AngelofDoe here. Here's your review for entering the challenge.
I found this story quite interesting. The interactions between the two brothers and how it defined Reg's life. I enjoy how Reg saying he is the only one who can protect himself is like slapping Sirius in the face.
Just a thought, maybe you could work on paragraphing a bit to create a better flow.
It was an enjoyable read and thank you for entering the challenge.
Lollie :DAuthor's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed it and I'm glad that it won 3rd place. It means a lot to me, since I worked so hard on it :) Report Review
Hey there, it's DarkRose again. :]
Okay, so, a few errors before the real review: in your summary (as well as parts of your story), "brother" shouldn't be capitalized. It's not a proper noun, unless Regulus actually
calls Sirius "Brother."
Also, the end of one sentence says, "walked out of the layer." when it should be "walked out of the lair."
Mmkay, that's it for errors. Now, the reviewing part:
Plot-wise, I think you did well. You worked the quote in very nicely. The only issue I've got with the plot is that you don't really get too much explanation of what Regulus is thinking. It's sort of flat: "I hate my brother." instead of having more depth, if that makes sense...
Characterization is good. I liked it. I feel quite bad for both the brothers...rough life.
Perhaps add some more descriptions to flesh things out, but other than that, great job! I liked it.
--Emily (DarkRose, Ravenclaw)Author's Response: Thank you for your review. As for the errors, thank you for pointing them out. And as for the explination, I think it came over fine. He hated his brother because he left him with his abusive parents. He hadn't even asked Reggie to go with him, and it upset him. Sirius was the one that protected him, now he had to protect himself. Thank you for your review :) Report Review
Ok, so this was interesting to read. I thought that you captured the life of the Black family very well. It seemed incredibly likely that Orion wasnt particularlly nice to his children, and when Regulus stepped in for Sirius, it made me smile. All too often people write Sirius and Regulus as though they hated eachother from the start, which is probably not true at all- and you captured my opinion of this. I liked how most of Regulus' resentment for Sirius was because of Sirius leaving him. I thought that that was a very touching point, and also realistic. I found the switches between the different scenes slightly sudden- maybe you could put something like description in to make the scenes blend together slightly? This is however just my opinion and what does that count for anyway! XD
I thought that the quote was perfect for this story, and I really enjoyed how you managed to weave it into the plot almost seamlessly. I also appreciate how Voldy called off the battle before Regulus could do any damage to Sirius... Up to that point, I was thinking Will he hurt Sirius... Won't he...? so that was cool.
Leanne (leannemariesnape, Hufflepuff)Author's Response: Aww, I'm touched by what you said. I tried hard to incorperate the quote, and I found it pretty easy. I took a LOT of time writing this so it would be perfect. The way I see it, Regulus didn't hate his Brother for a long time.
Thank you for pointing out the scene change. I was having trouble with that. And thank you for your review. Much love :) Report Review
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