Reading Reviews for Losing Your Way.
  
44 Reviews Found

Review #1, by slytherinchica08 Day 14

5th February 2012:
A very interesting chapter! i like how things are coming together with this story and how its going back to what happened before your first chapter! I can't wait to find out exactly whats going on and how the figure everything out! I'm interested with riddle as headmaster and cant wait to see how that plays a role in anything! Great story so far can't wait to see where you take it from here! Great Job!

~Slytherinchica08~

Author's Response: Hi! :)

Thank you so much for a lovely review hun.
I am currently under-going revising for this story, as well as a few of my other stories. So please look out for the re-written chapters and chapter 4 soon :)

~Karni. x


 Report Review

Review #2, by adluvshp Day 14

2nd February 2012:
Wow. Just wow.

*blinks stupidly*

I am loving the way you write this story, even though I don't understand much as of now. The narrative, the scenes and the flow is all just awesome (though there are some grammar/spelling mistakes here and there). I am really liking this. There is so much drama and thrill and suspense, I wish I could write like you!

Over all, a brilliant chapter and I'm totally looking forward to the next. You have built up everything so well.

10/10

Cheers!
Angie xx

Author's Response: Angie - I adore you and your pretty skills of being an awesome friend ^_^

You and your loveliness is awesome and you flatter me. I know it's confusing but I promise things will begin to add up soon. :D xx

~Love Karni, xx


 Report Review

Review #3, by alias093001 Day 14

17th January 2012:
You never know what you've got until its gone. I feel as if this is the lesson to be learned here. Blaise and Draco are being exposed to a world that makes no sense to them. Even though Riddle is Headmaster of the school, it changed nothing of the population of Hogwarts.

Actually, Riddle is different than I would have expected. For one thing, he's not calling himself Voldemort. It makes me wonder if something happened in his past to alter his personality, and life goals.

Author's Response: That's right - you never know what you have until its gone !! That is so true!!

Poor Blaise, Poor Draco!! Poor everyone - :P Riddle is confusing to say the least ;) but you;ll understand in time, I hope :hug:

Thank you for a lovely review.

~Karni, xx


 Report Review

Review #4, by CloakAuror9 Day 368.

17th January 2012:
Hey there!

Ooh. Flashy banner! I like it, nicely done! :)

Okay first of all, I just want to point out that there was a lot of tautology going on in the first paragraph and other awkward phrases in the story but I thought they were minor errors and they could just be left alone unless you want to edit.

Your description was really good, making sure that it paints out a good image in the reader's mind. I like the fact that you didn't dilly-dally around when it came to introducing the story and just decided to go for it. Great job!

The plot is really odd. I mean, Seamus and Draco hugging each other is just a shocker. Really interesting thing going on! I'd like to know what all this manly affection is about! Hahha.

Any who, I thought you really did a great job! 10/10 Keep up the good job! :D

Ta-ta for now,
CloakAuror9 xx

Author's Response: So I was going back through some of the CC reviews left on this story the other day and I didn't even realise that I hadn't answered this one - I felt so bad, and then what'd I do? I forgot to answer you again!

I am sorry, but I will answer you now :)

I'm going to be honest :P I actually had to look up the word tautology to find out what it meant :P but now that I know, I understand :D I am about to edit the first part of this story all over again, with a lot of changes to chapter 2 etc. and edit this one as well, so the majority of the grammar errors will be gone ^_^

Seamus and Draco are actually vitual parts to the plan :) so keep reading to find out why ;) hehe.

~Karni, x


 Report Review

Review #5, by lizmusic45 Day 14

14th January 2012:
This is actually...I don't know a good for this, but lack of a better one, rather brilliant. I was a bit confused at first, but then again I am starting a chapter 3.
I like Draco and there is every few times that I do. I also like your writing you have a talent, and I like that. I like how you wrote everything because it wasn't so out there, that it was nice, I mean it was, but it was nice that I could picture it, and other times I'm really dreading stuff like this, but I think you wrote this really nicely, and this is chapter 3!

Lots of hugs, and sorry I made you read Harry/Ginny :(

Lizzie

Author's Response: You were the first person to review chapter 3 :huggles:
Nawww thank you soo much - I have a talent for nothing :P but thank you soo much for the compliment!!! ^^
Chapter 3, gave me difficulty lol :) But I got there!!
Thank you soo much hunn !! :)
And I nly pulled my hair out al ittle bit so it's okay ^_^

~Karni, xx


 Report Review

Review #6, by EverDiggory Day 368.

14th January 2012:
What in the world? I'm so hooked now!

What's with the ending? That was way intense.

Excellent descriptions,awesome flow,and good characterization!

I have to say,that was an excellent way to end a chapter,it really left us craving more. I'm off to continue reading

Author's Response: Nawww, you're so cute ^_^

My endings normally have to be/are cliffhangers in this story, its just the way they seem to end :P

Nawww, thank you so much for all your Compliments!! :D x

Thank you so much for your lovely review :)

~Karni. xx


 Report Review

Review #7, by Beeezie Day 1.

10th November 2011:
Hey, this is Beeezie, here with your review! Just tell me when you want to use the fifth one. :)

First, I want to point out a few little mechanical things.

You had a few issues with dialogue tags again; there aren't many, but you did have a few incorrect capitalizations (for example, in the third paragraph, the "she" after "No Ronald!" should not be capitalized. You also had a few words elsewhere in the chapter that were randomly capitalized - for example, in the sixth paragraph, you say "Now All" instead of "Now all," and in the eighth, you say "The Battle for" instead of "The battle for."

There were also a few other typos. In the paragraph starting, "Hearing her name being called from across the lake," it should be "breasts," not "breast's," and at you sometimes misspelled Seamus's name "Finnegan" rather than "Finnigan." (I make that mistake too sometimes.)

Additionally, in a few points, your description felt a bit awkward. For example, in the third paragraph, you say that Ron "frowned playfully." While I do think that I understand what you mean by that, it feels choppy and a bit unclear, and I think that there are ways you could have described the dynamic better. I also felt like you jumped the gun a bit with "and apparently Seamus Finnigan didn't know that" - that confused me more than if it hadn't been there in the first place.

That aside:

This is definitely bizarre. I don't mean that in a bad way - it's just very odd. That's not to say I don't like it, because surprisingly (since I usually don't like AU in general - not a comment on your work), I actually kind of do. I felt like the AU part of the story actually flowed much better than the non-AU part of the story, which felt a bit forced and out of character for what we know of Hogwarts.

The new universe, however, is really intriguing, and I want to know what's going on! I think that you introduced some of the major differences really well by talking about Hermione's adjusting, and I actually really liked the fact that you cut out things like Krum and Sirius and the Triwizard tournament - it illustrates (at least to me) a lot of creativity and thought.

I'm really curious to see how you continue this. :)

Author's Response: Welcome back ^_^ lol

I know I am sorry about the dialogues, I haven't had a chance to change them in this story yet and it always bugs me :'( cause I know dialogues bug people (such as yourself ^.^) whyen they're not done the correct way but I honestly haven't had much time to do it :P Ill get on it asap I promise :)

I'd say my Beta changed Finnigan ;)
We know im all obssessed with Seamus, I wouldn't miss-speel his name lol .But its okay, because I know that Finnegan was actually how it was printed in a lot of overseas books, so it's no big drama for some readers I guess lol.

Ill take that last part into account too ^_^

My whole writing style is bizarre lol. :) A lot of people don't like AU at all, So I am greatful that you gave this story a chance and have taken the time to read it up to here :)

I had to cut out people and things and they where the only things I could think about lol :)

Thank you so much for your lovely honest reviews :)
It means a lot ^_^

xxx


 Report Review

Review #8, by Beeezie Day 368.

29th October 2011:
Here with your review! :)

First off, I want to mention a few minor mechanical issues.

First paragraph: The second sentence reads, "Their actions were swift as they moved with haste," and the last sentence included the phrase, "quickened their pace." All of that put together is really far too much description of them as moving quickly - say it once, and then move on. Other than that, your description in the first paragraph is outstanding.

Second paragraph: It's a little awkwardly worded. "As far as the rain and wind went; the night was however, still" - there are two issues here. First, when you use a semi-colon, both the part before it and the part after it should be complete on their own. The second part is complete (although personally, I would switch the placement and "was" and "however"), but "As far as the rain and wind went" isn't. Secondly, I wasn't even quite sure what you meant by this.

Fourth paragraph, first sentence: "was ceased" should be "had ceased."

Seventh paragraph (starting, "The second of the two men"): Is "gut-wrenching" really the right word? It usually means "unpleasant" or "depressing." Now, the scene certainly sounds gut-wrenching, but you reference smell, which makes me think that "sickening" or something along those lines would work better. As with the first paragraph, though, the description in this was very strong.

Paragraph starting, "I have never heard of such a thing" (near the bottom): it should be "yourselves," not "yourselfs."

Finally, remember to be careful with your dialogue tags. For example, in the same paragraph (starting, "I have never heard of such a thing"), it should be "he demanded," not "He Demanded." There's no need to capitalize.

That aside:

Your descriptions were very strong in general. I particularly liked your "Muggles had always been the bravest of races" comment - it was interesting, thought-provoking, and added something very distinctive to the piece. It might be foreshadowing or it might not, but either way, I think it works.

I don't know much about the plot yet - Seamus, Draco, and Blaise all seem a little OoC at this point, but I'm going to wait to see what you do with this before deciding whether it's a problem. However, I will say that it's quite intriguing, and leaves me wanting to know more! :)

Author's Response: Nawww ^_^ Your too kind, actually I do know about all the Dialogues :/ I just haven't had time to reconstruct it yet and edit it. I do know that they are their though and I will fix them. :)

I'll fix the grammar, and take everything you've said into account. :)

Muggles, play a big part in this, as they are no longer living. Well most of them anyway. Wizards and Witches are the only survivors in the messed up world, there are a few muggles, but very few.

I'm glad you liked my descriptions. ^_^

Unfortunatley, in this world they're in Drac, is about the only one who wont be in Character, and I know this does bug a lot of people :/ and I am sorry, if Draco is one of your favourite characters and you like him in character, but he wont be in this :/ xx

Thank you so much for your helpfull review, I appreciate it and can't wait for the next one ^_^ xx

~Karni, xx


 Report Review

Review #9, by harry_vampire Day 1.

23rd September 2011:
Hey-a!I'm here with your requested review!

You have unique way of explaining things, Still you do it wondefully!Every scene flowed wonderfully!In the begining I seriously didn't understand where exactly the story is leading to but slowly every scene was leading in more mystery!Ha ha! Every moment was captivating...I loved the scene of the potraits of Founders!Well, that was different!
You can make a readers hook to your story.
The two chapters I felt were bit altogether different.You have introduced so many layers that can surely make a reader confusing:P

Fred Screams?Headmaster Riddle? An awesome cliffhanger.

Thanks for asking me to review!I simply loved it!When you have next chapter ready,feel free to come request! :)

Cheers,
Su

9/10

Author's Response: Hello!!! I am glad you took the time to stop by.

Unique O.o Oh really ^_^ i' gadl I can do something right ^_^ I am glad it all pieced itself together, that is how I generally look at a book, is if it can fit together like a jigsaw puzzle. I love Mystery don;t you ? O.o lol. x

Was it really that different :/ Now I am scared lol. I don't want it too be too different that I scare people off, but I don't want people to not be intrigued either O.o hmmm, x

Well, I must say, I am not sorry that I can hook readers ^_^ that is a good thing, right :D x

I know :/ I am trying to improve on my confusing bits, I know someone else said that introducting so many layes of confusion can be good but bad at the same time, so I kinda am going bak through looking for things I can fix ^_^

Poor Headmaster riddle, he dies. Whoops ^_^
Anyway, thank you for a lovely review !! It made my day ^_^ xx

~Karni. xx


 Report Review

Review #10, by Remus Day 1.

11th September 2011:
Hey! I'm back again.

What is going on?! I'm sorry that I'm not writing a "helpful" review and acting like "normal" reader but I want to know what is going on?! This is interesting, VERY interesting.

Alright, for the "helpful" part. I absolutely love the beginning. The details really took me to that place by the Black Lake with everyone enjoying that bit of summer. And when Hermione was thrown into the lake...her emotions and panic read so real. Kudos to you!

The second part of the chapter totally threw me off. Nice curve ball since again, I was not expecting any of this. The "fake" ending with the Scream coming from Fred made me go "no!" in my head because I wanted to read more. Thankfully you had the end with The Founders to explain a bit of it.

A few critiques I have...Godric would sit on a throne which is a chair and not a thrown which means to propel. Also "Walking through the remainder of the portraits Godric smiled as he saw the light golden frame of his own portrait twinkling just ahead of him passed Helga’s long silky black hair." That sentence makes no sense to me at all. Either I'm tired or you could be missing a coma or a period somewhere around there because you go from him seeing his portrait to Helga's hair in a beat. You're also missing a lot of comas, for example when you have "I unlike some do not desire to see what the outside world has become." it would be better to have "I, unlike some, do not desire."

Anyway, that's all I have to say for this! Hope you update soon!

Author's Response: hello thank you for stopping by again.

I am so glad you enojoy reading this story, as for what is going on. I am unable to tell you entirely but I assure you that in the next chapter alot of what is confusing will be cleared up :) Promise. x

The emotion from Hermione being thrown in the lake (look I get where I mucked up with throwns now :P) was a real struggle as I find emotions really hard to do, but I had alot of help with that part so I am glad you could see what I was trying to get across. AditiDraco and Katherine045 helped me alot with that scene.

Threw you off? Oh I am so sorry :P lol. Not ;) It was meant too.fake ending ? O.o What did I do? x lol Sorry, I thought it was nice to end the Hermione part there and move on to the next section. The magic that is making the world what it is is from the founders era so that is why they know so much about what they know. We will find out alot more about this later on down the track ;)

I have taken all your suggestions and misspelling into consideration and will fix what I can shortly :) Thank you for all your help within this chapter and the previous one :) xx

Thank you soo much for your lovely review!!!

~Karni. xx


 Report Review

Review #11, by Remus Day 368.

11th September 2011:
Hey its Perelandra from the forums with your review! Sorry it has taken a while...but I'm here!

Alright, your writing style is full of detail at the beginning which paints a great picture to the reader. The one small thing that I would like to point out (as it was once pointed out to me an would like to do the same) when you write a sentence such as "That was close" Draco mumbled, dusting off his robes and throwing his hood back off his head. There's usually a coma after 'close'. Most of your dialogues end with the period...if you add a coma, you'll have fuller sentences instead of short ones.

Plotwise...I'm intrigued! I wasn't expecting Malfoy to go up an hug Seamus. It was a very 'wth' moment for me. Thanks for the surprise! Why does Hermione not remember anything? I cannot comment more on the plot as its just beginning but so far, its very intriguing!

I'll continue on to chapter 2 now! :D

Author's Response: Hello !! Welcome to my AU story, one of many lol ;) do not worry about the wait, I have three from April I still need to review :/ so Please do not stress, at all!!

Really? Wow im so glad I can get the imagery and scenerary that I have in my mind across to my readers. The Dialogues have been pointed out to me as I was not aware of what I was meant to do, I never learnt about Dialogues in school (Could be in result too me hating my english teacher and throwing paper airplanes aorund the room :P) So I never really learnt about them because I didn't listen much in English :/ But Now that it has been explained to me, from you and a few others who have helped me in other stories, I understand what I did wrong and how to fix them.

In further chapters, you will learn why Seamus and Draco are such close friends, lol. Blaise is also included in that but as you know he was more interested in Hermione, speaking of, why she can't remember anything will become apparant in about chapter 8 - 10? I haven't decided yet, but it will make sense around that time. :)

I am glad you are intrigued :D That makes me happy!!

Thank you for continuing !

~Karni. xx


 Report Review

Review #12, by Phoenix_Flames Day 1.

9th September 2011:
Hey there! And back for chapter two! I'm so glad you came back to request. I've been so busy and my queue has just exploded that I haven't had anytime for free reading today. So I got around to it much faster now that you requested! I'm so glad you did. :)

And a great second chapter! There was so much revealed in this chapter. So much more to learn in your fantastic, original plot. You have such a unique story here. Everything about it says so.

The nightmare sequence was brilliantly done. I thought you started it off perfectly. It was captivating and it was another instance when I had to know what was going on. It made me only want to read so much more and so much faster.

You pieced it together perfectly. It flowed wonderfully, leading mysteriously into the next bit of it. I knew it had to have some importance, and it started off with a fine mood. The reader didn't have too many guesses as to where it was going. There were so many questions about it. It was somewhat happy, and also brilliantly described. I thought it was great how you added the girls being thrown in by their crushes. It's little things like that that really bring so much more life. You painted the perfect image with these small descriptions, and then it suddenly went downhill. Excitingly and in a frightening manner.

You did so well with pulling the reader into the story that I immediately felt the emotions of it all, wanting to know what was next.

And then it ended so abruptly, and now there's something wrong with Fred. A brilliant scene, and what a way to end it. An awesome cliffhanger.

And then the ending with the Founders! Holy cow. How unique and awesome. I can honestly say I don't think I have ever seen anything like that. I thought that was so clever to have them there in a painting. If they were so important, I honestly don't understand why they didn't have portraits in the HP books in the first place. But I guess so many questions would have been answered more simply in the books if they had been. They would have been an easy way out. :P But not here. This is so great, and I love founders fics, so it's fantastic to see them interacting and your interpretation of it all.

Ah, and Headmaster Riddle. That's very frightening! But yet another clever twist to your story.

This is honestly so well done. Really great job! :)

Feel free to come request the next chapter when it's up! :)

Author's Response: Hello!!! Because this is so long and I am wayy too lazy to scroll up to the top of the page and then back down I have copied your review into a Word document so I can Just click that and write my respone ;) Clever huh? lol :P

I am so glad you came back for chapter 2 :D Even though I requested you again ;) i'm glad your here,Lol I am sorry about your queue, but am glad that you had time to look at chapter two none the less.

Really? It was great? :O Wow, thank you >.< It is, I suppose very original and I haven't seen anyone else do a story like this, :/ But I could be wrong, there might be some stories out there.. In the Big Wide Web :P

I actually struggled with the nightmare and the paragraph with Hermione being hit by Seamus and landing in the Lake, I had a lot of help from others who helped me write that part, so I am greatfull that they helped otherwise it would of sucked :P lol

Perfectly? ... *stare here at word for a minute and asks mother to pull jaw back up* Wow. your soo kind!! >.< Hehe.. When you say down hill? Was that in a good way or a bad way? :/ Scared now O.o ... I like too paint a picture, even though it is a messy sequence and a nasty progress, I try my hardest to imagine myself in their situation, where they are, what they would be doing, who or what would be arond them. Sometimes I can describe things other times I just suck, Maybe its just my on and off days lol ;)

You felt emotion :O *hug* I can't pull across emotion ever, So I am glad you felt something, even if I am unsure exactly what you felt :) x

Yes, Yes, I know. I'm a horrible person for making Fred scream, well im sorry but it is how it must be :P lol he will eventually be fine I promise. x

The founders I find hard but intriguing to write :D I like them so much and Love too read them that I just adore them :D x :o Another Founders Era lover *hug* Lets be friends? x Please :P lol, and your right it would of been an easy way out and around the founders had they only of been mentioned as portraits and that way JK wouldn't of had to of worried about them, but sadly I would of liked to of seen more of them, but I guess for Fanfic writers it is good in the sense that the Era is open for and free range to expand your imagination :D

Oh thank you soo much for your honesty. again! I will re-request Promise!! :)

Love ~Karni. xx


 Report Review

Review #13, by electricfeel Day 1.

8th September 2011:
Hi, electricfeel here from the forums with your review.

Your writing is very good, it all flows well and is easy to get lost in. The characterisation is strong and realistic. I really like how you've jumped from day 368 to day 1, that's an interesting technique that I think will work very well.

The plot does seem great, however, I think you may have introduced too many layers all at once. The first chapter and second chapter seem to be completely unrelated. Some characters have been completely altered or even deleted. Although, all of this could lead to an extremely interesting and unique story, I think it needs to slow down a little. I read from your other replies to reviews that you like to confuse the reader. That's understandable, we all want the reader to be so intrigued and confused by a storyline that they just HAVE to read the next chapter. However, by adding too many layers I think some readers may find it too complicated and it can actually be off-putting. That's just my opinion, however, and maybe chapter three will make everything a little clearer and I'll take back what I've said here :)

I did like how many regions of the castle were wrote about; the lake, the common rooms and especially the portraits. That was a great touch. I really do think this has the potential to be a very strong story with an interesting and intelligent plot.

Anyway, I hope this review helped in some way :)

Author's Response: Hello ^_^ I'm glad you took the time to come back and read this again for me ^_^

:O Really :) I like you, your welcome back anytime you want :) *Hands cookies* I always wanted to do a backwards story, as that is what I call them, where the start is so forward that the story needs to go back for a reader to understand everything. I like reading stories like that so I thought I would try one.

The Layer I find too be a bit of an issue as well, while I was re-reading I kind of noticed a little of what you where talking about, but the majority of the confusion will be all better in the next chapter as A Lot more is revealed and you understand the new world that the Hogwarts students are living in, so Some of what you said will have to be taken back :P lol . xxx

The regions of the castle were a struggle, I'm not gonna lile. The Portraits where hard as was the scene with Fred - Poor Bugger - it was all so hard that I was really nervous about posting it ^_^ But i'm glad you liked it :)

Thank you soo soo much, and you are always a big help ^_^ xx

~Karni. xx


 Report Review

Review #14, by Skippy_Black Day 1.

7th September 2011:
More soon please! This is wonderful so far, I'm curious to know what happens!

Author's Response: Nawww thank you :)
I'm currently writing chapter three so it should be up soon ^_^ x


 Report Review

Review #15, by Phoenix_Flames Day 368.

6th September 2011:
And onto your next story! I know you said I could only pick one, but I will do both. :)

And another brilliant story it was. You are really great with the descriptions. Honestly. And all that little detail. I don't know how you think of it to get it in there like that, but you just slip it in there perfectly like it's the easiest thing on the earth. :)

In yet another story, you had a beautiful opening. You pulled the reader right in, and I was immediately compelled to read further and learn more. You described the weather perfectly and beautifully. I could almost feel that rain, and then you said the night was still. While it's so contradictory, I find it to be a perfect description that fits beautifully. Swell job. :)

And Hermione! Ah, what's she doing there? You ended it perfectly as well. What a cliff hanger. You kept the reader on the edge of their seat the entire time, kept me enthralled and wanting to know what was going on. Then you had to end it like that. Perfect job, and a perfect first chapter to a fic, I feel. I feel like that's how it's supposed to go! Well done. :)

I think you wrote Draco and Blaise perfectly. They seemed very in character, those bad Slytherins. :P What are the bad boys up to now?

And Seamus! What an odd character to throw in there. I can't wait to see how you put him in the picture.

So, you asked for me to look at grammar, and I kept that in mind while reading your piece. I have come to realize that there are so many different styles of writing out there that others think are accurate because its what they learned. So, ultimately, I don't know the true way to go about the whole grammar situation. It's one of those gray areas where I just feel like someone should shout out, "the truth is out there!" :P

But anyways. If I were to give the perspective from my grammar point of view, there were just a few things I noticed about your style that would be considered inaccurate from what I've learned. This is how I would critique it:

"They couldn't have gone far, Wolloby." A women answered gasping as she caught her breath.

Just a few things that would change. After 'Wolloby' there would be a comma instead of a period because the rest of the sentence 'a woman answered...' is the continuation of that sentence. It isn't separate. And the word that follows dialogue when dialogue is in the front of a paragraph does not need to be capitalized if it isn't a name. So "dialogue," said he. Or "dialoge," he said. All comma, uncapitalized. Any different would be "dialogue," Draco said.

But that's just how I learned it. It's possible that you could have learned differently, and so it's just perspective. :) But that's my two cents about the grammar. Everything else seems to be fine!

Really well done with this chapter! Thank you for requesting this as well! I hope my input helped! :)

Author's Response: Hello ^_^ I know I am terribly sorry, that it has taken me so long too reply to this message, but it does take a little while when RL gets in your face :( Horrible thing it is!!

Anyway, Nawww, your too kind *blushes* I had actually another comment about that part, and so I changed it, :/ hopefully it still makes sense and appeals to you though :/ x

Poor Hermione, she can't remember much at all. :( All becuase of the chasers. :( It sucks really, but I do love a cliff hanger ^_^

Bad boys? Never. Not in this story anyway. They can't be bad when their in a world like they are :/ poor buggers ;) lol

:O No, not odd! Loveable *inserts hearts and hugs here* I adore Seamus, his my favouritest character!!! ^_^

I know what you mean. Where each taught something different that we honestly don't kow what is right and wrong. But I've learnt all about dialogues now ^_^ So I use them more often :P

Your input always helps ;)
I'll request again soon ^_^ x

~Karni. xx


 Report Review

Review #16, by slytherinchica08 Day 1.

6th September 2011:
Hello I'm here with your review.

I only found a couple of mistakes which are: "With the end of year exams and the late night party, they had completely forgotten that the last three days where free periods to Fifth year and up. " Where should be were. And "I agree that we must help them this time, that I know of much." In this part you need to switch around the wording a bit so that it says "I agree that we must help them this time, that much I know of." Other then this though I didnt catch anything else that needs to be changed.

I think this is a really interesting idea and something that I never would have thought of. I love how you are including the portraits- Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, and Slytherin into the story and kind of giving them a bigger part to play. I can't wait to find out more about why all of the other protraits are gone and how come nobody else but Hermione remembers that they are supposed to be in different houses.

Your description is really good. Throughout the whole chapter and you really build up on the scenes which are great. I like how you explained about the room and gave us background information on it right away so that we weren't confused at all about what it was. Your characterization is really good for the founders as well. I found them to be pretty spot on to how I could imagine them.

The idea that Hermione is afraid of water is a rather interesting one. Also I thought that having them outside playing in the water was a cool idea. I have never really thought of that.. and I'm not sure why I mean it's a lake of course people would want to go swimming and have fun.. so kudos for that.

I think this is a really good story and you seem to have an interesting idea going on for it. Hermione is with Fred but she is in Slytherin, there are now nine years at hogwarts, and the headmaster is Riddle. I'm excited to see where this story goes from here. You've gotten me interested and I can't wait to see how everything plays out. Great Job!

~Slytherinchica08~

Author's Response: Hello!!!

Phew, I thught when you said a few mistakes, I was like :o no! lol, but its alright, there is actually only a few ^_6 I'll fix those up rigt away,

First of all, I really want to apologiuze for how long it has taken me to reply, I general reply instantly, but when I have an in depth review, It takes me a little while longer, so I am very sorry for how long it has taken me to reply ^_^

I wanted to have them as portraits as in other stories I have them as ghosts, only the students can't see them, so I wanted to do something different and go for portraits, and I am glad that everyone has said that it works. !!

Hermione is at the moment the only one who rememberes but there are a few others who remember, only they haven't been introduced yet ^_^

Nawww, thank you for the compliment on my description :D that makes me happy ^_^ The ircular room plays a minor part in the book, so I needed the background information there almost instantly, so I am glad you got the feel of how the room was meant to be and what it was :D
The founders I actually thought were really hard to write but easy, cause we don't know much about them and yet that always makes things hard but easy, similiar to next gen I guess.

Nawww, thank you ^_^. Yes it is a lake, and I am sure people went swimming lol, having a jetty at Hgwarts though? well that I am not so sure of :P

Oh, I am glad you liked it ^_^ When chapter three is ready I will come back and request a review ^_^
Thank you so much for your lovely honest review !!

~Karni, xx


 Report Review

Review #17, by Atomic Day 1.

29th August 2011:
Hello again! It's Atomic with your requested review!

I think you've got a great plot going on here, the idea of everything being backwards is very intriguing. However, it's also a lot to take in at once. So, I'm not going to lie. I'm ridiculously confused. Everything is really, really backwards, and apparently Hermione is supposed to be the one to fix it, but it's very confusing because I have no idea how it got this way or why. I think it might be best to put a chapter in between this one and the first sort of explaining the universe as it is right now. You don't have to tell us everything, but it's sort of hard to follow as is.

Your characterization is great though! We really only got to see Hermione and the founders, but I thought they were all done very well with very realistic dialogue. I'm really liking how you portray them. Even backwards Hermione is still very much herself, and I'm glad that it's her who remembers. I know our Hermione wouldn't let her mind become broken.

But yeah, you've got a really original and interesting plot going on. I really, really like it. It's just so different that it's hard to get a grasp on. But feel free to re-request when you write chapter three because I would love to know what's going on. Keep up the good work!

Author's Response: Hello ^_^ Welcome back :P

Plot? Nah I don';t got one of those ^_^ Yeah it's all planned out. :P Just gotta get the right words into chapter 3 :) I'm glad your confused ^_6 i know that sounds stupid but your supposed to be :P I'm a riddler ^_^ Sorry I know people hate being confused but as chapter 3 4 && 5 get put up everything will start piecing itself together :) x

:O Really? :/ I laways worry sooo much about characterization because I cannot follow Canon. :P Never, so Characterization for canon characters is really hard for me :/ x Founders where intriguing to write in my opinion :P I wanted them As Portraits instead of ghosts. I have them as Ghosts in another story so I wanted to Jazz things up a bit ^_^ x

Nawww your so sweet *inserts heart and hug here* Will definetly re-request later on ^_^ xx

Thank you for an amazing review :D x


 Report Review

Review #18, by MidnightBlue_x Day 1.

29th August 2011:
Whoa...

That's last line there, blew my mind. At first when you mentioned the one leader I thought it was Snape for some reason, don't know why but my mind's been a bit boggled lately.

Anyway, I'm really enjoying this story so far and I think it's definitely unlike anything I've ever read before, in an extremely good way.

I loved your characterisation of the Founding Four, I thought they were all very believable though we never really got a chance to read them in the books. Hope this was helpful and I'm sorry for the shortness.

x Ely

Author's Response: Hello again ^_^.

Master Riddle? :O I know right ^_^ I like twists :D x Nah not Snape, there is no Snape. :O Theres only a select few teachers, but they aren't really needed because Riddle keeps all his students in line, although porr Master Riddle is about to go through a life of hell :(

Different isn't it :P I hate writting out plot lines though :/ But at least this plot line is finished and there will be a lot of twists and turns.

Founders I like them as Portraits personally. I have them as Ghosts in another story but I like them better as portraits ^_^

Shortness is fine and your always helpfull thank you xox.


 Report Review

Review #19, by Lady of Tears Day 368.

27th August 2011:
Since grammar was your first thing, I'll just go down the list of the things I found first.

As far as the rain and wind went; the night was however, still. - This doesn't really make sense structurally. 'As far' sets up a second half to the sentence, but you don't really give it. I'm not sure what the best way to fix it would be, but this didn't read right to me.
“the loud obnoxious rap that generally echoed from the over head night club was ceased.” - should be “had ceased”
“Silence greeted the two wizard” - wizards
“shaggy hair, Chasers were sly” - should be a semi-colon instead of a comma.
“No these blue hooded figures were of another group altogether.” - There should be a comma after no.
“Blaise Zabini and Draco Malfoy." The voice..” - should be: Malfoy,” the voice of a... In fact, it's a note about dialogue in general. When people speak, it's a comma, followed by a lowercase letter, unless of course it's a name.
“Show yourselfs!" - should be yourselves. Demanded should be lowercase, as well as he.

Ok, those things aside. I loved a lot about your writing style. There was great description and feeling in the way you wrote things. It was a great choice not to reveal who Draco and Blaise were right away. It really pumped up the tension and mystery. Obviously, I am fascinated by the originality of your story. I love seeing something I've never seen before.

I really liked it! I can't wait to see what happens next.

Author's Response: Hello ^_^ Welcome to the Bat Cave :D xx

All Grammar errors will be fixed momentarily ^_^ Thank you soo much for pointing those out ^_^ I wouldn't have found them if I went back over them :/

Writing Style? Ohh I have a style... good or bad :/ x oh phew I though it was going to bad for a second and I was going to die ^_^ I thought I would keep them hidden, it took me a little while to write the chase scene and get the wording right, I did ponder over weather to reveal them imddeietly, and start with something like "Draco Malfoy and Blaise Zabini" But when I read it first I though, nah Myab ekeep my readers in Suspense :)

I am very flattered and overwhelmed that you enjoyed this :D Thank you for all your help!! ^_^

~Karni,. xx


 Report Review

Review #20, by adluvshp Day 1.

22nd August 2011:
Woah.

This was a mindblowing chapter. The confusion, the mystery, it was written so well!! Karni you are awesome! I really was hooked reading this and now I'm dying to read more!!! Headmaster Riddle? GOSH. Four Founders? Evil Room? Hermione's dream?? OMG!! I just cant wait for the next chapter! this is so intriguing!! great going!!

10/10

love,
AD

P.S. Yay, you put in my edited para =D

Author's Response: Ange!!! Welcome to the craziness of the madness of the AU world of Hogwart O.o

Mindblowing, wow, haven't heard that in age >.< Riddle, yepp Riddle :) Founr founders, The round room ;) Poor Hermione!! :D

I will be crediting your part as well, I just needa wait for beta'd version ♥

Thankyou xx


 Report Review

Review #21, by malfoygirl101 Day 1.

22nd August 2011:
Wow! Big twist and all that! Good story can't wait for the next chapter.

Author's Response: Nawww, thank you for your lovely review!! >.< x

 Report Review

Review #22, by TheHeirOfSlytherin Day 1.

21st August 2011:
Wow. There's only two chapters and I'm already dying to read more. I've never read a story like this. It's amazing, even though I'm confused. Reading more will stop that, won't it? :)

Can't wait for the next chapter!

10/10.

Sam.

Author's Response: wow, i'm glad your hooked ^.^ It's very AU eh :/ x it might do :P it might not O.o There might be a sequel :O

Next Chapter will be up soonish promise. x


 Report Review

Review #23, by alias093001 Day 1.

21st August 2011:
Wow. The world has become rather twisted. Hermione a Slytherin. No Dumbledore, McGonagall, Hagrid, Dobby, Buckbeak, Sirius, or Viktor. I have to wonder what caused the world that Hermione, Seamus, Draco, and Blaise remember to disappear.

And Headmaster Riddle? Did he get the chance to start teaching at Hogwarts because there was no Dumbledore to stop him?

I find it rather interesting that the portraits of the founders are aware of the change. Did they know that this was going to happen?

Author's Response: Ohh, it's very twisted. I wonder why :O :/ Hey, who said they remember :O have you read my MTA :P
Headmaster Riddle, uhuh :) Who knows :P you must read too find out more ^.^ x

They might know a little, but I can't reveal too much ^.^

Thank you for your lovely review ♥ x


 Report Review

Review #24, by TheHeirOfSlytherin Day 368.

21st August 2011:
Wow. I love stories like this and so far this is brilliant. I can't wait to read more. I'm so excited.

I had a feeling it would be Draco and Blaise who were hiding. I didn't expect Draco and Seamus to greet like old friends. I'm just as confused as Blaise. I wasn't sure about the girl, I didn't think it would be Hermione because it said green eyes. So that caught me off-guard just a little bit.

But I can't wait for more!

10/10!

Sam.

Author's Response: Hello Sam ^.^ Really ou love storiues like mine :O Is there many out there :(

Friends? Excuse me? But who said they where friends ;) I only said that they where purely hugging in an old embrace ... I think :/ x Poor Blaisey :( Yes, I know she naturally had brown eyes but she needs green for this :) x

Come back for chapter three - considering you already reviewed chapter 2 - :P

~Karni. xx


 Report Review

Review #25, by malfoygirl101 Day 368.

21st August 2011:
Nice start. Looking forward to the next chapter

Author's Response: ohh, thank you. The Next Chapter is in the Queue and should be up tomorrow or the next day hopefully, Also, thenext chapter isn't as good as the first, :/ And hasn't been beta'd yet :P
But thank you for your pretty words on this chapter ^.^ x


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>