Hello Lia :) I'm here for our TGS Review Swap.
I'm so glad you linked me to this story because it's just simply lovely. There are plenty of next-gen love triangles floating around, but this story is so - graceful, would be the world. You write with a great sense of delicacy, without sentimentality, focusing on small moments and details. It's these tiny details of the characters (their actions, their expressions, what they do and do not say etc.) that really made the story so wonderful for me. The scenes are written with such carefulness, and the dialogue is fitted in beautifully with the prose. This might sound a little weird, but I was closely tracking the physical orientations of your characters in each scene...e.g. I really noticed the little things like Scorpius not turning around when asking Rose about Teddy, and the bit with their hands - how his are stuffed in his pockets and how Rose holds hers stiffly behind her back. Repeating myself here, but these tiny little things really showed how detailed and precise you were in crafting the prose and your characters, of course.
Speaking of the characters, I love them. They were written with such empathy - Rose and Scorpius and Teddy. Rose's feelings for Teddy never wavers once, at least that's what I got from the story. You've written her from her childhood right up to her late teenage years, showing her growth and development and her changing relationships with both Teddy and Scorpius. And yet, because Rose's feelings toward Teddy are unswerving, there's a kind of stasis to the story, it's not a bad thing - if anything, it's incredibly hopeful and heartwarming watching Rose change and grow and yet have that part of her (the part with all the feelings for Teddy) remain unchanged throughout the years. It's a great portrayal of the concept of movement and stasis across time. Scorpius is such a fascinating character! His characterisation is a lot stronger than Teddy's, but only because it's him whom we see more, he spends more time with Rose. There's a kind of subdued quality to him; I love their friendship and their closeness, and the intimacy, but there's also something melancholy about it, because of possibly Scorpius' unrequited feelings for Rose. It's a lovely and poignant tangle of relationships that you've written, and I can't praise you enough on how well you've succeeded.
Another thing I really liked, and which was conveyed with subtlety through passing references was the interlinking of the pureblood families of the wizarding world (Weasleys, Malfoys etc.) It's a lot mellower now, and there's no great animosity between the families, and I like to think that this generation of quiet hopeful teenagers with their connections and relationships to each other are somehow also causing the healing of many past hurts/animosities of the wizarding families. This was nicely summed up in that scene where Rose lays her head on Scorpius' chest, imagining her ancestors turning in their graves. Also, Teddy Lupin! I did a whoop when I read the bit where he goes to pick up his Gran from the Malfoy Manor! These are just such lovely details!
Also, dialogue seems to be your forte here. Your dialogue is incredibly realistic; it's pure simple and quiet, and you really know when to leave things out and let certain notions remain as implications rather than state them. It's another great thing about this story - what is written on the page and what you choose not to confirm, particularly with the characters' feelings. After all, feelings are sometimes just too difficult to pin down in words :)
Anyway, this was a lovely story! Excuse my rambling! I really enjoyed this, thought it was brilliantly written, and had a very soothing and open-ended ending. Excellent writing ♥
-teh Report Review
hi darling, here to review!
I really really enjoyed this. i like the open-endedness of it. i like it when authors leave a little something for the reader to imagine. now, with this, i am torn - does she run off into the sunset with teddy or does she realise that scorpius loves her?? i am both a rose/teddy and rose/scorpius shipper and now i am confused!
i like the innocence of this piece. there is something very still about it - something tempered. maybe it is the pacing, which i found lovely. it never dragged and it wasn't rushed at all. every word was precise and every word counts for something.
as you may know, i am a huge advocate of second person POV. I adore it to bits, when it is done right, and i think you have done brilliantly. second person has the ability to drawn the reader in or completely alienate them and your writing here, my dear, has drawn me in. i was totally involved in this story - in your characters and your plot.
i don't think, for something like this with such a narrative focus, that more description is needed. some of my second person pieces are really short and more poetic and about mood and feeling than an involved character piece like this is. i wouldn't change anything. i really wouldn't.
it isn't too long - not at all. like i said, it is wonderfully paced so its easier to forget that i've just read nearly 6,000 words.
i don't know what else to say - i loved it. thank you for requesting it hun!
Kate xxAuthor's Response: Hi Kate!
I'm thrilled you enjoyed this! When I first started this, it was supposed to end up as Scorpius/Rose but then I realised that would make things too simple. Like many of us, Rose wanted something (badly) but the lines between wants and needs were blurred. I just finished a companion to this so you'll see what happened after. For the ending, I just wanted to give her a chance to have a choice (if that makes any sense).
In a way, the innocence shows Rose's inexperience about matters of the heart. I can't blame her at all because I'd want to know what was it about Teddy that was so intriguing myself.
I love it too! There's something about reading it that just makes me feel more in-tuned compared to any other perspective, and yes, like you said, when it's done right.
Oh, good. I'm glad you think so. I always worry that it's never enough. And it amazes me that most people don't think they've actually read so many words, haha.
Thank you so much for your lovely review, Kate. It made my night :)
Lia Report Review
Ah! Lia! :) I'd been meaning to come leave this review and favorite this story. :)
I thought this was an absolutely SPLENDID piece! It was wonderful. You started it off brilliantly with Rose’s apprehension and anxiety towards Teddy. You then showed her confusion superbly. I think I also wouldn’t quite understand a guy who could change his appearance. The nose part was absolutely adorable, and I loved how you pulled that over to when Rose first boarded the train. It was very moving, and while we know it’s from Rose’s point of view and she is confused with her own thoughts and by him as well, we know perfectly well that Teddy is not. He is only trying to get her comfortable, and knowing that was very moving. You grasped the emotion of that entire scene perfectly.
I then loved your description of Rose’s resolve breaking into tiny pieces, and she then followed. I thought that was beautifully put!
The rest of it went so nicely. I loved her friendship that she had with Scorpius, and I loved the way you characterized him. He was a great kid. I also thought it was quite clever of you to put in Teddy’s relation to the Malfoys and his visits with them. Very clever. As I read more, I started to just have a hunch that Scorpius was into Rose as well, and he was suffering while helping her out with her issue with Teddy, and as I read further, I started to believe that I was right. I definitely got that vibe at least.
This was so amazing, and I wish it had continued on! I was actually quite surprised that you ended it like that! Now everything is up in the air, and I have no idea what will happen! :D I guess that leaves it to our imagination then.
Then was beautiful, Lia, and I loved it. Thank you so much for picking me to beta this for you and introducing me to this lovely piece. I hope all my thoughts and comments were helpful and you don’t disagree with too many. :) This was wonderful!
Love, DrueAuthor's Response: Drueee :)
I'm so glad you enjoyed it so much and it was an honour for you to edit this! I never argue/disagree with my betas because I figure you guys know what you're talking about ;)
I think he caught her off-guard in the beginning. I agree with you, I don't think I'd understand him either. It would make me wonder which part of him was real or who the real him was. I see Rose as a logical thinker, a bit like myself and for her to start to feel things for someone she perceives as strange would be confusing and she would want to know why. Indeed, Teddy knows exactly what he's doing and it is perfectly innocent. Like you said, he's just trying to make her comfortable like he did all those years ago when she hid behind her mother and the mere sight of him and his pink hair.
Even though Rose might be sensible, she's still a young girl in that scene at King's Cross. From the time she met Teddy, maybe he was placed at in a particular setting/position to her in her life. Perhaps she built him up to be something important because he always looked out for her. So because his attention has drifted elsewhere to another female...you might say our Rose got jealous - hence the tears. She's more confused now too.
I'd expect the Malfoys - especially Narcissa - to reach out more to their relatives after the war and volunteered to help with Teddy. I just wanted to put that in there because the thought of it happening is quite nice.
I loved writing Scorpius. He's most unlike how other people characterise him in Next Gen fics with all the smirks and female swooning, etc. It wasn't that kind of fic. I like the idea of a shy, sweet Scorpius who is too observant for his own good. He did like Rose but let her go and tried to help her out with dating his cousin. Unrequited. He needs to find his happiness too.
I wanted to leave it in the open so people could come to their own conclusions. Did Rose end up with Teddy? Did she realise that this wouldn't be good for her in the end? Things like that. I just wanted to let her have a chance to see what would happen. Most people don't even come close to getting that but for once, someone did...even if this is only fiction.
Thank you so much for reviewing this, Drue! I enjoyed responding to his :) I'll definitely knock on your door again for beta'ing :D
Lia Report Review
So I just wanted to start off by saying that I was really excited when I figured out what story I was given for the review exchange. The summary pulled me in to begin with, and I'm happy to say that the rest of this story did not disappoint at all. I especially applaud you for
writing a one-shot that was over 5000 words! It was beautifully written and kept my attention throughout.
I loved Rose as a character, and especially the fact that she was willing to give Scorpius a chance even though it seemed like the rest of the family didn't seem like they would. I felt awful for Scorpius because he really cared about Rose. I'm also glad that Rose was happy though. The idea of this was sweet.
I can't really find any criticism for this, except maybe a tiny grammar issue here and there, which isn't a big deal at all. I'd love to rea more of your stories in the future!
All the best,
~KristenAuthor's Response: Hey!
Oh really? Thank you!
I love writing like this. It's a bit similar to my thinking process and it gives the story a whole new feel to it, something that I find hard to describe. I felt I wrote as much was necessary or until I really couldn't write anymore. I never went in with a specific number but I was a bit surprised that it was so long.
I always thought that just because your parents had squabbles with someone else but that doesn't mean that you have to act the same way. I wanted Rose to show that because I think she's a sensible girl, if she's anything like her mother. And as it turned out, she made a really good friend out of him too.
Oh, Scorpius. I felt bad for him at the end as well. He did care about her, much more than she could imagine. I think it was an unrequited love sort of situation where he let her go just so she would be happy. Rose got a chance to get what she really wanted but some may argue that it wasn't what she needed.maybe not yet. Most people don't even get that chance :/
Thank you for your lovely review, Kristen.
I really enjoyed this, Lia! Even though I found myself rooting for Scorpius; I just thought they would have made a better match with the way you characterised them. I'm not much for Rose/Scorpius, but I found myself shipping them in this story. Of course, I thought it was sweet how she loved Teddy and how he eventually saw her as more than just a five-year-old tag-along child.
As far as the plot, I like how you wrote this through the years, allowing us to watch Rose and Scorpius's friendship grow stronger, as Teddy began to notice Rose as someone more than a silly little girl in pigtails. Other than enjoying it, there wasn't anything I noticed. I mean, the only typo I spotted was you wrote 'wondered' instead of 'wandered'... I believe it was up when R/S walked onto the Quidditch pitch during their first shared Prefect duty. Over all, great job, though. I really liked it. (:Author's Response: Hey Leslie!
I'm sorry I'm now getting to this but I can't answer any of my reviews at home. I dunno why.
Haha, EVERYONE rooted for Scorpius, so did I but it was necessary for Rose to drift towards Teddy. I guess you could say it's one of those stories with unrequited love as the major theme in so many ways. Teddy's love for Victoire, Rose's love for Teddy and in a way, Scorpius' growing affection for Rose. Come to think of it, this would've been way more interesting from his point of view instead of hers.
There's always that one person that comes into your life that you think was meant for you but in the end, you realise that it wouldn't have made much sense at all. I needed to make Rose see this: for the time being, she could have her happiness with the potential of being with Teddy as was shown at the end. But at the same time, with the ending I gave, nothing was ever set in stone.
Thanks for pointing that out, I'll go fix it as soon as I can.
Thank you so much for reviewing, Leslie! I really appreciate it!
Lia Report Review
Hi, Giola here from TGS with your review :)
I must say, this impressed me a lot. The fact that you can pull off 5000 plus words in 2nd POV is, well, amazing. The piece never lacks momentum, which is hard to achieve with 2nd POV. Once I started reading, I was pulled in. I love this POV, it really makes the reader connect more with the story. I also think it heightens the characterisation.
Rose, for example, is done beautifully. Her flaws, her traits, her habits all shine through, without you having to thrust them in your readers face, which is good. It's subtle characterisation, but good. The same goes for Teddy - I'm a little confused about his character, what his motivations are and things like that, but I find that a good thing. It keeps me intrigued. Scorpius, too, is done well. I can't help but pity him.
I love the sort of symmetry you have going between Teddy and Rose's relationship and Rose and Scorpius'. I particularly loved when Scorpius suggested she write to Teddy, that she be there for him, since that was exactly was Scorpius was doing for her. It was sad, from Scorpius' side, but beautiful.
I think the open ending makes the piece seem realistic. Happy endings don't really happen, after all. The addition of Scorpius, and that situation never being resolved I also like, usually I'm a typical romantic and would somehow want Rose to end up with Scorpius and realise Teddy was just a phase...yet, you convert me. Your writing convinces me :P
I think the piece flows very well, especially since it is most definitely broken up into sections. I like that we see the growth of Rose, it's nice to see in a one-shot, since they're so often just one snapshot of a story. The fact that you break it up adds to the story, since it's quite long. Reading one long scene of that length would be crazy (and probably impossible to write :D). So, good job with flow.
Overall, I loved it. No criticism at all! This piece got me thinking, it made me feel. That's exactly what I think someone's writing should do. 10/10
-JuliaAuthor's Response: Hey Julia,
That honestly makes me smile. I don't know what it is about 2nd person that makes me love it so but I do. It gives me a sort of feeling that I really can't explain. But I do agree with you, it does make the reader more connected with the story. Makes me wonder why it has so little fans.
I've written Next Gen before but just not with these characters. I like to dwell in the obscure. I didn't want to write Rose and Scorpius like how everyone else does, so I gave them a whole new spin. Ooh, subtle? Thank you :) I've been having some trouble trying to show without telling. I think Teddy hasn't been developed that much so I understand your confusion about him. I thought there was a bit of him that was missing something. To be fair, he wasn't around much, just at the end. That's another interesting concept too, he wasn't really quite there yet Scorpius has. Rose got to be around him more and figure him out...at the end of the story, she's now having that chance with Teddy.
It was sad and it broke my heart to do that to him but it was necessary. It always happens that way doesn't it? He probably loved her for a long time and she really had no idea until that day in Diagon Alley, then she had an inkling. However, the heart wants what it wants, hence Teddy. As for Scorpius, I thought he was a real trooper in this - he let her go.
Wow, I absolutely love that quote and I shall use it - 'Happy endings don't really happen, after all.' It's true and quite sad. Everyone wanted Rose to end up with Scorpius! I'm surprised I've convinced you that Teddy wasn't a phase.maybe, maybe not. I wanted to leave the ending open so that everyone could come to their own conclusions about the whole thing. There's a sense of incompleteness about it that I like.
That's an interesting way to look at it. Each part of the story represents some sort of growth. I could've easily turned this into a short story, each chapter being a snap shot of her life and her movements towards her ultimate goal i.e. Teddy.
Oh wow, thank you so much. I really appreciate it :)
Lia Report Review
Hello there! Here I am with your requested review. :)
I thought it was super adorable how nice Teddy was to Rose are his Metamorphmagus-ness. It was super cute, as well as the fact that Rose had a crush on him from thereout.
The way you described things was amazing. "...You glanced up again into the heavy blue blanket that stretched across the sky, dotted with the tiniest hints of light."
I love the way you narrated. What was it, second person? Well, whatever it was, it made me feel like I was actually there, in the story, you know? Of course, that was also partly due to your awesome describing skills. :)
And that little moment between Rose and Scorpius? Brilliant! I loved it. :)
The way Scorpius was so... I don't know, deep, or, as he was described in the fic, "short, sweet, and to the point," was really cool. Usually you see him as the cool, popular, talkative, shallow guy when the story's main focus is Rose, at least until the main character gets to know him better, you know? Sorry if that didn't make any sense, but I'm not really sure how to explain what I mean. :P
The line, "Your ancestors would be rolling around in their graves," from right after she leaned her head on his chest, kind of made me laugh. Not really because it was funny, but because of how true it is, you know?
And Scorpius. oh Scorpius... It's so sad that he's been crushing on Rose but also helping her get her man at the same time. Classic love story, right? I adore it. :)
I love how she dubbed it, "The snogging incident, but not really." That just kind of made me laugh. I'm not exactly sure why, but I did. :)
I probably sound bad saying I hope Rose ends up with Scorpius instead of Teddy, because I feel like they would make a better couple.
I absolutely adored this cute little one-shot. It was. well, awesome. :)
(LiveLaughLoveHarryPotter on the forums)Author's Response: Hey!
I figured him doing that would've made her comfortable and it was something that would appeal to a child her age (at least I hope it would for most of them). Maybe she started to feel because he took the time to ease her fear, another male who wasn't her dad or who wasn't exactly family.
I'm glad you liked my use of description :) Sometimes I think it wasn't enough. Yes, it was second person. Not many people like it but I really do simply because it puts them in the position of the speaker so instead of observing it feels like they're doing the actions.
I'm glad you noticed that. I wanted to create my own Scorpius, not that I don't enjoy reading anyone else's because their interpretations of him are hilarious but to suit this particular story, I wanted to write him differently. I get what you mean - we get to see who he really is from the start and he hardly says anything.
You're probably the only one (except for my beta) who picked that up, thank you. It is really true!
I love Scorpius. I really do. And it is a shame that he's felt that way about her for so long but hasn't really done a thing to help his situation at all, if anything, he pushed her straight to him. I did have intentions for them to get together in the end or at least have Scorpius sitting on the other side of that table instead of Teddy but I wanted Rose to get what she wanted. It doesn't happen very often and there's a good reason for it...it isn't what we need.
Haha, I'm glad you liked that part. It made me chuckle when I wrote it :) You and everyone else thinks that Rose belongs with Scorpius, I think so too.
Thank you so much for reviewing. I'm glad you enjoyed the one-shot.
I very, very rarely say this but...sequel?? One day? Pleaaaseee?
This was stunning, Lia. Absolutely stunning. I'm not sure whether this review will be anywhere near as long as I'd like it to be because I'm not sure what I can say.
It's common knowledge that Rose and Scorpius are not my favourite characters in the world but you had me rooting for Scorpius from his first appearance. I liked him very, very much and I was absolutely gutted that he didn't get her, and also that Rose didn't seem to get it at all.
There's something about the story that gives me hope that one day, perhaps this will 'right' itself. I'm not wholly convinced that Rose and Teddy are meant to be which is actually a great feeling to have combined with that ending because I can feel my imagination racing as I try and work out whether Scorpius will ever get her. I love that feeling and I've not felt it for a long while.
The second person worked really well. I've never read anything so long in it before but I think you did a good job. I was conscious of it being in that perspective but it didn't detract from the story at all. The writing was gorgeous, the plot beautifully resolved (or not, perhaps) and I adored it.
Wonderful job, Lia.
xxAuthor's Response: Honestly, you're the second person to say this to me and I actually did (still am working on) a sequel to that particular one-shot, so you never know ;)
Yaaay! You have no idea how much those words mean to me, seriously. I'm really glad that you think so, I was a bit concerned that it wouldn't be up to scratch after my dry spell.
I've realised. You're more of a Molly person. Rose and Scorpius are my favourites compared to the other next-gen characters, closely followed by Molly and Lysander. As soon as I brought him into the picture, the story started to drift in a Scorose direction. I'm quite proud of the Scorpius I've created, he's actually nice. But if he got together with Rose then it would've ended like most stories did in these sorts of situations - girl wants one boy but eventually sees the light and ends up with the other boy who was there all along and I really didn't want that.
I wanted her to learn and by learning, she'd grow. She had to figure out what it was about Teddy that didn't make much sense to her, to see if all that she was feeling was really worth it. You could think of it as Rose getting her closure, of sorts. This fic as more personal connotations for me that I originally expected, actually.
Leaving the ending unfinished allows for everyone to make their own conclusions of what happened next. Most people who read this were convinced that Rose belonged with Scorpius, like you did and Teddy didn't understand her as much.maybe not at all. I'm inclined to agree, which again, is why the end of the story is like that.
There's a saying: 'getting what you want isn't always what you need'. That's something I thought about while writing the end. Rose doesn't quite get that concept just yet. It's another reason why the ending wasn't a 'happily ever after' one. What she does get, is a chance.
A reviewer pointed out that no other perspective would do this story justice and I don't see how I could've written this any other way. Thank you for reading through it even though you're not a big fan (along with the Rose and Scorpius factor).
I hope all this makes sense. I do have a tendency to talk in circles.
This was such a lovely review! I haven't gotten one like this in a long time. Thank you so much!!
The development, from pigtails and a jumper to grown woman, was really incredible. You wrote it beautifully, and the second person viewpoint, while unusual, told the story in a way I don't think first or third could have managed.
Bravo to you.Author's Response: Hi girly,
I'm really glad you enjoyed this. I like the feel that second person perspective gives to a story. There's something so wistful about it and for this story, it suited it quite nicely. I don't think it would've been the same if I wrote it in third either, so thank you for that :)
I'm glad you noticed that. Rose learned a lot as she grew up but based on how the story ended, it seems like she's about to learn a little more.
I'm really glad you liked it. Thank you for reviewing!
Lia Report Review
Hi, BrightStar here with your review!
Coherence: 2nd person narrative is always confusing, but you really pulled it off! No problems with spelling and grammar, well done!
Characters: I liled Rose for her perseverence, and loved scorpius. He was slightly different than how he is normally written. i adored there platonic relationship, though i like how you left it open so it could happen between them :D
Context: Excellent - very much post-war societry, especially about the malfoys
credibility: so realistic, i never think of anyone excpet from teddy/victoire but this was bound to happen with at least one other weasley girl. i love the affect the breakup had on the family.
REally enjoyed this, well done!Author's Response: Hey BrightStar,
Second person was always a favourite of mine to read but I only started to write it recently. I think it works best with certain characters who like to brood more than most. Not many people do it, but when it's attempted, it's done really well (at least from what I've read).
The basis behind this story was a bit personal. I'm sure some people go through this sort of stuff but not everyone has the guts to say 'hey, let me do this and see if it's worth it.' It's not just that they can get a relationship out of it but it's a learning experience at the same time. Next time she's in a similar spot, she wouldn't be so weary of the outcome. That's not to say that the experience wouldn't be a painful one either.
I loved writing Scorpius. I agree, he's different from how most author's portray him but it's a nice change. I like seeing him as the silent type instead of the hot one that struts around and smirks...mind you, this one smirks too :p
There were several possibilities here. And yeah, I left it open for that same reason, either her and Ted would work out and/or she'd finally find out why she couldn't understand the universe's decision to choose him.
Ted/Victoire wasn't something that was set in stone though many people ran with it. Again, the possibilities are endless.
Thank you so much for reviewing! I appreciate it :)
Lia! I get to be the first one to review!
Of course, you already know what I think of this piece, as I'm pretty sure I told you everything as you were writing it, but I felt the desire to review you all the same :D
I still feel sorry for Scorpius, whom you know I have grown fond of in this piece. I feel like he should have gotten the girl instead of Teddy, since Scorpius seems to appreciate Rose far more than Teddy. Though, I still love this piece!
Anyway, I hope you do some more writing even though I know school is starting again for you next week. Love ya!
~LenAuthor's Response: Hiya Len!
I know. At least it doesn't look so lonely anymore.
That's one of those unfortunate things I've learnt about life. You never really get what you want but this story wasn't really about Scorpius, it was more about Rose and how she's trying to make sense of it all. Considering how I ended this piece, whatever happened to the three of them is up in the air.
Perhaps a better lesson I could've made out of this is 'what you want isn't always what you need' but if I were Rose, I'd want to see where it all led and if it was worthwhile.
You know how much I love Scorpius so I didn't want to do this to him either.
Thank you for reviewing =] I really appreciate it.
Lia Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection