And once again Albus is brilliantly evil and screwed up, it's such a great thing to read and you've got his coldness across brilliantly.
I love the way that you write Albus and Pippa together, they really do bring out the best and worst in each other. I really think that eventually they'll be good for each other, if they don't mess each other up too much before hand.
You write your characters so incredibly well and it's great that they all have so much depth to them, I think I know them but then you bring out this entire new layer that just makes me stop and think about how maybe I didn't know them half as much as I did and then I have to rediscover them all again. It's great, it is so interesting and I love it!
Congratulations on creating such wonderful characters and for writing such brilliant chapters :D Report Review
Wow, it's so great that you wrote this from Albus's point of view. I wondered quite often how he felt about everything, and how much everything affects him, and it's great to see that he is as cold as Pippa thinks, and how you described him thinking about himself being too far gone for a kind of human emotion.
I really want to know what Albus went through for him to become like this, it must have been something bad. And I love that Pippa is the one who seems to bring out some sort of life in him as much as he hates it.
I really hope that you add more to this collection, I want to find out so much more about Albus.
Another brilliant chapter from you, you're really so talented and I absolutely love reading your stories. Report Review
This is sort of what I expected though it still surprises me how they're so similar. They make an odd match, but I like them anyway. And I feel like if they got over their issues and resolved their problems they could be fairly happy together. Could you do the scene in the astronomy tower?? I'd really like to see it from Albus' POV (especially when he first walked in on her and then their argument in the morning). Though I think in a way it could possibly spoil some parts of the story, though I'm not sure. But I would like to see it eventually if you're up for it :)
I like that you include these different perspectives, it really adds to the story. Report Review
"She should be bowing down to me and telling me I was the thing that made the world go around." - This made me laugh so much. He just sounds so self-obsessed. I couldn't help it. It's so different to over Albus stories; I just love it so much more.
Great chapter. 10/10!
Sam.Author's Response: Thanks :) I'm glad you liked that line, Albus' head is always an interesting place to explore. And he can be sometimes. I'm so glad you like it, this is just how the characters have come to me, so I'm glad people are enjoying it the way I'm writing it. Thanks so much for the review and I hope you have a wonderful day. xx Report Review
Oh, from Albus' point of view, he is more than evil... He's terrifyingly evil. It almost makes me sad; I wanna know what happened to him.
This is a great idea to do a missing moments thing. I love first person, because you have a greater understanding of the character, but you don't know about others. So this is awesome and perfect.
Sam.Author's Response: I thought it would be fun. And yes, he could be considered that, couldn't he? You'll find out what happened to Albus eventually, but it won't be soon, so much more of the story we've got to get through.
Thanks :) I'm glad you like the idea of it all, this way we get to see in the eyes of the other characters :D Thanks so much for the review and I hope you have a wonderful day. xx Report Review
I love Albus.
That's sort of a weird thing to say because he's clearly totally messed up in every conceivable way, but he's so INTERESTING that I can't help but want to know more about him!
You rock. No, really.
xoxo LuluAuthor's Response: Hey :) You love Albus? Wow. I'm totally not used to hearing that. Haha, I'm glad you find him interesting and yes, he is pretty messed up. And thanks, you do too :) Thanks so much for the review and I hope you have a wonderful day! xxx Report Review
You've put a new spin on the characterisation of Albus Severus Potter. Yeah, I felt I had to put his full name there because I can barely believe it. This boy is ANGRY. Wow. I'll admit, I haven't gotten very far in The Human Factor to see why Al is the way he is. He is a bit human though - like you mentioned quite rightly in the first chapter, there's something about Pippa that just gets to him. I love it :) The fact that he felt bad enough to try to help her out brings out the irony of this situation even more - your title vs. Al's thoughts vs. what Al actually does.
He's quite the enigma, your Albus. You should be proud. Usually Al is the slapstick humour type - not this. I expected this from Scorpius, actually - all the bitterness.
Like the first chapter, there are lines that stand out, and to me it was this one:
"...there is something beautiful about the broken ones that can't be fixed". I think it's stunning, and so very true.
I rather enjoyed this, but I can't think of which chapter I like better :/
Merry Christmas, my dear!
xxAuthor's Response: Heya :) I always try to put my own spin on characters. He is very angry! But he has his reasons along with his teenage angst! Thanks so much :) Yes. It's a constant battle. The characters try to do something, yet they think differently.
You're so nice. Thanks so much! Albus didn't come to me that way and I always thought that Scorpius would be loved. I mean, Draco was loved by his family, his mother was willing to betray the Dark Lord for Draco.
Thank you :) I like writing lines like that, and I'm glad you liked it!
Thanks so much! I enjoy dipping in to Albus mind occasionally.
Merry Christmas to you too and Thanks so much for the review and I hope you have a great day! xx Report Review
*cough* I mean, heh, Merry Christmas? It's your Secret Santa here from TGS :)
Albus' point - of - view is sheer brilliance. I stared at my screen for a while before scrolling up to read this over. Every emotion here is just so raw, and pure, and intense, my goodness. He seems so conflicted - he's trying to be cruel to her, trying to be so terrible so much so that he even deludes himself, then he says that she makes something in him alive again. I love the parallels drawn here.
There were so many good lines for me to choose from for quoting purposes, but in the end I went with this one:
"The appetite for destruction needed feeding and she would be the perfect girl to provide that."
It was really well executed, and pretty much sums up Al's self-destructive attitude. If he goes down, she will too. In the end, they might not be the best for each other - at least to me anyway - they might very well go up in flames at each other's hands.
Then, there is the title - To Be Human. Very fitting, I only realised it's importance when I got to the end. I see what you did there ;)
I loved this. I'm an angst fiend, so this naturally blew me away.
Merry Christmas from your eternal stud/Secret Santa,
Filch xxAuthor's Response: HELLO! I hope you are well :)
Wow! That is such a huge compliment! Seriously, it's made my day! I enjoyed entering Albus head for a little while, it was new because I feel at home in Pippa's. If that makes any sense. Thanks! I wanted to write it in that raw way because that's the way Albus thinks. Thank you! Albus is an interesting character to write because as like you said, he's very comflicted.
Thank you! I loved writing that line, because it does sum up Albus. Yes! They have a lot of growing and healing before they are even decent people, who are stable.
Thank you :) I'm glad you like that.
Thank you! I'm so glad you liked it! Means a lot to me! Thanks so much for the review and I hope you have a wonderful day!
xxx Report Review
Please excuse me while I bow down. What's that? Nothing's happening.
HAHA that made me laugh. Okay, so I felt like Al's thoughts were a bit nicer in this one. I don't know how I feel about him anymore. I mean, he doesn't like Cassie? Come on! She's awesome. I think I would like to see the scene where Cassie is in the infirmary and Damien and Pippa fight. Those would be some interesting thoughts but only if inspiration comes to you of course. I honestly am not sure if Pippa and Al will ever get together. I think Al needs a hug!Author's Response: Heya :) I'm so glad you liked that line, I thought it would be amusing. Haha, I know Cassie is awesome but you've got to remember that Al hates everyone except Scorpius. So haha. Oh! That is an awesome idea! I may try writing it and see how it comes out. Haha, you never know but I agree that they have to grow up a little. Haha, yes, he does, but he'd never accept one! Thanks so much for the review and I hope you have a great day! Xxx Report Review
WOW! I thought I understood Albus, you know? I figured he was just mean to be mean to her and because of his parents and all that jazz but he's so cynical. He's so...Pippa! In an Albus Potter way of course. This was really interesting but I do favor Pip's (ah, I'm calling her Pip now) point of view only because we know so much more about her, Albus's thoughts seem sort of foreign to me, you know what I mean?Author's Response: Heya :) Yes, there is more to the story of Albus Potter than Pippa believes. He's a lot more complicated. Yes, I love Albus' head but I prefer Pippa so much more because she is like my baby and Of course, even though were in albus' head, we don't really learn anything about him which we won't until Pippa learns about it in the proper story. Yes, but it's nice to make a change plus I thought I'd be nice for the readers as they asked :) Thanks for the review and I hope you have a wonderful day. Xxx Report Review
Albus makes more sense with each passing chapter of To Be Human. I like the sarcastic side of Albus. I read chapter 6 of THF just before i read this chapter so that i don't miss anything. I enjoyed this is chapter was like a mirror reflection of chapter 6. It's amazing how much I love Albus even though he is so horrible to everyone. I can't help but wonder what made Albus the way he is right now. I am pretty sure it's something unexpected. So i am really excited. Hope we get an update soon in THF or TNH.You can take as much time as you want cause I am grateful that you're writing this story for us.thanks. take careAuthor's Response: Heya :) I'm glad he's slowly making sense to you. Yes. He's very sarcastic, at least inside his head, in real life, he mostly just stays silent a lot. Haha, really? You like Albus? That is different. He has a past that made him like this, which will be revealed later on in the story. Haha, you're welcome to make guesses ;) Yes! I'm working on updates for both. Aw, you're so kind! Thanks so much for the review, it's made my day. I hope you have a wonderful day. xxx Report Review
OMG. I never knew you are writing Albus's POV as well. The chapter was so awesome. Albus is amazing. he makes so much sense now. Will you write more Albus's POVs? Pretty please? Cause as much as we love Pippa, Albus is still a mystery that we can't help but get attracted towards. I don't know if you read the Darkly dreaming Dexter or saw the TV series Dexter. But I somehow could relate Dexter to Albus. It is a strange comparision cause Dexter is a serial killer. But somehow their emotions or rather lack of emotions made me compare this two characters. Anyway, I am probably saying the same thing over and over again. So yeah, bye. I will read the next chapter now. :DAuthor's Response: Heya :) This is the story I write when I get a little bit inspiration or if people want to have a scene in someone elses eyes. Yes! I'm all up for suggestions too. Haha, yes, Albus is a really big mystery. ah! I've never watched it, but I've always wanted to. Yes. Albus doesn't have that many emotions, he's buried them all deep because of something that happened in this past. Thank you so much for your wonderful review, it means a lot to me. I hope you have a great day! xxx Report Review
This scene was funnier and lighter in Al's pov. He's actually not as mean as he'd maybe like to think. I mean he could have easily gotten rid of Emily by insulting her when she first started bothering him but he didn't. It's not the most chivalrous thing in the world but it is still nice. And maybe he even has a bit of a hero complex like Harry :)
And I can see why Pippa and Al would make a good pair. Al at least has respect for Pippa and she definitely wouldn't bore him. Plus he seems to understand her better than most people, even Scorpius and Damien.
Ohh speaking of Scorpius, I would love to see a scene with the two of them interacting. They are best friends, right? I hope they have a relationship at least half as nice as Pippa and Cassie's =.Author's Response: Hey :) I'm so glad you thought. Probably. Pippa and Albus have this self destruct thing about them so they tend to punish themselves over the most littlest things but they don't stop doing the things they class as bad. Exactly. He likes to play the game. Maybe, but who knows?
Haha! I'm glad you can see it. He does understand her to some degree as they're quite alike and Albus is really good at reading people and understanding them. Yes, they would be a perfect match as they would fight fire with him.
Yep! And they have quite a good relationship I think. Scorpius is the one person that Albus trusts in the whole world.
Thanks so much for your review, it's been really interesting to read! I hope you have a great day!
xxx Report Review
Wow, I never knew this story existed! I love reading these scenes from Al's pov...he's even more messed up that Pippa in a way and I really want to find out what happened to him. At least with Pippa, we have a little idea of why she's so jaded. I really want them to be happy at the end and it looks like they both have a lot of growing to do before that.
I'm not gonna lie though, Al was scary at the end of this chapter. I was reading about psychopaths earlier (just a way to pass time) and he sort of comes off as one...lack of guilt, his need to hurt Pippa, the fact that he hates normality. But at the same time, he seems to hate these things about himself so there is hope for him yet :)
You've really created some great characters, they make the human factor one of the best stories on this site.Author's Response: Hehe! It's a little thing I do on the side whenever inspiration strikes. And I didn't want to put them in the whole story as I want that to be in Pippa's POV only. I'm glad you're liking scenes from Al's POV. They are both messed up in their own ways. Yeah, you don't know why Al is like this but you eventually will. Yes, they have a lot of growing up to do! That's what kind of story it is. It's more of a story to explore the human psyche and everything else just comes with it.
Yes! He scared me a little writing him. Haha. Yes, he is sort of but he is going through some stuff. And yes, he doesn't exactly like this side of him but doesn't want to do anything to change it.
Wow! That's a huge compliment! Thank you so much! I'm so glad you're liking the story so far and I hope you enjoy all the future updates and everything. I hope you have a great day!
xxx Report Review
I hope inspiration strikes with the chapter when Pippa and Damien fall out, when Al sticks up for her, again. I'd love to see that.
I love these insights and they don't give too much away.
Update The Human Factor soon < 3Author's Response: Ohhh! I may write that! That would be an interesting scene to write. Thanks! They give a little insight, but never too much until it's revealed in the proper story. Thank you so much for the nice review and I'm working on the next chapter! Thanks again. xxx Report Review
I love you.
I always say I hope we get Albus unraveled. And here this is. Giving an insight to his mind, but not too much.
I love it.
I took me a while to decide if I wanted to read it or not. Because it might take away the mystery. But, fortunatley for me, I decided to. So here I am. Saying I love you. Please don't be too wierded out!
I love you in a you're genius way.
Yeah, I'll be going now.
< 3Author's Response: Aw! Thanks!
It's never too much until we learn the reasons why in the actual story.
I can understand why you might not want to read it, because it might take away from the mystery but I've wrote it so that it is still there. aw! Don't worry! I love you too! haha, your reviews always make me smile! Thank you so much!
xxx Report Review
Albus is so bitter. I always thought he seemed like that because the story's on Pippa's POV and she's pretty biased when it comes to her, not to mention she doesn't like people in general. It makes me wonder more than ever what this 'thing in his past' is. I'm guessing it's not family issues because he seems to go along fine with James, or as fine as two people as different as them can be. Plus, neither Lily nor James have a similar attitude towards life, although that just might be that they have a different way of coping. I probably got it all wrong.
I love that Albus likes flaws. Is something I can relate to a lot, even if I know much people don't understand it. It's nice to see characters who have real problems for a change.Author's Response: Nope. He's just so bitter period. Yes, you may be right :) Lily and James are perfectly adjusted individuals in some aspects :) But maybe like you said they have different ways of coping. I'm so glad you love that, it crops up in a talk in chapter 10 :) I'm so glad you can relate to it! thank you so much, I try to make the problems real :) Everything a normal person has to go through you know? Thank you so much for the review.
xxx Report Review
Jeeez. Albus might even have more issues than Pippa! Seeing this from his point of view was truly fascinating though. It's crazy how a single moment can look so different when you see it from someone else's eyes.
I'm really curious to see why Albus has turned into this shell of a person. In the main story we've gotten little bits and pieces about Pippa, but Al is pretty much a mystery.
ronsgirl29 (gryffindor)Author's Response: Hiya lovely! Haha. Maybe, but they're both pretty full of issues. Exactly! That's where the idea came from. It's just so different. You'll find out eventually. Yep, Al is a mystery but it shall all be shown eventually. It's just going to take some time. Thanks so much for the nice review, it means a lot to me. xxx Report Review
No. I thought Albus was less icky than that! It makes me so sad ;( I think it's a good idea you've started this story cause I was wondering what was going through Al's head :DAuthor's Response: Yeah, but maybe one day he'll eventually get better or at least be able to feel. Thanks! I'm glad you liked the fact that I've started this story. Thanks so much for the review. xxx Report Review
Well, I don't know how else to say it, so I just will. What happpended to Al? I know what happend to Pippa, but what happened? I hope we find out. I think Al's kind of weird, and very depressing.Also, he's a huge jerk. Hopefully, Pippa will bring out his so-far-non-exsistent-good-qualities. That's all, so bye.Author's Response: That is the question. I have his backstory but I am not willing to release it yet because it's complicated and will be shown in little flashes but it's enough to mess up a person. Don't worry, you will find out. He is. But he has a heart, deep down, covered in thorns behind a wall, but it's there, somwehere. Haha, maybe. Who knows? Haha, well, I do, but stay with me! Eventually, everything will make sense! Thanks so much for the review. xxx Report Review
Okay, this is seriously disturbing. The way Albus thinks is umm..yeah, disturbing. I can't wrap my head around it.
Don't think that's got anything to do with your writing, though. It's disturbing for me, *because* you wrote it so convincingly. So, as a writer, you succeeded.
The fact that he feels no guilt and is essentially a sadist was very disconcerting for me. How much does a person have to experience before he becomes from a sweet li'l boy to *that*, I cannot even imagine.
If you manage to convince me through the events in his life that really justify his behaviour, I'll hand you out cookies, honestly. Oh, and it'd be really interesting to see how you make him and Pippa work, because I, for one, cannot imagine them together as yet.
Okay, now about the writing part- there were many typos that I spotted in this, nothing big, but small words like -'to' etc. were missing. Nothing that can't be fixed, but it was very off-putting as a reader. Just at the beginning of the chapter- you should capitalise Albus' name. It'd feel more um..professional.
Your overall writing is very real, though, and doesn't feel contrived, which is always a good thing. ;)
All that having been said, I really do enjoy your writing and hope to read more. :)
Keep writing!Author's Response: Disturbing is one word for it. He's just in a very dark place at the moment. Thanks! I was worried about that because it's hard to place myself in such a dark mind but thank you. Don't worry, I have Albus' back story all planned. There is reasons for everything. Haha! I'll try to gain those cookies! Haha. Yes, they need to change/grow but not lose themselves. It's going to be a bumpy ride though cause if they kissed in the next chapter, it wouldn't make sense for their character and I woudn't want to betray their characters like that.
Thanks for all your help, I'm going to edit this as soon as I get time.
Aw thanks! That's very kind of you to say. Thanks! I'll always keep writing, I've fell in love with it again.
Thank you so much for being so kind. Report Review
Hey! Me again :)
Haha, it was a nice surprise to see this one added to your story cause I was the one who asked for it over on formspring!I really enjoyed this one as well, I quite like the whole idea of albus being really complex and dark and sarcastic because a lot of the time he's portrayed as being the happy go lucky good guy. (even though I love that side to him, this is a nice change too ;) )
I was just wondering how long you think The Human Factor will be. I'm kinda weird cause I like to have a rough idea on where we are in a story, it just gives me a better understanding of it when I know the sort of pace it's going at, if you get what I mean :)
Oh, by the way, thanks for letting me keep scorpius for a while. Fear not! I'll be sure to nourish him with all the cuddles i can manage, and keep him away from sharp and potentially dangerous objects since he can be a bit...clueless sometimes - but lovable all the same. I should have him back in one thoroughly cuddled piece for the next chapter though XD (ah, I love that smilie!)
*sigh* well, it's back to science revision for me now I suppose, i've procrastinated enough, I wonder if scorp has any knowledge on the subject...hey scorpius! Come 'ere for a sec...
-Maddie xAuthor's Response: You are one of the best people ever :) You seriously make my day!
Really? I want so happy that someone wanted me to do that! Before you asked that question, nobody had asked me before! Exactly. I wanted it to be with what he portays on the outside is something different on the inside. In my head, because of what I have got planned, he's always been like this but of course, he's not going to go into his issues with Pippa. I'm glad you enjoy both sides to him.
Well, I have ideas, I just need to proper plan it because I have a clear idea of up until christmas (well, i've wrote a scene that i really want to use) But I don't know when that'll be. It'll be around 35 chapters maybe. Maybe more, maybe less. Not sure. I need to be more of a planner, but I'm more of a winging it person.
It was no problem! He enjoys being in the company of someone who actually likes him. Haha! I'm glad he is in good hands. Haha! I like that smilie too. Yes, please keep him away from sharp objects, otherwise blood may be spilled :)
Aw! Good luck! And Haha. I'm not sure he'd know what Science is ;) Pampered pureblood and all ;) Have fun and thank you so much, you're wonderful!
xxx Report Review
Wow, that really gave us a great insight into Al's mind and it helped to sort of get to know him better. I say sort of because although we now know how he thinks, we don't know why!
I love the fact that you described what he was feeling really effectively rather than just saying "she really annoys me, I can't stand her." and leaving it at that without justifying it, and I think this has helped to add another layer to albus' personality. I really want to find out more about his past now!
You're a really talented author and every time you update it brings a smile to my face because I absolutely adore everything about The Human Factor, from the intriguing plotline to your incredible way of writing, and especially your characterizations (seriously, can I just take Scorpius home? he's so endearing!!!)
Anyway, i didn't mean to make this review this long, I just got a bit carried away :)
Again, great job and I can't wait for your next update! XD
-Maddie xAuthor's Response: Hey Maddie! I hope you're okay. Yep! I got asked to write a scene in his POV and I thought I'd post it up on the site. Exactly! I wanted to get in his mind, but he's staying elusive until Pippa knows the deal :P
Thanks! I think it'd be pretty boring to read it like that. I thought we'd go into a little depth but not too much. Because Albus hates her for a reason. Exactly! His hatred isn't entirely justified. I'm glad it has! That was my main. Haha. Albus past will come up soon. But not quite yet.
You're far too kind but thank you so much. That has made my day! It really has. I'm so glad the story has made you smile because I really enjoy writing everything about it. I'm glad you like all those aspects. Haha, yes, as as long as you cuddle him. He likes cuddles but Pippa never gives cuddles xD
Ahhh! It's fine. It seriously made my day and it was a joy to answer. Thank you very much! I'm working on chapter nine! It hopefully shouldn't take too long but there are some moments I want to get right :D
Thanks again and have a great day.
xxx Report Review
Yay! I love that you're going to do Albus POV sometimes, it makes it even more interesting :)
i liked it!
-sofiaAuthor's Response: Thanks lovely! I just had a request so I thought I'd do it and I found myself enjoying it so I thought why not eh? Glad you enjoyed it. Thanks so much, you're far too kind to me. Have a great day! Report Review
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