I love the ending line.

And the way they meet and talk I think it's sweet, most people have gone through the experience of speaking to someone and becoming curious about them. :)

It's my first Sev/Oc :) (and I quite enjoyed it.)

Author's Response: Hi there :)

I am glad you enjoyed it and thank you for the review

~webeta123

 Report Review

Wow,what a twist at the end. The flow was excellent,and so were the details. The only thing that seemed a tid bit weak,was characterization. I really loved how it wasn't love at first site,and magically everything is perfect. Adding Bellatrix was a lovely touch. Excellent(: 9/10

Author's Response: Hi there :)

Thank you so much for the review and I'm glad you enjoyed the story.

~webeta123

 Report Review

Hi, you're tagged!

This was definitly and original story! I've never read one quite like that before!! I liked it a lot and had a great time reading it.
Kira is an interesting character although I feel you could have given her a bit more flesh; a bit more dept. She feels a bit one-sided at times. Snape is interesting as well, a bit OCC at times but still very Snapish!!

The one thing I would look over, if I were you, would be the beginning, particularily the opening paragraph. I had to re-read it a couple of times to be sure who you were talking about, Kira or her friend? It isn't very clear and that is never a good way to begin a story!

Overall, I thought it was very well written and I enjoyed it a lot, great job!

Author's Response: Hi there :)

Thank you so much for the review

~webeta123

 Report Review

Hello,

I really kind of like this story. I have never before read a Snape/OC, and this being my first one was pretty good. I like the general idea of it, and it's pretty well written. My only concern is I sometimes got lost with some of your pronoun usage. I mean, pronouns are good but there were parts at the beginning where I didn't know if you were speaking of Kira or of her friend. But other than that, I like how Kira heard Bellatrix and left. I don't know why, but I find it mildly entertaining. You did a good job! :)

~Grimmerz

Author's Response: Hi,

Well I'm honored to be the first Snape/OC you've read. I'm also really grateful for the advice. I am trying to be better about the pronoun usage, but there are days when I could most likely use better descriptions. So thank you for pointing that out. Finally, I'm glad you enjoyed it :)

~webeta123

 Report Review

This was really interesting! Snape/OC is quite unusual I think. I really liked the plot of this. Hehehe, having Snape offer his address was a definite change, and it seems a little OOC, but I suppose it needs to work for the purposes of the story! It was nice to see Bellatrix make an appearance. I most liked the last line. The piece of paper, the message: I was enchanted to meet you. Really wonderful.

I liked Kira's characterisation, but thought perhaps you could have developed her thoughts and feelings towards Snape more? I thought Snape was good, and really liked this line of Snape's: "I would be able to tell if you had." Severus agreed," I can so imagine him saying that, half blood prince he is! Perhaps you could have included more with this line? "All Kira could see was a mane of long, greasy, black hair. It was oddly fascinating to her." I find myself wondering how long greasy hair is fascinating.. haha. Anyway, I liked the uniqueness of this piece! Great plot and writing.

- maskedmuggle, Ravenclaw :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review :)

 Report Review

I figured I would continue to review a fellow Hufflepuff. :)

This was a very adorable piece! Kira seemed like a nice girl, and you did well with making her original. I can very well see her with Snape, oddly enough. He just always seemed like the kinda guy that wouldn't do too well with a girl or something of the sort. I even found it hard to believe he was ever in love with Lily, but here in this story, I could easily see it.

Kira seemed like the kind of girl Snape would like too. She was original. She had glasses! Too cute. You don't see many girls with classes in fanfics; they are often given the image of being so perfect and what not, so this was a lovely portrayal to see done so differently.

When Snape said his name, "Snape. Severus Snape," I nearly started singing the Potter Puppet Pals song. I kid you not. :)

Anyways! :) Continuing on. You have a knack for wonderful detail and different descriptions that I have never seen before but suit the situation perfectly. In the instance were Kira feels like she is being X-Rayed. Wonderful mention there because it really gives you that feeling, and with that description, I can feel exactly how Kira is feeling.

Such a curious story! Nice bit there with Bellatrix. I really wasn't expecting any of that! You did this very well. Few punctuation misplacings here and there, but no biggy at all! Wonderful job. :)

Forum Name: Phoenix_Flames
House: Hufflepuff

Author's Response: Hi there :) I'm so sorry it took so long for me to respond, my brain was completely frazzled :P

First I have to say that I am so glad you liked this story and Kira. She is one of the characters who isn't quite developed in my mind, so I'm glad you enjoyed her.

Second, It's so funny that you thought that because when I was writing that I had the same moment :P

Third, I'm glad you liked that. I'm always a bit self conscious about how much detail I put into things.

Again thank you for the review :)

 Report Review