Hello there! Brilliant second chapter.
Very much like Oliver to make sure his players keep safe and out of harm. Good characterization there. Kaitlyn seems like the kind of top notch player, working so hard and being so dedicated. She suits Quidditch well.
The scene with her and Fred by the lake was cute. The whole sock incident was laughable. I would hate to stick my feet into the lake with socks on. Ick!
The cat insertion was very cute and adorable. You do well with making past events and even current events add character to Kaitlyn without dwelling on telling us every personality trait of hers and such. You give us more of her as the story progresses and keep things moving.
Well done! :)
Forum Name: Phoenix_Flames
House: HufflepuffAuthor's Response: Thank you for the review :)
I had a lot of fun writing the Lake scene, so I'm glad that so many people like that as well. Also, Athena was very enjoyable for me to play with. She will become a more important player in later chappies ;)
~webeta123 Report Review
Hi there! You're above me on the Review Above You thread, and I chose this story! :)
First off, this was a great opening chapter. It was a little short, but really wonderful way to start off the story. You were awesome at introducing everyone. You started it off with Fred, and I loved every way that you made Fred who he is with mentioning ickle Ronnikins and such. :P Really humorous, and it always adds a lot of personality and life to a story!
You're brief dialogue was humorous and enjoyable. Over all, you just do a wonderful job of Fred's character in general! He was so enjoyable. You also did a wonderful job with the Quidditch scenes. Some get a little cliche, but you did well with making it stay original and keeping me on the edge of my seat!
One tip: bludger shouldn't be capitalized ;)
Good opening chapter! I'm excited to see where you take this! :)
Forum Name: Phoenix_Flames
House: HufflepuffAuthor's Response: Hi :D
Thank you so much for your review. I have never written Fred before so I'm glad that I'm doing him justice. Also, I have never really written Quidditch so I'm glad that you thought that was good as well(I take a lot of risks).
I hadn't realized that bludger wasn't supposed to be capitalized, so thank you for pointing that out :)
~webeta123 Report Review
Great second chapter! Arguements are always an entertaining bit to add to chapters. For some reason, I really like them. Possitively strange, but still awesome. Another one of my favorite parts in this chapter would have to be Kaitlyn talking about the frilly dresses, drawing unicorns and needing to be slapped over the head with a beater's bat. Definately gotta love it. And never forget about the wet socks! Good job! The only thing I would sort of like to see more of is the relationship between Oliver and Kaitlyn. Not much seems to be mentioned of Oliver, and I'd definately like to see more on him.
~GrimmerzAuthor's Response: Hi :D
I really wanted to add more depth to Oliver and Kaitlyn by having them argue. And the main part of this story will be Fred/Kaitlyn, but Oliver will be making more appearances I promise :)
~webeta Report Review
I love couple fights wether they be big or small. i absolutely love Athena showing what i am guessing is Kaitlyns true feelings to Fred. i love the humor in the story.Author's Response: Actually Athena just doesn't like Oliver :P She actually has good reason, but that's for later on. Also, thank you so much for your review :) Report Review
It is off to a good start. i like your invented quidditch move. it sounds impressive.Author's Response: Yeah, how it looks in my mind is actually very cool. Thank you so much for the review :D Report Review
You have a beautiful start to your story. I like how you give a mini introduction to the characters, it makes it much easier to understand how the characters are from the start. I also like how you introduce the first scene (I guess you'd call it) of Fred heading to the Quidditch pitch. It gives enough detail for me to see what's going on in the story. Also I am a huge fan of cliff hanger type endings, and you accomplished that beautifully!
Keep up the amazing work!
-Tonks1247Author's Response: Thank you for the awesome review. I hope that you continue liking this story :)
Ooh, interesting. I'm entering the competition as well (my stories being validated on another account) so I'm very curious to see what everyone else is doing.
Good start so far.Author's Response: If you are talking about the Figment competition then I'm sorry to say that this isn't for that. This is for a challenge on the forums that I'm a part of.
Thank you for the review :) Report Review
I really like this story! I love Oliver stories.Author's Response: First off, thank you for the review. Second, I do have to warn you that Oliver won't be the main focus, but he will make several appearances :)
Good start! Btw, I love your banner. Cliffie! Yess.Author's Response: Thank you for your review. :) I love my banner for this story :D Report Review
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