:D I was creeping around, looking for the victim of my next random review, and you were picked!
First off, this piece is beautiful.You really showed your passion, talent, and ability as a writer with it!
I was really impressed by your style, it never fails to amaze me. The way you write...it's so fantastic, that it's so much more then writing.if that makes sense? The imagery you create is so beautiful. It's heartbreaking how well you can write.
Wow, that sounds dramatic, but you're writing is truly that completely awing. I'm completely dumbstruck at how great this was.
You really know how to write, you really...toss the reader into your pieces, that never fails to flabbergast me.
Excellent job! It was truly a delightful read!
EverAuthor's Response: OMG. Um, dying. THANK YOU. I totally didn't even see this until now which makes me feel like a total idiot, but I'm on cloud 9 right now. You're going to be my new best friend, okay? :P
I honestly don't even know how to respond to this, and that's a good thing. Your compliments have touched me in a way reviews seldom can. Yes, every review makes me feel special and loved, but this...this is something different. I've never ever received such amazing compliments. I'm close to tears right now, no joke. Thank you so so much. ♥
I can never hope to do this review justice in a response. To make a reader feel something real, to make a reader feel like this, is the ultimate goal of a writer. I can't even begin to tell you what this means to me. It's like everything I've ever wanted to accomplish in my writing. All I can say is thank you. You've given me so much in this review, so many reasons to never stop writing, and for that, I thank you a million times.
You've touched me. Just, thank you.
-Naida Report Review
The Christmas Fairy strikes again! And so did Naida, because this is another winner.
I'm not usually a fan of angst, but I thought this was beautifully written. I loved the way you explored Narcissa's relationship with Bellatrix. Your choice of flashbacks was touching, and you painted her downfall in a very interesting way. Seeing it through Narcissa's eyes, and the effect it had on her was fascinating. It served to highlight the differences between them, and I thought it was terrific.
I don't have much in the way of criticism for this - just a couple of little Brit-picking items (could that be a clue? Hmmm?) - You should say 'wardrobe' rather then 'closet', and 'You're joking!' rather than 'Are you kidding me?'. But that aside, I thought this was wonderful.Author's Response: The Christmas fairy is my new favorite person in the world :wub: You, my dear Christmas fairy, have officially made my entire December. Who needs Santa when I have a CHRISTMAS FAIRY.
I love angst xD I think that's all I can write, actually. But I'm glad you liked the way it was written. I also abuse flashbacks, but y'know, we all have something :P I'm glad you liked them though -heart- AND YES, I WANTED TO HIGHLIGHT THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THEM. YOU'RE THE FIRST PERSON WHO'S PICKED UP ON THAT. I LOVE YOU EVEN MORE.
*cough* I mean, thank you. Am I going crazy? Your reviews are just too sweet!
Brit-picking is great, me being an American. I try and pick up on most Americanisms, but thanks for pointing those out :) I will fix them and add them to my list for future stories.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
-Naida Report Review
I love this! Good job, I feel as if I am Narcissa, or even Bellatrix, the way you address her :)
So good, i will add to Favs!Author's Response: Awww, thanks you!! :D I love getting reviews like this, and this one in particular made me incredible happy! THANKS!
-Naida Report Review
This was amazing! It was really well written and very unique, I've never read about a Death Eater's death before, so this was really interesting. I loved the characterization of Narcissa and Bellatrix, and the way you incorporated the word black into the story so often was very effective. Everything flowed really well, and I particularly loved the flashback to when they were young childeren. Overall, this was brilliant - 10/10. =DAuthor's Response: Thank you, hun! I'm so glad you liked the characterzation, and I think the flashback was my favorite part too. Thanks!
-Naida Report Review
A very original story! Loved that it showed Narcissa's memories and feelings on Bellatrix. I do think you seemed to paint Narcissa more innocent and nice than she actually is, but your Bellatrix is fully believable. Would love to see this turned into a short story, making each chapter a flashback of the Black sisters' childhood and school memories. I also really liked how symbolic the colour black became in your story, that was done masterfully. I noticed one spelling error "laugher" is missing a "t". Another interesting and awesome story!Author's Response: Hello again! Is it bad that I think its a good thing that you thought Cissy was too innocent...? Since I was writing it from her perspective, I did want to make her seem "right" since she doesn't think she's as horrible as the rest of us do, and also to sharply contrast her and Bella. But if you think it's a bit too OOC, I should definitely look into that a bit :) The idea of a short story is great, actually! Maybe if I didn't have so much to already write xD And the sybolism of Black is something I really wanted to get across, so I'm glad that worked. And thanks again for spotting the typo! (I really need to work on that >. Report Review
Wow! Excellent job! So sad, really as she thinks back through the years as young sisters.
I LOVED your play on the color black and how her headstone was black... everything black. So well done!
I think my favorite part is when she wished they had never grown up. It was an 'awe' moment for me.
I remember watching my grandmother grieve for her sister. I wonder if she was thinking the same thing... that she wished they'd never grown up. ;(
Really, truly... a job well done.
Dark WhisperAuthor's Response: Wow, thanks so much! I've never lost a sister (thank goodness, as I only have one :P) but I really had to put myself in her place to get the emotions, so I'm so glad they came through well. Your review was so nice, thank you!!
-Naida Report Review
Sorry it took me so long to get onto reviewing the challenge entries.
This absolutely and utterly gave me chills. I can relate to losing a sibling and I think that you did a beautiful piece representing Narcissa's loss and the way that she is feeling about it. I liked the way that you brought the memories into the piece and showed her coming to an understanding at the end that life would go on whether or not she was there. My favourite part had to be when Narcissa finally said the words aloud. It made sense that she would need to hear it.
I thought that this flowed really well and it did a good job of having something to do with the Carrie Underwood song you got.
Miles ^^Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm so glad that you liked it! It was really important to me to make Cissy's emotions seem realistic, so I'm glad that it came through well. Having never lost a sibling myself, I had to do a lot of the "what if", so it's nice to hear that the emotions came through. Thanks again! Report Review
First, sorry I'm not logged in. It keeps kicking me when I try to leave this logged in. Second, the review.
I think this was brilliantly crafted. I love the way you have Bella as a young child, taking care of her sister, and the two of them being close. Your depiction of Narcissa was amazing. Her grief over her sister was very believable and I think how you handled her reaction to everything was wonderful.
~LilyAuthor's Response: No problem!
Thank you for the compliments *blush* They mean the world to me! Report Review
This was a wonderful one-shot. I fully agree that most death story are either of people of the "good" side or seen from their eyes (therefore making it a glorious thing that a bad person died). With this piece, you managed something more; something I have rarely seen before : you made Bellatrix Black a likable human being.
I found your take on little Bellatrix is an absolutly fresh idea and I love it. All children are born good aren't they? You pushed this just far enough to make her a nice and lovable child that was completly believable. I really like the idea that she was once a happy and carefree child but that she took a wrong turn at some point and, like you poetically explained it, got blacker until there was no more light in her.
The idea to have this from Narcissa's point of view, from one of the rare person that might have really loved her, is excellent. To have it from a second person point of view gave your story a closer, more personal feel that I really enjoyed. You managed to have Narcissa's feelings pass trough your words and straight into my heart.
One small detail kind made me frown a bit though. I highly doubt the Black family would go to a chuch along with muggles. Going to a church is kind of a strange idea from this family in the first place but for them to actually volontarily go sit with and listen to muggles was hard for me to imagine. This is, however the only thing that bothered me out of this beautiful piece. I'm extremly happy I got the chance to read it and congratulate you on a wonderful and clean story!
Akussa (Gryffindor)Author's Response: Wow, thanks so much for this review!
I have acheived my goal. I really wanted to portray Bella in a different light, and that came through, which makes me so happy! Thank you!
I think Bella's been overlooked a lot. People seem to assume that she's always been horrible. I wanted to do something different, and it really means a lot to me that you liked it!
As for the church: While I understand what you're saying, I think that it wouldn't be possible for the Blacks to avoid Muggles completely. Even Sirius/Regulus didn't live in a Magical community. But I have gotten a lot of reviews disliking that, so I will definitely take it into consideration for change :)
Thank you again! This was fantastic! Report Review
Happy Ravenclaw Wednesday!
This was so incredible good. Your characterizations of Bellatrix and Narcissa were great. I loved reading about them when they were younger I liked the fact you didnít make Bellatrix evil from the beginning and that she was capable of love. You wrote Narcissaís emotions very well I could feel the turmoil she was in and it was also extremely realistic . The only complaint I have is that I didnít think it was realistic they would go to a muggle church. Well done!
-Cleopatra ( Slytherin)Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm so glad you liked this! I really wanted to show Bella's progression into evil, so I'm glad that came through!
As for the Muggle church, I completely respect what you're saying, but I disagree. As not even the Sirius/Regulus Blacks lived in an entirely magical area, I don't think it would be possible for them to avoid Muggles entirely. But I do understand what you're saying, and completely respect it :)
Thanls again for the lovely review!
-Naida Report Review
this was so good!!! I loved it in the beginning where narcissa said she once thought bellatrix could love. I love all of the memories. and it's really well written. I absolutely love it! the descriptions throughout it are amazing, and comparing Bella to the color black about how she is good and bad is awesome. I would also appreciate it if you read one of my stories but again I mainly wanted ti say how great this story is.Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm so glad you liked it! :D Report Review
Naida, this is such a beautiful one-shot! I experienced a lot of emotions while reading this, too many emotions to explain in this review, but this is definitely a story to favourite.
You managed to get into Narcissa's head very well when you wrote this. She had, still has, the love for her older sister, despite everything that Bellatrix has turned into. The black metaphors are very fitting and well thought of.
Even with the numerous flashbacks in this story, it still flows. And those flashbacks provided a lot of insight into Narcissa and Bellatrix's childhood. It's rare to find a story that delves so deep into their relationship and even rarer to find a great one as yours.
I realise that this has basically been a squee review but I can't find anything to criticise. Not even a typo! :P Keep writing! I'm definitely going to be reading more of your work. :D
orderofthephoenix (Ravenclaw)Author's Response: Sophia-
You are too sweet! Really. Thank you so much for the review. I can feel the heat in my cheeks right now, and I'm grinning stupidly. This review really brightened my day! I'm so glad that everything came through in this. Thanks again! *hugs*
-Naida Report Review
This was really interesting and unique. I'm glad I found it. I don't think I had ever read a post-war Narcissa story, and I know I've never read a story where Bellatrix was characterized so normally as a child. Usually, she is the crazy, cruel, violent, post-Azkaban Bellatrix, but to a lesser extent. It's nice to see her as a regular child, which I think she probably was, at least mostly.
I think I got so swept up in the excitement of Molly killing Bellatrix that I never stopped to think how it would effect the people who loved her, or ever really considered that there were people left who had loved her. It's got to be a really tough time for Narcissa. How do you mourn someone the world has written off as evil? How do you mourn the sister who you really lost years ago?
You did a great job with this. The emotion was really raw and real. Thanks for writing.
(Ravenclaw)Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review. I got the challenge, and my thoughts immediately went to death. I very nearly wrote about Fred or Remus, but I realized that Bella is over looked a lot, and that the Dark Side in general is. So I decided to write about her. I'm so glad you think I got her character right, because it was a tough one for me to write! Thanks again for the review!-Naida Report Review
This was fantastic!
I loved seeing how Bellatrix 'progressed' through the piece from a young, innocent, carefree girl to the ruthless murderer she was in the ending moments of her life.
The constant theme of darkness and black was done amazingly and because of the blackness tying in with the family name, it made it all the better.
Narcissa's characterisation seemed to me, spot on. It's exactly how I imagined Narcissa, innocent and accepting of everything her sister done, until she realised what was actually going on. Narcissa's excitement over her marriage to Lucius was something I really liked, how she relished the thought of being married to a handsome, powerful man. Also, her thoughts of her son, were great.
Apart from a few grammar errors, this really was fantastic. It was well written, it flowed well and the flashbacks were amazing!
coley - ravenclawAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! I'm so glad you liked Cissy's characterization. I was worried while writing it. Everything you mentioned was everything I wanted to accomplish in this, so thanks so much for it! Report Review
I really enjoyed your insight into Bellatrix. Its really interesting to think of bellatrix as a child - I really love the way you pick things that I'd never have thought about before and make them into really interesting stories.
I also love the whole use of Black, and the 'you were black, but I loved you' line. That was really intense.
Basically, I enjoyed it throughly :)Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad I find things that you've never thought about. There are so many, for example, Sirius/OC stories (though TAOB is the best of them all :D), that I dont really want to compete with the amazing authors that write them, like you. If I wrote a Sirius/OC, I'd feel like I was betraying Mary xD So I stick to this unusal ideas, but I'm glad they work! Thanks again for all the compliments and the review!
P.S. Don't forget to add Ravenclaw at the end of your reviews so we can win points :D Report Review
I havenít ever read a story from Narcissaís point of view so this is new for me!
I find it interesting memories are in present tense. Itís not bad or distracting, just interesting. Seriously :)
Itís funny to think of Bellatrix as a child and loving someone. I can fully see and agree with Narcissaís viewpoint that it was the 3 Deadly Sins that did her in in the end. Though I should point out that I found it extremely odd that three Black girls went to a Muggle church for Christmas. Wouldnít that be blasphemous in the eyes of their family beliefs?
Did you mean to not have the memories in the end italicized like the other memories? Just wondering.
I loved the conflicting emotions in this one-shot. Being a sister and knowing how close that bond is, I actually can imagine being conflicted with someone I loved that much. I feel you got it right, that Narcissa would continue to love her sister despite what she had become as she does have whatever childhood memories from the past to compare to the horrors of the present.
Your descriptions were lovely and really set the pace for putting the reader in the story. This was very bittersweet but almost like a closure for me on Bellatrix (the canon Bellatrixóbecause there is so much I could do with her in AU) :)
charlottetrips [Ravenclaw]Author's Response: Thank you for the excellent review! As Narcissa was almost literally reliving the memory, I wanted to have it in present tense. And no, at the end, they weren't meant to be italicized because Cissy herself didnt realize she was reliving a memory right away. And as for the church, I figured that if there are that few entirely magical settlements, they would probably be forced to go to a Church with some Muggles as well. The Blacks (Sirius, Regulus), did live around Muggles, though. I'm so glad the emotions came through in this! I was constantly thinking of my sister as I wrote it, so I'm glad it seemed real. Thanks again for the incredible review!
-Naida Report Review
This was fantastic! Your characterizations of Bellatrix and Narcissa were great - Cissy who adored her big sister and Bellatrix who was beautiful before the madness took her and the Dementers got to her.
The imagery you created with your words was wonderful! I could picture everything in my mind as I read it, which I love. You wrote Cissy's emotions very well. Her adoration for a younger Bella and later, the pent up sadness and anger bursting out of her like a dam. In the end, she still loved her sister despite her madness, which I thought was a nice touch.
I liked how you tied in them going to church as children and learning about the Seven Deadly Sins and going back to the sins that consumed Bellatrix, eventually killing her.
The repetition of the word 'black' really brings the whole point of the story across. The blackness of her soul, of her gravestone, of her last name.
I like how you contrast Cissy to Bella. Not only noting the differences in their hair color (light vs dark) but their relationships, how they approached their familial duties to the Dark Lord. Cissy starting off the story in a black dress and her first flashback being a bright yellow dress - again that contrast between light and dark (a happier time versus a more darker time).
There were a few grammatical errors I picked up on but I'm not going to point them out. If you want me to compile a list, just shoot me a PM and I'll go through it again and let you know what I saw.
But yeah, great job with this, and good luck with the challenge!Author's Response: Thank you so much for the incredible review! Wow, I'm in awe at all these compliments. I dont exactly deserve them, especially coming from you, but thank you so much anyway! You know what I find funny though? Some of the things you mentioned weren't even intentional. Like the contrasting of dresses. I guess I did things subconsciously XD Either way, I'm glad it worked! Thanks again for the FABULOUS review! Report Review
This was so beautiful!
Your characterization of both Narcissa and Bellatrix was fantastic. You described Bellatrix beautifully in her slow descent into depravity and madness, and I loved the line about how her sins had really been the death of her. Narcissa seemed so innocent compared to her sister's blackness, which is the way I've always pictured her. Her devotion to Bellatrix was so very touching, and very multi-dimensional. She wasn't blindly in awe of her sister in that she hated Bella's crimes like everyone else. At the same time, however, she mourned for the little girl who would never again walk at her side.
Very well done. Good luck with the challenge! :)
academicaAuthor's Response: You don't even know how delighted I am to find a review on this already! THANK YOU SO MUCH! And the review was so amazing. This was honestly something I put together in a few hours, so I wasnt expecting to get such an excellent response. Thankyouthankyouthankyou! ily!
-Naida Report Review
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