Well, first of all, what a nice surprise to see this! You never formally announced you were taking up my challenge, but I'm glad to see you got it in!
Anyway, wonderful work! Hedda was delightfully mischievous and the mayhem she caused was quite funny. I'm with Jenna, though -- I would've preferred to see Hedda cause even MORE trouble.
I also loved how you began the story. It was a very interesting way to open it, and it certainly grabbed my attention!
All in all, a very nice read. Good work!Author's Response: Haha, I know! I just kind of dropped in, but I couldn't resist. Looking back, I wish I'd experimented with Hedda's pranks more, but I wasn't sure how much magic I could have her use without getting her into too much trouble. Thank you for your review, and for your challenge! I really enjoyed writing for it! :) Report Review
Aww I'm so glad youo got this in on time. It was absolutely adorable. I love how you made her well spoken and a genius, but still, for all purposes, nine. She reacted very proper for her age level. I really enjoyed this story. Wish there was more actually. :) Well done. --JennaAuthor's Response: I'll be honest, it was probably inspired by "The Elegance of the Hedgehog" which I read about a month ago. I'm glad that you liked her, though! She was a fun character to write! Thanks for an inspiring challenge :) Report Review
Aw, this has to be the most unique Luna/Rolf story that I've come across! Ha ha, and one of the more adorable ones.
I can imagine that some little sisters can be quite mischevious as Ginny quite proved they could be. I never thought of Rolf having a younger sister, but as we know nothing of his family it really is quite possible.
I love your characterization of Hedda. She seems to act like any nine year old little girl who didn't like her brother's boyfriend would - she just reacts without giving much thought to the consequences. She'll just be happy if Luna goes.
Ha ha, I really do hope there's a follow up piece sometime of how Hedda and Luna eventually get along - if that is to ever happen.
As far as the characterization of the others, I thought you did well. I thought it was funny that Hedda thought Luna a simpleton at first, though, one couldn't blame her. Luna can be rather awkward at the best of times.
However, I would like to point out one small mistake - you said Luna had blue eyes. Her eyes are described as silvery in the books so one could deduce that her eyes are either gray or silver but not blue. Sorry, I'm a bit of a anal Canon person.
However, the story was enchanting otherwise, and everyone seemed very well written and well thought out.
I liked the plot in this one. Everyone is familiar with tales of friends and exes not liking someone's new girlfriend or boyfriend, but this is one of the first stories I've read where the sibling disapproves. So it was a nice twist from the norm.
As far as spelling, flow, and syntax go I didn't pick up on anything that needed fixing. So awesome job there! I do appreciate pieces that have that polished look to them.
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