Wow, this was heartbreaking. I should've known when it said it was a Fred story that it was going to end up with me in tears!
You did a really nice job with setting up the characters. We didn't really get to see into Fred's mind in the books but I thought you stuck to his personality really well. :) I liked how he was in part II. We never really got to see a fluffy/lovey side of Fred and I thought it was really sweet. I could tell he loved her with all of his heart < 3
I really liked Savannah, too. You made her a very believable character which is hard to do with a OC in a one-shot. The memories/scenes were all well written and staged really well and I felt like I knew her pretty well even though I really didn't.
Man, I felt so bad for her and George at the end. It must have been terrible for her to be sitting there waiting for him, not knowing if he would return. I'm sure she didn't know the extent of what was going on and what Fred was fighting for so that was probably the worst part :/ and poor George! It must have been hell to have to break that to Savannah. They both loved him so much :( I hope they were both able to grieve with each other!
gah, this was just so good! It had a really nice flow and didn't have any awkward transitions and I loved it :) Thanks for the lovely read!
-Amanda Report Review
That was so sad :( One of the saddest moments in the final book for me was Fred's death, and you really captured the emotion of losing him.
I like the character you created of Savannah. I never thought about Fred finding a girl, but it's totally plausable. He was funny and charming, it makes sense he'd have a girl fall for him.
It just breaks me heart to think about her sitting there waiting for him. You wrote that scene wonderfully. The anxious feeling she had was conveyed nicely.
I wish Savannah and Fred could have had a happy ending :/ (shame on you JKR for killing Fred!)
Your Secret Santa!Author's Response: Hi,
Thank you so much for your review, and I'm so sorry it's taken me over a year to reply to it, I feel so terrible about that considering it was a secret santa present! But I totally understand Fred dying as being one of the saddest moments in the book, he seemed like such a permanent part of the Weasley's something that could not be replaced because no-one expected either of the twins to die - they were a pair, how could one just die? :(
I always believed Fred and George would have been rather popular with the ladies, they seemed like the sort of guys that would have been, and in some ways in creating Savannah I wanted to create an equal for Fred, someone who'd understand but at the same time be strong enough to withstand all the jokes and love him for who he was. It breaks my heart even now thinking about them, makes me want to write another one-shot to go with it, but I think their story is done, there can't always be a happy ending unfortunately.
Thank you so much for your review and I'm glad you liked it, even if it was sad.
~ Ash Report Review
Tagging you again from the Review the Person Above You thread in the common room.
To start at the beginning, I found the title of the story a bit difficult to relate to the content. It's a small, nit-picky thing, but the title of a story is obviously the first thing most people notice and I don't think "Infinity" is the best indication of what the reader is going to find.
So what will the reader find? I found an emotional rendition of the life Fred might have been secretly leading while the trio was on the run during Deathly Hallows. Your writing seemed a bit shaky near the beginning, but you hit your stride around the start of the second section and delivered a very strong finish.
The anguish of a simple muggle girl who learns that the love of her life has a Very Big Secret that complicates their relationship enormously was very believably written. Fred's final line of the story was inspired. Very well done.
The third section was heart-wrenching. The idea of George having to share his grieving with somebody outside of the family... I can't decide whether I think it was better for him or worse. Either way, your tribute to Fred in the final paragraph was touching.
In summary, I think it would be worth your while to make a careful pass through the first section for grammar. There were a few small things I noticed that sort of delayed my ability to firmly connect with the story. Otherwise, your writing was solid.
Well done! Report Review
I'll keep this to the point: I loved this, you write beautifullyAuthor's Response: Hi!
Thank you so much for review, I'm glad you loved the story, I really wanted to create something entirely different from what I usually write, which I hope I've done! I'm glad you liked the writing it's a little different again from how I usually write, so your comment is very kind!
Thanks for reviewing!
-In The Shadows I Dwell Report Review
Wow. Just wow. This was flawless in every way.
I loved your interpretation of the song. "Mine", to me, has always been a really fluffy, happy song, and in some ways, your one shot was just that. It was sweet, light, and fun, at least at the beginning. But you really put your own twist on the song, and gave me something much more, especially at the very end. It became heartbreaking, but in a strange sort of way, it still fit the song.
I adore Savannah's personality. I think it fit Fred's really well. She was outgoing, and she appeared to be funny and such, so I think the two of them would have fit together really nicely.
You really did a great job of this! It was an unusual twist on the song, and in all, I loved it!
-NaidatheRavenclaw, RavenclawAuthor's Response: Hi,
Thank you so much for reviewing!
I absolutely adore the song 'Mine' although I think from this it's probably easy to tell I see it having the ability to have a sort of darker, sadder side to it than really just it being happy and fluffy, I guess I think about Taylor Swift songs waaayy too much though! :P
I guess I sort of created Savannah first, actually I wasn't sure where she was going to be used, but in the end she was this obvious girl made to be with him, at least it sort of seemed that way to me. I half considered her being perfect for either twin or maybe even another character. I actually spent ages trying to figure out who she worked with best, but when I got this song for the challenge well, they just seemed like the perfect match.
Thank you so much for your lovely words, I barely know how to reply to them.
~ In The Shadows I Dwell Report Review
Warning: I tend to ramble and my review may be all over the place because I write things as I think them, so I'm sorry if it's confusing!
I love TSwift! And I really enjoyed this one-shot. First off, I am a HUGE fan of roman numerals (it's even in my About Me on the forums...) and I find that they do a wonderful job at separating those parts of one story that need their own place. So, in this fic, they were perfect in separating some huge moments in Fred and Savannah's relationship.
As a slight aside, can I just mention how cute I find it that Savannah also has red hair? Imagine their children! Another Weasley clan. It's so sad that that future is ripped away from them.
When the argument between them began, I was a little hesitant because I was getting frustrated with those stories of our canon wizards falling for Muggles and them not believing in magic. It was a little confusing because she basically tells Fred that his lies are rubbish, but then what she's most afraid of is the fact that he won't love her as a non-magical girl - so there is the belief that he is magical and he was telling the truth. So I wasn't really sure where Savannah's thoughts were on that matter.
The ending, when George is on her doorstep and she thinks of how he's so familiar but not the man she loved, that was just heartbreaking, especially knowing that Fred would not be coming home.
I wasn't quite sure about the last sentence. I don't really know how a 'painful infinite realisation of death' could bring comfort to those who lost someone. Maybe that's just me though. It sounds pretty neat when you read it but it doesn't make much sense.
There was some mechanical and grammatical errors but nothing too terrible. Maybe a quick read through could help clear some of that up.
Overall, I really enjoyed this one shot. You did a wonderful job exploring their relationship in such a short amount of words. There was no need for an epic build-up or anything. They just simply were, and it was perfect.
forsakenphoenix (Ravenclaw)Author's Response: Hi!
I completely understand the rambling! I've had to cut paragraphs out of reviews before I've written so much... I also love Taylor Swift and Roman Numerals, although I don't think I have either listed on my About Me, then again there is very little of anything listed there. I also thing think there's something beautiful about roman numerals in a story. I actually got the idea from a short story collection I studied last year and I fell in love with it there and just needed it for my own story...
I know the red hair... It would have been so magical, I could see their children and it would have been so easy to write this as George/Savannah but I couldn't. It had to be Fred, it just had to be. I think what I imagined with the fight was that it wasn't going to ever be perfect. She was going to be overwhelmed, frightened and confused, and I suppose that might be a factor that contributed to some of the actual confusion existing, but I'll certainly go back and edit taking that into consideration.
I think the ending was something I placed a lot of questioning into, I thought George's presence tied everything together in a way no-one else or an owl could. It seemed natural that George would look for someone to comfort him, and the logical explanation to me was someone who knew him as well as he did and hence that situation came to life. When I wrote the last sentence, I really meant it to mean that death was the only certain thing in their life, something that could understand and take comfort in knowing happened, then again, it's another thing for me to work on alongside the general errors in the piece.
Thank you so much for all your lovely things and thoughts for me to take into consideration, I shall use them when considering my edits to this story. :)
~ Ash Report Review
Oh... it is very hard to review this story. I'm absolutly heartbroken at the moment... In so little time, you managed to create a love story that felt so real and so passionate; wow. I'm blown away by how hard this is affecting me!
I think your choice to make clear cuts in your story was excellent. All three of them had a very different feel and instantly, the reader could tell how much time had passed and what these characters had gone through. I really like the idea of Fred being in love with a muggle, you make it work really well.
Great, great story. I really enjoyed it no matter how sad it was; that was one of the most beautifuly tragic love story.
Akussa (Gryffindor)Author's Response: Hi!
I hope you're not too heartbroken, this is really one of my first attempts at a serious romance fic, usually it's one of those minor things that I include with much less focus, but I felt as though if I was being challenged with "Mine" I thought it was something that needed to be in there, and I was so worried that it wouldn't work. Considering I usually write awful romance...
I really love writing stories from multiple points in time. It's something I feel so comfortable with and love working with purely because it gives something entirely unique to each story that you write. I've never written Fred/Anyone before, I don't even really ship it, but I loved Savannah's character, she was someone who as an OC really spoke to me purely because she was essentially the female version of Fred, if not even a little stronger considering she was without the twin he had for support and I always imagined her as something of a lonely teenager/child, so I suppose I wanted to create someone who could match Fred, if not even be stronger than him. Plus, the idea that he could have such a relationship in his line of work intrigued me as well.
Thank you so much for your review, I'm so glad you enjoyed it, even if it was a little sad! I'm also sorry it has taken me so long to reply, that many months is unacceptable, although real life really got in the way!
Thanks once again!
~ Ash Report Review
Hello! I hope you're okay. Anyway, I loved this! I could real feel Fred and Savannah's relationship and I could understand why losing Fred would shatter Savannah. I think you've wrote this couple beautifully, sometimes you need a whole story to build up a relationship but you've managed to convey a whole relationship in a one shot. The ending was sad, but it was realistic and fitting, I guess. I also liked how you left it open ended as well, it adds a bit of mystery what happened to Savannah. I really like your description, you write beautifully and you have talent. I think this is a brilliant one shot and I've really enjoyed reading this piece.
- SexyDoorFrames, Gryffindor.Author's Response: Hi!
Thank you so much for your review! I really wanted to capture the entire relationship in the single one-shot which at first was something I couldn't even decide how to do but really in the end that's why splitting it into three parts seemed like the only option in the end, and I'm glad it seems to have worked. It makes me nervous when I write OC's, just purely because they are entirely a writer's own creation and I just wasn't sure about Savannah.
Ahh open endings, it's not something I usually do, however the song was pretty open ended so I thought it might be okay just this once, even if I never return to Savannah and her story again. Unfortunately the ending was always going to be sad, I at least wanted to leave it in a position where it could just slide into canon without really altering all that much, and I hope that worked...
Thank you so much for your lovely review! Thanks for reading!
~ Ash Report Review
I love how you show the emotions between Fred and Savannah. And the ending I was so sad, Her reaction to his death was so realistic. I enjoyed this one-shot alot, and I'm glad I read it :)Author's Response: Hi!
Thank you so much for your lovely review! I'm really glad you enjoyed the emotions between Fred and Savannah, they were two characters I actually found it really easy to capture, perhaps because they seemed so real to me, they were rather clear in my mind so I guess that really made it a little easier!
His death breaks my heart, even more so than hers I think and it's the sense I get that it so completely and utterly wrong and should never have happened, but I guess that is what makes it easier to write her heartbreak from.
I'm glad you enjoyed this one shot, it was certainly something very different for me, and I was thrilled to receive your lovely feedback on it! Report Review
Hello! This is academica with your review :)
Yay, a challenge piece! Thanks for posting!
Your description was pretty strong in this piece. I thought you did a great job of showing Savannah's emotions both when she and Fred were fighting and when she found out about his death. I know and love the song this is based on and I think you followed the plot of that very well also (Though I so wish poor Freddie could have lived to marry and have kids. Sigh.).
If you haven't yet submitted this for consideration, I'd like to make one tiny plot-related suggestion. When I was reading George's entry into the house, I fully expected Savannah to think about how George looked just like Fred and yet wasn't him. You made a small mention of it, but I think it could be expanded slightly with some more specific description. It's sort of haunting, to me, the idea of that thought, and I think it would add just that much more depth of emotion and depth to Savannah as a character if you added it in. That is totally my opinion, however, and it's your story, of course :)
As far as spelling/grammar/punctuation goes, you did have a few tiny mistakes, like using a comma instead of a period (like after 'bright green robe ensemble' near the beginning).
The only other detail I'd like to mention is the last statement; I'm having trouble understanding how the 'painful, infinite realisation of death' could be a comfort to them. You may have meant to say something about how there was no comfort, only this realisation, and just typed it out wrong. Of course, I could be missing the point entirely as well.
All in all, this was quite well done. You seem to have hit all the points of the challenge, from what I can gather about it, and I think you did a good job of showing the "softer", less humorous side of Fred. Good luck with the challenge, and thanks for asking me to stop by and review! It was a pleasure :) I hope I was helpful!
academicaAuthor's Response: Hi!
Thank you so much for reviewing this! I really was trying to capture something different in Fred, perhaps a little of his serious and his not quite so serious side, attempting to strike a balance between the two, which with someone so full of life it was difficult to actually imagine a serious side to him. I will immediate set to work to add in that detail as I did play with the idea of expanding upon it, but I just couldn't quite get it there without it seeming out of place, although seeing as you've pointed out, I'll be sure to give it another go :)
I am awful with grammar, so thank you for picking that up, I'll be sure to correct that as well. Ahh the dreaded last statement, I re-wrote it millions of times, and it still came out entirely wrong (as I imagined it would) you were right, I did mean to say there was no comfort for them, only the realisation of his death, I just worded it that poorly... I'll be sure to fix that up as well as it really bothered me initially, and now I've got new incentive to go back and fix it up again!
Thank you so much for stopping by to review, it's been incredibly helpful and your thoughts on this are much appreciated!
- Ash Report Review
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