This is a good Lockhart story! It's interesting how he doesn't know who he is :) And I like how you show that. Lockhart's characterization: is good but I think he would have written it differently.. just slightly. More posh... :) But very good!
I have a question will you please please help me! I try to add a new chapter to my story but it always says: Submissions are not available for non-trusted authors! Are you a trusted author? if you are not, what do you do? HELP! :) xAuthor's Response: Thanks for reviewing- I'm so glad that you enjoyed it. He doesn't know who he is because his Obliviation spell backfired on him and he has no memory.
Even though he was more posh in the books, I didn't write him as such here because I thought that his "posh-ness" would have come from his success and his hunger for more fame- without his memories of that, I think he would have been a lot more childish.
No problem- I'm not a trusted author myself. It's not a problem on your end. Rather, the validators have two vacation periods during the year when they won't accept any new stories/chapters into the queue for validation. It gives them a break so that they can spend time with their families throughout the holidays. Their "holiday" will end tomorrow, though, so you will be able to submit your chapters very soon! Report Review
So well writen! This was a very excellent story! Could you maybe write a story telling about the people who's memories he earsed? That would be really awesome.Author's Response: Thanks so much for taking the time to review! I'm so glad you liked it.
I'll think about writing that- it's an interesting idea. Report Review
Hi! It's mirasoul from the forums, giving you your requested review. Sorry for the lateness. :/
I can honestly say I enjoyed reading this. Your opening was great; I have a thing for rhetorical questions. I love the lighthearted self-absorption you portray Lockhart throughout the majority of the story. It balances out the more serious parts, like the end (which I loved), and keeps the story from becoming too...heavy, if you get what I mean. I especially loved the "under abundance of mirrors" line, haha. You had great tie-ins with the actual Harry Potter story, and I love how you did the confrontation between Lockhart and his past victims. It wasn't too overly-dramatic, but it still had a powerful effect. The way you left off the story leaves the reader guessing as to what might happen next, which, to me, is the perpfect ending. Really, the only concern I can think of is the weird format because there are such large gaps between each paragraph, but I assume that's the website's fault. Happens to my stories all the time.
All in all, great read. :)Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing! It's no problem about the lateness!
I'm so glad you enjoyed reading this. It appears that I too have a thing for rhetorical questions- I use them in many of my stories. I'm also happy that you liked the ending and Lockhart's characterization. I haven't written a piece yet like him, so I was a little worried about how he would come off.
Thanks as well for the compliments. I have gotten that comment before about odd spacing, but I can never quite seem to fix it. Glad to know I'm not the only one.
Thanks once again for taking the time to leave me such a lovely review! Report Review
This is a very well written story. The essence of Gilderoy Lockhart was captured wonderfully by you! The details in this story are amazing. They really make it come alive and the details allow a picture to form in my head. With the amount of details you put in, I can get a visual in my head which is amazing.
Of course, this is a unique story as always. You tend to write a lot of unique stories and I absolutely love it. I love how Lockhart keeps a journal. It's nice to see how he's seeing things from a different point of view. In this story, how Lockhart is feeling is very important and by having it written through his journal, you got his feelings out greatly.
The change in his character is fantastic. It really feels like the canon Lockhart. Although he lost his memory, Lockhart, the one we know from Chamber of Secrets still shines through. I think that it's very important to allow us to see that he's still the same because I truly believe that Gilderoy Lockhart had a very unique personality which needs to be shown.
At the end, when Lockhart comes to a realization, I think it's a very big point. The small steps leading up to it were great. It's nice for him to finally understand and realize what he did. We don't see that side of him in the Harry Potter books. We only see the haughty, proud and oblivious Gilderoy Lockhart so it's very nice to be able to get a different view on him.
My favourite part in the story was when he was moved to the Janus Thickney ward and at the end, he asks if he was an inspiration. I think the way that Linda was all excited was very cute. We know that he doesn't get any visitors so to have someone who really likes him portrayed in the story adds a bit of colour to the story.
You had an amazing plot, the story was amazingly written and everything flowed. There were no choppy blocks which is a very nice surprise because they tend to happen with journal-like stories. I am very happy with this story and it was a pleasure to read and review! I am so happy to be able to get my thoughts out on this story because it truly was a fanastic one! Great job writing it!Author's Response: Thanks so much for taking the time to review! I'm so glad you thought I captured him well- he has such a bubbly personality that isn't consistent with the way I usually write. I'm so glad you liked the details as well- I tried to create an image in your head without disrupting the flow of the story.
The journal came about as a natural way to showcase his thoughts. I don't usually write in first-person and this felt very natural.
I'm so happy that you liked the progress Lockhart made. I wanted him to develop while still staying true to himself, you know? It was kind of difficult, because the point of my story was him seeing that he's not great, even though he thinks he is. I'm glad you liked the different view of him.
I'm glad you liked Linda- I had such fun giving her a bubbly personality to provide some contrast (and criticism) from Lockhart. It's nice to see it worked out well.
Thanks so much for the huge compliment. I'm so glad you thought the story was great as a whole and that you enjoyed reading it.
Thanks so much once again for taking the time to write such a wonderful review! Report Review
Original!! At least to me… Char here from the Forums, here with your review.
I Like Like Like this concept of Gilderoy Lockhart struggling to recall what had been Obliviated. I just did a story which explored this BUT this is not about me, it’s about you.
And Gilderoy is still Gilderoy—full of himself. Gotta love it.
Is “under abundance” technically correct? Well, I don’t care too much because you know what I thought of that phrase? Brilliant. That’s what I thought.
What does this mean? “ joined up writing” I think I must’ve missed something because it doesn’t make any sense to me. Oh wait. Never mind, looked Gilderoy up in the lexicon and it now makes sense! *sheepish grin*
I liked the woman’s speech. It was a bit cold-blooded but impassioned though cruel but understandable, given the circumstances that brought her to that point.
I love that this has got some humor in it as well as this drama of Gilderoy trying to remember who he was. And also that he feels a little anxiety about the possible glimpses as to who he was. It brings to mind the fact that there is a little good in all of us.
The conclusion sums it up pretty well. You had me liking Gilderoy again, feeling amused at his egotistical attitude but also pitying him, especially at the end.
Another great bit of writing thoroughly enjoyed!
xCharAuthor's Response: Thanks once again for your review! Haha- perhaps I'll go and read your take on Gilderoy after he's been Obliviated.
I have no idea about the correctness of "under abundance"- it sounded right to me, but I'm no language genius. (And thanks for the compliment).
I'm glad you liked the woman's speech- my thought was that there were people out there who lost their memories because of him- so what happened to them?
I'm glad you liked it and especially glad that you found the conclusion satisfying.
Thanks so much for reviewing! Report Review
Hi there! I'm here to review as requested. I don't know how picky you wanted me to be with grammar but I just noticed a few little things before I start the overall review:
"There are white wall, white ceiling and floor." This should at least be changed to "white walls" but you may want to consider restructuring the sentence for better flow.
This being said I like how you introduce his room and how Lockhart rationalizes the stark decorations by suggesting he prefers the elegance of simplicity. I think Lockhart would retain his egotistical attitude but with a significantly more optimistic, carefree flair without his memories, which I think you have captured nicely here.
I like how you made little references to canon and that he observes human behavior that the reader can tell he is misinterpreting. This aids in the development of his perspective inside his own bubble and adds to his characterization as he has limited information about the world and can only think in extremes.
I feel sad for him and I've always thought of what it must have been like for him in the hospital after such a life. As one who never worked for his achievements, his resolve is quite weak and I like how you show his transition from idle curiosity to pain and denial, wishing to learn no more about his former life.
Overall I think you hit on an extremely interesting idea and did a great job setting up his experiences in a new life. He is generally regarded as a comic character in the books, but his actions were extremely serious and I think many witches and wizards would want to condemn him.
In regards to your conclusion I think it leaves Lockhart unsatisfied and fearful of the outside world. You've done this well and his realization that he was a "bad man" adds a sense of disappointment. As he was a cowardly man, I do not see him working to right the wrongs associated with his previous life. In this case, there is no conclusion for the confused Lockhart, and I think you have conveyed this lack of direction well.
Overall great job :-) I've always been interested in St. Mungo's and the concept of magical maladies and illnesses. The only suggestion I have is to slow down a bit with your scenes and add a bit more description to clarify what is going on. You jump between events in a way that paints a picture of his life well, but I think a bit more description of his thoughts and observations would help solidify each segment.
I hope this helps! Thanks for requesting :-)
~LunnahAuthor's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing- yes, it definitely does help!
I'm glad you like his characterization as well as the conclusion. I agree that there really was nowhere for him to go and I'm glad that got across.
I'll go back and try to elaborate on the scenes- try to tone down the "jumping". I didn't really notice it- probably because I'm the writer and it's all in my head. :) I'll definitely take note and use your advice.
Thanks once again for reviewing and for being so prompt as well! Report Review
adorable! i laughed ! it was wonderful! especially at the end "i felt small" that's all that needed to be said!Author's Response: Thanks! I'm so glad you felt that way! I do agree that Gilderoy Lockhart can be such a hilarious person- he's so self-obsessed and oblivious. I'm glad you liked the ending- I agree that that's pretty much all that needed to be said. It's a very simple way of saying that he wasn't happy with who he was before. Thanks again for the review! Report Review
An interesting fic.
I like how your portrayed Lockhart. It seems quite believable. The frustration in his words were completely within reason. I can see him actually say those word and feel those feelings.
Your detail was good and the fic flowed with good pace.
All in all, nice job.Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review! I'm glad you liked the story and that you thought I characterized Lockhart well- I was a little worried about that aspect. Thanks for reading! Report Review
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