Reading Reviews for Envy
  
3 Reviews Found

Review #1, by BrightStar 1: Envy

6th July 2011:
Hi, BrightStar here with your review! I'm so sorry for the delay!

Coherence: Very well done, great flow, spelling and grammar.

Characters: Poor Cho, I really felt for her even though I don't like her as a character! Harry was really well done too, and I liked how she still talked to Mari :D

Context: Excellent obviously, you kept it about the war, and your characters reacted to it realisticly.

Credibility: Excellent, cho's pain, how Harry had moved on, how they all met up - i dont think Hogwarts would have reunions, but those characters might of seeing how their schooling was so interupted!

Great piece, very well written :)

Author's Response: Hello! :)
Its no problem, I just love getting reviews so I'm happy! ^_^
Thanks for your positive comments and I'm really glad you liked it! :D


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Review #2, by charlottetrips 1: Envy

2nd July 2011:
Char from the Forums here with your review!

Itís funny. I started out your story totally thinking it was just Ginny and Harry and then here are all these inner thoughts of Cho! I then looked over your story summary more carefully :) Ah, late night reviewing.

I thought Cho was going to be a homewrecker but I like that you have Cho not knowing if Harry and Ginny are back together, therefore giving her an open path to him.

One thing in the second section, first paragraph: ďstuck in a young [girls] body just yearning for attentionĒ = [girlís]. This lack of apostrophe is present a little throughout the one-shot.

In the beginning, besides Cho being focused about snatching up Harry, I think itíd be good to focus a bit more on her feelings about the war and coming back to Hogwarts after the War. I mean, itís the first time since it was repaired and it would seem significant. You could offset her feeling of loss more with the feeling of hope she had with possibly getting Harry.

Despite my little dissertation there, I liked the concept of the story and how she didnít get what she wanted in the end and the bitterness she feels. To be honest, I didnít really much like Cho towards the end, you know?

xChar

Author's Response: Thanks very much for the advice & review in general. And I wanted the reader to feel a little feelings towards Cho as that was what I was aiming for, so I'm glad you didn't really like her towards the end. I wanted to show another side to her.

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Review #3, by DougA 1: Envy

19th June 2011:
For a whim, it's a very nice story. A little more on her feelings about Ginny, who she knew had dated Harry, and Hermione, who she thought Harry was interested in, would have been nice. Remember, she and Harry broke up due to Cho's imagination of Harry and Hermione's relationship, and she and Ginny clashed in Quidditch. Still, well done

Author's Response: I may take your view into consideration when I have the time to edit this.

I think it'd be good for me to add some Hermione in.

Thanks ^__^ √ʬô¬•


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