Reading Reviews for An Unexpected Adventure
  
6 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Enitsirk An Unexpected Adventure

7th September 2011:
I thought it was a great story. The flow and characterization is fine. I enjoyed it. :D

I do have a couple of suggestions:

1. Watch out with the spacing. It looks like one of your lines might have got deleted so there's a giant space. Haha.
2. I like that you're trying to separate the two thought processes, but I think it would be an even better store (as well as easier to follow) if you just meshed the two. Brought them together and made dialogue flow etc.

I hope this is helpful. :)

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you thought that the flow and characterization were fine and that you enjoyed it. As for your suggestions. The spacing was messing me up at the time... since then I've learned to sort it out better so I'll go back and take a look thank you.

Thank you, if I do any adding on to the story I'll definitely keep that in mind. I was going for showing both the points of view but I do understand that that helped to make it harder to follow. Sounds like meshing them might be a good idea, at least at some points in the story.

Thank you for your feedback! I really appreciate it ^^


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Review #2, by Coley An Unexpected Adventure

10th August 2011:
First off, I love Remus/Tonks pregnancy stories, purely because their aren't enough of them!

One of the stand out things for me in this piece was the switched in POV and how well it flowed together. The little snippets of overlapping in them did really well to keep everything together and didn't seem repetitive at all.

The characterisation was really good. Remus' reaction was a highlight for me, how he through of all the drawbacks before thinking of the positives. Also, how Tonks' mood is reflected in the colour of her hair was a real nice touch that I liked.

Apart from very few spelling (e.g. "plat" instead of "plate") and grammar errors, there's no real flaws or critique I can point out.

The line, "That was what he really wanted, not to be spending every night thinking like the monster he had fought so hard against becoming." was amazing! It just seemed to Remus'. Fantastic.

Overall, it was a lovely, adorable piece that I really enjoyed.

Author's Response: I'm glad that you thought it flowed well together. I'm glad that they seemed to keep everything together for you! I'm also glad that you thought the characterization was really good. Thank you! I'm glad that there aren't too many flaws that could be pointed out. I'm really glad that you liked that line and that you thought that he piece was adorable. Thank you ^^

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Review #3, by leannemariesnape An Unexpected Adventure

6th August 2011:
This was a really interesting piece. I liked how the points of view switched, so the reader was able to see this important event through both eyes. I thought that your characterisation of Tonks was really good, and I liked how at the beginning of the story, her hair was "stuck" on black. That was a nice touch to the story!

She was an Auror damn it. This was such a good line. I think that it emphasised how Tonks was feeling, and I really liked how she tackled the situation with Remus. Whilst we're on the subject of Tonks, I liked how her hair turned red and she turned into a "Mini-Molly". That did make me smile a little.

Your characterisation of Remus was good, and I liked how he hated thinking like a killer. That was a good touch, and I think it helped keep him in character. I also think that the very last line was very good. It shows us what ultimately lead to him attempting to leave her.

Leanne (leannemariesnape, Hufflepuff) :)

Author's Response: I'm glad that you liked how the points of view switched and that you thought it was interesting. Thanks! I figured her hair is used in the books at times so I could use it there too. I'm glad that you liked the line about her being an Auror and the idea of her being a Mini Molly, yeah, I'm glad it made you smile.

Thank you! ^^


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Review #4, by megan2u An Unexpected Adventure

8th July 2011:
Thanks again for participating in my challenge!
First off, I loved your introduction! You really got into Tonks' head and hooked the reader! You alluded well to other events going on in the books during the time with the ministry comment and the war.
I did like how you switched between Remus' and Tonks' point of view, however I did find it awkward in some places where you repeated the lines said previously. Overall you captured both of their feelings and thoughts very well.
I was expecting the ending to have Remus leaving, since we know he does that in the book, so I was confused by him saying "We can do this", but then you showed he was thinking they couldn't. I kind of expected a big fight over his condition with the baby and then a storming off scene, but I guess sneaking off in the middle of the night works too!
A few mistakes I noticed: "plat" instead of "plate", "no matter what now was the time to at least be there for her" needs a comma after what.
Overall good job! I really enjoyed it and thought you were very true to your characters! I will be announcing the winners sometime today, thanks again!

Author's Response: Pleasure! Thank you for the great challenge. I'm glad you loved the introduction. The timeline was so confusing thanks to the movie but I'm glad that you seem to think that it works. Yeah, I did that because I didn't want the reader to get lost when it changed points of view? I can see how it would be awkward though.

Yeah. My thought was that it would probably fester and then he would leave later? Given he turned up during the day and this was at night... I figured he'd probably work all night and then go... was originally thinking of making this a few chapters instead of one and still am pondering that so I wasn't too sure about having him storm off just then.

The curses of not completely rereading something all the way through but skimming to make sure that it at least made sense... I will go back and fix it thank you for pointing that out!

Thank you! I'm glad you thought that I was true to my characters. ^^


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Review #5, by NeverGotHerLetter An Unexpected Adventure

1st July 2011:
This was lovely. Really, really refreshing. I loved that you kept changing the Point Of View throughout the entire story, and that Remus acted exactly how Tonks expected him too ^_^ It made their relationship sound more mature and believable that Tonks knew exactly how he'd react. Also, I liked how you called Tonks "Dora" as that outlined the fact that it wasn't in First Person, and also it made me think of like Tonks' mother or father, like they were telling the story.
I think you should slow it down a little bit, maybe add more speech rather than just an inner monolouge. Or you could do the "Giving Birth" Scene or like "Nine Months Later" or something like that, just to give more info :D
There was like one spelling mistake; Near the beginning you say she "dropped four plats" or something about a Plat ^_^ So just correct that and this story shall be completely and perfectly epic, rather than just completely epic :D
WELL DONE :D Xxxx

Author's Response: I'm glad that you thought it was refreshing. Thank you! I'm glad you loved that I kept changing the point of view and the fact that the relationship sounded more believable. I hadn't actually thought of that. I like the idea that it was one of her parents talking, like watching over her almost. Very interesting point of view!

Hmmm that is a good idea too. I was thinking of expanding on it but wasn't sure what to do so I will keep your ideas in mind thank you!

Thank you for the lovely review ^^


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Review #6, by Blue Flame An Unexpected Adventure

30th June 2011:
A-hem. *flounces in and takes up tent space*

So m'dear, this is a lovely, adorable little piece! I like how you had Remus react, focusing on the negatives of it first rather than the positive of becoming a father. Very IC for him. Using Tonks' hair to reflect her mood was also a lovely touch! =P It kinda added to it, in a way.

I particularly liked this: 'That was what he really wanted, not to be spending every night thinking like the monster he had fought so hard against becoming.' as it's such a good thing to add in. It's kind of sad that he has to let the monster free to be an asset to the war, but so necessary at the same time.

The interaction between them and overall story was lovely. ^^

-Caiti

Author's Response: *rolls eyes at the tent space comment* Indeed. Although didn't you see the sign already out for you? :P Anyway, I'm glad that you thought that it was lovely and adorable. I was rather worried about if they would be IC or not so I'm glad that you think they are.

Thank you! ^^


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