i hope Harry knows about all of this :)Author's Response: me too, ;) Report Review
Hey again! I was happy to see this one updated :)
I love the rich mix of feelings you've got here. They're both clearly wavering, tipping toward falling into one another but not quite there, not yet. The tension is beautifully palpable. Your characterization of both Lily and Severus is spot on, and I love the imagery you used, especially your description of the moonlight and Lily's reaction to being called the M-word.
You've got a few typos in here that you may want to go back and correct, like missing words, misspellings, etc. But that was basically my only critique. I'm still in love with this story!
Lovely chapter! :)
academicaAuthor's Response: awe, thank you so much! I will read more carefully, I promise :) Report Review
I really like this story and hope you add more chapters soon!Author's Response: thank you! The next chapter is in queue right now! Report Review
Hi, this is taylorj828 with your requested review. (o:
Well, first off, you have a nice opening, and I like how you painted a good mental picture of the two of them and their homework.
'Sev-' she started, but trailed off as she watched him watch her hair, the fascinated look on his face made her blush and turn her eyes downward from his, watching her fingers twist in her lap. It was for a few seconds before he dropped the strand and went back to his essay.
I like this moment, how it kind of stops them both for a second before they move on. It's full of that kind of uncertain, anxious tension that makes a good romance story... (o:
Hm, Snape's parents... you've got me curious. We've never once heard anything about Snape's upbringing or parents in the books, have we? I suddenly find myself wanting to know more!
I like the imagery at the end of the vials of memories containing Lily. And how Snape turns his back on them... Sad, especially knowing what we know of him from the books. *sigh*
You were specifically concerned about characterization and believability, but I think you have no reason to worry. It's a very believable story so far, and as long as you fit all your episodes into canon, I think it looks fine. And the characterization seems good to me, from what we know of young Lily and Snape from the books. They sound just right to me. (o: So, good luck with you story! You've got a nice beginning here!Author's Response: Awww, thank you so very much! I am very glad that characterization is not the problem! (it always concerns me!) and thank you for taking the time to review this! Report Review
Hey there is Starkidlove from the forums with your review!
I really liked this story, and quite excited to read it (Ive never ever read a snape/lily!)
I thought your characterisation of Lily was wonderful I found her really endearing and how JKR presented her in the prince's tale! :)
I enjoyed the characterisation of Severus as well, you made his character believeable as a 14 year old and I also loved that you mentioned his relationship with his parents!
I spotted a couple of little grammar mistakes such as the use of 'you're' instead of your but apart from that a pretty good, solid opening chapter to what is going to be a great story!
R xxAuthor's Response: phew! Thank you so much! I was so worried that they would not be as presented in the book! Thank you for the review and the helpful grammar pointers, they mean alot to me! Report Review
I am enjoying this story. Keep writing!Author's Response: thank you so very much! Report Review
Great story! I can't wait to hear more.Author's Response: thank you so much!! :) Report Review
AH! I don't generally read maurader time frame fics, but I absolutely adore this! can't wait for more :DDAuthor's Response: thank you so very very much! Report Review
*sigh* I am so obsessed with Lily/Sev, and when I saw this one with that heartbreaking quote in the summary, I just had to try it!
I'm so glad I did.
Your writing is incredibly engrossing. I got lost in it, just like Sev in that I wanted to savor every moment, every word. I was sad when I ran out of text to absorb. Your characterization seems well done, and I'm excited to see what is to come, though I will be sad to see the parts that drift into the realm of canon. Poor Sevvie.
Great work, and please update soon! :)Author's Response: awe :) thank you so very very much! I am glad you enjoy it! I hope to keep as canon as possible! thank you for the review! Report Review
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