Review tag! :)
I think this is a really good start to a story, though I wish it had been a little longer. I loved the introduction and Rose and Scorpius' first encounter: it seems original to meet as small children, as they often are described as meeting at Hogwarts. It was so cute that she was reading. I also quite liked the personification of a young Scorpius: he reminded me strongly of an imperious young Draco, who doesn't want to be around "filth."
Even though this chapter it short I feel like I got a good taste of Scorpius as a narrator and of the tone of the story. The relationship between he and Rose seems interesting as well. The structure of this paticular chapter was well done in the way that it explained a scene from the past, and then a direct address by the narrator: I wonder if you will continue with this structure in later chapters? I think that would be very solid if you did. :) Report Review
This is a very good prologue. You did a great job setting up the story and the characters that will live through it. With your summary though, we can alreay tell that it definitly isn't going to be a happy ending or even a Romeo and Juliet story type.
The character seem interesting enough and I can't wait to really know more about them. I like the fact that you do not include Al in the four main characters. It's a different take on the next gen to not have Rose and Al stuck to the hip!
I noticed a few little errors through my read and wish to point them out to you so you can improve the story.
"If I had things would be different now."; there should be a coma in this sentence; I had to read it a couple times to make sense of it ("If I had, things would be...")
"You have no clue what I'm talking about it."; the 'it' at the end needs to be taken out
"I Scorpius Malfoyi"; little typo in Malfoy's name
" ...to resque"; do you mean "to rescue"?
That's it! Overall a strong prologue and I will definitly want to check out the rest when you write it; you've peaked my interest!
Akussa (Gryffindor) Report Review
i like this so far! sounds intriguing. Report Review
This was awesome Krys! I enjoyed it a lot! And I typically don't like Sco/Rose. And e Leo Finnigan! I feel so proud! Tehehe. It was awesome. And at the beginning, was that like day care or an orphanage? His mum sounds like a major ... witch. Ha.
SQUEAKY BUH BYEEE
ASH Report Review
This was amaze :) I loved it. It's such an interesting idea. I am so interested in your plot, I adore your take on the characters so far. I really want to know Scorpius', Rose's, Leo's and Hara's story. This seems like it's going to be a wonderful story and I hope you update soon.
- Keely. Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection