I'm going to be honest right off the bat, love - I've tried to write this review about four or five times now (and hopefully this will be my last try!) and I just haven't been able to. I haven't been able to find the words to describe how wonderful this story is and how brilliant your writing is. Honestly, I just.. can't find the words.
I absolutely love your descriptions - they painted such a vivid, realistic image;
+ ..the carpet of leaves and twigs rustling around his feet like hissing snakes.
+ ..the decaying trees bent to his will, their long arms and hunched backs lowering to kiss the sodden earth.
Those are just two of the many vivid descriptions, but I think they're two of my favorites. The picture inside my head while reading this was so vivid and realistic that I had goosebumps while reading this and, even though there wasn't really any action so to speak, I was sitting on the edge of my seat. I knew what was coming because it was Death, but.. I don't know, you just had me sitting on the edge of my seat. And even now - I've finished reading the story and I'm glancing around as if Death is coming for me because I heard a small noise! Excellent, excellent, excellent job, dear!
I did notice one tiny spelling error while reading through it again quickly to give you a proper review (though I'm pretty sure all I've done is gushed over how amazing this is, but I suppose that's a good thing, isn't it?), but I didn't notice it until I reread the story. It definitely didn't affect the story what-so-ever and it didn't take anything away from the picture at all.
His heart pattered behind him ribs...
Like I said, not a huge deal and it didn't deter from the story or the picture you painted in my mind ~ him should be his.
Again ~ wonderful job!Author's Response: wow. thank you! what an amazing review. i really appreciate all your lovely comments hun! i don't know what to say in response, i really don't. i am just so pleased you enjoyed it and more so, that you really appreciated it.
i enjoy this genre so much, and its been a while since i have written it so i am really happy that the imagery was that strong, as it so important in this style.
thank you for picking up that error - i shall fix it up.
again, thank you for such a wonderful review and i am so sorry it has taken me so long to respond to it!
Kate xx Report Review
I'm here with your requested review! :)
Right, you had me at hello - or rather, at 'death had things to do'. Okay, that was an awful joke, but I really do like that line, and the banner (I'm far from a graphic junkie but even I can appreciate those typefaces).
I also really, really like the idea of this story. Reading DH, I was always very interested in Grindelwald and his willingness to "go quietly". This story definitely shed some light on that - and besides, it's always nice to have some insight into a minor character's unexplored life, non?
I don't think I have any critique for you here. There are certainly no grammar errors that I spotted (although that might be because I was so enthralled by the story, even the second time I read it), and the imagery is all flawless and vivid. This was a really brilliant personification of Death, too (I've seen a lot of failed attempts).
One thing I would liked to have seen more of is dialogue! However, the story seems to be complete and lovely as it is, so perhaps this is just not a dialogue story. It would be very tricky to work it in, too, but if you're in the mood for a challenge give it a try ;) I'm sure you can make it just as alluring as the rest.
Oh, and I think my favourite line was most definitely: "In the breath of mist and sorrow that clung to him and crept down his airways, Death could taste the life extinguished."Author's Response: hi, thanks for coming to review!
me too - he always interested me and i wish we had more on him, on who he was and what he really thought, other than a tale told in retrospect. but, it wasn't that sort of story was it? i always wondered why he went quietly - being who he was, you'd expect a royal showdown but then i thought, maybe not. maybe he has regrets and accepts the end of things?
thank you so much! Death was both Death in the literal sense (black cape and all that, lol, or Death from the Hallows story) and a metaphor for Tom. I think Tom would see himself as a Death type figure, lol. he certainly looks the part!
i wanted more dialogue but felt it broke the flow, and i couldn't really think of what they would say to one another. it would be short, a few choice words, and then over. funny, you're the second reviewer who used the word 'alluring' in reference to dialogue for this story.
thank you so much for such a wonderful review! i really appreciate it.
xx Report Review
First off, I have to say that I love when Death is personified. It's something I've always enjoyed reading.
Secondly, your descriptions are nice and very informative. I like how you really reach into those senses. A lot of writers can tell me what something looks like and then they stop there, but I like to know what this character smells in the air and what the wind feels like against his cloak. Really good job on that.
I would have liked to see more interactions between Grindelwald and Tom (like dialogue), but for this story it was very well played and I can't say there was anything left to be desired because you summed it up very well. I imagine dialogue wouldn't be very captivating, but I'd like to see you really challenge yourself and try it out. I bet you could make it very alluring. ;)
You have all the skills of a really great author. Very lovely story! Very good plot!
I don't have any critique because, frankly, you don't need it. You are very talented and your very good at what you do. So keep doing what you're doing!
-raishaAuthor's Response: hi there, thanks for reviewing!
thank you so much for such a lovely review. i am really pleased you liked this. showing not telling is so important to me - i used to be the writer who described things in way to much physical detail, but then, i guess i've matured. that comment means a lot to me, cause it means what i am doing is working.
i actually wanted more dialogue as well, but you're right, it didn't really fit the story. i was worried it would break the flow so i left it out.
thank you so much! i really appreciate your review!
Kate xx Report Review
Kate, love, the sheer creepiness of this gets me! I have some literal goose bumps going on as I read this because it freaks me out and entrances me with complete interest.
I loved this line: He could smell him; smell the greed and the vanity and the warped sense of righteousness that used to be his, that used to dwell inside him like a living thing, twisting and breathing and infecting him with its poison. It creates this connection between the two of them that is undeniably unable to happen in certain other universes; I don't know if I've ever read a fic where someone else made such a deep connection that worked so well for me.
I adore this fic and I adore your writing. You have such original ideas! It's pure brilliance! I adore it again, Kate. Well done. How did you get this idea?!
xoxox LindseyAuthor's Response: LINDSEY!! hello darling!!
thank you so much for another beautiful review! i really appreciate it - all your reviews actually! they make me smile.
yay creepiness! that was exactly what i wanted and wow, really? it always seemed natural to me that there would be a connection between tom and gellert, with them being the sort of people they are. i am glad that came through.
thank you again sweetie!! i have no idea where this came from really. i needed to write something creepy for the challenge and thought, there is no one creepier than Voldie, and i wanted a moment that isn't explored so often, so yeah. really glad you liked it!!
Kate xx Report Review
Hello again, Maji, it's been a while ;)
Incredible as always, I missed your writing. My how your author's page has expanded! I need to catch up!
Imagery got me straight from the start. Loved "the slippery kiss of the mist". The delicacy and detail that you use words with knows no bounds. I'm interested in some of these ideas you're throwing about with Grindelwald and Voldemort, but you've given such a small snippet of what I'm sure is the beginning of a very interesting plot line.
However, this is a one-shot. We shall accept it as it is ;)
I'm sorry, I'm a bit rusty on my writing and reviewing, but honestly you've only gotten better. Can't wait to see what else you've got in store. xAuthor's Response: OMG hunny!! where have you been?? i have missed you!
it has exploded a little yes, lol.
thank you so much - i am really happy you liked this! i always liked to imagine what grindelwald's last moments would have been, what would have been going through his head before Tom came for him, and tom himself...i kind of saw him as being a bit distant about the whole thing. i think he would have looked up to grindelwald but felt betrayed by him at the same time.
thank you so much!! it is so good to hear from you!
Kate xx Report Review
This was fantastic, Kate! I love your imagery and diction, especially in the opening and closing sections, in which the figure of Death looms, snatching away more victims of the hallows and all they represent. At first I read Death as a metaphor for Tom Riddle himself, particularly with the sound of hissing snakes at his feet and the paleness of his face. I'm probably misinterpreting though, and you mean the literal representation of Death, the one that comes from the Hallows story. But it works either way, which only makes me like this story more - it's wonderfully abstract, but at the same time, the descriptions are incredibly vivid, dragging the reader down into the story to immerse them in the gloom.
It was great to see a story about Grindelwald (check your spelling of the name, by the way), as he's much too neglected in fanfiction, and when he does show up, it's usually in a story about Dumbledore. Here, though, you capture his last moments perfectly, much better than that fleeting glance JKR gave us.
Re-reading little bits as I write the review, I find that I can't pick out just one or two lines that I love most - everything is fantastic here. The alliteration and imagery really make this story, especially in the last section, which sounds brilliant when read aloud. ;) Amazing work, though I'm not at all surprised that it's yours. It's always a pleasure to read something you wrote, even more when it's as brilliant as this. ^_^Author's Response: goodness susan! way to make me blush. i am seriously so pleased you liked this!!
you got this story completely, and yes, Death could be either Death from the Hallows story or Tom. In truth I saw him as both, although I started off writing him as a metaphor for Tom (with the snakes and the pale face ;) ) so your interpretation was correct, either way.
eeek! i realised i had spelt his name wrong the minute i posted this. it is fixed now! i agree though - there needs to be more Grindelwald love, and not just from Dumbledore, lol.
O.O better than JKR? no. never, but thank you so much!! *flails*
thank you so so much! i am thrilled you liked this!!
Kate xx Report Review
*jaw drops* This was absolutely brilliant! The imagery, the mood, everything was amazing. It was chilling and horrific and simply haunting! It has that air that all great horror stories should have. I loved your descriptions. The details jumped off the screen at me. There are so many good things I could say about this story. I noticed a few spelling errors, but they were so tiny and insignificant in comparision to the rest of the story. Not really anything to worry about. You are a really talented writer. I would love to see more horror fics from you! :)
All the best,
~KristenAuthor's Response: wow Kristen, thank you so much! i am really pleased you enjoyed this and i am happy that it worked! i wanted that atmosphere and mood to be the distinguishing feature in this piece so i am really happy it worked out!
thank you. i enjoy writing horror and i have missed it to be honest, so you might see some more soon!
Kate xx Report Review
This is absolutely wonderful! Truly one of the best horror/dark stories I've read, and I'm not exaggerating.
The atmosphere in this piece is wonderously dark. The tone, the mood, and the word choices just give this piece an ooky spooky feel that sends the hairs on your neck standing on end for no evident reason.
I love the dark poeticism of this piece - it is nice to see that your writing maintains that beauty that we're all accustomed to even if it has a darker more morbid tone in this piece.
I loved your characterizations of Death, Tom, and Grindlewald. They all seemed spot on. Usually, I don't like it when people personify 'death' but I think you did a wonderful job with him.
If death were a person, I would say that your account of him was probably quite accurate.
As far as the plot goes, whilst simple it was effective. Everyone knows what's going on and yet there's that feeling of dread and curiousity of wanting to know what happens next.
This definitely has that gothic feel to it, so kudos! I truly believe you've got down what you were looking for. It's refreshing, too, to see a Horror/Dark without a ton of bloodshed.
I didn't pick up on any grammatical or spelling errors (not that I anticipated I would), so that makes this piece all the more magical.
I entered this challenge, too, and I can see that I'm going to have tough competition. Good luck! I sincerely think this piece will win something. It's too gorgeous not to.
LindersAuthor's Response: O.o
wow linders. I hardly know what to say in response to this review. thank you so much for all your lovely comments, I really appreciate them.
one of the best? *blushes* i don't know about that because I have read some excellent pieces but thank you!
Death was fun! in this piece I saw him as Death the character and as a metaphor for Tom.
thank you. i don't like the bloodshed element. i hate it in films - horror is not about how much blood was spilt, it is about atmosphere and mood so thank you so much!!
*hugs* i am so happy you liked this!!
Kate xx Report Review
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