Reading Reviews for The Forbidden Box
  
10 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Akussa The Box

4th August 2011:
Hello dearest!

As you stated in the Author's note, the spacing is problematic, it breaks the flow of your great story when you always have to scroll and scroll. Also, I found that you tend to use the same vocabulary at times and ti gets a bit repetitive (eg : "Rose whined, dragging out the word “bored” into two syllables. She dragged her feet").

Other than that, this was a very entertaining little story. I found the characters were believable in regards to their ages (I particularily like that Lily and Hugo didn't finish their sign; children that age rarely finish what they begin!) and the way they interacted with each other.
I found the idea interesting and can't wait to read the next missions these kids will come up with.

One thing that bothered me a little is how easily the map opened for them. I would have liked it if the Marauders, through the map, had made things a little harder for the kids. But that's probably just me! Overall, good little story that put a smile on my face so, kudos!

Akussa (Gryffindor)

Author's Response: Hello, Akussa!

First off, thank you for leaving such a lovely long review! And I agree about the spacing, it annoys me to no end, but I don't know how to fix it. I'm also sorry about the verb repetition--I honestly didn't notice until you pointed it out. Thank you very much for that!

I spent a lot of time as a child playing with the girls I grew up with as sisters (and my actual, biological sister) and recall those times with fondness and clarity--it wasn't hard to make the characters' ages believable. I recently babysat two children down the street, and I was surprised the way the played with each other and their neighbors (who were outside at the time). The boys are about eight or so, and the girls ranged from three to nine, so I thought it was very cute the way they played together--they have a game called 'Farm Family,' where they play a family who lives on a farm and do farm chores. It was very sweet, and it was a lot like the way they interacted in my story, so I thought I must be doing it right :)

I know the map opened for them fairly easily, but the map seems very omniescent, does it not? I thought the map would sense their ages and make it a little easier :) I also thought of how Fred and George had found the map in Filch's office, and I couldn't think of how they would figure out how to open it. I thought it very unlikely they would just randomly tap it and say, "I solemnly swear I am up to no good." I concluded the map must have told them.

Again, thank you for taking the time to review, and for your constructive criticism! I really enjoyed reading this review!

flozoeoreo


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Review #2, by StellaJane The Box

29th July 2011:
This is so cute! I look forward to the next installment!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! The next installment is in progress :)

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Review #3, by hpgrl The Box

28th July 2011:
thanks :)
sorry about the trouble

Author's Response: Oh, no, it was no trouble! Again, I am SO sorry. It was all me. You have nothing to be sorry about :)
-flozoeoreo


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Review #4, by WonWonWover The Box

28th July 2011:
:) I like it Flora it's cool, I want to read the next one now! Keep it up sis!
10/10

Author's Response: Well, thank you very much! (Although you were sort of required to read it, being my sister and all...)

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Review #5, by cocoxoxo The Box

28th July 2011:
This is so cute! Let us know when the next part comes out.

Author's Response: Aww, thanks :) I'll be sure to!

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Review #6, by hpgrl The Box

28th July 2011:
hi,
This story was pointed out to me by one of my reviwers. I write a "mission" series based on things that the next generation does. I know you've read it as you left a review on mission 1. As much as I'm flattered that you like the general idea, I don't think it's appropriate for you to have a very similar title and summary, or the same idea for a series of one-shots that I'm currently writing. Please do something to change this.

I wish you the best in your writing, and I hope this didn't come off as rude- I just don't want anyone copying my story ideas.
hpgrl

Author's Response: I'm really sorry you feel this way! I assure you, this 'spy' thing is purely based on a game I played with my sister and some very close friends as kids, but I understand where you're coming from and I will change the title and summary. I'm really sorry about that, truly! I understand why you're upset and I am very sorry. I will change it as soon as I get a chance.
thanks and I'm very, very sorry!
flora


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Review #7, by Kin The Box

27th July 2011:
HAAH so cute!! the kids were adorable. And I love how they are such close friends/playmates as kids.

Author's Response: There are two families that my family has been really close with for as long as I can remember. My sister and I grew up with those girls like sisters and this was one of the games we played :) So I took our close relationship and put it into the story. Thank you so much for reviewing!

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Review #8, by LilyandJames4ever The Box

27th July 2011:
Ha, this made me laugh :) They're so cute.

Author's Response: thanks :) I love making people laugh!

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Review #9, by NextGenna14 The Box

27th July 2011:
Awww This was so cute! :)

Author's Response: Thanks :) I love writing next-gen, and writing about them as little kids is a lot of fun :)

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Review #10, by mugglemania The Box

27th July 2011:
very cute! good job!!!

Author's Response: thank you for the great review!

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