Reading Reviews for The swing
  
3 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Violet Gryfindor The swing

21st August 2011:
This was excellent! It was crazy, but I really liked how it moved in a complete circle, starting and ending in the same place. To see a story from Frank's point of view is a rarity - most stories like this focus on Alice, and it was refreshing to have his perspective for once.

If you were to add to this (I took a look at your previous reviews, sorry), it would be a challenge to keep it from feeling overstretched. Perhaps merely adding more details about Alice, perhaps, or his thoughts on the hospital ward and the healers (how does he see them? what role do they take in his mind?) would be enough to fill out this story. I don't know if a "plot" would suit this style at all because Frank would quickly lose the thread of it - his mind can't move in the linear way that a plot would require.

It was tragic to see him actually recognize Alice and know who and what they were together against Voldemort, then lose all that recognition in a blink of an eye. I haven't seen anyone do that in these Longbottom stories before, and it made the story more moving because Frank knows that all that information is important, but his brain can't keep hold of it for long enough. It contrasted nicely with the way he parses the word "chair", which was both humourous and curious - I'm sure that there's something psychoanalysis could draw from his dislike of that word.

Great work on this story! You did really well with the stream of consciousness style and with writing the Longbottoms. :D

Author's Response: Everybody always focuses on Alice, don't they? That's what inspired this story - I hadn't seen one about Frank yet.

I love your idea about including the healers. Maybe I could add that in somewhere. Already, my mind is thinking about how Frank would see them in this context and in a state of mind that doesn't work clearly anymore but mixes past and present and forgets too quickly. Thank you very much for the suggestion!

Oh, and I'd love to find out what psychoanalysis draws from a dislike of the word chair ;)

Thank you for both of your reviews! It was such a nice surprise to wake up and find them. :)


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Review #2, by Illuminate The swing

26th July 2011:
Hi! I really love this oneshot!

I think you're really great at writing those train of thoughts that Frank has, almost without stopping. It's very real to how people think, without commas and a lot of punctuation- it's extremely appropriate because Frank is alone with his mind.

I like the moment when he seems to have forgotten just seeing Alice cry and not wanting her to cry any more. It's very moving.

Great job!

Author's Response: Thanks a lot for the review! I wasn't sure about this writing style. I've tried something similar before but always deleted it afterwards, this is the first time publishing such a one-shot, so I'm glad that you think it works. :)

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Review #3, by Moony The swing

15th July 2011:
I enjoy your writing style, and the way you are trying to portray what it's like for Frank and Alice Longbottom - something not written about enough. This story would be much better if it had more of a "plot" or more length. A "Waiting for Godot" style story would probably fit best for the characters. Keep up the good work!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review! I had a bit of trouble coming up with a plot and was unsure whether or not I had enough of it, so I'm glad you gave me your opinion on this. It's what I was most unsure about when it came to this story. I think I'm going to brainstorm a bit to see how I can improve this.

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