It's Roots in Water here with your review!
I think that this was a very cute idea for a story! The relationships between the characters was well done and very much in canon. I liked how you used Ginny's good news to remind Hermione about why she would want to revive her relationship with Ron and how you used the cheesecake to spark Hermione's interest.
However, I was a little uncertain about some of their actions. I don't know what the exact timeframe of the story is but it seemed to me that they had all graduated from Hogwarts and had moved into the adult phase of ther life (based on the mentions of living together and the fact that Harry proposed to Ginny). Based on my estimation of their age, it seemed to be that some of Hermione and Ginny's actions were a little immature for them. I can't imagine Ginny giggling - I doubt she would do such a "girly" thing after being raised with six brothers- nor can I imagine Hermione shoving Ginny back onto a bed. I think that if you could find a slightly different way to portray their excitement it would work out better (i.e. Hermione grabbed Ginny's hands and pulled her to the kitchen table).
However, Hermione's forward actions in getting herself back together with Ron were very much in-character - I can't imagine her just sitting by when she could do something to fix the situation and that's definitely not what you had her do. As well, the way you phrased Ginny's comment about Ron being a romantic softy was nicely done since it gave the impression that Ginny had found yet another thing to tease her brother about.
As well, I think that you had a great sequence of events. Your beginning allowed the readers to see that Hermione was already regretting her breakup with Ron and that she only needed a push in the right direction to get back together with him. However, at times it felt as though you were rushing through the actions as though it was a simple step-by-step process. I would try to describe the characters' thoughts and feelings even more, especially as to how they relate to their actions. For instance, when Hermione is looking through the photo album you could elaborate on some of her memories, especially the cheesecake memory since that is such a vital part of your story.
All in all, I think that you have a great idea for a story- it could just be expanded upon a little more. I enjoyed reading it. Thanks for requesting a review and I hope that my comments are helpful!Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! I'm glad that you liked my story and I'd never even thought about some of the things you mentioned. I'll try to fix the parts that you pointed out, because now that I think about it, I've realised that it was OOC. Your advice is all really helpful and I'll work on making my story more detailed. Thanks again for reviewing! :) Report Review
Aww this was so cute! Like seriously. I like how difinitive Hermione was, very in character for her to be so straight forward. You did a wonderful job making the Cheesecake important and capture the point of the challenge excellently. Thank you so much for participating. Of course, the deadline is still quite some time away, so it'll be a while before winners are announced. ^.^ --Jenna
(Jenna822 - Slytherin)Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! I'm glad you like this story, and that you think Hermione was in character. Yay, the cheesecake important enough and I got the point of the challenge! I knew that it would be months before the winners were announced when I put this in the queue, so I can wait. I had so much fun writing this, so thank you for making the challenge! :D Report Review
I like the concept of the story, with Ginny and Harry's engagement sparking Hermione and Ron to work out their issues, the way the story is written comes across as choppy. Something is just missing the in the story to make it flow better. I think if you maybe showed us the break up between Ron and Hermione instead of telling us that would maybe help. Also it felt quite short between Ginny's arrival and Hermione's disapparation to make up with Ron.
The title is cute though!
megan2u (Ravenclaw)Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing! I'm glad you liked the concept and I'm sorry you think something was missing from the flow. Now that you mention it, maybe I could put in a flashback moment to show how the breakup happened. Also, now that I think about it, it was a short time since Ginny's arrival and Hermione leaving, I'll try to fix that. I'm glad you liked the title. Report Review
Hey there! This is AditiDraco95 from the forums :D
Well I liked this one, it made a good read, though kind of sappy but in a cute way!
I feel there is a repetition in the first sentence itself (moved in together) so it would be better if you could re-phrase it :)
This was a fluffy little cute story and even though I'm not a ron/hermione and harry/ginny shipper it brought a smile to my face. It was amusing all in all.
And the significance of the cheesecake was kind of funny but sweet at the same time. I loved how everything happened in a jiffy!
All in all, an enjoyable and sweet read. Good job!
End of an Era review extravaganza
Forum Name: AditiDraco95
House: SlytherinAuthor's Response: Thank you for reviewing. I will be sure to change that first part, thank you for pointing that out. I'm glad that even though you don't ship the pairings in my story, it still made you smile. The challenge was to make the food important to the plotline so I'm glad that you think it has significance. Usually people wouldn't like a story that is rushed, so it's a relief that you liked that. Report Review
Hi! Here I am with my review! Well, I love Ronmione, and I think this was so cute! It was a brilliant response to a challenge, and I wish you luck for the results! I loved all the little details you added such as Hermione keeping the wrapping paper. I felt for Hermione, she lost her one love, but then she got him back because of cheesecake! I couldn't see any spelling or grammar mistakes, and I think the characters were very realistic, and did thinks and spoke in a way Ms Rowling would. I especially loved the last bit, about Hermione saying,"Thank Cheesecake!" Please respond to the review! Love Livvy, aka peace2lovepotter xxx :)Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you like it and I think that it's great that you think they spoke in the way that Ms Rowling would have made them. Your review made my day! Just, thank you! :D Report Review
i love this :) its so cute :)Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you love it! :D Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection