Reading Reviews for Bystander
16 Reviews Found

Review #1, by a fan Bystander

15th July 2015:
Wow. I love your writing. I love how raw and real it felt. I love how they remained unnamed. I love that it could have been anybody, really. My mind thought Lavender, but it could have been any couple. You write with intent, pick every word carefully. Excellent job. Powerful and heavy and impactful.

Author's Response: Thanks so much! That means a lot, especially at a time in my life when my writing is a little stop-and-go. It was definitely written to be a sort of everyman, though I had an OC couple in mind myself when I wrote this. Since it was before the final movie came out, I definitely see where it could be Lavender in that film, too.

Thanks for the kind words and taking the time to review!

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Review #2, by nott theodore Bystander

12th July 2014:
Hi Rachel!

Your writing in this story is, like always, of a really high quality and I never notice spelling or grammar mistakes. I'm so jealous of your talents :P I loved the ambiguity in this piece - I think that it's so clever when people don't reveal who the narrator of a piece is, and it works especially well when it's a story as short as this, and I couldn't really work out who the characters involved in this story were but I loved it all the same! My only guess would be at Colin and Dennis Creevey, perhaps? But I'm not at all sure because it seemed more like a boyfriend and girlfriend to me...

The descriptions in this were really good even though it was only a short piece; I think that my favourite thing about the story was the narrative voice that you used because I loved the way that you blended first and second person together and emphasised the horror of having to watch the ordeal. But this was lovely, and the last line was really powerful!

Sian :)
Gryffindor House Cup 2014 Review

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Review #3, by UnluckyStar57 Bystander

11th July 2014:
Oh my. This was really well-written, and so intriguing! Who is speaking? Who is the narrator's friend/sibling? I can tell that they're at the Battle of Hogwarts, but I can't exactly place who the people might be, just based on the clues you gave. But being mystified isn't necessarily a bad thing. :)

Perhaps you meant it to be a more universal thing?There were lots of people who died in the battle, and the people who survived certainly had a lot of grief and guilt to deal with. It's really beautiful that you showed all of that guilt and grief in only 500 words.

The last line, "I'm so sorry," is perfect. It sums up the whole thing so succinctly and melancholic-ly. :)

Brilliant story!

House Cup 2014 Review


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Review #4, by Pretense Of Perfection Bystander

9th July 2014:
This was very sad and heartbreaking. I typically don't like reading second person POV, because for some reason it usually confuses me, but I surprisingly found this easy to follow and a pleasant read. I actually think it adds to the story, because it almost made me feel like I could've been there, at what I'm assuming is the battle of Hogwarts. Your MC's anguish over doing nothing and feeling so helpless is palpable, and I can't help but wonder who you had in mind when you were writing this, Dennis and Colin maybe? I think you did a good job keeping the feelings and emotions in life with the overall tone and setting of the story. the bit about how they've read about their attacker in the paper and now he's standing there in front of them made it all feel so very real. I like the title you chose, it's simple yet fits the story so completely. I didn't notice any spelling or grammar errors, and I really loved the idea behind the story. Amazing!

--house cup 2014 review--
pretense of perfection, gryffindor

Author's Response: This story is actually in first person, which may have contributed to the ease with which you've read it, but I do love writing in second person as well. The two people I had in mind writing this are actually a couple of non-canon characters, just students who got caught up in the battle, because I think it's a really interesting thing to look outside the main Potter cast and imagine how they view the plot events.

Thanks again for reviewing!

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Review #5, by slytherinchica08 Bystander

17th January 2013:
Wow Rachel! I was sucked in right from the beginning! I really felt for the guy who just watched (I'm going to assume his girlfriend) be dragged away during the war and killed. The way you described everything was just so beautiful and I felt like I was there in a way. This oneshot is just so sad but yet so beautiful (and by that I mean your writing) and I'm just in awe of it. I can't even imagine what it would be like to be in his position but I can tell you that my heart felt for him. Really well done as always! Great Job!


Author's Response: I didn't expect a review on this story -- this made my whole day! :) With older stories like this, seeing a new review at all is quite a lovely and unexpected surprise, and one that I thank you for!

There were no set characters in my head when I wrote this -- it was a sort of image that popped into my head after watching one of the trailers for the last movie, and it was just so powerful I started writing about it without much direction. I think that both of the characters are OCs, and in my mind, the victim is the speaker's boyfriend, actually! But you're not supposed to know, of course; interpretation is ENTIRELY up to you! I rather like that you interpreted it differently than I did, because it means I got universality across to at least one person, which was a goal of mine.

I'm so pleased you liked the writing style, too. You leave such nice reviews. ♥ Thank you so much for reading this for me, Erica! I appreciate it very much!

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Review #6, by prettywishes Bystander

22nd November 2012:
At this point I totally feel as though I am stalking you by reading so many things of yours, but I seriously feel as though I'm going to have to read everything that you wrote over the next few days. I hope that you don't mind the stalking.

Anyways, this was a strong piece mostly because of the fact that there were so few details. I think that being able to imagine this being a million different people makes it so unique. I'm now trying to come up with some story about them in my head. I feel like so many times its forgotten how many love stories and heartbreaks there were, torn apart families, all that had absolutely no relation to any of the characters in the book. And this fic made me think of all of them. Another great piece.

Author's Response: I honestly cannot thank you enough, actually! I'm responding to your reviews a bit out of order, doing this, but I just wanted to say that in no way do I mind. Seriously -- the fact that you are enjoying my writing enough to do this is... I would say phenomenal, but the word doesn't even come close.

This story was inspired with faceless people in mind, and I love that so many people seem to think it's applicable across the board! I have an OC couple in my head, but it definitely could be anybody, and I kind of want to leave that up to reader interpretation. That's what a story should be: A reader should be able to interact with an author's words, I think.

I'm beyond grateful that you're reading so much of my writing! And I honestly cannot tell you what it means to me (though I'll certainly try!). Thank you, thank you, thank you so much for all these reviews and wonderful words! ♥

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Review #7, by WitnesstoitAll Bystander

2nd July 2012:
Ah, Rachel! I knew you are the master of the 500 word one shot so I scurried over here for the third round of the ultimate review challenge. :P I loved that this story could be about any of the multitude of student who faught in the Battle of Hogwarts -- they all lived through such horrible circumstances. The fact that you don't identify them really speaks to the fact that they could be anybody. I love the use of You and I and He as the main characters of this, too. That's a difficult construct to maintain, but you did so admirably.

(I was totally trying to write a 500 word review, and couldn't even do that... so even more props for writing as many 500 word stories as you have. :P )


Author's Response: Master, you say? Baww, I blush. ♥ I love writing these stories, and sometimes it's easier to write 500 words than try and come up with something coherent for more, if that makes any sense at all, so there you have it.

This came from a scene that kept replaying itself in my mind from the DH Pt. 2 trailer, perhaps a month or two before the movie's release, and I saw it so /clearly/ in my mind that I knew I had to write it out, make sense of it. I'm so glad you enjoyed it!! :) I have vague OCs in my mind, but really you're right -- this is very much an everyman story, and I sort of like that. It's really whoever you want it to be, OC or canon character, male or female.

Writing with varying points of view, too, is something I've been tackling in one-shots; I suppose that's part of the experimental side of things, which can almost be traced back to around the time I wrote this! But anyway. ♥ Seriously, thank you so much for reading this for me, and I'm so happy you liked it. :D And thank you for being such an awesome friend, as well!

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Review #8, by angelicdemon1209 Bystander

14th May 2012:
It's beautiful... It must have been what went through hundreds of people during the war. Did you have any character in my mind when you wrote this?

Author's Response: Oh, this is one of my favorite one-shots I've written -- I'm so pleased to hear that you enjoyed it! :3 For some reason it's quite distinct in my mind who this story is about. It's an OC/OC couple, two seventh year Ravenclaws named Mark and Julia. This came to me in a series of mental stills, actually, after watching one of the DH trailers -- if that makes any sense!

Thanks again for all these reviews. I'm really trying to express how grateful I am for them without sounding like a broken record. :P You're awesome!

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Review #9, by rj_sunshine Bystander

10th January 2012:
This is amazing. The words are so passionate and even though it is short, everything that needed to be said was said. Fantastic :)
The results of the No Dialogue challenge will be up soon in the Hall of Fame and in my blog

Author's Response: Hey, thanks so much for coming by! True story -- I'd forgotten I'd entered this challenge until about a week ago, when I saw the deadline extension, and I'm really glad I remembered to give you the link to this so long ago. :P

I'll be eagerly awaiting the results -- thank you again for the review! Hope to see you around soon!

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Review #10, by FoundriaPenguin Bystander

30th September 2011:
Wow. Even though it was 500 words, that was a really powerful piece. :O

JANECHEL, I AM HERE AGAIN DUE TO YOUR EPIC CORVARIUM STALKING POWERS. ♥ Anyways, I love the way you craft stories. You have great description that I envy from the deepest corners of my heart. D: I hope you're up to sharing some with me! 8D

You don't name any characters in this story, but from the first few bits of the one-shot my mind immediately flew to Harry and Ginny. I think it was this bit that officially sold me: "why would he choose you, out of hundreds? But you were his target from the first moment he saw you, it seems."

However, once you mentioned the ages, my mind casted around for a possible name and face...but this one-shot could've really happened to anyone during the final battle. It's like you had the final battle on tape in front of you, you randomly paused it at this one point and saw the scene unfolding in front of you. It all seems so very real.

For example, the fear you've put into the narrator's description of the scene is great and terrible at the same time. Great in terms of writing, of course, since yours is practically impeccable, and terrible in terms of how it made me feel! I sympathize a lot with characters in general. :P But I felt so conflicted as I read the second half of the story. The fact that you can invoke such emotion in your readers is a mark of a good writer :)

Excellent job on this, love. It really ought to have more reviews like your other stuff has :) Even if it's short, you've fit the perfect amount of substance into 500 words, and it's not even fluff, it's deep stuff. It's such a sensitive topic this one-shot had to be rated mature. ;) I had a few favorite lines in here, but I don't think they're 12+ so I won't put them in the review heh xD

This was brill, if you couldn't tell from my ramblings already.

much love,
jordan ♥

Author's Response: JORDANNN. -flail-

The characters in this story are OCs -- OC Ravenclaws, actually. I'm not sure where they came from or what I'll do with them, but they're stuck in my mind. :3

You know what's funny? This one-shot came about because I'd seen one of the trailers for DH Pt. 2, one of the battle scenes, and it was replaying itself in my head. :D YOU'RE SUCH A GENIUS, JORDAN. ♥

Thank you heaps and bounds for such a lovely review, dear. -hugs- It totally made my day!

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Review #11, by alicia and anne Bystander

14th August 2011:
Wow! I have so many questions! who is it about? why were they being killed? what happened before it got to this point? I was hooked from the first few lines and was eager to read more!
You got so much information in so little words, it was just fantastic and I congratulate you for making it 500, I'm not even going to attempt to make a story that long :-p

alicia and anne

Author's Response: Ahh! I love questions. :)

The characters are an OC/OC Ravenclaw seventh year couple by the name of Mark and Julia. The story is from Julia's point of view as she reflect on the memories of seeing Mark being dragged away by Greyback in the battle for Hogwarts. It's the being dragged over the splintered wood and stone -- not Greyback -- that kills him, and she's consumed with guilt that she was rendered paralyzed and unable to save him. Hope that answers your questions!

Thanks so much for such a lovely review -- it totally made my morning to wake up to it. Glad to hear you enjoyed the story!

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Review #12, by NaidatheRavenclaw Bystander

11th August 2011:
Wow. Give me a minute to take this all in. It's

This is so emotional. The imagery you've used is gorgeous, in a terrible way, if that makes any sense.You're describing a horrible event, with a ton of sorrow and angst, but it's done in such a beautiful way. I really felt for your main character, and the unknown lover. Their story was tragic. And that end, wow. That's the only word I need to sum up this entire story. Wow.
-NaidatheRavenclaw, Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Naida, your reviews are so lovely, it's hard for me to respond to them. :3 Thank you so much for such beautiful compliments, and I am so glad you found such enjoyment in the read!

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Review #13, by MyMyMiss Bystander

5th August 2011:
Hey :) MyMyMiss from the Forums here with your requested review.

Well...Umm.. Wow.

Have you actually read your own story? Well I suppose you have. ^.^ This was incrediable. The emotion, the depth, the sadness of this story toward the end is really emotional to read. Yes, I am crying, but lets move on. >.<

The way this story is written is really unique. I can see and feel the story, I can feel myself running through the halls with whoever is holding my hand, I can see those around me falling and fighting, throwing spells in all directions while some are running for higher or lower ground. You take a really sad story and turned it into a beautifly written piece of work.

I am really impressed with this story. It just has me gapping as I re-read it for the sixth time ^.^

Only one fault, which is minor and my own opinion is..
-why would he choose you, out of hundreds? But you were his target from the first moment he saw you, it seems.
I personally think the , it seems. makes the sentence drag a little, just a tiny bit, miniture ^.^

Anyway, thank you for writing such a beautiful piece of writing. ^.^ I think i'm going to raid your page later for more beautiful stories x

Forum Name: MyMyMiss
House: Slytherin.

Author's Response: Wow! This was a fantastic review -- you have left me virtually speechless. :) Thank you! This definitely made my day.

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Review #14, by Toujours Padfoot Bystander

31st July 2011:
I believe that you are morally obligated to tell me who the characters are in this story. I must know!! I keep thinking that they must be on the Death Eater side, with all of the references to "he". Draco, Crabbe, Goyle...let's see...Blaise...roar. But then they say that they are the victors. So they must not be real Death Eaters. And they seem pretty pro-Hogwarts, defending it. But then again, he/she (?) watches as their friend gets pulled away by someone who doesn't even look human (Voldemort? Greyback?)
You are taunting me. This one-shot felt so much longer, so much more detailed, that it feels impossible that it was only 500 words. It sucked me in completely, and I NEED TO KNOW WHO THESE PEOPLE ARE.
Amazing, amazing job. 10/10, of course.

Author's Response: Well, you know who the people are. SO. A poem for you.

Pineapples are delicious, true,
But eating soap is good for you.
I have a hat that I named Jack,
I keep a donkey in a sack.

Not my best work. SO SLEEP DEPRIVED.

Love you forever and ever, yo.


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Review #15, by Lunnah Bystander

31st July 2011:
Hi there! I actually submitted a review earlier but I registered for Pottermore at the same time and somehow it crashed? Anyway, sorry about that...

Basically, wow. I absolutely loved this. Its so short and powerful and I think the style and tone are all wonderfully simple and resonate with the reality of what that battle must have been like for the students. I don't know if you had specific characters in mind (I at least imagined Greyback as the attacker) but I saw so many different scenes in my mind as I read through this and I think the universal element to its anonymity is really chilling. I can visualize anyone and everyone in this scene and I think its lovely.

I loved how you said they were "playing at being adults" because seventeen is a lot younger than I used to think it was...most of them were just students and had never even imagined such a real sort of terror. I think you captured this very well and if you look past the passionate canon characters I think there is a lot of general fear and chaos in the battle. Its very moving to imagine the memories they must have from this day.

Anyway, thank you for posting about this. Its beautiful!


Author's Response: The characters are OCs, a Ravenclaw couple named Mark and Julia (who is narrating, remembering having to watch Mark die). Greyback was the attacker, but it was being dragged across splintered wood that killed him, not being mauled by a werewolf.

Thank you so much for being willing to leave such a sweet and lovely review for me! :3

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Review #16, by maskedmuggle Bystander

31st July 2011:
Wow. Absolutely WOW.

I haven't read/reviewed a HPfic in ages, but when I saw your status on the forums I suddenly decided to read this.
a) it was only 500 words, and
b) i knew you were an amazing writer

Again, you didn't disappoint. 500 words, but I feel like you wrote a 1000 words story. You put in so much emotion and description.. honestly, this is just a really talented piece of writing.

I just love how you wrote this. It's so gorgeous in a sad way. The last line just hits you, and it's so powerful, the whole fic. Honestly, I loved this whole fic, really amazing work! You are such an amazing writer!

- Charlotte

(P.S, who are the characters? Maybe I missed it, or is the anonymity intended?) Either way, seriously amazing story. I think the fact that you didn't mention any names made the fic that much more mysterious and powerful.

Author's Response: CHARLOTTE. This was such a lovely review, and I just cannot even express my gratitude for it. I have been sitting here trying to form a coherent response and nothing is coming out.

As for the characters, they are both OCs and are very well defined in my head. :) The girl, who is narrating, is named Julia, and she is watching her boyfriend Mark as he dies. He's being dragged by Greyback, and it's the dragging that kills him (over splintered wood), not the werewolf. They're Ravenclaws.

THANK YOU SO MUCH. This review made my whole week! :3

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