That was SO good. I loved the last line, it was just beautiful. You captured both characters' emotions so well and got more across in such a short piece of writing than most people do in several chapters! Great work, this was really touching to read.Author's Response: Thank you so much! It means the world to me to get reviews like this, and you really give me the motivation to keep writing. And wow, that compliment *huggles* Thanks for the lovely review!
-Naida Report Review
The Return of the Christmas Fairy:-)
I have to be honest that at times, I struggled with this story. That's not to say that I don't think there are a lot of great things - there are some really good ideas here.
I like the idea of two people being brought together by a mutual loss. I think it's an interesting take on the George/Angelina relationship to have Fred II conceived in this way. I liked that you made the news of Angelina's pregnancy unwelcome, and George distancing himself. It made for a more interesting dynamic.
I also think the 1st person narrative works very well here - it isn't always my favourite, but I think it was very effective, you wrote it very well.
I loved the opening paragraph - it was dramatic, intriguing and poignant, so full marks for that.
In fact, there's really only one thing that I have a problem with, which is the timing. I think in the immediate aftermath of the battle, I found it difficult to believe that Angelina would feel Fred's death more keenly than George, or that he would reach for Angelina in this way at that time. It didn't ring true for me. Shifting the timing a little later - for instance, if you had them meet the anniversary of the battle, it would be much more believable and I think you would have a really first rate story here.Author's Response: I have to admit that I am SO impressed that you were actually able to get through this story. Wow. I would actually consider this my worst work on my author's page, and not Haunted. I feel like I wrote this in a rush, so I don't really know why it's still up xD
Thank you for the compliments. I know I don't really deserve them on this story (I promise I do like some of my stories! Just not these ones :P) But thank you so much for taking the time to leave them.
I think the timing is one of my biggest problems with this story too. This story, I actually would consider editing, so if I do get around to it, I will most definitely keep this advice in mind. I love the idea of shifting it to the aniversary of the battle too!
Thank you again, Christmas fairy -heart- Your reviews are the best present I could ask for! Report Review
So, this was heartbreaking. Well written and moving most definitely, but I have a hard time wrapping my head around the characterizations as you portrayed them here. Setting that aside, the fluid nature of this worked so well with the flitting scenes and brief visits to a vast array of events. I wonder whether you portrayed George and angelina this way because it works for the piece or if this is how you actually see them? I only ask because I have recently begun a Georgelina novel (the first chapter is newly posted) and so I'm fascinated with people's interpretations of their characters.
I really did enjoy the formatting and the description and the writig as a whole! Well done!Author's Response: Thank you! First of all, can't believe someone read my about me XD Will review right away! When I wrote this piece, I didn't really think about their characterizations, actually. I wrote them to fit the piece, and because it was for a challenge, I had to use that pairing. In reality, I think Angelina was too dramatic in this, and George wasn't like himself at all. I would go back and attempt to fix it, but I'm super lazy :P Since this was just a one shot, I didn't really focus on having their characters match canon, which, I know, was really bad of me *hides*. But thank you for the wonderful review! Lit up my day!
-Naida Report Review
So it's official. You need to write more so I can review some more, because this is the very last thing on your authors page that I haven't reviewed.
Why haven't I read and reviewed it yet? I don't know, cause it's awesome. The first bit gave me shivers. And, gosh, the whole thing was horrible. It was so sad and real and I could feel it all unravelling infront of me and it made me want to run away a little bit.
I love love LOVED the 'he would be with thoes mourning the dead bit' which was so perfect - because despite him being the joker, he was still really thoughtful when it came down to it. We saw glimpses of it throughout the books.
The bit about George being jealous of Fred bit was excellent too. I've only just noticed that literally WHENEVER the twins speak Fred always speaks first, which is just tragic when you think about it. Anyway, I loved it - as always.
Not get writing so I have more to review :D
-ACAuthor's Response: Have I ever told you that I love you? No, really, I do. Your reviews make me want to sing and dance and frolic in a meadow! xD And that's a really happy thought for a depressing story...
I can't believe I made you want to run away. Why? Because that's always how I feel when reading your stories. (Okay, well, the darker ones). To know that I managed to do that for you is...indescribeble (sp?) I always though Angelina would see a softer side to Fred, which is why I put that line in, so I'm so glad you liked it! And I've always thought George would be jealous...Even though I prefer Fred.
Anyways, thank you, and sorry for the pathetic ramble of a response. ILY!
-Naida Report Review
Wow. What an emotionally draining story (in a good way). So full of sadness, conflicting feelings, love, pain, and so many more. I haven't read much fics written from Angelina's perspective and loved this glimpse into her life. I like how you kept her a strong character, like the Quidditch player JKR showed us in the books, while adding your own nuances as well. The suspense was built up masterfully and done in exactly the correct order. One small spelling error I noted: "grief" not greif. Overall though, one of the best one-shots I've ever read and definitely a 10/10!Author's Response: Thanks, hun! This is the hardest thing I've ever written, by far, because of all the emotion in it. I coud only write it in like, 200 word bursts because of how emotionally toiling it is :P But it means the world to me that it came through well! I'm glad it was Angelina, because we know just enough about her to give a basis for my character, but not so much that I couldn't take some liberties. I'm really glad you liked that, and that the suspense showed through! And thanks for pointing up that typo ;) I have a nasty habit of forgetting those. Your reviews are amazing, dear!
-Naida Report Review
Hi! This was so breathtakingly beautiful. The way you mold your sentences together is wonderful to read and the choice of words you use is amazing. I enjoyed every single moment of this fic. The emotion you've captured in this fic just shines through, it's beautiful, I could feel everything. It's so powerful. I love how you twisted the past and present together to make this. In all, this was one of the best one shots I've read in a while. It's perfect.
xAuthor's Response: I am literally squealing and blushing bright red right now. Thankyouthankyouthankyou! To hear compliments like this is absolutely incredible. Everything you mentioned is everything I look for in other people's work, and to hear that I managed to do that is just wow. Thank you SO SO much for this! Report Review
Oh Merlin. Sweet Merlin.
This is so full of emotion and impact that I'm still a bit reeling from reading it. It's actually the second time I've read through it, last night and just now. And the punch is still there.
The grief and despair, the passion and the regret, the rage and the hurt are all so beautifully twisted up in this story.
This line was beautiful to me: " It was a soft kiss this time, sweet, like a cool glass of water on a hot summerís day."
Both time periods are such impactful moments--the death of a loved one and the birth of your child. I feel you capture these unique circumstances very well.
And the ending...sweet Jesus. After all that hurt, after all that pain, that they finally find comfort and love; it's just gorgeous!
Thank you for this!
charlottetrips [Ravenclaw]Author's Response: Aw, thanks so much! This is definitely one of the heavier pieces I've written. I'm so glad every emotion I tried to convey came through. You really write the nicest reviews, and they're full of everything i worry about!! Thank you! *hugs* And who isn't a sucker for happy endings :P
-Naida Report Review
This is VERY powerful! I really like how you transition from the past to the present. You did this rather well because sometimes I find it hard to follow this technique in other stories. What a great idea of the two hooking up right after Fred was killed. It is romantic and very wrong all at the same time.
I donít know much about having babies but do wizards have some kind of speedy pregnancy test? I found it a bit unrealistic she would be able to take a home test and find out she was pregnant the day after.
Overall I think was a great piece about a couple that in some eyes should have never together.Author's Response: Thank you for the review! I'm currently planning an edit of this, so that should help with the pregnancy thing. That was really just a result of me being lazy :P But I'm so glad you liked the story!
-Naida Report Review
Man. This is very emotional. Angelina's kind of twisted and chaotic and hard to follow at times, but that increases the sense of tragedy in this story. Some of the "you"s seem to be addressing Fred, if I'm reading it correctly, but most are aimed at George? Angelina's changing emotions after the baby is born, the sudden happiness, that rang very true to me - it really does mess with your head a bit to give birth, all those hormones going crazy. I like that Angelina really distinguished between the twins, but she also seems to blur them together after Fred's death, almost making them the same so that the baby can be Fred's. And genetically, of course, it would be identical to Fred's, since he and George share the same DNA - but it's still pretty unhealthy for Angelina. Hopefully she comes out of this mindframe as she gets a bit more distance from Fred's death.
WTM - RavenclawAuthor's Response: I'm so glad you liked the emotions in it! Quite honestly, I'm beginning to think it's way over dramatic and I need to rewrite it, but this made me feel way better :D Thank you so much! Report Review
Wow, that was really intense. Unfortunately I did get a little lost understanding who you were talking about saying him, and you. I think I do now that I've read it all because you said, "and then you came rushing in." So that makes me think that when you were talking about him you were talking about Fred. Otherwise, I can completely see this happening, I think I've kinda thought this the entire time and wonder why when people make Next Gen fics they don't make Fred older.
Wonderful job :) and thanks for reviewing mine as well it really helped :)Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I'll definitely keep it in mind! I am planning an edit of this story, so I'll try and clarify that as well. Thanks again!
-Naida Report Review
Hi :) I know I'm a bit late, but here I am with your trivia thread review! *cue epic triumphant music*
I wanted to review this one because it didn't have as many reviews as some of your other pieces (and it always makes me a little sad when one of my stories is neglected).
Anyway, I thought this was a really interesting take on the Fred/Angelina/George relationship. In times of grief, people will sometimes do almost anything to find comfort. I think that's definitely going on at the beginning. They both know that it's not really right what they're doing, but they don't care because they're just looking for that momentary escape from their pain.
It must be hard when the man you love dies, but leaves behind an identical twin brother who is so similar yet so different. And it must be terrible for George to have loved Angelina, but kept his distance because she was with her brother. Such a tricky situation, especially when you throw in the pregnancy.
I was a little disappointed in George that he never attempted to contact Angelina again during her pregnancy. I understand why he left at first, but I think he would have come back sooner. I'm glad he did return after little Fred was born.
Overall, I thought it was a very emotional and interesting take on how George and Angelina got together. The only real criticism I have is the bit with the pregnancy test. I don't think it would work that quickly. Maybe there's some sort of spell or charm that she could use that is able to detect pregnancy sooner than a muggle test?Author's Response: Thank you for your review!
I'm glad you liked this! It really means a lot to me. Since this was in Angelina's POV, George was made out to be a bit of a villain. I'm sure he was cut up about her reaction, but Angelina couldn't see that. However, I do see what you're saying, and when writing this, I did want to have George come back earlier.
I've gotten a couple of comments about the test, and I don't think i made it clear enough that it was a wizard test, so I will definitely go back in and clear that up.
Thanks again for the excellent review! I'll keep in mind everything you said!
-Naida Report Review
This was a really sad and emotional tale. I felt really sorry for Angelina having to deal with the lose of Fred and then a pregnancy to her identical twin of the man she loved. It was an interesting take on the relationship between Angelina and George.
I thought Ange's reactions to everything were quite plausible. She was in so much grief after the lose of Fred and I think that it is believable that she would turn to George like she did in comfort and in a somewhat delusional belief that she was still with Fred. You showed her grief, confusion, need for comfort and then anger really clearly.
George was made out to be a little bit of a villain but he came through in the end. It was slightly understandable that he would bolt after the things that Ange said to him. I'm just glad he came back.
I would suggest making the fact it is a wizarding pregnancy test a little more obvious. Just because going to the 'drug store' to get a 'pregnancy test' is very muggle. Just changing the ordinary names to something magical will keep the atmosphere of the piece because for a split second in this paragraph, I was suddenly taken away from the magical world.
The story flowed smoothly between the past and the present. I love the narrative tone that the piece was written in as it really conveyed Ange's emotions. I really felt this story when I was reading it, I could sense what Angelina was going through and feel her emotions. Well done, it was really well written.Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm so glad her emotions came through well. Since it was from Angelina's POV, I had to make George a bit of a villain. And I'll definitely take into account about what you said about the Muggle and wizard worlds. Add in something :) Thanks for the amazing review! Relaized we've reviewed swapped now XD Report Review
wow such an interesting idea, having angelina love Fred but then turns to George (not realizing it) and that George was in love with her the whole time. I like that you had George disappear from her life for a while because honestly after someone shouting like that and telling him that he took advantage of her I could see the guy disappearing for a while but i like how in the end he really did want to be there for her when she had the baby. I thought this was a great idea and well written. Great Job.
~Slytherinchica08~Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm so glad you liked this! Really made my day to get this review :D By the way, you're super awesome for giving out all these reviews! You made me incredibly happy, and I'm sure you did the same for a lot of other people! Report Review
Very good story, but you do realize that a pregnancy test wouldn't work the day after right? it takes a while to register.Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for the review. Yeah, I thought about that, but I decided that a wizard pregnancy test could pick it up faster so I could be lazy and not have to put in filler stuff while she waited XD Thanks for the review! Report Review
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