Reading Reviews for The Real Hermione Granger
  
3 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Mrs Jean Malfoy Chapter one

14th September 2014:
I really enjoyed it so far. I hope you continue to make more chapters

Author's Response: Thank you I plan to

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Review #2, by AussieLottie Chapter one

12th September 2014:
A very good and intriguing start... I'm excited to see where it goes! It's always refreshing to see a unique Dramione story- I hope that's what my own story does too! :P

10/10 and keep on writing!
~AussieLottie

Author's Response: Why thank you very much. I will definitely check out your stories as well. Please continue to read

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Review #3, by The_Crookshanks_Saga Chapter one

12th September 2014:
Hi Drae (I need something to call you, so..), i love snagging first review!

This is pretty good writing! I like the dream in the beginning, it was very interesting. The dialogue made sense, something that most beginning authors forget to evaluate, but there is something very important and missing from this. Have you heard of the term "OOC"? In case you haven't (idk), it means out of canon, and refers to characters that are already developed by their authors (like Hermione to J.K. Rowling). I'm not telling you this because Hermione shouldn't have powers or something-- there's a reason this is AU-- but because something that'll immediately stop a reader from reading (no, fishing) on is when a character that already has a developed personality is changed to what the author wants. Like, some of the lines in the dialogue between the Golden Trio weren't very believable, the characters in the books/movies wouldn't say that or they said it at the wrong time. It helps to imagine {Emma Watson} and ask yourself "Would {Hermione} really say this?" So I'd recommend going back and editing that :) but it's a common mistake, and very easy to make, so don't stress too much.

I like the basic plot, and you're driving it on pretty well, but that's the problem-- you're driving it. The plot has to flow naturally, it shouldn't be so obvious that you're setting us up for something unless you outright come and say it for a memory effect. I would recommend taking a look at shennanigan's "Clash" to see what I'm talking about and for some tips on tying the threads (BEWARE- it may be a delicious read, but it is 50 chapters long averaging about 8,000 words each).

I also think your imagery might need a bit of work. You do a bit too much "telling" instead of "showing"-- not using indicators like "The hair on Hermione's arms stood up, raised by horror, terror, and the ghosts of those awful memories" or something like that (sorry, off the top of my head in this freestyled review, definitely not the best example). It creates an, well, image, as I'm sure you know, and definitely makes the story a lot more fun to read! A challenge: for every piece of dialogue, try to include at least one piece of imagery, anywhere in the fic :)

I know this sounds like a lot of criticism, but I assure you it's only because I'm not praising your writing as much as it deserves to be. You've got a diamond in the rough here: keep chipping away, and you'll uncover something beautiful.

-Meena

Author's Response: Um...wow...thanks. I guess i'll try...

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