171 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Zeim Chapter Two

13th July 2014:
I must say, that your character analogy is most outstanding, plus, I believe in the past 2 chapters, I have to say that I'm at awe. I've actually found another writer that can pull of their traits.

Well done! I have to say you've earned my vote. Keep it up!

Author's Response: Thank your for your kind review :) And the fact that you took the time to write it down makes me jump for joy :)

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Review #2, by gothicgnome Chapter Twenty

20th May 2014:
I really love your story. I think there are a few minor grammatical issues, but what does not. It is nothing that distracts from the awesome story you have going. Keep it up!

Author's Response: Hey goticgnome, thank you for the review and I hope you stick around to see what happens next :), I love reviews like yours it helps lift the spirit, as for my grammmar I'm working on in next semester I'm taking a grammar class at the University I attend. Again thank you for the support.

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Review #3, by MadiMalfoy Prologue

8th March 2014:
Hello there!! So sorry about the serious delay, I just didn't have the time to tackle a relatively lengthy chapter like this one until now!

Anyway, onto the actual review! :)

You mentioned keeping reader interest, so I'll talk about that first! Your opening scene immediately drew me in as the information you gave me about your story before I read it was that it was a George/OC story, so I was confused. Who is this and why is it important to George? My confusion is a good sign--it made me want to continue reading because of it's abrupt change in tone with the Death Eater attack.

Your transition to Fred & George is good and I like that you have it in George's POV; it really lets the reader become more invested in the story than if it was in 3rd person. The twins' fear of being separated gave me a pang because I'm a triplet so I know how it feels to not know if you'll be separated from them or not at an important time. Their characterization is well done also, for everyone! I love Katherine, and I can't wait to see how you develop her especially. :)

Please feel free to re-request any time :)
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Thank you for your detailed review. You'll see their relationship later on, thank I'm happy to know I did a good job on their characterization. Sorry for the short response but I'm answering from a tablet and I can hardly see what I'm writing, I shall re request in the future :)

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Review #4, by CambAngst Chapter Nineteen

27th February 2014:
Ooh! So you threw a little romantic curveball Katherine's way. Very intriguing!

Katherine has quite a stubborn streak, doesn't she? Good that Alicia and Angelina were able to break through her wall and get her back into the swing of things.

I like the way she sort of lights up whenever George is around. How long are you planning to keep us guessing about the two of them? I'm getting a little antsy for some sort of Big Moment here. ;)

Let's see, what else? I thought you took a really clever, really good approach with her feelings about her uncle Egil. She's more mad at herself for letting his memory fade than anything else. It's a perfectly natural reaction for a young person who's struggling with a lot of unresolved grief and anger.

The Potions lesson continued to build on her shaky mental state. This is obviously a class she's good at, but she doesn't seem able to concentrate. And then Eldon Burke steps in to be her erstwhile savior. Clever author!

Again, I won't belabor the point. Edit, edit, edit and you'll have something really awesome here!

Author's Response: I know I should edit, RL gets crazy and sometimes I don't have the time but slowly I've been reading older chapters and starting t pick up on my mistakes. As always I want to thank you for well thought out reviews, you're an awesome reviewer, and no worries I will edit and edit asap (hopefully before school starts.)

Again thank you for your review :)


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Review #5, by CambAngst Chapter Eighteen

27th February 2014:
Hello, again!

I liked the relationship you showed between Katherine and her housemates. It was good to see Alicia and Angelina stepping up and protecting her from her thoroughly unpleasant ex.

Katherine continues to do this awkward little dance with George. She relishes it when he's close, but it still sends her into a fit of nerves. I'm sure the end of her last relationship is still weighing on her mind, and George probably isn't the easiest guy in the world to spark a romance with. Having a twin means that he probably feels fewer of those subtle pangs of needing companionship that plague us single children. Plus he rarely seems to be alone.

I really like what you've done with Moody so far. Barty, Jr. is doing his best to keep Moody in character, revealing things that only the real Moody would likely know. But he's also thoroughly insensitive about her loss, the same way that he is with Neville in the Fourth Year class.

I don't know if there's a "nice" way to put this, so I'll just say it: this chapter needs a lot of editing. I saw typos, grammar errors, missing words and other problems throughout it. I think the main reason it bothers me is that the story is so good otherwise. I feel like you're compromising something really awesome by leaving in the little things that are easy to fix. I really hope you patch those things up, because you have a story here that you really deserve to be proud of, without any reservation.

Author's Response: Hey I always appreciate your reviews, I know I need to edit loads of this tale! I wish I had the time school for now is at the for front but sometimes the need to write sparks up and I do, but that isn't an excuse to not edit, which I will and as soon as I do, I'll let you know, but I enjoy reading your reviews and I will start responding them as soon as, Moody was the hardest part to write of this chapter, I thought I'd forever try to avoid him but I couldn't he's an intruing character especially when it's Barty Jr. pretending to be Moody XD. Again thank you for you're detailed reviews :) I can't thank you enough.

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Review #6, by CambAngst Chapter Seventeen

27th February 2014:
OK, so it wasn't who I thought it was going to be, but George does come along soon enough.

I liked the idea of Gryffindors and Slytherins putting their differences aside -- sort of -- in order to try to ensure their mutual safety. At the same time, there's an undertone of mistrust. Seems about right.

It was interesting to see them all musing on what the first war might have had in common with the attack on the camp. They're all growing up way too fast.

And then the Dark Mark comes...

Good chapter! Let's see how many I can read and review today...

Author's Response: Yes these kids won't let go of house rivalry that easily but I feel that if it was about their safety maybe it would be set aside, I'm to set the tone for what's about to come. They are growing up, I'm sort of upset because school will be over for Katherine soon and she'll be thrown into the real world. XD The Dark Mark, I hope I was able to describe the feeling of what it would've been like to see that in the sky especially when knowing what that meant.

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Review #7, by CambAngst Chapter Sixteen

27th February 2014:
Hi! I couldn't believe it when I looked and saw that you had so many new chapters posted. Shows you what happens when I stop paying attention for a while.

Antoine seems to be helping to clarify a few things for Katherine. He's a prankster and not much of a student, but he's no Fred or George Weasley. I'm glad that she zeroed in on the difference.

I felt kind of sad that Katherine's visit to the Burrow didn't get its own chapter. Still, the brief encounter with Molly that you recounted felt like it was full of warmth and awkwardness, mixed with a bit of sadness. Hopefully you'll reveal a bit more about it as the story moves along.

I loved the way you wrote Katherine's confrontation with her father. Either he's getting a little soft and sentimental in his old age or he just had too much to drink. Either way, she seemed to find a gap in his emotional armor. I guess it's also possible that he was feeling the stress, knowing that he'd be donning his black robes and mask and terrorizing the crowd pretty soon.

Ooh, so he's been keeping some sort of signet ring. I'm torn between thinking that it has something to do with the Death Eaters and thinking that it's some sort of Prewett family heirloom. Either possibility would be really interesting.

When she's fleeing the camp, I found myself wishing that you'd drawn out the scene a bit longer. Let her reflect on her own terror and the awful events playing out around her. And then you left us with a cliffhanger! Since I'm so far behind now, I get to find out right away who she ran into, although I already have my suspicions. ;)

Again, your editing was a little rough in this chapter. I saw quite a few typos, to the point where I won't drag you through them all in this review. Otherwise, great chapter! Off to read the next...

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Review #8, by FredWeasleyIsMyKing Prologue

22nd February 2014:
Hello!

Sorry, I'm here with your requested review but I'm unforgivably late with it I know. Apologies!!

So... wow. That first paragraph was really powerful! It left me with a lot of questions... is Elizabeth with Fabian? I wasn't sure if they were together or if they were just helping her. Either way it was really sad to read. So horrible.

So then we move on to Fred and George starting Hogwarts and on the train they meet Katherine, I'm going to guess this isn't a coincidence! But if it's the same Katherine, then she survived and I can't help but wonder what happened to her after that night! I look forward to you filling in the blanks!

I liked the introduction of some of the canon characters, Angelina and Lee for example. I also like the nod to Cedric too! Your characterisation of Fred and George was really good though. Some of the things you got in there... like when they pretended they'd not realised they were identical! Very very good.

To answer your AoC, I thought this was a really interesting read and I'm definitely left wanting to read more so great job!

Lauren :)

Author's Response: Thank you for the review, yes I do fill in the blanks throughout the story and I'm glad you thought it was an interesting read.

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Review #9, by keyty Chapter One

21st February 2014:
Hello!
Here with a (very late) requested review!
I like the story you have here. It's quite interesting. I do think it can be fast paced at times, though. I think you're trying to rush through certain scenes. I would recommend instead of explaining what the characters do in detail, explain how their surroundings change while time passes. An example would be talking about the changing scenery while they're on the train as they approach the school, how it gets darker as the day progresses and such. There were also some grammar and punctuation errors. I'm a little obsessive over those, so I would go over the chapters once more. Other than that, this is a very interesting story. I can understand why some of it is rushed since you're trying to show their younger years first. Regardless I am intrigued to see how you continue the story. Good start!

Author's Response: Thank you for your review, I do understand there are grammar errors, it not really my forte but I will go through the chapters once I'm don with the story. Thank you for taking your time to review.

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Review #10, by adluvshp Chapter Five

10th February 2014:
Hello! AditiDraco95 here from the forums with your requested review. I already reviewed up till the previous chapter of this story ages ago and I am glad I got a chance to continue this.

I enjoyed this chapter very much. It took me a while to recall everything that had happened previously but as I read along I got the grasp of it. I like your portrayal of Fred and George, it is cute and refreshing.

I like how the plot is developing further with the whole thing about Katherine's diary and her mom etc. I liked your characterisation of her here too, she was adorable and her emotions were realistic but not overdone.

I enjoyed the incident with Snape too, as well as the Quidditch part with Oliver Wood. I think its all very nicely balanced with the "dark" parts of the plot.

Over all, this flowed smoothly, and it was a nice read. I think the characters are definitely interesting and the plot itself keeps me interested. Good job!

Cheers,
AD
(AditiDraco95)

Author's Response: Thank you for your review :) I love Fred and George, and I'm happy that I was able to balance the dark parts of the plot with a little light :) it's what this story is about, thank you again for the review.

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Review #11, by anissamalfoy Chapter One

6th February 2014:
Hi, ya! Here with your long requested review :) Firstly, I apologise because it took so long for me to review. I've been really sick and it's been raining so hard here thus my neighborhood was flooded.

Anyways, on to the review. I personally have never read any fics about the twins so this is such a nice start for it! I like it that you stay to Rowling's portrayal of Fred and George; funny and full of mischief. However, one thing that's a little bit odd for me is the way George seems a little bit secretive to Fred about his feelings for Katherine, considering they're twins and how close they are to each other. Other than that, no complains!

As for Katherine, I really love her! It is nice to read an OC who's not Mary- Sue and a popular girl. I love it that you gave us enough details about Katherine's past, though I really feel bad for Katherine for losing both her mother and uncle. And that bits with her crystal ball also made me sad for her too.

Your chapters so far are pretty well written and I like the way you write, it's just natural :) although I feel like maybe you could add more descriptions in this chapter as I got confused at some points. So to answer your concern, yes it does attract the readers' interest!

Great job so far! Feel free to re-request and once again so sorry for the lateness!

-Anissa

Author's Response: It's okay, Thank for for the long and thoughtful review, I love the twins and I'm so happy this was your first fic, I've always thought George to be slightly secretive I mean in the books we don't much about whether of them really.

I Love Katherine in fact I'm going to feature her in a of novel :) I will re-request soon :)


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Review #12, by Pixileanin Chapter One

22nd January 2014:
Hey!

Tagging you from Review Tag in the Gryffindor Common Room.

Well, this was interesting. I was sad about the crystal ball, and her uncle dying. I liked how you described it from a Wizard's perspective. I'm sure they don't go around using Muggle means for that sort of thing. I also like how you're bringing up George's interest level and having him notice things about her gradually, and not too abruptly. That seems realistic and natural, not forced.

Nice chapter!

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for the review, I had to bring up his interest level, after all this is supposed to be a George/oc although I have gotten side-tracked with sub-plots, new characters and what not. I appreciate your review I hope it was interesting enough for you to read further.

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Review #13, by marauderfan Prologue

20th January 2014:
Review tag!

The first section of this is so chilling! It's really wonderfully written - usually I like to review as I read but my eyes were glued to the screen. I think the scariest part of it all was that Elizabeth knew the Death Eater attacking her, it seems she knew him will, and that makes it even sadder.

Well, as for the second part. My goodness, I love the scene of Fred and George as first years on the train while Charlie tells them not to start too much mischief. And the twins imitation of Percy is spot on - the whole scene really is great.

So Katherine Rowle... Rowle? SHE IS RELATED TO THE DEATH EATER THAT KILLED HER MOTHER?!?! OMG WHAT

I love when all the new students arrive at Hogwarts, and how even the Weasley twins have no idea what to expect because Charlie and Bill both gave them false information about the sorting hat haha. I'm surprised Percy didn't put a stop to that. Maybe he's a little more mischievous than I have always thought, after all he didn't bother to correct his brothers :P

I'm dying to know more about Katherine Rowle and how she ended up in Gryffindor and what her connection is to Thorfinn Rowle the death eater and ahhh so many things! Great first chapter :)

Author's Response: I'm so happy you enjoyed it so much, I hope you keep reading. Thank you for such a positive and up lifting review :)

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Review #14, by JustYourWallflower Chapter Sixteen

9th January 2014:
I absolutely love this story and I can't wait to read more. I look forwarded to the next update :)

Author's Response: Thank you for letting me know that you enjoy my story, it's reviews like this that make me smile :)

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Review #15, by Santa, the one and only Chapter Two

5th January 2014:
Hello, hello, hello!

Santa here, back with one final gift, a sweet, sweet review on this sweet, sweet chapter!

I love the quidditch moments and how you kept it very canon that the Gryffindor team isn't exactly good or , well, a team per se. It'll be interesting to see how and why Katherine didn't stay in the team (considerig we know Harry and Katie Bell will take their spot the next year).

As for the crush / love story between George and Katherine, it is still very sweet but it hit me, as I was reading the chapter, that they are barely second years... As I read the last chapter, I was convinced that they were 14-15 and so their story seemed appropriate but now that I've realised their age, well, it seems out of place a bit. 12, is young for such a relationship. It's really well written and fun to read but when you stop to think about what age they are, it just seems too mature for the characters (not sure if I'm clear).
Just my opinion though, you are allowed yours and, like I said, it's well written and enjoyable, just a bit out of character.

I really like this story so far, you are doing a great job and when I have the time, I'll definitly come back for more (when I will have shed my red costume that is!!).

I'm glad I was your Santa because it gave me the opportunity to discover this sweet little story and I had a great time reading through those first chapters. Great job so far!!!

Author's Response: Hiyah there!

I really hope you let me know who you are Santa.

Anyway, I do get your drift but then thinking back when I was 12, I had pretty hard crushes (maybe I was a weird little girl, or overly emotional XD)

YAY! I'm glad I've caught your interest, hopefully I will maintain it. :)


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Review #16, by Santa, the one and only Chapter One

5th January 2014:
Hello again dear Santee!! It is your friend, the -finally in holliday- Santa!

I really liked this chapter, the innocent attraction between George and Katherine is just so sweet! And I can't wait to see what he'll do with the anonimity of his situation!!!

I like how the rivalries are very present between the houses, feels real if a bit over the top at times. The characterization is going very well; I like where you are taking the characters and how they are developping.

It's nicely written, easy to read and flows beautifully. One little thing I noticed was this :

[b]ago that[/b]

The "bold" didn't work and so, the code doesn't have it's place there. It's a easy fix :)

I really liked this chapter and will read the next one with great pleasure!

Santa

Author's Response: Hey, you know I'm sooo curious to know who you are! XD

Aren't they innocent? Well at least for now, anyway thanks for noting that error :) I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter :)


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Review #17, by Santa, the one and only Prologue

2nd January 2014:
Ho! Ho! How are you??

Santa here to give you your belated gifts and I apologize for the tardiness. I posted two amazing (what? I'm Santa, everything I do is great, right?) reviews but for some obscure reason, they have disapeared and so, here I come again!

I really enjoyed this chapter. The opening scene was very nicely written and I love how you jumped into the action. It was quite dark and you really mastered it. I'm very interested in knowing more about Katherine, that's for sure!

The second half of this chapter was simply brilliant. I have a soft spot for stories that revolve around younger characters and their beginnings at Hogwarts. You did a great job creating these youngsters in a really true fashion. They were somewhat innocent and emotional in the right way.
Fred and George was spot on. This is precisely the way I imagine them in their younger years; you really captured their "innocent" in this chapter.

Great job, I really enjoyed this prologue and will be back for more!

I hope you have a great beginning of 2014 :)

Author's Response: Hey Santa

I look forward to you're gifts and I'm happy you enjoyed that first chapter, if you keep reading (which I hope you do) you'll get to know Katherine a little bit. I love the second it was fun to tried and imagine everyone's innocence at that age.


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Review #18, by loveinidleness Chapter Six

16th October 2013:
This chapter makes me happy. I'm really please Katherine is happy and I love the way you describe all the behind the bike shed (or in this case greenhouse/bridge) action. It's very fun and is nice alongside the drama and tragedy of Katherine's homelife.

I loved how unexpected George's little romance is. The gossip in me is like 'well he's only doing it because Katherine has Michael' so I'm really enjoying the playfulness and tension you're creating their. You handled the subject of writing first kisses so well, you conveyed the fact they were a touch awkward without making it cringy to read at all.

I do think in the middle the flow becomes just a little hard to follow. Things like why did Katherine point to the sofa and say two hours tops then not return, and just the conversation between George, Alica and Katherine could just do with a second draft to clarify who said what and why they're saying things.

Oh Fred and Angelina! It's so realistic, in teenage circles everyone does just flirt with and date everyone. It made me laugh when that came up, can't wait to see where it goes.

Tiny thing - I'd put in a line break between Heather and George being very close and Katherine being very cold, just to help the flow.

I'm still not entirely clear about what's happening with the Journal. Has she sat down to read it? How does she feel about it? What's she hoping for? In general what's in it? I really want to know more about that.

Author's Response: Thank you for all your reviews soo far, they are of great help, I love the gossip after all they're only fifteen, they're supposed to gossip I guess.

Heather's just sociall climbing in a way I think she can rarely tell them apart but I don't hate her she does play a part soon :)

I re-read the chapter and yeah the middle seemss really choopy so thank for pointing that out.

Oh I love Fred and Angeline (my OTP)


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Review #19, by loveinidleness Chapter Five

16th October 2013:
Back again, you just can't keep me away.

Love that we're getting into the inevitable hogwarts love triangles. You're writing perfectly captures the blushing, fumbling, awkward nature of young love's first foray into dating. It's great fun to read and really adds texture to your main plot line. I'd maybe like a bit more of that, how did Katherine and blackwood go from really distant and awkward on the train to leaving cutesy notes ;) - but that's just me, I'm a sucker for that kinda stuff.

I like how the plot is advancing. I'm glad we're seeing Katherine begin to take proactive steps to find her mother by researching her. I think, especially now she's older, that's such a natural and realistic step for her to take.

You mention though that she's been obsessed ever since she read the first page of her mother's journal (a pedantic britpick would be diary rather than journal but I don't really understand the need for britpicking, it's just if you care...) However we never got to see the first page did we? Personally I really, really want to read it. I feel I still have a connection with the mother because of your brilliant portrayal of her in the prologue and I would love to see what she wrote. Even if you don't want to let your audience into what's written their quite yet, I would love to see you add in a bit about exactly when Katherine first sat down to read the book, It's such a monumental moment, after hiding the diary for so many years, she finally sits down to read her mothers words... I really would love to get Katherine's response to that.

I really like the way you are lacing your plot with just day-to-day bits of what's happening at Hogwarts. I love just reading the world and seeing how authors open it up and make it their own so I'm enjoying that. Oliver made me laugh :)

Author's Response: Your probably tired of reading it, but thank you for so much help! :)

I like the ploy is advancing I only add the love triangle to lighten the mood of the story. You are right about the journal (diary... it get confusing.) That an other moments will go under revision in the summer in which I'll have more time to myself. (Honestly back then I had no idea what he mother could have written to cause Katherine such a reaction buy looking back I do.)

Jaja I love Oliver as well, I a fic that revolves about him,.


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Review #20, by loveinidleness Chapter Four

13th October 2013:
Hello,

I really enjoyed this chapter. I've noticed other reviewers mentioned struggling with the time jumps. Personally I haven't because you've put in all those helpful Sept 1993 things. Perhaps even something as simple as putting them in bold would help matters?

I also think there could be hundreds of reasons why Katherine decided not to look at her mother's book. In fact I love the fact you didn't look at it right away because plotting the story across years is brave and wonderful to read. Perhaps just a line explaining why she decided not to open the book would really help readers understand her better.

I love Blackwood. Already I have a crush on him, is that weird? I also think her coy embarrassed response is so realistic and really places her as a shy 15 year old girl.

I ADORE the fact you've included the dementors. Seeing the scarring incident from another point of view is really interesting. Of course one of the biggest problems for authors attempting to set their story within the books is keeping to the rules J.K put down while changing things to make them fit your own story. In the books it says clearly that Harry was the only one to hear voices and start screaming. Now I completely understand why Katherine would have the same reaction but perhaps create a reason why no one else at the school would know, it could be as simple as she's embarrassed. Also it expressly says Malfoy doesn't scream as that's why he spends the rest of the year tormenting Harry so that's something to think about. It's fine not to change it as you're completely entitled to creative liberties but i thought I'd mention it.

I also saw in response to another review you said you were worried about writing male POVs in case they sound like girls. Don't be. Every time you've written from a guys side it's been really clear that it's a man talking. You're more than a good enough writer to clearly present any gender :)

Author's Response: Hello first off sorry for the long wait between RL and being in the hospital it's be pretty hard. Anyway I'll take you're review paragraph, I never noticed or rather explained why she could not open the book, thank you for mentioning that for me, along with putting the time in bold.

I love/hate Blackwood, you'll see why, anyway hes the kind of guy any girl a girl would want. Handsome, charming, successful.

Of course I hadn't to include the dementors, they become important later on.

I feel like I should change the demontor part have to stick more to canon.

Really it flatters me to know I can wtite bot male and female characters.

Thank you for you reviews as always :)



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Review #21, by loveinidleness Chapter Three

13th October 2013:
Hello,

First of all, I'm so sorry for taking so long to get back to reviewing your work. Believe me it's not that I didn't want to.

So I agree with what another reviewer said in that it could have been two chapters. But, having said that, your writing keep me engaged right the way through. It's also a credit to how strong your story is that, even though I hadn't read it in several days, the details came flooding back to me instantly.

The Quidditch match was an exceptional way to start this chapter. You wrote it so well. You conveyed the fast paced, and violent nature of the game without making it confusing for the readers. I also loved how you put your own twist on Lee's commentary. In J.Ks books he's (slightly) better at hiding his bias, whereas here, he's younger and bolder. It's those sort of ideas that makes your writing so exciting.

I have to admit I'm a touch confused with the moment after Katherine nearly get's hit with a buldger. George says just in case, the name's George and this solicits a strong response from Katherine, she just floats there. It was unclear if this was the moment that George was revealing his identity to her. If so you've been so expertly building towards it and the moment was somewhat glossed over. I would have loved more about both of their reactions from why George picked that moment to admit it to How does Katherine feel this will change their relationship. If it's not the case and he's just admitting which twin hit the buldger maybe that should just be made a touch clearer either way.

I'm so excited that we're finally getting to know more about Thronfinn and her relationship with him. It's such an interesting premise and you're really playing with suspense which is great. I think his characterisation is excellent, he blends in with the rich, pure blood families we know from the books but you make him your own. I think using Selina was very clever, the focus on how Katherine has to look and act, i.e it has to be appropriate, tells us a lot about their twisted values and the way she is treated in the home.

I also love Nome.

I love the mystery you're surround Egil with. The strange circumstances of his supposed suicide (if I read that right) and the letter. I did wonder if, in such an important letter, he would use short hand like 'fess up.' I do also think you should add in a little bit more of Katherine's response to such a poignant letter and precious belongings of her mother. She doesn't look at them or mention them again and as a reader I want to know why. Is it because she's scared of her father? she wants to put the past behind her? she doesn't care about secrets? Was it the discovery of these objects that prompted her to ask her father for more information or was she planning on doing that anyway?

I would also like to really understand how she feels about her father. You've conveyed beautifully how confused she is about the whole situation, she's torn and full of feelings that a girl of her age probably doesn't entirely understand. But perhaps being alone in this strange house might give her the opportunity to reflect and in doing so allow the reader to better understand this character that, I know I have really come to care about.

Oh and I love the Weasley Christmas! Exactly how I would have imagined it.

Author's Response: Hey and sorry for the long wait, oh and Happy Holidays :) (PS RL gets in the way remotely fun)

Anyway let's start. Thank you I love Jordan and I'm hoping to see if I can write a novella based on him. I loved how you though my Qudditch scenes are rubbish and you did figure out , something I only vaguely saw.

I love all the Rowle they have their unique which you'l see more of them later. But my favorite is Nome, he's such a sweet elf (I have to read it the letter I mean this story is older tan I can imagine.)

I also love writing the Weasley christmas ;0

Again thank you for your time :)


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Review #22, by loveinidleness Chapter Two

7th October 2013:
Quidditch - YAY!
There's not enough of that around. I like the way you're taking your time with the plot, revealing it little by little rather than rushing through and adding in fun little textures. Drama on the quidditch pitch is a wonderful way to broaden your story and keep your readers interested while still progressing the plot.

I like the way we saw more of Katherine, I really think we're getting to know her which I love. It's very difficult to create an original OC but you're managing it well.

I like the way George isn't telling Fred yet. They're very close but at that age you would be too embarrassed to talk about girls even with your twin. I think that's a realistic and fun detail. I also love the fact George isn't telling her which one he is. Not only is that a really funny concept, it does sound like something an immature boy would do.

Oh one point and this is me being an idiot as oppose to a problem in your writing but I thought I'd mentioned it. You called one of your characters Wesley, which is really rather close to weasley and it did rather confuse me. Does that have to be his name? it might help the readability of the piece if he was... Derek or something. Also I wasn't sure about the comment about Percy being cruel, perhaps that's because I've always had a soft spot and at this point he was an idiot but not really mean.

I think you're being very clever in the way you're introducing the reader to thornfinn. We start with such a powerful experience in the prologue and then we very slowly get the fuller picture. It really makes me want to read on. Does Katherine know? What exactly happened? Does he care for her? etc etc. I'm kept guessing in a very good way.

Author's Response: Hello and I'm so sorry for the late response, RL has been way hectic lately. Especially since I'm almost done with school, I just wanna let you know though I am reading your reviews I just haven't has a chance to give you a proper response :)

Now before I start thank you for taking the time for such a lovely review.

I love Quidditch and I think it's something that should be included more in Hogwarts Era fan fiction. I've never wanted to rush the plot, I mean where's the fun in the story if you rush it.

I love Katherine and I spent a lot of time creating her and studying her character.

The Wesley problem, yeah I was conscious of it and told myself to fix but it seems I have forgotten about it XD Sorry and thank you for pointing it out. Oh Percy isn't cruel the guy's sweet ( little uptight but not evil) but the story is from a different POV.

Thank you for calling me clever that made me blush a bit :) And I'm happy to keep you guessing :)


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Review #23, by loveinidleness Chapter One

7th October 2013:
Really interesting Chapter.

I'm loving your use of time jumps as it allows us to see more of the story and follow the boys as they grow. Once again Fred and Georges characters are divine and very funny. The line about 'he would have to ask one of his brothers too explain women' made me choke on my tea.

I must admit though I did find this chapter a little bit confusing. I think maybe the high proportion of dialogue and the use of pronouns meant I kept missing bits and having to read sections several times before I understood what was going on. For example I got the impression Katherine had always been unpopular and separate, and I was wondering why that was. In general though your pacing and flow is good, the story keeps moving at a good speed and I don't think it's a problem that a second draft wouldn't smooth over. But I thought I should mention it.

I think you've already demonstrated that you're a genuinely funny writer and I'd love to see you use that skills to expand on some of the areas. For example I love the crush that's developing but it does seem a little old for them. They almost read as 15/16 and the twins aren't exactly famed for their sensitivity. I think writing a crush from a 12 year olds POV is incredibly funny and something I know you could be hilarious with. Maybe something to think about?

I also think it's brilliant how you've got back to Hogwarts and the house rivalry. It does bring me back to the earlier books and that's great fun to read.

I also love how much you tease your reader, dropping in hints, playing with foreshadowing and unexpectedly throwing in revelations. That makes it very readable.

Author's Response: Hey hey, I finally have another moment to sit down and respond to your review :3 Glad I've made you laugh.

Sorry for the confusing, I probably haven't looked at this chapter in years. Thank you for mentioning the problem.

A lot of people have said that about the crush, but I didn't mean to make it look like a crush it was to be instead like a "I don't wanna been seen with her because ppl will think we're together...ew" type thing.

I'll look over this chapter, like you said in your review, a second draft will help this chapter loads. :)

Thank you for your insight :)


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Review #24, by loveinidleness Prologue

7th October 2013:
First a confession. Previously I have actively avoided Fred/ George Fanfic as I still have yet to come to terms with the death of Fred (I realise he's fictional but still... and on that point don't even mention Dobby ) That said after just reading your prologue you made me realise how much I was missing out on.

You have managed to capture their voices with exceptional skill. You make them genuinely funny already but also allow us into their own secret and more personal world that we never really got to see in the original books. The vulnerability of will we both be put in the same house allows the reader to early on accept and relish them as protagonists and not just comic relief. You've got the balance spot on!

I'm also loving our new friend Katherine. Of course we don't know much about her yet but you've really peaked my interest and I want to read on badly to find out more. Characterisations are clearly one of your skills. (Oh love Charlie, swooning at your description)

The first half was an exceptional beginning. You play with tones and moods so cleverly in your writing. The tenderness at the beginning is heart-wrenching. One thing I normally dislike is when writers through around names too early on without saying who they are etc I think all too often it comes across as convoluted. However, in your piece you did pitch it exactly right I was honestly intrigued as opposed to frustrated. The parallels of course with Mr Potter are very evident and I really want to know where you're going with that. You certainly have me hooked.

I'm really struggling to come up with useful CC at this point. I'm going to keep reading in the hopes I can be more useful.

P.s. sorry for the delay in getting back to you, horrible real life is in the way :(

Author's Response: I can't seem to avoid Fred/George fan fiction, I love them to bits! (I was devastated when Fred died.)

Thank you, I'm glad Katherine peaked your interest and wasn't just a bland OC or wasn't Mary-Sueish :P (I love Charlie, I wish I could feature him more often.)

Yay! I'm happy to see I got you curious, and it's ok real life gets in my way too.


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Review #25, by CambAngst Chapter Fifteen

16th October 2012:
Hello, there! Sorry it's been a while since I've been by to read and review. Hopefully I can make up for frequency with quality. ;)

This was a great chapter, plot-wise. I felt like the story is really starting to come together, especially from Katherine's point of view. The confrontation with her father was chilling. He didn't seem like he was planning to take no for an answer until Pierre showed up.

Then it seemed like the two men fought. Or at least argued quite vehemently about Katherine's future. Given the timing of these events, I have a bad feeling about Pierre's future prospects now that he's made Thorfinn angry. Voldemort should be rebuilding his followers right around this point, and the Death Eaters were escalating their campaign of terror. Not a good time to be antagonizing them.

Another piece of the puzzle finally slides into place for Katherine! I still feel like we're going to learn that Thorfinn wasn't really her father. Whether it turns out to be Egil or Pierre or Fabian... well, that's part of what's keeping me reading. I'm really looking forward to her visit with the Weasley's. I think she's going to discover some things.

I'm sure it won't come as news to you that your writing was pretty rough in this chapter. I saw lots of typos and they made the story kind of hard to follow in a few places. Hopefully you can get it cleaned up, because otherwise, this chapter was great!

Author's Response: I haven't responded to your review, I'm sooo sorry for the late response, but I left your review so it would serve me as a reminder to edit this chapter along with others. You have no idea, how much help your reviews are. They always give me something to think about :)



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