Reading Reviews for Innocence
  
23 Reviews Found

Review #1, by fanfic_lover_2330 Deadlier than the Sword

6th March 2012:
Plz plz plz don't abandon this story! :o I absolutely LOVE this story!!! You are an incredibly talented author and I really like the storyline! I don't care how long the next update might take but plz just don't abandon the story!! Keep up the great work!! :D

Author's Response: Thank you :D I definitely haven't abandoned it, I'm just really busy with real life stuff at the moment... Hopefully I'll have written the next couple of chapters by the end of August :3

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Review #2, by Liquid Luck (sorry I'm not logined in at the moment) Deadlier than the Sword

21st January 2012:
First of all, don't feel bad about the long update wait. It's cool:)
Second, that was a fantasicly long chapter and I loved it alot!

Author's Response: Aha, thank you :D Reviews like this mean a lot to me :)

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Review #3, by lill Deadlier than the Sword

18th January 2012:
awesome story!! i love it!!

Author's Response: Thank you :D

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Review #4, by Awesome Guest Deadlier than the Sword

13th January 2012:
PLEASE WRITE ANOTHER CHAPTER! I NEED TO READ THIS FANFICTION! IT IS MY DESTINY!

Author's Response: Haha, thank you! I'm really glad you like it so much! Means a lot :')

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Review #5, by amy Deadlier than the Sword

12th January 2012:
omg, i love your story! please update soon!

Author's Response: Thank you :D I'll do my best, I'm half way done with the next chapter

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Review #6, by ForeverInTheCold The Queen of Hearts

28th December 2011:
This is a really good story, and you are a great author. When will Lily tell Scorpius and Rose?
Ohhh,, i cant wait until the drama. From the vibes Rose's character is giving out im guessing Rose is going to hit Lily when she finds out 9if that happens I hope Scorpius helps Lily out)

Author's Response: Thank you for the review! The next chapter should be soon :D Haha, yeah, that's pretty much Rose's character in a nutshell..

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Review #7, by SeverusSnape15 The Queen of Hearts

13th November 2011:
Review 3/10: This is really good! Please upload soon, it's so good and I want to read more D; It's so sweet and I feel so bad for Lily. Is she going to tell Scorpius? Or is she going to tell Rose? Is she going to say it's someone else's baby? I want to know DX

Author's Response: Thank you for the review and compliments :3 Haha, wait and see ;)

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Review #8, by SeverusSnape15 My Mother would be so Proud

13th November 2011:
Review 2/10: This chapter goes great with the last. I really can't wait to see what Rose says when Lily tells her.

One thing - The Room of Requirement actually did not exsist when the Next Generation kids came into the picture, so that's not accurate, but of course, it's your story, deary. :)

I believe it was the fire from the spell in which distroyed it, but I'm not positive(almost sure, though.)

Author's Response: Thank for the review :D
Oops, thanks for telling me, I guess I should have looked further into that... I'll see if there's a way of rewriting that so it's in canon. Thanks again fot the review and for telling me :)


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Review #9, by SeverusSnape15 In which the circle is broken

13th November 2011:
Review 1/10: So, I had an urge to read and I looked at this story. It looks really good so far and I have a feeling it's going to be a GREAT story. I honestly can't wait to read more. I woudln't hold it against Lily, I mean, she didn't know that he was Rose's boyfriend, right?

Good job ^^

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Review #10, by Dracolovergirl5000 The Queen of Hearts

18th October 2011:
I Like this story. its a really good idea, has a great style and is written well. There are some small Grammatical mistakes you could look over, not very many. The characterization was very well done as well.

Author's Response: Thank you for the review and constructive crit... I'm trying to work for on my grammar, so hopefully the next chapters will be a lot better on that front.

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Review #11, by Sarah The Queen of Hearts

23rd September 2011:
When is the next chapter going to be up?
I cant wait!
This is really good!!
10/10!!!

Author's Response: Teehee, thank you, I'd written the next chapter, but then my laptop crashed, so I'll try and rewrite it tonight and tomorrow. Thank you for the review!

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Review #12, by SummerRains The Queen of Hearts

8th September 2011:
Wow! I really enjoyed this chapter and I cant wait to read more!

I love how cavalier Lily is about the whole situation! I also love your writing style, can't wait for the update!
xo

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review, the next chapter is almost finished and I'll probably put it in the queue some time tomorrow ;).
Adax


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Review #13, by EmilyChristine The Queen of Hearts

8th September 2011:
So I just read all the chapters and I love this! Keep writing I can't wait for more :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review, chapter four is almost done :D

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Review #14, by FWHPObsessed The Queen of Hearts

20th August 2011:
Cool, I'm glad we got to see more about her friends and this Francis guy. It did seem like a bit of a filler chapter, but if it's needed then it's needed (: Looking forward to more

Author's Response: Thanks for the review, and yes it is a bit of a filler, but I'm building up to a big chapter and all of the information is important for it :)

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Review #15, by hushpuppy The Queen of Hearts

19th August 2011:
I liked this chapter because you gave us more information on the world around Lily instead of just staying inside her head the entire time. I think you made Petunia's relationship with Lily believable, which is kinda difficult. Although we all probably want more on Scorpius and the pregnancy, it was a good chapter. It wouldn't go amiss if the chapters were longer though...

Author's Response: I'm planning on making a Scorpius centered chapter next, I originally planned on putting it in this one, but I'm going away this afternoon and I really wanted to get it published before I left :/ Thanks for the review and the next chapter will be longer, these ones are roughly 3000 words so I'm aiming for about 5000 :)

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Review #16, by I_trusted_Snape13 My Mother would be so Proud

8th August 2011:
I already love this story and can not wait to read more :D it is oh so very good(:
I'd love to see a Rose/Scorpius focused chapter, or at least one that includes them(: lol
keep up the good work,will read more :D

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review, I'm considering starting a companion fic from Scorpius's POV called Ignorance, but I'll see how this story does first :D
Adahpfan


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Review #17, by I_trusted_Snape13 In which the circle is broken

8th August 2011:
who cares if it's 'cliche', it's really good :D and your idea is very original and very well written :D
can't wait to read more:D
could you check out my story, Unforgiven? It has a concept that has the whole pregnancy thing in it too :D
keep up the good work, I'm on to chapter 2!!! :D

Author's Response: That's my view on cliche too, they ideas have to be cliche for a reason! I'm just writing chapter three and will put in the the queue either tomorrow or Wednesday :)... I'll check out your story asap, I've bookmarked your author page :D

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Review #18, by Breanna My Mother would be so Proud

8th August 2011:
This is such a good begining to what i feel could be a wonderful book. Great job hope to read more from you!

Author's Response: Thank you! The next chapter is in the works :)

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Review #19, by FWHPObsessed My Mother would be so Proud

7th August 2011:
Love it! Love it! Love it! AHH! You have no idea how jealous I am that you can write like this. I wish I could write like you, and no, I LOVED the start where it was just Lily thinking. And it doesn't seem like a filler chappie, 'cause if you just got straight into the midst of all the drama it wouldn't seem very realistic and would look quite rushed. So, keep it at this pace, it's good like this. Also, I didn't notice any mix-ups between the present and the past, but don't get too happy about that, because I also have a story written in first-person and it often slips through me too. Anyways, can't wait till your next chap!!! :D

Author's Response: Hee hee thank you so much for the review!

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Review #20, by hushpuppy My Mother would be so Proud

6th August 2011:
I was excited to see a new chapter to this story so I re-read the first chapter and then finished this one. I noticed a number of errors that I think are the result of you editing and then editing again. The summary, for example, states "A months ago" five times. English may not be your first language but it should say "A month ago."

There are a few errors in this chapter as well, one of which si when you used "it's" as a possessive. "It's" is always, always, always a contraction. It seems odd but that is the way I remember the grammar rule. A lot of people make this error but you're better than that!

Okay,I have a few questions/comments about Lily. She is a month pregnant at this point? Then she shouldn't have a stomach yet, especially since she is probably nauseous all the time. Not that it's impossible, but I've never had a friend 'show' before the third month. And it seems like a spell to shrink her stomach would be dangerous. Basically, take your time and develop things. It may feel frustrating to write a 'filler' chapter but you've got to think about showing us, through details, Lily's world instead of having her tell us about the people and things in her life. Like the Head Boy--what is he like? Did he do anything that made him seem pompous, nervous, confident, curious? He showed up but we had no impression of his personality. Every character needs to have a background, even if only you know the details. Think about Dumbledore being gay. Even though it didn't come up directly, she knew that detail about him and probably every character in the series.

If Lily is going to tell everyone who the father is and/or give the kid his name, then how long is she going to wait before doing so?

Okay, basically we need more details. Slow down and give us more information about this world. Does Rose have any idea that something happened while she was sick? Does Scorpius even remember? Has he treated Lily differently? Is Lily in love with him or was it just a drunken coupling without any feelings? It could be that I ask for too much at this point and maybe I need to hold off on reading until there are more chapters?

Author's Response: Thank you for the review... Yeah, I know I really need to get a beta- it's on my to do list! The stomach thing- I know that she wouldn't have one yet, but I know that if I were in her situation then I'd be very paranoid, and THINK that everyone was watching me so that's why I put that in. The head boy thing will come up next chapter, he's going to very important to the story, I was putting him in just to introduce him. She will tell people about the kid, but right now she's scared, she's just found out that she's pregnant with her cousin's boyfriend's child- for the moment she wants it to remain real only for her, because that makes it less real.

I'll keep those points in mind for the next chapter, but I've already got a chapter plan and all these things come up in the next few, they won't come immediatly.

Adahpfan


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Review #21, by CharlieDay In which the circle is broken

6th August 2011:
Ooh, i l-o-v-e the summary, so exciting! It really draws the reader in, and that's what summaries are for right? It's so cool how it's sort of mirrored and extended upon at the start of the chapter. I totally love that.
At the start, Lily seems to have quite a low opinion of herself; are you planning to let this affect the story? I think that could be a pretty powerful tool to play with. On the other hand, i'm wondering how a Potter (Actually, not only a Potter but the youngest and only femal Pottter) came to have such a low opinion of herself. I imagine in life she would always get a whole pile of praise etc.
I am also admiring of the fact that you didn't make her in love with Scorp. Or atleast it doesn't seem like it. In most stories the parents (or sometimes the father) are hopelessly in love. So this is a bit of a cliche beater.
Charlie
xx
CharlieDay, Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Thank you for the review... Yeah, I wanted to try and stray as far away as possible from chiche in a pregnancy story... Lily's self esteem should be explained in the next few chapters, but it will be quite a big part of the story. I wanted to make Lily and Rose quite close, so L and Scorpius definately AREN'T in love!

Fingers crossed that this will stay as UNcliche-d as possible!

Ada xx
(BB4L on the forums)


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Review #22, by FWHPObsessed In which the circle is broken

26th July 2011:
It's a pretty good start (: You should try making your next chapter a little longer, though, I think it would drag people in a bit more (: It's really good - can't wait to read more ... ;P

Author's Response: I've written the next chapter and it's a lot longer ;) I made the first one so short as I just wanted to introduce the story :)
Thank you for the review, chapter 2 will be put into the queue tonight


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Review #23, by hushpuppy In which the circle is broken

24th July 2011:
This is a good beginning to the story and you have already distinguished this story from the other teen pregnancy ones merely by having her seriously consider all of her options. I love that Lily had feasible reasons for keeping the kid beyond "I just couldn't imagine giving up Scorpius' child." It shows that you took the time to make her a real girl who takes the time to work through the problem instead of reacting in a wholly emotional and illogical manner.

Hopefully we will get more background on Lily's relationship with Scorpius and more development of Lily's character. Right now I do not know if she has a twisted view of herself (how in the world would Rose be a better flyer or Quiddich player than Harry and Ginny's daughter? Or prettier if you are going by canon looks?) or if Rose somehow is a miracle child who is better than both her parents combined.

Author's Response: Hi, I really wanted to make this story different from other teen pregnancies, as often the main characters will act like they have no choice but to keep it, and I wanted to show the different options.

I mean for Lily to have, at this moment a twisted view of herself, because of Scorpius and the pregnancy, however hopefully things will become clearer soon.

Thank you for reviewing- I think that this is the quickest I've ever had one!

Adahpfan


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