Ohmygod holy crap this was so, so amazing. I don't precisely remember what I said in my first review (I kind of died there for a little while) but the way you describe their emotions is so believable and poignant. The conversations, too, feel like a long forgotten memory, like something that really happened. I love that you have them a kind of happy ending but also showed that she and Sirius loved each other and I'm just so happy right now even though it was so sad that I'm rambling my ass off. Anyway. Fantastic writing, I saw no mistakes! :)Author's Response: thank you so, so much! this means the world to me :)) Report Review
I love short ones like this, I always read on before I start working on my own fanfic. It gets me in the mood, and gets me excited. This is going in my favorites, I really enjoyed it. It's realistic.. the way they hurt James. The imperfect characters. I loved it(:Author's Response: thank you so much! Report Review
This was a great chapter in its simplicity. I really liked how you chose to focus on Lily and her feelings, because the tension is really palpable. It really makes me hurt for all three of them, because don't they all deserve happiness? I think the title you chose is really appropriate - all of them are imperfect in their own ways, and thus all must hurt. Sirius/Lily can be hard to write, I imagine, but I think you pull it off well here. I'm not rooting for one pairing or the other.
It's hard to believe that the story will be finished with just one more chapter, but with the ending you selected, I can see it happening. Also, no need to apologize for the ending you chose - I think Lily could only be tormented for so long before wanting to come clean to James, so it seems realistic. It'll be interesting to see what becomes of Lily in the next chapter; I suppose we'll see what she deserves when all is said and done.
Great job! I really love this story.
academicaAuthor's Response: your response to this story so far has been overwhelming; thank you so much for your insightful reviews :) Report Review
Well Lily is right, it is unforgivable. But its better that James knows and can move on. At least she can say she was honest after betraying him.Author's Response: I suppose it is :) thanks for reviewing! Report Review
It's just amazing how much emotion you pack into this. I particularly love the 1978 part-the way you describe him regretting it is very moving and really stuck with me. Your writing style is wonderful. Can't wait to read more! :)Author's Response: thank you so much! :) Report Review
Oh I wasn't saying the ship couldn't work as an AU.
I was saying that it won't work with James ever trusting either of them again, Sirius in particular.
Again it's a guy thing. James has saved Sirius over and over again and this is how he pays him back.
They can't be mates again, it just never happens, and for a good reason.Author's Response: thanks for reviewing :) Report Review
This is the only realy problem with this ship. To get it to work you have to make Sirius such a horrible person that you can't like him anymore.
I know girls don't have a code and will pretty much do anything to their friends. But among guys what Sirius did is unforgivable. Particularly given all the things James has done for him over the year.
No guy I know would be friends with a mate who did that. So now Sisurs better hope that Lily is going to take care of him cause he's out of the Marauders for certain this time.Author's Response: I'm not sure how to respond, except with the obvious - that you're very much entitled to your own opinion in regards of this ship. I've never been a particularly big Sirily fan, and I've never read S/L fanfiction, but personally, I don't see why one has to write Sirius in such a bad way.
To me, these are very complex characters under a lot of pressure, and in a very dark, dark time. People makes mistakes, and now, both he and Lily have made one. I'm not justifying the fact that they've done this, and I'm planning on having them both regret it A LOT. Anyway, this is my take on the three of them, and I'm actually enjoying the exploration of the love-triangle, but if it works or not, well, I suppose it's all subjective :)
Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
It's hard to think of another way of starting this except for "wow!" though I started my review of the last chapter that way. This chapter is more of an all-caps wow because of that ending and the sharp contrast is sets with the first parts of the chapter. Just when you made it seem as though James had nothing to worry about, you throw in that last scene that increases suspense and makes me want more of this story.
So while James's fears were indeed just fears, with Sirius and Lily as only friends during school, those fears are realized later on, and I wonder what happens in between, how Sirius makes the leap from loving Lily from afar to an outright relationship. You paint Sirius with such light touches, yet he's so well-developed, practically leaping off the page. I really liked the way you emphasized his sense of guilt and regret. His relationship with James is a complex one, but it's also very strong - his every-other thought is for James, which is sad when I think back to James's thoughts of Sirius and his painful jealousy. You don't even need to include direct dialogue between these wizards to make the atmosphere fraught with tension. I'm rather worried about what will happen when they do confront one another, whether at Hogwarts or after in that 1978 timeframe.
This is fantastic, Steph! I don't know what else to say because your story has left me speechless with all sorts of emotions - fear for what will happen next, envy for your writing talents, enjoyment at reading something so well-constructed. It's amazing work - that's all there is to say. ^_^
- Violet Gryfindor (Hufflepuff)Author's Response: I don't even know what to say, so I'll just be brief and say this: thank you so, so much for this kind review. I'm quite speechless :3
Wow, what a powerful chapter! You did such a wonderful job characterizing Sirius. He's much deeper than the jokester or sidekick we usually see in fanfiction. I thought the sense of regret I got from him in the final section was especially tangible, but all of his emotions came through quite well for me. I am curious, though, as to why we never found out why Lily was crying. Perhaps that's coming in a later chapter?
Great job! Your writing is very powerful, and I'm really enjoying this story. I was so excited when I saw it had been updated :)
academica (Slytherin)Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm very pleased you liked my portrayal of Sirius; I really enjoyed writing this chapter :)
As for why Lily was crying, I hadn't thought of mentioning it at all, but maybe I will in the next chapter ^_^ Report Review
Wow, you've really written a stunning portrayal of James's jealousy. It's an overwhelming jealous that gives this story a breathless quality - one can feel his anger rising and bubbling over - but what's extraordinary about it is that it's such a strange jealousy. Lily isn't even his yet and he feels this way. It's almost terrifying how much he's made her into an object - something to worship and possess, who has no free will of her own. I get the chills just thinking about it because she could just be talking to Sirius in a normal sort of way, but James makes his own interpretation based entirely on his jealousy.
It's a very different way of writing Sirius/Lily, but I like it very much because it reveals what it must have been like for James had the Sirily ship sailed. And also because it shows that his love for Lily was really an obsession - she was unattainable, and therefore he wants her. A lot of Sirily stories make James this tragic hero whom Sirius betrays by being with Lily, but here, James is wounding himself. He's shipping Sirius and Lily himself!
This was excellent! I love all of the psychological aspects that this story offers and that you were able to do so much in just over a thousand words. You set a perfect atmosphere that suits James's internal struggles, doing so with a careful choice of words that add to the terseness and tension in the air. This is a great story so far, and I'm looking forward to reading more of this story to see where you'll take the characters next. :D
- Violet Gryfindor (Hufflepuff)Author's Response: I'm so happy you liked the way I portrayed James' jealousy; I was a bit worried that I'd gotten his character completely wrong (...and maybe I have), but I still think he'd be the type to really overanalyze every little situation involving Lily, and still feeling like he has some sort of claim on her because he's liked her for so long. Pretty messed up, maybe (now that I think of it), but yeah, felt like it was the way to write it, and I'm happy you think I did a good job. He's totally shipping them! He's reading into a relationship on no grounds whatsoever, but he's in way over his head and can't seem to find a way out.
Anyway, thank you so much for this insightful review, you've no idea how much it means to me that you're enjoying this story :) Report Review
Oh, Steph. As is the case with everything I've read lately, it was on the screen of my phone while I was hiding from relatives (what a way to spend vacation, hehe), but now I'm home and there's been an update and I am all sunshine and smiles. Because 1. You're back. 2. You're back with Sirius/Lily/James, one of my favorite love triangles containing two of my favorite ships. I've missed you so much in this world, and you've come back with something that is very subtle, but very lovely.
I don't remember who, but in the reviews for this fic someone remarked on how perfect it was for Sirius to have said the "We are all sinners" line in the prologue, and I can't help but agree. I feel like he was a lot more... melancholy, I guess?... than most fic writers usually acknowledge, and that he said that seems to work very nicely with the vision of him we have in canon.
Also, I adore that you've referenced the fact that most people's characterizations of James have him put Lily on a pedestal, loving her so totally and so blindly that she can't actually be human. That paragraph, beginning with "James would never admit it to himself," really sealed the deal for me; it made the hey, this is pretty amazing lightbulb go off in my head and the gush of adoration, er, gush forth.
Gubby waits, and waits, and sends all her love♥Author's Response: I'm so sorry for this late reply, Gubby, but I've just been stunned by your incredible review. Anyway, I'm here now :3
Being away from writing for as long as I've been, well, I guess it simply made me doubt somewhat my ability to even form a grammatically correct sentence, more or less - so I was really worried about this piece since I hadn't written in so long but also because it's really different from anything else I've tried to tackle. But then, reading your review, it just made me really, really happy, and relieved, to be honest.
I'm so glad you're liking this so far; and I'm so glad you're liking the way I'm writing James and Lily's relationship, especially. They're one of my favorite canon ships, but I do very much like the idea that maybe it was an unhealthy type of love - James worshipping her, and Lily somehow having to live up to this image he's created of her for so long. And I'm usually a sucker for these types of love-triangles; the white knight type of character, the leading lady with doubts and the best friend. So yeah, it was time to explore it.
Ugh, ranting, aren't I? Anyway, thank you so, so much for dropping by. I've missed being here a lot and I've missed you too, loads! I hope the coming chapters won't come as a disappointment, since I'm all over the place with an outline for this story. Makes it all the more fun, though :3 Report Review
Great second chapter! I thought you really characterized James well, and using the Marauders' Map to "uncover the affair" (if it actually happened) was genius. This story looks like it will explore some unpleasant intricacies in the friendships between the four boys, and I'm very excited about reading further, so please update soon! Great job! :)Author's Response: I will try! Thank you so much for your reviews ^_^ Report Review
This is fantastic! I don't usually ship Sirius/Lily, but something about the way you wrote this makes it seem deliciously dangerous, even scandalous. I absolutely love it. Moving on to chapter two now! :)Author's Response: Thank you! ^_^ Report Review
Well thats the end of the James/Lily. No way he forgives either of them when he finds out. I mean can you imagine ever trusting either of them again?Author's Response: Maybe not necessarily ^_^ Anything can happen in a fic! Report Review
It's wonderful to see another story from you, Steph, especially a Sirily because they're so far and few between these days, and I know you'll certainly do justice to the ship. ^_^ This looks like it'll be a fantastic read, from what you have in this little taste of it.
I like how you've set up the circumstances of the relationship, as it's been done in so many different ways - yours is entirely plausible and logical because it makes sense that people like James and Lily, different in a number of ways (and certainly not harmonious in their personalities :P), would have lots of disagreements, some of which would lead Lily to leave him, even if only for a short time. And with Sirius, she could talk about James with someone who understands him and his ways. It just works so well, especially with how you've made Lily flawed and knowledgeable of those flaws - it's like she's rebelling against that perfection so many people have inflicted upon her character.
Of course your use of language is beautiful to read, and I really look forward to the rest of this story. I'm curious as to what you'll have happen next and how you'll further develop the three characters. :D Amazing work!Author's Response: Ugh, Susan, you have no idea how happy you've made me. I'm very glad that you see the potential in this fic, and that you're interested in more. Hopefully I won't disappoint with the coming chapters! ^_^ It's been ages since I've written, after all :3 Thank you for reviewing, means the world. Report Review
Yay! Steph is back and with a vengeance!
This is brilliant love and a Sirly as well. Engrossing, almost hauntinhg, I just breezed through the entire thing and it has leff me craving for more! It's not even the kiss. It is the need to know what circumstances leed to it
Keep it up loff. I missed you and your poetic writing. Never leave again.Author's Response: Rita! :D
I was so surprised by this lovely review and it totally made my day. I am so happy you liked this short prologue, and that it's left you wanting more! More is on its way, promise ^_^
Aw, thanks love. Missed you too! Report Review
I like Sirius's line, "We are all sinners." It fits him perfectly. I like how Lily realizes she's not perfect and she's not quite sure why James has put her up on this pedestal. It's sad to think that maybe he had fallen in love with the idea of her instead and this realization has driven her to seek comfort in Sirius. Nice start. It'd be interesting to see how it all plays out.Author's Response: It is sad, isn't it? I don't know where it came from, but the idea hit me and I was a bit angry at myself for it, because I am generally a huge J/L shipper. I am happy you find this interesting so far. Thank you for reviewing, means the world! Report Review
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