That was beautiful. 9/10 : ) Report Review
Wow, this is a really lovely piece that i'm glad i happened upon. You're writing style is really quite stunning and i loved the tone of this. It had this quick urgency that you really could feel the emotions coursing though this person's blood. I haven't read a lot, okay, no stories of the ff witch trials and how you've written this is just so heartbreaking. It's hard to imagine that they'd let their jealously and hatred effect them so much that they'd be willing to kill a 12 year old. It was just so powerful and i love the ethics you brought into this. The want of your narrator to simply survive above all else and but not being able to once they saw that scene with the mum. That was incredibly powerful moment so you know.
I really liked the perspective you've taken with this as well, this unknown narrator and i think it makes the story that much more powerful and gripping. We don't know anything about him but that almost adds to his inner courage. That would have taken a lot because i could see others simply walking away, hating themselves afterwards perhaps, but they'd walk away nonetheless. I loved how conflicted he was about it, but it would be hard to see a mother simply denounce her blood. I also really liked the idea of how he could control the weather and his magic was almost uncontrollable. It sort of makes me think about how magic might have been used back then and makes me think that, like technology, magic and it's uses has advanced so they can have a lot more control over it. Anyway, this is simply a lovely piece of work. Great job. Report Review
This was amazing! I wasn't sure what it would be about at first, but your writing captured my attention right away - the style had so much urgency to it in its rhythm and diction, and of course the topic of the witch trials is a fascinating one to explore in relation to the Potterverse. The way you explore that topic is fantastic, too, especially in how you make the Muggles jealous of the girl's magic, more jealous than afraid, I think. It puts things in a different light from what one usually hears about this period in history and makes your story more unique.
What I loved most about this story was how you positioned the narrator, first as a bystander who wants to preserve his (I assumed "he", not that it really matters either way) own freedom, then as her rescuer. That turning point when he sees her own mother turn away from her was immensely powerful, how that broken bond between mother and daughter was the last straw for the narrator. That he could barely control his magic throughout was very interesting - his power over the weather really added to the haunting, tense atmosphere. The heroic ending was equally wonderful - I was glad to see the narrator overcome his hesitation and self-preservation to save her. Probably quite a few wizards or witches wouldn't have done that, terrible as it sounds, but his courage pulled through.
The writing is fantastic, as I mentioned earlier, and I saw nothing at all that would need fixing; the story is perfect as it is. It's great to find another talented author on the site, and I hope to read more of your work in the future! ^_^Author's Response: I'm so so sorry this has taken so long to respond to! Especially seeing as this is such a beautiful review.
Thank you so much for your words, like I said this came from nowhere and lightly cracked my writer's block so I was worried that it wouldn't make sense to anyone else.
I find the topic of the witch burnings fascinating - especially in relation to Rowling's world because she has essentially left all that era up to our imagination. When I was writing the mother/daughter part I got quite angry myself and knocked over a mug with my frantic typing, which made me thing what the anger of someone with magic could do at this moment. I kept thinking about how children in the Potterverse can't control their magic and I imagined that that level of anger or pain might revert to the same loss of control.
Thank you again and again for taking the time to say you liked this and my writing; I can never EVER hear that too much and I've found myself coming back to reread this review lately as I try once again to break through some writer's block.
~ Galawen Report Review
Wow. This was seriously, amazing. The way you wrote it.. all the descriptions, the thoughts, the plot.. everything, just really came together to really make a splendid story. I absolutely loved this. I also love how this is sort of like historical fiction, because in real life, witch burnings happened. I really liked how you started the fic, talking about the girl's feelings. How, even though she was barely twelve years old, she was still above them.
You definitely made me feel for the girl, the actions of the men and everyone else jeering were really barbaric and makes me sad. Anyway, really wonderful writing. Your writing was great in this. I also really liked that guy who saved her. And his thoughts were just really thoughtful. Even though he saved this girl, there were many more he couldn't save, and I liked your last line, it was a poignant ending.
- maskedmuggle, Ravenclaw :)Author's Response: Aww you guys are making me turn into a tomato! Thank you so so much for your beautiful words and for taking the time to read and review this. I was worried about the end and if I had managed to capture the historical setting and ye have all managed to reassure me so THANK YOU!!
- Galawen xx Report Review
An amazing story. Haunting, beautiful, and you evoked the historical setting extremely well. Very original, thoughtful, and generally well done :)Author's Response: I was worried about the historical setting so thank you for saying that! And thank you for those other lovely words Report Review
I am totally shameless in the fact that I want to be first.
For the record though, I am working on your request. ;] I'm just... taking my time? xD You know, I stalked the UFG section in TDA and saw this banner and that you had reserved it. So, naturally, I had been creeping that topic to see when you officially picked it up - I wanted to read the story that went with such a banner. :)
Already through the first paragraph, I am intrigued. Who is this girl, who sounds so lovely, so intriguing - because, naturally, I am very intrigued as I adore strong female characters - and why is she hated? Feared? Despised? In a matter of a few sentences, you have managed to create a picture of a girl that we don't know and I already love her.
There's a small typo in this part here, "Riding into that village as dusk gathered on the horizon and the mist hung in the air I could feel the distrust and narrow-minded suspicion directed at me and although I had experienced such things many times on my long road, it felt more venomous then most. Wearily I directed my horse towards the alehouse and it was then, through a brief gap in the swirling mist, that I saw her."
"She was no more then twelve years of age."
It should be 'than' rather than 'then' and I think that if you add a comma after 'wearily' in the first part, that it will allow the readers a mental 'pause' allowing the whole sentence to flow better. :) You have a talent for imagery - you've painted this idea, this scene so clearly in my mind, it's as if I'm there. Though, especially so with the narrator's reaction to seeing the young girl. It's very powerful and I love the way that you put the words together - it's beautifully descriptive and creative - and the emotions read clearly throughout this piece - I can feel the disgust and hatred and fear.
I like how we don't ever know who the narrator is - it makes it seem more mysterious, like he's our hero too, and not just the young girl's. It provides such an excellent way for us to slip into the girl's shoes; we know no more about him than she does and I could squish you to death for doing it this way! ♥
The very last line is probably my favourite - very powerful and it packs so much into it. Ending sentences can be so difficult to do, but this one is absolutely perfect - I think it fits with the mood really well. And I can see why you love it Ruth, because I do too. It's a lovely piece - you've done an excellent job with it. I hope that you are able to push past the writer's block completely because you need to write moreee. :]
[uncivilized/hufflepuff]Author's Response: Confession time.
I also stalk through the UFG section of TDA and one day I saw this banner. I'd had an idea of this story floating around in my head for a bit but then I saw the banner and BOOM I knew where it was going to go. I love the banner. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love.
I can't comment properly on the rest of your review too well because it makes me blush and stammer with embarrassment. Thank you so so so so much for your words, especially about the first paragraph because I wrote that first(d'oh Ruth) and then left it for about three days. I just couldn't go on. And then suddenly I don't know what happened, the rest of it just exploded out.
"I like how we don't ever know who the narrator is - it makes it seem more mysterious, like he's our hero too, and not just the young girl's. It provides such an excellent way for us to slip into the girl's shoes; we know no more about him than she does and I could squish you to death for doing it this way! â¥"
I actually hadn't really thought about that too much. It was more that I have ideas to tie this one-shot into a larger novella type story and I didn't want to limit myself with the characters. But I like your explanation - I'm stealing it XD
I'm so so glad that you like the ending line because I adore it myself but I had a few moments of worry about it maybe sounding a little over-dramatic. But if YOU say its good then I'm happy.
I'm happy about your entire review. THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH *squishes to death with love*
- Ruth xx
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