Reading Reviews for Seventeen Freckles
  
6 Reviews Found

Review #1, by peace2lovepotter Seventeen Freckles

28th July 2011:
Hi! I'm sorry it's taken so long to review, I wanted to wait until near the deadline of my challenge before reviewing the entries. It just so happens that I really like the pairing Ronmione, so I don't really read Ron/OC stories. But this has definitley opened my eyes. I really enjoyed reading this, I could relate to Devin and how she felt. I can see how this relates to the song and I enjoyed reading it. Thank you for entering my Adele challenge! I should be posting a blog entry from the 2nd to the 5th of August with the winners. Love Livvy xxx :)

Author's Response: Thanks for the review and the challenge!

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Review #2, by Dark Marked Seventeen Freckles

7th July 2011:
Hey it's Dark Marked from the forums!

I have to say, this did confuse me a bit. Who is Devin and what house is she in? You say she's prefect, so is she a younger Gryffindor prefect (considering she watched him in the common room). Two, I really liked how I thought this was Hermione at the beginning and I enjoyed the surprise. Your flow is great and I don't notice any spelling and grammar issues. As for characterization? I think you nailed Ron and Lavender as well as their relationship. How to make this better? Well I'd be interested in seeing what Devin thought of Ron and Hermione's relationship, whether she thought that wouldn't work as well or if she was miserable because she knew it would. Anyway, great story and a very enjoyable read!
--
L.D.

Author's Response: Well, this was meant to be a sequel to Behind These Eyes, and it isn't something that can really be read alone to understand. Thanks for the review!

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Review #3, by WeasleyTwins Seventeen Freckles

5th July 2011:
Hi, WeasleyTwins here to review as requested.

First, I would like to compliment you on your summary. I always find that a quick, snappy summary grabs the readers' attention far better than a paragraph. Secondly, your title is to die for, really. I love a good, interesting, snazzy title.

I really don't know what to tell you, honestly. Your style is fantastic, the grammar is flawless, the flow is lovely, the characterization of Ron is delicious. I'm pretty nit-picky, but I can find nothing wrong. Which, to say, is brilliant. You had me wondering the entire time who in the heck this person was. I considered Luna, brushed that off, even considered a boy and shrugged that off too. I love that you kept me guessing - sometimes, the best part of a story is NOT knowing.

I also applaud your choice of theme. We often don't realize that people like us. We live in our own little, obtuse worlds with no thought about anyone else. I love Ron's obliviousness, yet I felt so sorry for this girl, Devin. I believe girls are especially familiar with this type of situation. They don't really ever notice us, do they? The repetition of, "He hadn't even known my name," was not only excellent technique, it really pulled at my heart. This is such a common theme with teenagers, I felt, well, sad.

After all that rambling, I just have to say that you've executed this perfectly. Excellence all around.

Shelby

Author's Response: Thanks so much! This is so encouraging since I've hit a block in my writing. But this really makes me want to get over it and pull through.

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Review #4, by honoraryweasley Seventeen Freckles

5th July 2011:
Hi there! Honoraryweasleyy from the forums here.

Firstly, let me say that since I haven't read the prequel, I'm reading this as a stand-alone one shot and critiquing it as such, too. I hope that this doesn't mean I've missed out any important information that means I've misinterpreted it all :)

Secondly, this works very well as a stand-alone, I think. Short but sweet (oh, hush, reviewers are allowed to use cliches), and I liked that you withheld the writer's identity until she has to remind Ron of it. It makes it seem more realistic somehow.

I have to admit, I laughed quite a lot. Especially when she was talking about counting his freckles and the works - harmless but CREEPY, Devin is (or at least, that's how she came off to me). I think - I hope - that's how you intend it to work, as a sort of humour? You did it fantastically, too.

"It was unsettling to me that the two be a part." First of all, "a part" should be "apart", and second, I'm going to SUGGEST making it "It was unsettling to me that the two were apart." It really is up to you, of course, and there's nothing wrong with how it stands currently.

Brilliant job! :)

Author's Response: Yes, she is incredibly creepy. I find her sweet, though. Something about her makes me love her, even if she is a creeper who watches her 'love' sleep.

Thanks for the review!


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Review #5, by wenderbender Seventeen Freckles

4th July 2011:
Hiya, wenderbender from the forums with your requested review!

I really liked this! A very different take on Ron/Lavender, and I was so curious the entire time about who the speaker was (I see it's a sequel, so her identity might not be a secret to the majority of readers...but it works very well as a stand-alone too, the mystery is fun!). It's strange, but I've rarely considered the possibility of a third girl crushing on Ron...it's always just Lavender (the requisite mistake girl) and Hermione (the destined-to-be-married girl). I liked the idea of Devin watching Ron's interactions with other girls, silently, but with very strong opinions.

The one thing that bothered me was, well...I found the whole oneshot incredibly funny.

Don't get me wrong, I really enjoyed it, but I just couldn't take it completely seriously. The drama/angst seemed a tad over the top, and the fact that it was directed at Won Won + Lav Lav--the clear comic relief couple of the HP series--just made the whole thing seem hilarious to me. Now, maybe that was your intention...and major props if it was, for maintaining such a perfectly pitched level of emotion. If not, I would consider making it a satire, or toning down the drama a little bit. Perhaps mixing in a little more dialogue and lightening up on the dense internal monologue would help make the tone more serious?

Please don't take this the wrong way! I think you are an extremely talented writer, and I very much enjoyed reading this. The grammar and vocabulary were perfect, and your characterization was fantastic for such a short story. I also want to acknowledge that this IS a sequel, so I could be missing some important personality traits/info about your OC, Devin, which would make this story more solemn and angsty. Overall, 9/10.

xoxo wenderbender

Author's Response: You're not the first to say it comes off as slightly funny. I see how it could be, so I understand. The mystery is more in the first story. I never even gave her name in that one. This is the first story where I've given her a name. :) I'm planning a third story with her, one that is far more dark and sinister. :) I'm quite excited about it.

Thanks for the review!


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Review #6, by iloveyou_ps Seventeen Freckles

3rd July 2011:
Hey, I'm Saffi from the forums, here to review Seventeen Freckles. First of all, the title. Oh my gosh, the title is really attention grabbing. I got hooked as soon as I read the title. Great job on that! Now, let's get to the actual story. I liked the concept. It was cute. A girl who's after a guy who does not even know her name is certainly a realistic idea. So, good job there! Next, I'd like to talk about characters. As this is a one shot, and it's mostly a thought process on one thing, I can't see much in terms of character. I mean, Devin talks about the whole Ron/Lavender romance, and how she doesn't like it, but that doesn't tell me much about her. It tells me that she doesn't like Ron and Lavender's relationship but nothing else about her. I want to know a little bit about her personality (is she smart, funny, what house she's in, her year, that kind of thing). Other than that, in terms of grammar and sentence structure, your writing is pretty good! One thing that confused me though, was this line:

“Thanks…” He muttered as he looked at Prefect badge and my House patch. “You’re umm… “

Prefect badge? Whose Prefect badge? Whose house patch? We know Ron was Prefect, but was she Prefect too? If they were both Prefect, you'd expect him to at least know her name.

Overall, the read was enjoyable. I enjoyed the story. Sorry if I came off as too harsh. :) Good luck for future stories!

Author's Response: Well, I see Ron as being pretty oblivious, which ties into the fact that he didn't even know her name. Devin shows a lot of her personality in the first story I put her in, this one is a sequel to that.

Thanks for the review!


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