This is pretty awesome. I love how Molly isn't just a stereotypical Seeker! You did a great job with keeping the stereotypes out of this, which is admirable, especially when working with the Weasleys. I can't say I ever thought that anyone would be prejudice against Percy, but now that you bring it up it seems more than possible.
I really love how you made Molly nervous about telling her Dad. Usually the Weasley kids are brave, up front characters, not really having their own fears and stuff. If you aren't working with the Weasley kid (and I do this too) then they fade into the background and just become a genaric Weasley, and I think Percy's kids are like this a lot, but you did a great job of making Molly her own character.
Also, I like that Molly and her father had a close relationship, even though they didn't agree on some things. This is with Lucy and Molly too. Usually we see in fics that Lucy and Molly don't like each other, or Molly/Lucy have so large of an age gap that they aren't close.
Basically, I realy love this fic and am going to read more. Yes. I'll do that now.
~ElleAuthor's Response: Hi Elle, thanks for tagging! I haven't worked on this story in forever, and it's so cool to get some feedback on it :)
I feel like Next Gen has its established stereotypes about all the characters, plus everyone has their set ideas in mind about the Weasleys. I wanted to play around with creating a character that challenged stereotypes, and so Molly happened. I'm glad you like her! I wanted to make her a strong character, but also show her fears and weaknesses.
Lucy and Molly work really well together; the two of them are so different that they can point out each other's blind spots. And the same will be true about Molly and Percy too (that is, if I ever update.) They're more alike than Molly thinks, but they still have a lot to learn from each other.
Thanks so much! I'm so glad you enjoyed it!
Well like I've said before your characterization is perfect, the flow of the story is great and everything is going through so smoothly. I'm interested in learning more about the characters that you introduced in this chapter. :)
Great story so far! Don't change a think. You're doing a great job! :)Author's Response: Thank you so much for all your lovely reviews! I feel so encouraged to keep working on this story...you completely made my day! I'm glad you're interested in reading more, and I'll definitely be re-requesting when my next chapter is up. Again, I so appreciate your time and feedback! :) Report Review
I love Molly's strong/bold attitude in this! I loved the beginning and with her telling the man that called her an amazon to not ever do it again. I loved how he was completely taken aback too!
Also I really love the relationship that Molly has with Harry. I like the fact that her family was supporting her and her Quidditch career.
I loved when it got awkward when Ron turned to Hermione and said: "Lets go see if we can find that bar!" :) That was a pretty priceless moment.
I loved how Molly stood up to Percy about what she wanted to do. Perhaps Percy will finally comprehend that she is going to do what she wants to do.
Once again I loved Lucy's supportive nature. :)
10/10! I just love it and you're pacing is great. :)Author's Response: Hi again!
Personally, this is my favorite chapter of the story so far, and I'm glad you enjoyed it too! Molly doesn't let people mess with her, that's for sure. This scene was a blast to write, especially that guy's reaction :)
Molly and Harry do have a very close relationship, and I'm glad that came across here. And Percy and Molly definitely have some rough spots to work through, but they'll get it sorted out eventually :)
I'm glad the pace is working for you so far. I'm afraid of dragging things out too long, but judging by this review, I might be doing a better job than I think :)
Thanks again for stopping by! I'm so glad you're liking it so far, and thanks again for taking the time to review. Report Review
So far I really enjoy your Molly! You write her differently then most authors do which is very refreshing! I like her attitude and how positive she is about playing Quidditch. You give her a backbone which I really like to read!
At first I was a little weary of Lucy. Not with how you wrote her but with how she was acting towards Molly at the beginning about her hair. But then I liked seeing how she was very supportive towards her sister and her career choice :)
I enjoyed seeing Percy from a different point of view and I liked the fact that you still have Percy very dedicated to the Ministry and wanting to impress the right people.. Somehow it doesn't surprise me that he would try talking Molly out of playing Quidditch because he was never much of a Quidditch player himself.
So far great start to your story and the pacing is great :) Excited to see where you take the characters in it! Sorry that it took me so long to review :)Author's Response: Hi! Thank you so much for your reviews!
I'm thrilled to hear you like Molly! She's so much fun to write. And I get what you mean about Lucy, but I'm glad you warmed up to her by the end of the chapter :)
I've been getting mixed opinions about Percy, so I'm really glad you approve of him! :) I'm really excited to keep writing him in the later chapters.
Don't worry about being late...I'm actually really impressed with how timely you were, since I'm such a slow reviewer myself. Thanks so much for your opinions and encouragement!
--Maggie Report Review
I think this fic has promise, this is the sort of thing I would normally read, but I do think you have a bit of a problem with repetition and over-doing things slightly, or perhaps dragging things on for too long. Youíve got an engaging, down to earth style of writing that I love, and your spelling and grammar seemed fine, but despite your three thousand plus word count, nothing much really happened. You introduce us to the characters, we learn that Molly is a great seeker and a bit of a tomboy, but I thought that the discussion of the article dragged. It kept coming up again and again in the conversation between Molly and Lucy and didnít really add anything that we didnít already know. Once we learned that Lucy thought Molly a good Seeker, you could have jumped to the part about Percy, which would have moved the story along and added a new layer to the story. Every line of your story has to be interesting and has to add something or itís not worth including. Readers arenít going to remember the odd boring line or two, but they will remember a lot of them, which will detract from the actual story.
In terms of characterisation, I think youíve set Molly up as an interesting person. I donít think weíve seen that much of her yet, but sheís interesting in terms of her situation (her want to be a Quidditch player conflicting with the wants of her father) and she seems very likable and down to earth, and I would keep on reading to see how she develops, to see what else we learn about her. I would be careful because in places she does come across as being a little bit of a tomboy Sue, but I think that is down again to the overly-long discussion of her being a great seeker because I didnít get that impression of her when I read on further.
Percy I am holding judgement on. On the surface he seems to be the same old ambitious Percy from the books, and I do think he would have changed a little in the intervening years and learned a lot from his experiences during Deathly Hallows, but we havenít really seen much of him yet.
In answer to your questions, I would read on because I am intrigued about the possible conflict between Percy and Molly, and also because I took to Molly as a character.Author's Response: Hi! Thanks so much for stopping by!
Yeah...pacing is something I worry about a lot with this story (with all my stories, really.) Thanks for your honest opinion. I will definitely try to get things moving a little faster in the future.
I'm glad you like Molly so far! She is definitely a tomboy, but she has a lot of room to grow during the story. In future chapters I hope to show more sides to her character.
And as for Percy, you're not the first person to say this about him, and I see where you're coming from. While I agree that he would have changed after his DH experience, I think that his main change would be in his family relationships. I don't see him changing his personality. In my mind, Percy learns to stay close with his family while still remaining who he is. Hopefully that all makes sense!
Thank you so much for your time and honesty! I'm glad you're seeing potential here, and I really appreciate the review :)
--Maggie Report Review
I love this chapter! The chemistry among your various OCs is great, and I love how you've characterized them. I also like reading about Hufflepuff because I feel like it's an often forgotten house that needs more stories written about it. This story is really original, and I absolutely love Molly's character. I can't give you any useful advice for improving it because I love it that much! I just hope that some of my comments on Molly and Percy helped a bit. Hah. I'm definitely adding this to my favorites! Excellent job!
AetherAuthor's Response: Hey again! I'm so excited to hear you liked the OC's. And the stuff about Percy and Molly was really good for me to hear--I will definitely keep it in mind when I'm developing their relationship.
I'm so glad you liked it! Thanks for adding it to your favorites, and for taking the time to review! I so appreciate it :) Report Review
"Dad, I'm a Quidditch player, okay? There is nothing else out there for me. I just hope someday you can open your mind enough to accept that."
Great chapter. Molly seems really strong, and I like that about her character. However, I felt really sad when she said this quote above, and I began to sort of understand Percy's point of view. I know this is terrible, and he's not being a very good father right now. But I see something disturbing behind Molly's words here. "This is nothing else out there for me" sounds to me like she's putting herself down. To me, it seems that she doesn't think she has the same opportunities in the Ministry or in everyday jobs because of how her height makes her different. I think maybe Percy might've seen the same thing behind Molly's decision. I know Molly doesn't feel like she's compromising, but I can't help feeling that she's not giving herself enough credit, especially in that sentence.
It makes me wonder whether all Molly's practicing and absorption into being a Quidditch Seeker is really just her, in part, compensating for her height. I don't know if I entirely side with Molly right now. Her father is being horrible for not supporting her and speaking rationally with her, but maybe he feels, like I do, that Molly isn't just pursuing Quidditch because she loves it, but also because she's doesn't feel she has other options.
Loved this chapter! Sorry for the rambling. Hah, hah.
AetherAuthor's Response: I'm really glad you said all this. I definitely understand not siding with Molly at this point--she really isn't very open-minded either, and yet she's criticizing her dad for it. Molly and Percy just aren't seeing eye to eye at this point, but he's definitely got her best interests at heart.
Thanks for your thoughts! I really appreciate the feedback :) Report Review
Wonderful first chapter! I love Molly's character. When I saw that she was six feet tall, I instantly fell in love. I know I'm a short person, so technically I can't really relate to Molly's height. However, I knew a girl who is six feet tall, and I know just how TALL that is for a girl. I'm really impressed that you've made her a seeker, too. I think that's another interesting twist. What made her prefer being a seeker to a chaser or keeper? I guess there's more freedom in that position. I got the impression from the opening paragraphs of this chapter that Molly is very poetic.
I love how you characterize Percy, too. It's very in character and the relationship between Percy and Molly leaves a lot of room for development.
I think the pace of the story is fine at this point. Even though all that happened in this chapter was Molly getting ready for the ministry event, the reader had a chance to get to know the characters a little better. I also think that the fact that she's six feet tall and a seeker should be enough to keep a reader like me interested.
Overall, excellent first chapter. I really don't have anything to complain about! I thought it was beautifully written! 10/10
AetherAuthor's Response: Hi! Thanks so much for reviewing :)
I'm so glad you like Molly and Percy. Their dynamic is so fun and interesting for me to write. And I'm glad you're finding it interesting so far! Thanks so much for your time!
--Maggie Report Review
Hey it's Logamind here from the forums! Sorry for the wait my internets been playing up for the last few days.
I thought this was a really good start to the story. The idea to make Molly great at quidditch was interesting and the fact you've made sure she wasn't getting all Os was clever. It made me really like her character so much more.
The characterization of all the characters was brilliant. Even Cormac McLaggin, the small mention you gave him seemed dead on in terms of his personality.
I really liked Percy as a character. He seems much more grown as a person now he's older but yet he's the same old Percy. You've matured him without making him OOC. I also really enjoyed his and Audreys relationship.
The relationship you've made between Molly and her father was lovely. Especially when you described their fight when she first told him she wanted to be a quidditch player. It made the relationship feel very real. The love she has for him and yet the fear she feels at the idea of telling him her dreams of being a quidditch player. It was brilliantly written.
Lucy and Molly's relationship was another one I enjoyed. The fact they're so different but yet get on so well was wonderful.
You're definitely off to a great start with this story. It was a great first chapter.
LogamindAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for this! I'm so glad you enjoyed the characters, especially Percy. He's difficult to write, so I'm really glad to hear that he comes across well.
Thanks again for your time! I so appreciate it :)
--Maggie Report Review
Hey-a!I'm here with your requested review!
The characterisation of Molly is perfect-strong,independent with great Quidditich abilities!I liked Olivia with no interest in Quidditch & yet best friend of Molly! Every scene had perfect flow.You have of knack of introducing characters.
The story line is intresting!I'm just wondering who will win the Cup this year?:P
There werent much errors in the story!Thanx was asking me to read this! Feel free to come request the next chapter when it's up! :)
8.5/10Author's Response: Hi! Thanks so much for reviewing.
So I'm really glad to hear that you liked Olivia. She's one of my favorites in this story. And I'm glad the story seems to be flowing well :)
Thanks so much for your time and feedback! I appreciate it a lot :) Report Review
Hey, this is Beeezie, here with your requested review!
- You've cast Molly in a different light than I've typically seen. Making her a great Quidditch player is an interesting choice, and I think you've pulled it off perfectly. She comes across as intelligent, hard-working, and enthusiastic. I believed that she had the skill you're presenting her as having, and it didn't feel contrived or forced to me. She's a likable character.
- I also liked the way that you made Lucy so different from Molly, but did not use that to set them against each other. They come across as having different priorities for themselves but being very supportive of each other, which I think is quite realistic.
- Percy/Audrey: I like Molly's relationship with her father so far, but I wasn't convinced that he'd undergone enough of a change since the end of the books. It's been, what, 20 or 25 years? He doesn't seem much different, and while sometimes that works, it seemed a little unrealistic to me. I also wasn't convinced that his wife's always running late shouldn't be a problem for him (if that makes sense). That said, I didn't have any huge problems with how it's presented - for Percy and Audrey, these are just vague initial impressions that could easily be reformed in the next chapter.
I think that so far, your pacing is perfect. Don't change a thing.
I really enjoyed this chapter. Please feel free to rerequest! :)Author's Response: Hi! Thanks so much for the review!
I'm really glad you like the characters for the most part. And as for Percy, hopefully I can develop him more as the story goes on. I was hoping he didn't come off too one-dimensional, but I do see him being (on the surface, at least) very similar to how he's portrayed in the books. Hopefully it will seem more realistic as I write more about him :)
I so appreciate your thoughts. This was a very helpful review :)
--Maggie Report Review
Hello there! I'm here with your review as requested. I am so sorry for the incredibly long wait. Please forgive me for that. But I finally made time to stop by, and I'm so glad I did.
Really great start, I think you have here. Really great job.
I saw in your post at the forums that you're gradually introducing your characters, and I think this is a great approach and you have done so brilliantly. I think this is the best way to introduce your characters; you don't want to bombard your reader with all these introductions to an overwhelming extent, so I'm glad you opted not to do that. And as such, I think within this chapter you have a great start to it and a perfect pace.
I love how you began the story with the action rather than the inner thoughts. Instead, you began it in a captivating manner. Right off the bat, there was something going on that was enthralling and really pushed me to read further. Also in this time, you took hold of the opportunity to introduce Molly's character to us in a subtle way all of your own.
She seems like a great character. I like your portrayal of her already. She seems unique and just overall brilliant. While reading, I could tell in some instances that she is definitely her father's daughter. A little bit of Percy peeks into her character, and I think that is good, but she also has some traits that I think make her defiant of her father. Another thing that I think is perfect. Because when I think of Percy being a father, I think of a man who expects nothing but the best out of his children and pushes them to their ultimate potential. Here, is why I believe Molly can be such a great player, but the fact that you have made her an outstanding Quidditch player is another thing that sets her apart from her father. Because our first guess is that Percy would push for the books and library before hitting the brooms and Quidditch pitch. So I just love that. Wonderful characterization of her.
I loved the article that you showed us. You know, I've never read anything like that. A little news piece that showcases the talent of the younger generation and the anticipation of the next great players, but it happens in our world, so you think that it would happen in there. Nice touch. And also a great opportunity for us to understand just how great of a player she is. And then her thoughts about the whole situation and her father were voice perfectly and completely in character I think when she was talking to her sister.
Lucy and Percy are two other characters I think you have done brilliantly. They really go very well with the story. Lucy seems like a cute girl, and from what I can tell, Percy seems like just the kind of man I would expect for him to be.
So I think you are off to a brilliant start! Molly's thoughts seem to flow one and the same together, creating a great personality and also setting the tone for the story. I think you've done a really great job with it.
Brilliantly done! I hope this review was somewhat helpful to you! Thank you for requesting.
Because my queue is currently huge at the moment, I am going to empty it out, and then I will return for the next chapter. However, if you haven't heard from me within the next day or two, feel free to come request again! Thanks!
DrueAuthor's Response: Hi! Thank you so much for this review! And I don't mind the wait at all. Life happens, I understand that :)
I am so glad you like Molly, and I'm especially psyched that you saw her Percy-like qualities coming out. I really do see her as being so much like her dad, but with a different focus.
I'm also really glad to hear what you thought of the very beginning. Originally, I had it so that the article started things off, but I took another reviewer's advice and added something before it. So I'm especially glad you liked that part!
Thank you so, so much for your review! I'm so glad you could get time to read this, and especially that you enjoyed it! I hope you can read on, when you get a chance :)
--Maggie Report Review
I love this story! It's really good! :)Author's Response: Hey thanks! I'm so glad you're liking it so far! :) Report Review
Hi! I like your Molly (and her family). She is personable, independent and strong. I lookk forward to more updates. Thank you for writing!Author's Response: Hi! Thanks so much for reviewing! I'm so glad you're liking it. Chapter 3 is in the works right now :) Report Review
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