Reading Reviews for Too Little Too Late
33 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Secret Santa!! Parting Gifts, Goodbyes and Tears

30th December 2012:
I liked the fact that we got to see a little bit of Matilda's life in Australia in this chapter.

One thing, is the school Matilda and her friends go to a magic school? Because otherwise how would they all know about Hogwarts? I'm guessing they do because of Ben and the mirror.

Interesting that she's related to some people at Hogwarts, especially Avery because we all know how he turns out after he leaves Hogwarts.

Once again you established Maltida's character well in this chapter. Marking her out as the one who people count on.

As we know from the story summary Lupin comes into play at some point and the little hint you gave at the end of the story was intriguing. It's a unique idea to have had Lupin either live or be from Australia, I've not come across that before!

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Review #2, by Secret Santa!! Beginnings, Mornings and Letters

30th December 2012:
These reviews are a little overdue!! I apologise for that!!

This is a great start to your first fan fic! Matilda already sounds like a really interesting character. You've given her some interesting details such as the albino genes (unless that was a joke), her relationship with her Mother and also the fact that she's Australian but going to Hogwarts.

I'm intrigued by her already! I'm wondering who Ben is and why she's been accepted even though she's Australian and where the 4th year of Hogwarts comes into play.

You've done a really great job at serving the reader with questions they want answering because that's the way to get them to come back.

One thing I did enjoy was Matilda's voice. She comes across as someone who might be slightly different and have a bit of a sense of humour. I like her.

Looking forward to reading the rest of the chapters!

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Review #3, by Livi_777 Beginnings, Mornings and Letters

1st May 2012:
Hi! Review battle!
One grammar-y thing (I'm very pernickity about things like this!)
'I woke up with a start, springing up in bed breathing heavily. I hate my dreams; they always make me scared that my father will come back even though I know he can’t find me.'
I think this ought to have a comma in between the 'back' and the 'even', because I think it would read better. That's just a little stupid thing though.
The other little point I picked up on was that Matilda lives in Australia, but she's off to Hogwarts. I know that it's necessary, just maybe you could give a reason for her not going to a nearer magic school.
Otherwise, I really liked this chapter. Your main character is very very vivid and I think her interactions with other characters could be fascinating, and you've definitely got me hooked!
-Livi x

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Review #4, by louise_loves_hp Beginnings, Mornings and Letters

13th January 2012:
Hey there
I like your way of writing, you can see the way that its thought out but I think you have a great way to explain the normal day to day life of you character. I am not a fan of starting a chapter of 'I woke up'. But then again once you get going within your chapter you can see why it was there. I think that including the parental wake up call and the zoning out made me look at your character and see a way that you can realty to her. Over all it was a good flow and you could just zoom along with it and I did enjoy reading this.
Good Work!

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Review #5, by xjamesandlilyx Houses, Hats and Cousins

27th December 2011:
Love it!
I love that Mattie's not sorted into Gryffindor like the cliché. I also like Avery - and Jeremy and Luke, of course. I like the girls as well. I'm really curious for the Mattie/Remus relationship, and for her past.
I have an embarassing question: What's TDA? How can you get a banner from them?
Thank you(:
I love the story! Reread it a couple times like I always do when I find a good one(: Chapter 3's my favorite, because of the Mattie/Remus interaction. I like seeing her from Remus' POV.
Love it!

Author's Response: I try not to make any of my stories cliche, it's sort of something I love doing with fanfiction. Being about to move things around and give different views of the characters that you see all the time.
I am glad you like Avery, Jeremy and Luke. There will be a lot more of them and the girls. And more Mattie/Remus awkwardness to come :D It's fun to write that bit cause there is so much to play around with when they see each other at the moment. But that's all I am going to say. Wouldn't want to give out spoilers :P
TDA, (the-dart-arts) Is a sister site of hpff for graphics. There is a link down the side of the page that will get you there. Just request one there :)
And I am so glad you like the story, and there will be more Remus P.O.V just not in the same chapter as Mattie's. It got really hard to write.
I will give you more soon and Thank you so much for the review :)

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Review #6, by Nicky Houses, Hats and Cousins

26th December 2011:
I only have one problem there's not another chapter!!

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Review #7, by Serendipity1234 Blondes, Brunettes and a Red head

12th December 2011:
Hi :)
I absolutely love this! I got a little confused on what exactly Marlene looks like at the end, though...she's blonde, right?
I feel kind of bad for Remus since he's coming across as the bad guy here...I mean he deserves it, but he still seems like such a sweet guy :) and he still cares about her, so that's nice.
I did notice that you didn't include Peter at all. Which I don't mind at all, but I'm wondering if you're purposely excluding him from the story because he's stupid, or if he'll come in later?
I don't really get why Luke would have to apologize to Matilda...does she have a problem with arguments or something? Because it seemed to me like he was being a really kind and loyal friend to her and that she should actually be the one feeling guilty about getting them into a fight...not that it's at all her fault, but I think I would feel maybe a little bad or awkward. Just in the beginning, after witnessing it, before really thinking about it.
Anyway I do love it so far. I can tell that I'm going to love all the characters mentioned :) especially Marlene. I like the tough friends :)
And are you still induing her other cousin later? Avery? I'm curious about him, too.
It's absolutely brilliant!

Please update SOON!!!

Author's Response: Hey again :D I am so glad you are enjoying it :)

Yes sorry if it confused you, but Marlene is a blonde, and the tough one :) I wanted someone other then lily to stand up for them.
I get what you are saying here, but since it's in Matilda's perspective she still hasn't forgiven him so there is a negitive atmosphere towards Remus and the other girls go along with it cause they understand and well Lily and Marlene have there own personal reasons (hint for later).
Peter will defiantly come in, I just didn't have him here cause it just didn't fit. It didn't feel right to bring him in yet when all he would have done was lag behind the three guys that were the main antagonists in this chapter.
Um, without really spoiling much, Matilda does feel guilty and it comes up in a later chapter when they are alone, but basically she has a problem with fights. If you remember her mum in the first chapter you understand why. There is more but it comes up again much later. Basically I plan to spread her past out over the novel so by the end you know everything. It's sort of like finding out things, when the characters find out things.
Avery does come in very very soon! And I hope you like how I portray him!

Again Thank you so much for the review. (hug) I will defiantly update soon!

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Review #8, by Serendipity1234 Parting Gifts, Goodbyes and Tears

12th December 2011:
Aww this was so sad and adorable!!
I already love all her friends! Especially Ben!
And Avery and Wood? like last names?! Like death eater and Gryffindor? Sounds interesting...
I love how you can already make me feel like I know all her friends and so much about their characters in just 2 chapters!
I can't wait to read the rest of this!

Please update soon!!

Author's Response: Naw, Thank you :)
Yes Avery and Wood, the last names and yes on either sides of the war. I wanted to make it a bit different. To have both sides of the first war in it. Just not the side you would see from interactions with Regulus and Sirius. Just to show that not everything was as Dark as one would think it was.
And I am glad you like the characters :) I wanted to make them believable and lovable (especially Ben).

Thank you so much for reviewing and don't worry chapter 5 will be up soon enough :)

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Review #9, by xjamesandlilyx Blondes, Brunettes and a Red head

9th November 2011:
I love it, so far! You have me hooked (: I really like how you portrayed Lily and Marlene, and I like her protective cousins. I also really like how she slightly resents Remus, which usually isn't the case (not at all). Please update? I can't wait!

Author's Response: I am so glad you like it :) The new chapter will be coming out soon, trust me :) It's half way done :) And yes I wanted to give Lily and Marlene a different sort of personality. One that wasn't so cliche and not one were Lily and James were always fighting cause It really wouldn't work for the story.
I tried to make most of her relatives that go to Hogwarts to be protective but have their own, very different personalities. I just always think that cousins to on;y children would be sort of like that. Cause they don't have any siblings to defend them, the cousins (male in particular) would take on the role of the older protective brother.

I am so glad you liked it and thank you for the review :) *hug*

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Review #10, by Giola Train trips, Friends and apparent enemies.

1st October 2011:
Hey Steph.

So, yes, it's taken me a LONG time to get here and review, but here I am! Alright, so, I reread this now, since it's been, er, quite a while since I beta'd it, and I picked up on some new things/edited in things.

I love the direction you're taking Matilda, she's really showing more depth in each chapter. We don't hear a lot of her backstory, or backstory in general, in this chapter,it's just forward action, which is good. You're moving the plot along at a nice pace.

The mystery between Remus and Matilda is building well too, you aren't revealing anything to soon. Nice introduction of some new characters too, and I love her descriptions of James and Sirius as 'floor boy' and 'dumb boy'. Classic.

Good job, I promise I'll get to reading Chapter 4 quicker!


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Review #11, by MidnightBlue_x Train trips, Friends and apparent enemies.

26th August 2011:
Last review for now *cries and clings on to Steph's ankles* WRITE MORE!

But now, onto the serious stuff. One compliant, the switching of the point of views is a tad confusing, I know it's important for you to write it like that and all. That's just my opinon *hides*

Otherwise, I love this chapter. I love how you've characterised all three of the Marauders *hugs* You are an amazing writer and I love you forever!

x Ely

Author's Response: Haha, ok ok... I will get there :P

I get that it is confusing and I swear it is only for this chapter... it just had to be done, and I didn't know how else to make it so you get both their experiences without making two chapters and I didn't have enough to make two chapters.
Haha, I am glad you still liked it even with the confusion :) And yes, the characterising... I think I personally like the names the best :D I plan to keep them forever as her little thing for them... Maybe not Remus's but we shall see :)
Thank you for the review *hugs*

- Steph -

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Review #12, by MidnightBlue_x Parting Gifts, Goodbyes and Tears

26th August 2011:
And you say you're not a Slytherin, what was that little line about Matilda becoming a Death Eater before? *cough* Evil *cough* Matilda is insane, honestly she is- I actually could imagine you in a hyped up mood reading this to me like it was just your thoughts. Is that somewhat scary? I personally think it is, perhaps I've become to accustomed to your voice :P

Other than that, I'll be honest I found it a little hard to follow what was being said *hides* PLEASE DON'T KILL ME.

xx Ely

Author's Response: I AM NOT A SLYTHERIN :P Ok so my character may somewhat have the attributes of a Slytherin...
Anyway, yes Matilda is slightly mental and eccentric but that's the whole fun of her, the fact that she is so unpredictable... well for now anyway.
And Ely, I think maybe you have... *hides* doesn't mean I think it's a bad thing! :D
Anyway, yes I do realize that it's a bit hard to follow, I have to fix that... when I have the time, and I won't... I'm not the Slytherin here.
Thank you for the review my lovely Ely :)

- Steph -

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Review #13, by MidnightBlue_x Beginnings, Mornings and Letters

26th August 2011:

*huggles* This is a seriously awesome beginning chapter. I love the fact that Matilda's from Australia and VICTORIA! *dances* I'm sorry that this review is not helpful at all but I really adore this chapter. See you in the next chapter :)

x Ely

Author's Response: Haha, I know, I HAD to make her from Victoria... just had too! And I am glad you liked the beginning Ely.
It's ok with the shot review I am just glad to hear that you liked it :)

- Steph -

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Review #14, by schoenemaedchen Parting Gifts, Goodbyes and Tears

7th August 2011:
Hello there!

I said I'd read through another chapter in my last review, so here goes.

I think the flow improved a bit! Again, one thing you really hear throughout the story is your voice coming through as a writer. This makes you unique and the story interesting to read. I would caution you, however, to not stray too far. Sometimes when you write strongly in your own voice, I think you risk kind of getting off track. This can bring in some "random thoughts" or side tracks that can disrupt the flow. Only a thought for the future!

You also have a lot of OC's brought in this chapter, which can sometimes be very distracting for a reader--especially in Harry Potter world. I think a good rule of thumb is not to introduce too many in one chapter. Think of your reader and not overloading them with too much information to remember! You mention a lot of her friends at the beginning, for example, but don't really bring them up later--and will the vast majority even show up later? Just some things to think about :)

Otherwise, I only have one other piece of CC, and it has nothing to do about your writing! It's about the comment that you left at the end. Why won't you post more of your stories if you don't get any reviews? You should post your story, as much as possible and be proud of it! It's not about the number of reviews that you get--reviews are the people who cared to take time, read your story, and give you feedback so you can improve your writing in the future.

And why would I hate you? Be a bit more confident!! :) You'll never improve in your writing unless you practice, practice, practice and write as much as possible!!

Just remember--every author, even JKR, had a very small beginning, and probably had to submit her story to hundreds of publishers (with a lot of rejection) before she got 1 positive answer :) So we all have to start somewhere.

Keep writing!! It was fun to read!!


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Review #15, by schoenemaedchen Beginnings, Mornings and Letters

7th August 2011:
Hello there! Here from the claws for your review!

I must say, this is a fine start for your first fanfic!! It was enjoyable to read, and you can really see that your exploring many different aspects and testing the waters with your writing.

I won't go into great detail about grammar, punctuation, and spelling (etc.) as many of my previous reviewers already have, but I will second what some others have said and highly recommend a Beta. I still use them and I've been writing fan fiction for well over 10 years! :) It's always great to have another pair of eyes.

What I really liked was how your writing voice came through! Your main character really has personality, and it was extremely refreshing to read her.

You've also done something that I haven't read in a long time and taken this character's background and not made it so "peachy" as the average fan fiction. It was tastefully done despite it being a rather sensitive topic--just remember not to get too graphic in the future or you may have trouble with the validators.

If I have any points of constructive criticism on this particular chapter, it might be the flow. There are some parts that seem to jump one into the other without much smooth transition. Before jumping into a new topic, a new paragraph is not always the right answer. Give me a lead in sentence, give me some direction, let me feel the natural flow, as if I'm watching the story unravel before me. There's no race to finish the chapter--take your time!

These things being said, it really was very enjoyable to read your first chapter. I do enjoy reading first-timers, because we all have to start somewhere--And this start was QUITE strong! A job well done, I might even peek in your next few chapters and leave a few words ;)

Best wishes!

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Review #16, by Singularity Parting Gifts, Goodbyes and Tears

7th August 2011:
I noticed a few spelling/grammar errors in this chapter (principle instead of principal, wrong forms of 'there' and 'too') so maybe consider getting a beta to help you go through this story and catch some of those? I know I'd be lost without beta readers :P Also, when she's talking about her friends, I think the word is 'lackeys' and not 'lankies' unless that's an Australian slang word I just don't know, which is quite possible :P

The prank was really funny, although I'm a touch confused as to how a bunch of 14 year olds got a crane at 2:00 in the morning. I'm still looking forward to a little more backstory and explanation about why she is going to Hogwarts now.

I loved the scene between Matilda and Ben. It was really sweet. He seems like a good guy, and I'm sad that she's leaving him. Hopefully they can have lots of conversations through the mirror so he can stay in the story even after she leave :P


Author's Response: Sorry for the late response! *grovels*

Yeah the grammar has been brought to my attention and I am looking into getting a beta reader for my story as soon as I can.

Here, we use Lackeys and Lankies, it's really just the same thing. I might change it though to be less confusing. Seeing as how we use both. It's an affectionate way of describing them here (well were I live anyway) so I wanted to make it as realistic as possible.

Haha, I am glad you found the prank amusing and yes it's a bit far fetched but I am going to clear that up later in the story when she talks about it at Hogwarts. And I will just say they got the crane from one of the kids older siblings who helped them out.

Matilda's story is going to be told through out the novel so I am sure there will be more on her past then I have put in the first couple chapters. ;)

I agree, I love Ben greatly he is one of my favourite characters from her friends in Australia that I love writing. He just has so much feeling and kindness, and I like bringing that into the story. And you will just have to see, I will say this though. The mirror defiantly comes with her to Hogwarts but whether she uses it or not is another thing.

Thank you so much for the review! I loved it. :)

- Steph -

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Review #17, by Singularity Beginnings, Mornings and Letters

7th August 2011:
Cupcakes? Nomnomnom...

Oh, right...your review :P
You seem to have a very clear picture of who your main character is. Her "voice" seems well developed and thought out. I feel like I know quite a lot about her just from the way she talks and describes things.

I have a lot of questions after this chapter though. Why is she starting Hogwarts in year 4? Why is she, an Australian going to Hogwarts at all? Why is her mother so horrible? If her mother is so horrible, why hasn't Matilda sought help?

I'm sure you'll address these later on and everything will become clearer.


Author's Response: So sorry for the late reply!
Hehe, so glad you liked the cupcakes :D
Anyway, I was trying to make her character pronounced and easy to determine in the first chapter without going into great detail. In some stories I written before I have had to much detail which has made it boring so I tried to make this one different.
Haha, questions. :) That was the plan for the first chapter, I will admit I am a sucker for leaving things unanswered in my stories until I find it appropriate to shed some light. But I can answer one, Matilda hasn't sort help, other then with her best friend Ben, mostly because she loves her mother to much to out her. I plan to show that more later in the novel but for now that's most of the reason for why she never spoke up.
Thank you so much for the review!


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Review #18, by Spaz Train trips, Friends and apparent enemies.

6th August 2011:
That was an amazing chapter! I'm so happy Remus finally came into the story! You take as long as you like with the chapters, as long as they're this brilliant!! Can't wait to read more! Keep up the excellence! :D

Author's Response: Naw, thank you!
I have been dying to bring Remus into the story but I always felt like this chapter was very jumpy, I am so glad you liked it! I will get the chapter up as soon as possible.
And again thank you for the review!

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Review #19, by forsakenphoenix Parting Gifts, Goodbyes and Tears

5th August 2011:
So pacing seems good so far - it's not too rushed or too slow. I'm glad you didn't drag on her goodbyes forever. It might've gotten boring.

Matilda is starting to come together a bit as a character. She's definitely a troublemaker, so it'd be funny to see how she got along with the Marauders (minus Remus who she doesn't think she can handle seeing - I'm assuming this is who she is referring to, yes?)

I'm not sure how believable I find that these teenagers - if she's going into her fourth year, she's probably only around 14 - found and were able to work a crane and that the principal's car was magically in the school lot. Also - you messed up principal/principle.

I noticed a bunch of grammatical errors which kind of interrupted the flow of the story for me. So maybe look into getting a beta? It's not a bad thing to have a beta - they can only help you and I really think you'd benefit from having one. They're great. :)

Also, maybe fix the spacing issues? Having huge spaces between your paragraphs also interrupts the flow for me. If you keep previewing your chapter sometimes that messes up the coding.

Otherwise, I think you've got a pretty decent start to the story. It'd be interesting to see where you go from here and how you better flesh out Matilda's character. Good luck with your story!

forsakenphoenix (Ravenclaw)

Author's Response: I am so sorry for the late response, I have been way to busy for my own good.

I am glad you are liking Matilda, she is defiantly a trouble maker most of the time, but she has her moments of good. And yes you would be right, Remus is the person she really doesn't want to see. It's very tense between them. I tried to make Matilda an average teenager, someone that was confident yet still needed reassurance now and then. No one is perfect and Matilda is just meant to represent that image.

Haha, the believable bit, well it's not really meant to be believable, although I think it can be done with adult help it was more to make people laugh and to show some of Matildas rebellious side then for reality.

Grammatical errors, always a problem in chapter for anyone. I will make sure to look at them and get them fixed as soon as I find the time, thank you for pointing them out.

Yeah, I think I have fixed that now, when I was putting it up first simple editor was being just as evil as advanced. But it persisted and we came to an agreement :)

Naw, thank you! I hope to make it enjoyable for the readers through out the story. Just like I enjoy writing it. It's really lovely to get reviews so thank you and I will remember to keep your tips at hand.

- Steph -

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Review #20, by forsakenphoenix Beginnings, Mornings and Letters

4th August 2011:
This is a promising start to your first fanfic! First things first, may I suggest you look into getting a beta? There were some grammatical errors that could easily be fixed up if someone did a quick read-through. Your biggest problem was with dialogue tags (i.e. "dialogue dialogue," he/she said. This is the correct format).

I'm a bit confused - does Matilda know she's a witch? And why is she joining Hogwarts during her fourth year, and from Australia? Is Ben a wizard too or just a Muggle, I wonder...and how did they come across a two-way mirror. Hm. I'm hoping it's explained later but for now, I remain mystified.

Matilda is pretty blase about her abuse. Is that intentional? I don't know, most stories I read about abuse feature the character as emotionally damaged, so maybe you're going with a different approach.

I liked how she changed the letter around when she read it to her mother- it made me chuckle a little bit. Especially this line: You will be departing from platform 9 and ¾ because whole numbers are just not fun.

Anyways not bad for your first fanfic. I don't think I've ever read about a Hogwarts transfer from Australia - especially one who hasn't even gone to a Wizarding school (how will she be caught up on everything they learned in Years 1-3 though, I wonder?). Just make sure you clear up all this confusion in later chapters!

Author's Response: Thanks for the response, everything you just said pretty much gets explained later, and believe me, there is an affect that the abuse has on her, she is just good at hiding it. It is always slightly more noticeable in the 4 chapter onwards...
I shall get a beta, I keep forgetting to ask, I got my other ones beta'd just not this one yet. But I will get there.

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Review #21, by AC_rules Beginnings, Mornings and Letters

4th August 2011:
Hi there, this is a really good start to your first fanfic. I found that sometimes the flow was slightly disjointed, but I really think that will improve a lot the more you practice writing and getting feedback for you writing. Although, maybe you should try reading the whole thing out loud to yourself to iron out thoes little bits that feel awkward - then I think it would be much more enjoyable to read and appreciate the writing itself.

Plot wise your off to an interesting start and I'm interested and where you're going to go from here. I kind of want a reason for her mother being so cruel - but that sort of thing usually isnt in the first chapters of fics anyway, you should definately explain that aswell as your characters blase attitude towards it in later chapters.

Good luck with the rest of your story :)

Author's Response: So sorry for the late reply, school is mean!
I will take your suggestion into mind :) usually I read it in my head due to my family usually being asleep when I finish chapters but I have come to notice that I have missed quite a few things. I plan to go over all the chapter as soon as I have the time to make them flow better. :) For now it's just the not so flowing chapters that shall be read :)
I tried to make the plot something that I could use and wouldn't run out quickly, although I don't plan for this to be a total romance so subplots will arise. But the I am trying to keep this plot as the main one for as long as possible.
All your questions will be answered in time :) It's a matter of finding the right spot to explain them.
Thank you so much and thank you for the review I just love getting feed back!
- Steph -

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Review #22, by NaidatheRavenclaw Beginnings, Mornings and Letters

4th August 2011:
Cupcakes you say? Good bribe! XD

For your first fanfic, this is very good! I think you have a great idea for a plot and some amazing characters! It seems liek you have a really good background for Matilda. I wonder where her father is, though.
There were just a couple problems I had with this. One was that Matilda talked about her abuse so casually. While I understand that this is something she's used to, I think it would have some long lasting effects on her. I just dont think its possible for anyone to shake it off that lightly.
And also, am I blind, or just confused? Does she know she's a witch? Because she has a two way mirror. But why isn't she going to Hogwarts until 4th year?
So you have a few minor details to work out, but overall, this was a great chapter! I really think you have a great start to this!
-NaidatheRavenclaw, Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Thank you for the review :)
Matilda does know she is a witch, she always has, but you find out later why she didn't go to the school until her fourth year.
Also the causal way of talking about her abuse, well i plan for people to notice later the real affects it has had on her, she has a fake 'everything is ok side' and she always shows the truth to a select few people. It will become known eventually why everything happens the way it does :)

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Review #23, by AquariaJasmyne Parting Gifts, Goodbyes and Tears

4th August 2011:
STEPH, MY LOVELY BEST FRIEND WHO I AM CURRENTLY TALKING TO! ♥ Okay, first line was written about 15 minutes ago before you left :P OH! YOU'RE BACK AND WE'RE TALKING ON AGAIN! YAY!

Kay, so this is a rather awesometastic story :3 You've got a good hold on where you're going with this, I can tell; the plot has good foundations so far. :)

In terms of characterisations, everything is well done, too ^_^ no cliche's, which is always a plus, and Matilda's getting fleshed out nicely. It's great reading things from her point of view, she has a unique way of looking at the world and it's good that she does see some light in life even though her home life is so rough.

I am looking forward to what she will think when she see's Hogwarts and meets everyone. With her personality, it shall be very interesting indeed hehe!

I love how you've got her as a prankster. In stories that could be quite dark, it's the necessary break from angst; lighter moments make the story more...resonating, I think, it's something different that will be remembered. :)

So, considering this is your first story, you're off to a great start~ I'll be stalking when you update :P

♥ Lizzieee xx

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Review #24, by Giola Parting Gifts, Goodbyes and Tears

25th July 2011:
Hey Steph!!

Finally here with your review (I know, it's taken AGES...eep). Anyway, some general things. The plot's moving along well now, you have a good sense of direction and build the suspense nicely. You're not dragging out her goodbyes, which is good, having her cry and hug every single person would be a bit tedious! At the same time, you aren't rushing it, you're letting us see that she truly is sad to leave.

It's nice to see a part of her life that she enjoys in Australia, in comparison to the first chapter, full of negativity about her mother. Her mother seems to be in her thoughts a lot, you bring her up several times in this chapter, even after the 'internal monologue' of sorts at the beginning of this chapter. I'm sure it's intentional, but just beware that it may get a tad irritating, constantly bringing her mother into her thoughts in situations that don't relate to her (the mother) at all. So far it's fine though!

There are a few grammar things, one being principle/principal. You usually use the correct one, principal, but occasionally you slip, so watch that. I only saw it once that I remember, however.

There are a few other little things (there instead of they're, happened once) but generally it's fine. There was, however, one sentence that I could not get my head around
'I love them to bits but they get me in so much trouble that I now know how to make how to make the principles coffee perfectly (pretty depressing I think, but it gets me out of the most trouble if I make him his coffee before our “little chats”).'

I think you have 'how to make' in there twice. Probably not supposed to be like that :P

Anyway, nice chapter! You're showing depth to her character, though it is quite angsty at the moment. Lovely job dear!


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Review #25, by Miss Writer Parting Gifts, Goodbyes and Tears

25th July 2011:
So this chapter was awesome! Also better than the first because we heard some more fun things about friends and whatnot. It can get a bit tiring hearing about hair a lot so maybe a few more descriptions won't go amiss.
Still the dialogue, “Shhh, it will be ok Mattie, you'll be fine and I’ll always be right here for you. You just have to say my name into that mirror I got you for your birthday.” A heavily masculine...' - y,” a h

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