Oh how heartbreaking! When I read the summary I wasn't sure what type of heartbreaking you'd be alluding to and then I read this line It caught me off guard and I was tempted to run several times, but I didnít and Iím glad I stayed even if the end was tragic, even if it hurt me more then words can describe in the end.
Scorpius' love for Lily is beautiful and the moments when they were happy were light and lovely. You didn't necessarily go into all the details but just the small details, the words you did use, painted enough of a picture for the reader to know that Lily was well loved.
And the fact that he feels he needs to warn his son away from love...oh man, that's a heartbroken father. He isn't over her and isn't going to be over her anytime soon.Author's Response: Hi!
Thank you for the lovely review :) I'm so glad you saw what I was trying to convey and I felt that too many details might just ruin the feel of the story you see, s I held back a bit. I think she was well loved, but it was that kind of love with an inexorability - it was too perfect it was always going to end tragically.
Hannah. Report Review
Oh. My. Goodness. This was so sad and heartbreaking, but so beautifully written. It wasnít exactly what I expected, coming in. I donít think I really knew what to expect. But it didnít take long before I picked up on the sorrow filled edge to the words and description you use. And I justÖI love the way you wrote this. I love the characterization you have on Scorpius. His character is easy to feel for, to feel his sorrow at the loss of the girl he loves. The only thing I think would help a little is maybe go into more detail of his time with her. Also mentioning character names at some point. But really, this was great. I loved how it was written! I did catch one small tenses thing, but Iím not sure if itís right or wrong:
ďThe first time I held him in my arms, I donít think there are words to describe that emotion. I was so afraid I would get it wrong that I would let him down.Ē ĖI think you want ĎI didnít think there were words to describe that emotion,í but I think it depends. It may be something you want to look at?
Other than that small thing, this was a really lovely chapter. I really enjoyed reading it and I loved the description you used. Great job!
~GrimmerzAuthor's Response: Hi!
Thank you :) This really made me happy and I am so glad you enjoyed it. Have you ever listened to the song it's based on? Because if you have you'll a) see how closely based it is...*cough* and b) see why I didn't go into too much description because it focuses less on the time he spent with her and is more reflective as a song. Because of that I attempted to that here and I just thought going into so much detail would be so painful for Scorpius that I held back.
As for that tense, the way I wrote it means the tenses were a bit fuzzy which I'm aware of so I'll look over that and fix it ^_^
Thank you for the review! :)
Hannah. Report Review
This was a gorgeous story. I loved the way you wrote it, as the words seemed to mirror the tale you were telling. The way that no one was named, yet you could still figure out who the characters were, was gorgeous. And throughout the parts that were so happy, there was a sense of foreboding, and I think you hinted at the end really well.
If I had one small piece of critique, it's that the last paragraph is a bit confusing. There are a couple grammatical errors (off instead of of and a couple missing commas). The structure of it made it confusing, though, and I think that the idea in the last paragraph is great, so maybe just word it a little differently?
But other than that, this was a gorgeous one shot. Loved the characters and the plot, and the flow was perfect. Great job, Hannah!
-NaidaAuthor's Response: Nadia!
Thanks for the review, I really appreciate your thoughts on the story. I actually re-read this today and I know exactly what you mean on the last part, I might go back and try edit that a little bit and check the grammar :)
But thank you!
Hannah x Report Review
Wow. That was really powerful. Love is an all-consuming thing, and I think you did the emotions of this so very well.
This story is very emotional, and very real. I think you did a great job.
This was so emotional, I don't know what to say. It was so great.Author's Response: Thank you, I was really looking to exploring the emotions here. But ahh thanks :)
Hannah x Report Review
Now why'd you go and do that? I almost started crying. =( This was wonderfully written. And I think you got Rose and Scorpius' relationship down perfectly. Keep up the amazing writing!
-MPRAuthor's Response: Oh, thank you :) I'm glad I made you cry? You know, from a writers POV, not that I want you to cry :) But thanks! Report Review
Hannah that was so beautiful and so heartbreaking.
I was actually holding my breath whilst reading the last part.
You're writing style is amazing. Honestly, the story read like a song. And the description of her hair and her eyes, I loved that part.
I've never considered Scor/Lily II before.
Oh it was just so heartbreaking at the end. He wants to protect his son from the thing that he knows will happen to him.
Gaaah I just can't get over how beautiful that was. And in so little words. . .
10/10 for sure!Author's Response: Thank you so much! Oh my god, that jsut like made my day :)
It was inspired by a really beautiful song, and I had it on repeat as I was writing which probably accounted for that song-like quality. I am so glad you enjoyed it. I just literally did like a little dance around the place.
Thank you so much for that review! :)
-carries on happy-dancing- Report Review
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