Reading Reviews for Invisible Magic
  
58 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Elphaba and Boyfriends Prologue

10th May 2013:
Hi, Elphaba here with your requested review! I apologize for being so tardy.

First of all, I like the quote you open your story with, and I take it as a bit of ominous foreshadowing.

I was a bit confused by: "It was a scream that woke me," being shortly followed by: "Even without the scream, I had been awake." These statements seem to contradict each other. I wonder whether if Sirius lies about being asleep, then later admits that he couldn't sleep? Or does the first line refer to a metaphorical waking?

The prologue is well-written overall; there's a subtleness to your writing that I think can be hard to achieve. The way you present Sirius' conflicted emotions is especially interesting. I love the contrast between his thoughts and dialog here:
"'Night.' I said, trying to sound careless, ignoring the little voice in my head that was begging for me to stay.' And I also love that this is echoed with James' words and actions, which seem to indicate that he is trying to cover his own emotion: "'Night,' James said in the same tone, never taking his eyes off of his sister."

Lindsey seems like an interesting character so far. I like that you don't explicitly say that she is James' sister until the end. From the dialog they exchange, I get the sense that she is like Harry in some respects: headstrong, independent and somewhat secretive.

The very last line seems like a bit of ominous foreshadowing, as well. I do like this story so far, and would definitely be willing to read more! :)

Author's Response: Yes, that opening needs revision. lol. Thanks for catching that. :D
And that bit about saying goodnight, thank you! I'm grinning like mad. Thank you so very much!!
Hugs,
Lucky


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Review #2, by Siriusly89 Prologue

9th May 2013:
Hello, Siriusly89 here with your review that you’ve been waiting eleven days for. . . .I am so sorry.

Anyway, I’m here, reviewing!

I like this Sirius. Usually, he’s portrayed as a happy-go-lucky prankster, and in this, he seems, well ‘depressed’ seems a bit heavy, but a bit off anyway. His description of life as a Black was also very insightful, and then the explanation for his paranoia, everything was just really well-thought-out.

Lindsay seems like an intriguing character, and you have me wondering about these nightmares of hers.

Oooh? Bellatrix did something to her because of Sirius? Very interesting! Sirius’ sense of guilt was also very ‘Sirius-like’ if that makes any sense at all. Then the little hint that maybe Sirius suffers from nightmares as well was a very nice touch!

This was a very interesting prologue. I get the feeling there’s more to Lindsays and Sirius’ relationship than meets the eye, and I’m interested to see where it goes!

Feel free to re-request!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this review! It made my day. :) You are wonderful.
Hugs,
Lucky


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Review #3, by Lululuna Under Control

2nd May 2013:
Hello, I'm back!!

Again, I really love the character of Lindsey: she's very well written and appealing, and I think you've done a good job of giving her depth. Sirius trying to protect her was really sweet, though I'm surprised at how nonchalant James was over the fact that his best friend "loves" his sister. :P If I were Lindsey, I'd be annoyed at all these over-protective boys not wanting to let her make her own decisions: she's hardly a damsel in distress after all! However, I was wondering: is Lindsey protective over her friends and brother at all? It would be interesting to see if she would ask James not to participate with the Order at the same time that he's demanding she not.

I especially liked the Quidditch scene, and how much Lindsey clearly loves flying. The scene with Andrew made me angry! Silly boy, telling our Lindsey that she shouldn't work, when she's clearly much smarter and more ambitious than he is! Hopefully she dumps him soon and admits her love for Sirius... hmm...

You have some really strong bits of writing here, especially the paragraph talking about Sirius: "Under his mask, Sirius Black..." It was very well written and I think that paragraph told me more about the story and Sirius than the entire section from Sirius' POV. I really, really enjoy your context and descriptions, and think there should be more of them. Some questions I have: what are the Potter parents like? How did everyone become friends? Are there any childhood memories of James and Lindsey? How did Lindsey get together with Andrew? Even just little memories and references would help situate the characters and the story that much more clearly. :)

Some friendly CC is to have more longer paragraphs and descriptions like the one I mentioned, and perhaps a little less dialogue. While I like the short paragraph and line structure, it did get a little frustrating as a reader to keep jumping to the next line, and made the story drag on a bit more than it should. (Also, your spacing is a little wonky which didn't help, but hey, happens to the best of us!) I think you could resolve this by condensing the paragraphs: also, that way if there's a line that particularly deserves to stand out, you could give that it's own line and give it a little more power. I'm sorry, I'm not explaining this very well! :) But here's an example of what I mean:

"The next morning was gloomy, mostly because we had to wake up at the crack of dawn and go down to breakfast. As promised, none of the other Gryffindors seemed curious about our meeting with Dumbledore. Grimacing, I sat down beside Lily at the breakfast table, wanting nothing more than to crawl back up to Gryffindor tower and into my warm, cozy bed.

James had other ideas."

Even by quickly doing that the prose is a lot more reader-friendly, and you'd get to highlight the great line about James. I hope this makes sense- PM me if you have any questions!! :)

This is all I have time to review for now, but hopefully you enjoyed these reviews. Feel free to re-request! :)

Author's Response: Your reviews are so gigantic and lovely! :D I must pay you back.
James has had a while to get used to this idea--you'll see that later. ;) Lindsey will get more fired up later. She's still a bit deflated. lol. And that's a really good thought. I should show that dynamic as well. The questions will be answered in the coming chapters. The Potters are loving workaholics. There are lots of flashbacks coming up. :) And that CC is very helpful. I will implement that stuff. :D
Anyway, Holy cow!! Your reviews are amazing!! Thank you so very very much. :)
Hugs and Extra hugs,
Lucky


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Review #4, by Carolynn Safety

2nd May 2013:
I'm here with a requested review!

Good chapter, it was nice to read the things going on with Sirius. Good writing!

Author's Response: Thank you for the review!! :)
Hugs,
Lucky


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Review #5, by Carolynn Fading

2nd May 2013:
I'm here with a requested review!

Sirius is a very well deveolpe character, probably the most deveopled Sirius I've read. Good Writing!

Author's Response: Thank you for your review, I'm glad that you liked him. :)
Hugs.
Lucky


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Review #6, by Lululuna Black Lies

2nd May 2013:
Hi, I'm back again!

I really think you did an amazing job of getting into Lindsey's head here. She seems like a very round, vibrant character and you clearly have a knack for writing believable voice! :) I like the characters and relationships you've set up thus far, and the situation between Lindsey and Sirius is definitely really interesting. I'd so curious about what happened between them in the past, and what their current feelings for each other are now. The repetition of the last line was a really great touch!

Dumbledore calling them into his office was just great. Will he be training them specially? I think it makes a lot of sense that they would have gotten started young in the Order of the Phoenix, since a lot of these characters only have a few more years to live, and I'm excited to see what Dumbledore will teach them and what dangers they'll have to face.

Something really powerful in the story is the feeling of safety and danger that Lindsey feels. I love this line, it really sums up exactly what I feel about that era:

"Something felt off. People seemed just a bit too exuberant. Maybe they felt safe here, so they were blowing off steam? Even through the palpable relief in the air, there was an unmistakable undercurrent of tension. We all knew that the world was slowly turning black. How long did we have left before everything began to unravel?"

That was really great and well-written! One thing I would like to see more of so far is description, of both the setting itself and what the characters look like. Just little details and descriptions like that would really bring the story to life and just make it that much stronger! :) Keep up the great work!

Author's Response: I'm blushing. :D This whole review just makes me grin. I'm not 100% decided on how Dumbles will handle the new members, but it should be fun. Yes, I do need more description. I get so caught up in everything else that it suffers.
Thank you for this beautiful, wonderful review. You rock.
Hugs,
Lucky


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Review #7, by Lululuna Prologue

2nd May 2013:
Hello, here for your requested review!! :)

This is a really intriguing beginning to a story, and definitely different from Marauder pieces that I've read in the past. I love how dark it already is: after all, in times of war it would make sense that everyone would be on edge and worried about danger. The tense tone of the chapter is really powerful, and I already love how angsty and on edge Sirius is.

I like how you set up Sirius' personality as being directly linked to being a Black, and how he physically cannot seem to trust anyone, even James, who we know was Sirius' best friend. I loved how he compared being "Sirius Potter" to being "Sirius Black," and the longing that was present in those two descriptions. He's definitely an appealing character so far, and I'm curious to see how you'll develop him further as either a hero, or a darkening hero.

I also like the inclusion of Lindsey so far! She seems like a strong person, but I'm curious to know what happened to her to give her such nightmares and frailty. Not letting the reader know right away really set up the tension and intrigue! I feel like Sirus has strong feelings for her, but doesn't consider himself good enough for her, in a way. I like the idea of James having a sister, and I think you could fit it into canon very well: say, if she died tragically, or went over to the DE so nobody would mention her to Harry-- there's a lot of room to play with, anyway! :)

The chapter is rather short and concise, but I like it that way at least for Sirius' voice in this specific scene. The bareness of the words and phrases sets the tension, although I think just a bit more background and description will pay off in future chapters.

Anyway, really great job with this so far!!! :) I'll keep reading now.

Author's Response: I'm glad that you like the way I wrote Sirius. I know it's different, so I worry. Ahhh! This review is making me so happy. :D And I'm glad that you see how the sister could fit into cannon. Most people aren't up for that. Thank you so much for this fabulous review. I love it and you are a darling.
Hugs,
Lucky


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Review #8, by Carolynn The First Domino

2nd May 2013:
I'm here with a requested review!

I enjoyed this chapter. It showen the emotions behid things, despite the whole story being mostly in Lindsey's point of view, it didn't gave anything away about what happened in the first chapter. Good writing!

Author's Response: Thanks again! Your reviews are just a little ray of sunshine.
Hugs,
Lucky


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Review #9, by Carolynn Under Control

1st May 2013:
I'm here witha requested review!

I like this chapter, I love the little fight with James and Sirius's point of view.

I'd also like add, you're doing a great job with Sirius, in a lot of fan fiction, the marauders are too sweet, it seems that girls are blinded with the feels of romance that they don't know what males are like. They can be very hard to figure out. I've been reading fan fiction for two years and this is the first one that made them a little more realistic. Good writing!

Author's Response: Thank you so very much. :) You've made my day.
Hugs,
Lucky


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Review #10, by Carolynn Black Lies

1st May 2013:
I'm here with a requested review!

A bit of a filler. But I liked that speech Dumbledore said, it's rare in fan fiction that I've read that captured the character. Good writing!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review!! :)

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Review #11, by Carolynn Prologue

1st May 2013:
I'm here with your requested review!

Just to be clear, you don't have to re- request I can review all of the chapters and sorry that this took awhile.

I like how you started, it gives away the main idea and leaves the reader thinking 'what happened to Lindsey.'

I'm very impressed with Sirius, in all of Marauder stories I've read, Sirius is well, I can't really explain his personality in the stories I have in mind. But good job on him! Good writing!

Author's Response: Thank you very much! :) This review made my day. You're great.
Hugs,
Lucky


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Review #12, by AlexFan Prologue

28th April 2013:
I loved the quote at the beginning of the chapter, I don't know why but I like quotes a lot because I love applying them to everyday life and such.

There wasn't much explained in this as to what was going on which is okay because it's the Prologue but from what I've been told, maybe Lindsey was tortured by Bellatrix or something of the like.

I've never been a fan of Marauder stories where James has a sister. It's just something that's always bothered me, one of my many pet peeves I guess you could call it. Considering that Lindsey seems to have a major part in the plot of this story though, I can deal with it.

For someone who's supposed to be best friend's with Sirius, James sure doesn't act like that around him. He treats Sirius a little bit like an enemy and like someone who shouldn't be trusted. Then again, it looks like a lot of things have already happened so there's probably a very good reason for that.

Anyway, this is a good start to the story! Toodles for now!

Author's Response: Thank you for the review. :D I was reluctant to alter canon to make room for Lindsey, but it's the only way that the story would work. There is certainly a reason for James's attitude towards Sirius, so no worries. Thank you so much for the lovely review!
Hugs,
Lucky


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Review #13, by Moonyxluna Prologue

4th August 2012:
Hi! I'm here with your requested review :)

I liked Sirius here. From what I picked up this is happening right after the time he ran away and went to live with the Potters? This is a tough time for Sirius so I thought it was sweet to see him in a concerned light as he was worried for Lindsey. It brings a bit of originality to his character to see him 'chasing' (I don't know if it will happen or not, but I guess I'll see!) after a girl vs having every girl in the school fawn after him. I also liked at the end how you had him want to go to sleep reading; I thought that was an original touch, too.

My biggest concern is Lindsey, and it's mostly a technical thing. My question is why haven't we heard about James Potter's sister? Certainly not to the same extent, but it's sort of the same idea as creating an extra Weasley kid or Harry Potter's long lost sister. Don't get me wrong, it isn't always a bad thing, but it's something you have to take concern of to keep your story sounding realistic. (I hope that made sense!)

Other than the technicality, I did like what you have set up with her character. I think she brings a good balance to Sirius so far that he has the 'family ties' of Bellatrix doing something to someone so near and dear (his best friend's brother). It definitely ups the 'reader interest' so good work there!

I noticed a few dialogue tags/ misused punctuation, but it was nothing that really took away from the storyline/flow, just something for if you edit.

Keep up the lovely work! This was a very intriguing start and I am looking forward to seeing more.

-Julie

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this review! I have a plot that will place this story firmly into the cannon by the end, so no worries. :) You're a doll.
hugs,
Lucky


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Review #14, by Voldy Needs a Hug Fading

4th August 2012:
I have to admit, I fell in love with the ending of this chapter. It definitely set you up for a very interesting chapter to come. I feel like the real Sirius is beginning to show through. Nice cliff hanger!

I noticed several minor spelling and grammar mistakes throughout the chapter, but they were not extremely noticeable.

For some reason, the flow in this chapter seemed a bit ... choppy for a lack of a better word. They didn't flow as smoothly as in previous chapters. The transitions between events just seemed a bit awkward and strained.

I can definitely see the characters of Sirius and Lindsey developing throughout this chapter. I feel bad for Sirius! You've certainly given his personality your own little twist. I don't see much development in some of the other characters, though. James, for instance, really hasn't changed since the prologue. He's just been a pawn lingering in the background.

Excellent job!

Author's Response: Thank you for this review! You're a doll. I'll look into what you've pointed out. You'ave been quite helpful. :)
Hugs,
Lucky


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Review #15, by Voldy Needs a Hug The First Domino

3rd August 2012:
Another beautiful chapter!

My favorite scene from this chapter was when Lindsey was reminiscing about her time spent in St. Mungo's after her encounter with Bellatrix Lestrange. You did an excellent job with regards to providing a vivid description of the scene. However, how did no one notice Lindsey was awake for so long? She was evidently looking at Sirius, if she could tell that his eyes had lost their usual shine, and so on.

Additionally, you used the analogy of Sirius being a taut wire previously. The repetition of the phrase immediately stood out to me. Perhaps try a different analogy in its place.

I thought the ending of this chapter was a bit weak and could definitely be improved. It felt as if you rushed through the final portion of the chapter. Take your time, provide some description, add a bit more plot, and include less of Lindsey's steady, ongoing stream of thoughts, which were beginning to become boring.

Lastly, on a very minor note, is that's any particular reason why the bottom half of your chapter is in italics, even after the flashback has ended? Just wondering.

Good job!

Author's Response: Thank you for the review, I'll take these comments into account when I do my editing. :) The italics were a weird formatting issue that I didn't notice till later. I'm not sure how that happened. Thanks again!

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Review #16, by Voldy Needs a Hug Under Control

3rd August 2012:
This chapter was, so far, not my favorite. Nevertheless, it was enjoyable, realistic, and fast-paced. Additionally, I like your use of quotes at the beginning of each chapter. They relate very well to your storyline.

I did have one question: Why do you keep switching between Lindsey and Sirius' point of view in the middle of chapters? It takes me awhile to adjust from reading about one character to abruptly transitioning to the narration of another.

Also, I found a Quidditch-playing Remus to be an interesting, yet original twist. I don't believe I've read about a similar occurrence in any other fanfiction, and he certainly didn't come across as exceptionally athletic in the books.

As a side note, how could there have been no changes to the Gryffindor Quidditch Team in two years? The seeker would have only been in his second year, and, according to Professor McGonagall, that would have been a rarity.

Ah, Sirius. His character has developed slightly over the first several chapters, but still leaves readers asking questions regarding his personality and behaviour. I'm not sure if you were aiming for an air of mystery, but you certainly achieved it.

Nice job!

Author's Response: I guess the switching is a matter of opinion, some people love it, others hate it. I stole it from Robert Jordan, probably the coolest writer of all time (in my humble opinion). I'll definitely check to see if I can make the chapter more cohesive. I don't quite remember if I said anything about a seeker, but if I made that mistake, I'll go fix it. *blush* ;) Yes, I was aiming for mystery and I'm glad I achieved it.
Hugs,
Lucky


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Review #17, by Voldy Needs a Hug Black Lies

3rd August 2012:
Before I begin my review, I would like to say that I was very impressed by this chapter. So far, this is one of the best marauders era fanfictions I have read in a very long time.

I would like to applaud you for your originality in creating James' sister as a main character. I don't believe I have previously read a fanfiction in which James even has a sister. This surprised me at first, but I believe the idea is beginning to grow on me.

I was slightly confused toward the beginning of the chapter when Lindsey, Lily, James, and Sirius were conversing on the train. It was a bit of a challenge to distinguish who was contributing to what conversation. I was a little lost.

Additionally, I didn't quite understand the relationship between Lindsey and Regulus. During their initial interactions, it seemed as if they were complete strangers. However, as they began to talk, Lindsey's train of thought led me to believe that they had been friends for awhile. You might want to change these conflicting thoughts.

Lastly, I enjoyed Sirius' reaction to finding Lindsey conversing with Regulus. It seemed right on cue.

Excellent job!

Author's Response: Wow, way to make me blush. ;) Yeah, the train scene was a bit thrown together, I'm currently in the editing process. I'll try to make the Lindsey/Regulus dynamic a little clearer as well. :) Thank you so much for this reivew.
Hugs,
Lucky


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Review #18, by angel_speaks Prologue

1st August 2012:
Hiya!
Emesias here with your requested review!
I'm so sorry that it took this long for me to fill this request :(

Characterization: I like the way Sirius was portrayed in this story. It's not the typical image of Sirius. He seems more human in a way as he's more focused on his family rather than his friends. And its nice to see him not surrounded by girls (as he usually is). I can't wait to see how his character develops in this story.

Just be sure not to fall into one of the cliches ;)

Happy Writing!

Author's Response: Hi back! Thanks so much for this review! You're awesome, and your feedback is noted. :)
Hugs,
Lucky


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Review #19, by Voldy Needs a Hug Prologue

1st August 2012:
Ugh. I apologise for my lateness. Anyway, here is your review:

I was immediately blown away by this short, but intriguing chapter. I was enthralled after reading the first several paragraphs, and you kept me on my toes for the entire chapter.

This chapter flowed very well as you smoothly transitioned from one thought to the next. Additionally, you seem to have a solid plot, which moved quickly throughout this chapter. This chapter captivated me, pushin me to read the next chapter.

With regards to characterization, I was surprised by your portrayal of Sirius. I don't believe I've read a fanfiction where he was displayed as anxious and uneasy. He ssdms to have strong feelings toward Lindsay, yet unsure of what to do when he is around her. I just want to warn you not to stray too far away from J.K. Rowling's portrayal of Sirius in the books.

Excellent job!

Author's Response: Thank you very much for this review! This is just how I see the young Sirius, but don't worry, he'll go normal in the end. Hopefully. ;)
Thanks again! You rock!
-Lucky


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Review #20, by Live Life Large Prologue

1st August 2012:
Hey! LiveLarge here with your requested review!

Interesting, captivating first chapter you've got here. Sirius and James felt very real, and I can certainly see Sirius being untrusting and anxious. I'm not quite sure about Lindsey, but that's only because this is chapter one and she's an OC; she seems pretty believable so far.

That said, there were a couple of things that I wanted to point out:

-"It was a scream that woke me... Even without the scream, I had been awake."
You sort of contradict yourself here, saying that the scream woke him but that he had been awake anyway. You may want to take another look at this sentence to figure out what you're trying to say.

I'm not entirely sure I can buy Sirius's thoughts about Lindsey. Personally, I think trust and wanting to protect another person, the way Sirius seems to feel about Lindsey, go hand-in-hand.

Trusting someone is knowing that they're going to be there for you and you can always count on them, and it is clearly said that Sirius doesn't trust people. Being protective of someone is wanting to be there for them and keep them from getting hurt, which is certainly the vibe we get from Sirius. Alone, either of these things are fine, but together they just don't sit right with me. Not a big deal, just a little something you might want to consider if you revise this chapter.

Also, is there some sort of one-sided hate going on, or is she just on edge because of her dream? I didn't quite get that part.

Overall great chapter you've got here. It's interesting, it's captivating, and hey! it's even got Sirius! Nice job, LS(;

Thank you for requesting and feel free to come back if you found this helpful.

LLL(:

Author's Response: Thank you for this thoughtful review! :) Sirius is a pretty complicated person. I tend to disagree, you don't necessarily have to trust or even like someone to want them safe. Also, Sirius thinks a lot things that might not really be true. He doesn't know himself very well. :) Thank you again for the review! You're amazing.
-Lucky


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Review #21, by manno_malfoy Prologue

29th July 2012:
Hi! I'm here with your requested review.

First of all, I would like to comment on your style of narrating this story. It's a great way to make the first-person narrative rather interesting and less forceful; it seems to distract me from all the I's and the me's. Your short sentences sort of amplify what Sirius seems to be feeling and all the worry and the care.

For this is only the first chapter, I cannot tell much about the characterisation of Sirius. Nonetheless, I think that he's a little different from the way he's portrayed in many other stories. Here, to me, he seems a little more considerate and a little less forceful that he usually is, and it's a rather nice version of Sirius to see. Also, it makes me wonder how he is like away from these traumatic conditions surrounding him at this time.

As for Lindsey, I'm eager about her too. I'm still not sure how I feel regarding her, but I'm sure it's still an interesting thing to take on, that James has a sister. It's also nice to see how caring James to be when it comes to her.

For a first chapter, this is rather gripping and the style you wrote it with makes it very attractive; despite that, I think that, in the following chapters, you'll need to add more descriptions and focus a little more on the tangible world of your characters.

Overall, great job, and I would like to see more of this story.

-Manno

Author's Response: Thank you for this review! I'm sorry it took me so long to respond. I feel like you pretty much hit the nail on the head with this one. :) You rock!
-Lucky


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Review #22, by marissa lily potter Fading

28th July 2012:
Hello again!

I thought I'd start by saying how much I really love the length of your chapters. They're not too short and they're not too long. They're the perfect length. Enough to get information in without it seeming too much and enough to keep the readers interest. It's pretty amazing how you can do that.

Ooh everything is getting so serious! I love the turn of events in this chapter! It all started out smoothly, or as smooth as it could get and I feel like Lindsey's perspective in the beginning was foreshadowing of what would happen later on in the chapter. I don't know if you meant to do that on purpose or not but it happened.

Kudos to you either way haha. I love how Sirius' character is more and more defined as the chapters go on and the same for Lindsey. However, I would like to see the same happening for the rest of the characters. I know that the focus of the story is Sirius and Lindsey but the others are there as well.

I'm really pleased with this chapter. It was fun to read and interesting. The flow wasn't as great as it could have been at times. The order of events was good but I don't know, something about the flow just threw me off. So, I don't know why but I really like Regulus. Usually, it's Sirius that I adore but nope, it's Regulus this time.

Anyway, amazing chapter as usual! You rock deary :)

xx
-Marissa

Author's Response: Thank you for all of the lovely reviews. You, my dear, are wonderful. I actually didn't do that whole forshadowing thing on purpose. I realized it afterward and was kind of impressed with myself. ;). I was actually realizing yesterday that a lot of the other characters aren't getting so much screen time. I will fix it, no worries. The flow was probably a result of the weird spacing and the fact that this chapter was written over a really long period of time instead of all at once. I'll look into smoothing it out. :) It's kinda funny that you like him, because so do I. Can't help myself. Unfortunately, he's not much of a main character, though he'll be back.
Thank you for the splendid reviews!!
Hugs,
Lucky


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Review #23, by marissa lily potter The First Domino

27th July 2012:
Hey there!

Another wonderful chapter! You dear, have a knack for writing. I love your writing style and the way you write Lindsey and Sirius. They're both so different but you manage to write them both so well. I love reading about them. Lindsey is such an interesting character. I really like her.

The way you write Sirius is extremely interesting. He's such an interesting character and sometimes, authors don't characterize him well but you've done it splendidly. I love the way he is. Everything from his dark past to the present. The relationship between Sirius and Lindsey is also very interesting. The tension hooks the readers to the story as well.

Again, another wonderful chapter! I'm so glad that you requested a review from me. It makes me feel so special haha. But seriously, you're so talented and I felt all the emotions that Lindsey was feeling while reading it. Great work!

-Marissa

Author's Response: Thank you for another lovely review. :) I'm glad that you enjoy the story. You make me feel twice as special, I guarantee it. lol
Thanks again!
Hugs,
Lucky


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Review #24, by marissa lily potter Under Control

27th July 2012:
I think it's so unique the way you start off with a quote for every chapter. It's not done very often but I think it's very effective so I really hope you continue doing that. Also, I have to compliment you on your choice of quotes! They all fit so wonderfully with the contents of each chapter. They're inspiring to and if I didn't know any better, I'd say that the quotes were inspiration for you. I mean, they'd definitely be inspiration for me haha.

But going on with the story. I love Lindsey! She is so sweet and independent but I can see that she's also vulnerable and that's what makes her human. She's like everyone else but special in her own way and I love how you've done that with her! She's definitely one of the most interesting and unique characters I have come across in fanfictions. Where did you get the inspiration for her?

I also love how close James and Lindsey are, just like real life siblings, or well some anyway. I think that James is the sweet, caring type and if he did have a sister, he would be very careful and protective of her so it's nice to see that. James and Lindsey are pretty cute. They understand each other without saying much which is absolutely amazing.

I really don't know what to think of Sirius quite yet. Not in a bad way of course! He's just... mysterious and very interesting. With him, it's like a guessing game. I have no clue what's going to happen next and I love every moment of that feeling. You're an extremely talented writer and this chapter was amazing!

Great work and it's always a pleasure reviewing for you! :D

-Marissa

Author's Response: Aw, shucks. You make me blush. I usually find the quote about halfway through the writing process. I'm glad that you like them because they really do influence the chapter a great deal. I think I kind of dropped the ball on my quotes, but I intend to stick them in there when I have editing time. I'm glad that you like Lindsey. It's always worrying for me because I had to make her James's sister in order for things to work. Luckily, no one has thrown rotten fruit at me for it yet. lol. I was inspired by another of my OC's who is.just mean and confused. I wanted the mild, damaged side of that character to come to light-even if it was in a completely different story. lol.
Yeah, Sirius is weird in this story. It's hard to tell if he's going to make a joke or try to kill someone. Heck, sometimes I'm not sure what he'll do, if that makes sense. lol.
Thank you so much for this AMAZING review. I'm coming back for more. And i'll be tackling more of your story once I can recharge my typing batteries. My fingers hurt. lol
Hugs!!
Lucky


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Review #25, by marissa lily potter Black Lies

27th July 2012:
Hey there, marissa lily potter here with the review you requested!

Ahhh, this was another great chapter! Usually, I'm not a fan of James Potter having a sister because that's something I really like to stick to canon with but you've got me loving Lindsey. She's sweet and charming. My only concern is that she doesn't have a definite character yet. I'd like for her to be more descriptive, y'know?

Speaking of description, I think a little bit of imagery would help to catch the reader's attention better. Describing scenes will create a setting and mood. It will also grasp at the reader's attention better which you don't seem to have a problem doing but the imagery would only make that firmer.

I love this story. I don't know where it's going but I am very excited to see just that. I can't wait to see more from you and I'm so happy that you requested a review from me. Thank you so much for that!

-Marissa

Author's Response: Yes, you must have review enhancing drugs on you. ;) Thank you so much for allowing my shameless requesting. Your reviews are delightful. And I'm getting you back. *mwahaha* Be afraid. :D And I never really thought to add much imagery because I get carried away with it, but I think you're right. *shuffles feet* I'm pretty excited to tacklepounce your stories, so I'm going to get to it.
Thank you for the helpful and lovely review!!
Hugs,
Lucky


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