Wow, it's surprising to see a so over-confident Neville! But considering that he grew up with his parents, and even got siblings, in addition to being the-one-who-defeated-Voldemort, maybe it isn't that weird. Hope he doesn't get too annoying, or I'll want to slap him! XD
I'm looking forward to how this whole story will turn up! :D I'm kind of sad that Harry doesn't exist in this world, though > Report Review
Hmm, the atmosphere in this chapter seems to be way too calm, considering what had happened. I don't feel the panic, the adrenaline, the horror. After all, Voldemort had come to kill them, didn't he? The feeling was more like, oh, I got knocked out, where's Neville? Oh, there you are, let's go see my wife. We had a daugther? She should be called after my mother who's btw now dead, killed by Voldemort.
Don't take it to heart, I'm just stating my personal opinion as a reader. And since you took your time to write, you deserve an honest review! The writing is still superb! Report Review
I'm kind of happy that Snape got together with the woman he loved :D When I read the summary of the story, I thought you would go from the original work, where it was stated that the chosen boy would either be Harry or Neville. Since basically, Voldemort chose himself the boy-who-lived, I was expecting from this story that he had got his eyes on Neville at that fatal day, and not Harry. But your twist just made this fiction even more worth its reading!
And you writing also seems good and fluid, I will surely enjoy this! Report Review
Hi again :)
Wow, this is really different! VERY AU. I don't think that's a bad thing; in fact, I admire you for taking the risk of writing a story that deviates so much from canon.
Your characterization of Neville is pretty interesting. Since he was raised by his parents and knows exactly who he is, he has adopted a attitude of faux arrogance and makes a number of references to his own glory. I'm not sure if I like this, since it seems so far off from the Neville I know and love, but again, I congratulate you on having the courage to try something new :)
The use of Cedric and Ron is pretty interesting. I haven't read this in a while, so I sort of wonder if Snape/Lily will have a child that makes an appearance, and if we'll see anything out of Hermione. I'm excited to see what else will emerge from the world you're creating here :) I see a few technical errors, but nothing too distracting, and the story flows pretty well.
Nice job! :)
academicaAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! The change in Neville was something I debated the most but it made sense because environment influences how a person grows up and Frank is a nutter and Neville knows who he is so he wouldn't be his quite self that we love so much. I'm glad you are sticking with the story and you are right I have plans for a lot of the other characters you've mentioned and a few others it's just a matter of figuring where and how to fit them in. Report Review
Love it, just like when i first saw it! Is it bad i wanna guest write a chapter already XDAuthor's Response: Darling you brought an epic smile to my face with this! What sort of chapter are you wanting to guest write? I might consider it. I mean this is a big project and I talk a LOT of this story out with you any way too. Report Review
Hey again! This chapter seemed very well done, both technically and plot-wise. I like how the story is going and I'm interested to see what the next chapter brings :)Author's Response: I'm glad things were done better and I'm glad you are liking things so far I'm hoping to be able to crank out another chapter here soon while I've got the extra time. Report Review
Very interesting concept, and yet the flow of plot absolutely makes sense (the marriage of Severus and Lily leading to Neville being chosen instead). I am very much looking forward to seeing how this will go. If I had to offer a bit of critique, it's that you might want to have a beta reader look over the next chapter, just to make sure your grammar and sentence structure is fully intact. Thanks for sharing this!Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review. I do have a friend who does a basic check over my writing but I suppose neither of us read the prologue particularly well. I went through and cleaned things up on it and the first chapter of the story is up as well so there is more to read. I went through it an extra time to be certain and I think I caught the mistakes for the next chapter. I hope you enjoy! Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection