206 Reviews Found

Review #1, by FredWeasleyIsMyKing Chapter One

28th February 2015:
Hey!

Sorry for how long it's taken me to get here, but I'm finally here and ready to review!

Wow so much going on here and so much to comment on. First things, George was a bit mean at the end haha! Poor girl doesn't know which is which. Although, that must be kind of hard with a twin, for the twin and for the person speaking to them.

I really felt for Katherine in this - my heart just went out for to her so much when she felt the need to beg for the snowglobe. I know that she was clearly desperate but I was just hoping one of them would jump to help her. Eventually they did of course but I felt so awful for what she went through... especially after what had happened to her Uncle.

I feel she's going to have so much more of a bumpy ride with her father being a Death Eater. I also worry that he might have had something to do with her Uncle's death? I feel like there's so much more here.

George. Now he was a little different to how he is in the books but I felt it was because we were seeing him in a much different situation. There is clearly the beginning of something here... a friendship coming at least. I'm excited to see where it goes.

My one bit of CC for this chapter is that it changes quite a lot and it can be occasionally be a little disrupting and so I'd maybe look to extend some of the scenes or something? You certainly have captured my interest though!

Looking forward to reading more!

Lauren :)

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Review #2, by 1917farmgirl Chapter Two

19th February 2015:
Just a heads up, I think that last two sentences of your chapter here might have been misplaced. Do they belong back at the conversation with Fred?

So I have to say, I really don't like that Katherine is trying to do anything to please her father. Didn't he kill her mother? Does she know that? I don't want him having any influence over her at all.

And I'm worried about this Quidditch game. Something is going to happen to her, I can tell.

Now, George needs to be nice and tell her his name. Or Katharine needs to get smart. Pay attention to little differences...learn to tell them apart. LOL

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Review #3, by 1917farmgirl Chapter One

19th February 2015:
Oh, George, that is just evil. Brilliant, but evil. Tell the poor girl your name! She's smart, she's gonna figure it out if you don't, and I think this will turn around and bite you in the behind.

And I did feel so very bad for Katherine at the beginning here, when they broke her snow globe. Poor girl. And to find out her uncle died. I don't think he killed himself either, and hope you answer that question in this story. Also, what or who did he fail to rescue? I'm intrigued.

So, her dad is a Death Eater. That can't be good. So many more questions.

I did notice a few things that make it hard to follow the story at times. Sometimes your use of pronouns instead of names leaves people wondering exactly who is being spoken about, or doing the talking. You might what to check that over. Also, when you change POV or scenes, it would be helpful to put a break of some kind, so people can tell that it's happening.

Keep up the good work. I shall keep reading, though I'm a slow reader, just so you know.

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Review #4, by 1917farmgirl Prologue

19th February 2015:
I saw you mention this on the forums and thought I'd give it a look. I'm always up for a story featuring the twins. :)

Very intriguing start! You have left me with so many questions about Katherine and her background! How do Gideon and Fabian play into all of this. She can't be a daughter to either of them, or the hinted relationship between George and her eventually would just be a bit icky. So, what is their relationship to her mother? And poor Elizabeth! Why was she killed? How did she know her killer? And how was Katherine spared? Who did Katherine go to live with and how did she get there?

See, told you, questions. Good stories always leave you with them.

I'm also excited to get a glimpse of the twins at school, see Hogwarts through their eyes.

Nice start! Off for more.

Author's Response: Eeek!

I am so absolutely flattered that you've read and reviewed something of mine *blush* I mean I love your work, huge fan and to have you read something written by little ol' me means a lot, so feel free to read on and comment anything you feel necessary :) The story will answer all your question :) Thank you again for the review this made my week! Heck, it made my month!

Ps: I'm editing the story so it'd mean a lot that if you found anything leave it in a review! :)


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Review #5, by helpful bookworm Prologue

16th February 2015:
So I don't really know if anyone has told you this, but I just read your first chapter and there is this story in fan fiction called "The Odd One" that uses the exact same phrases, only with slight changes. Truly I only read its 1st chp too, but it seems like the same story really from the very little that I Have read. Thought you ought to know.

Author's Response: Funny you say that, I'm the author of both fics XD I thought no one remember The Odd One, but yeah it's the same story different name, but thank you for letting me know, that was extremely kind of you :)

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Review #6, by TreacleTart Chapter Fourteen

15th February 2015:
Hi Daliha,

Another chapter down. I thought this chapter was pretty interesting. The scene where Katherine and Lee are in detention was amusing. It would be just like the Slytherins to try and cause problems.

I also enjoyed Katherine's perspective of the Quidditch game. I would've actually liked to see this part be a little bit longer. Maybe when you do your edit you can add a bit more detail.

Overall, I felt that this chapter went by really quickly. It is enjoyable and flows well, but I definitely think there is room to add to it.

~TreacleTart

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Review #7, by TreacleTart Chapter Thirteen

13th February 2015:
Hi Daliha,

Gosh. Blackwood is such a jerk! I can't believe he called her out in front of all those people. I'm glad they finally broke up though, so her and George can get together.

I hope the Gryffindor team manages to survive the next few days until the Quidditch match. It sounds like everything is at a breaking point.

The transitions between events are getting better. It still reads a little bit jumpy to me, but it's definitely getting easier to follow.

~TreacleTart

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Review #8, by TreacleTart Chapter Twelve

13th February 2015:
Twelve Chapters + a prologue read! I have to say the story is starting to come together nicely. I was hoping we would see more of Pierre and learn more about Katherine's family. What she did learn was heartbreaking. That was very sweet of Fabian to offer to raise her though.

I hope Katherine gets her act together and dumps Blackwood for George. The two of them are so clearly in love with each other.

Anyways...I enjoyed reading this chapter. I like how the story is progressing. I just want George and Katherine to figure it out!

~TreacleTart

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Review #9, by TreacleTart Chapter Eleven

13th February 2015:
Hello again,

I knew Thorfinn was a horrible person. After the last chapter I was concerned that he had raped Katherine's mother. I'm sorry to see that my suspicions were right.

Katherine handled the information better than most people would've. If it had been me I would've probably marched straight to him and done something really horrible. I liked the idea of her returning home to Egil's house as well. Her memories of him have always been a source of comfort, so it makes sense that she would go there.

The scene where she gets attacked was hard for me to read. I kept hoping she would get a hold of her wand and curse them. I'm glad Pierre showed up in time to save her.

Overall, I thought this chapter worked pretty well.

~TreacleTart

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Review #10, by TreacleTart Chapter Ten

12th February 2015:
Hi Daliha,

So I finished another chapter tonight and I'm liking how the plot is moving along. I'm kind of upset that Katherine lets Blackwood push her around. When she said no to his advances, he should've stopped. I knew he was going to turn out to be a jerk!

The flashback scenes were very confusing. I didn't understand why she suddenly thought of these random memories. If you edit this chapter, I would suggest adding a bit more detail about why she is recalling these things.

The memories of her mom all beaten and bloody at the end of the chapter really piqued my interest. I'm wondering if Thorfinn raped her and that's how Katherine came to be. That would also explain why no one talks about it.

Overall, the story kept my attention. Just keep working on finding ways to make the transitions between things smoother.

~TreacleTart

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Review #11, by HufflePuff_Blitz Prologue

12th February 2015:
Hello! Here for your review. :)

Sorry it took longer than I said it would but this took longer for me to read.
First off I thought the beginning of this was really good! It seemed really similar Harry's story, and kept me on the edge of my seat.
I enjoyed how you told the story of Fred and Georges first trip to Hogwarts, it was really neat, and most of your dialog was on point.
Some things I noticed that confused me was when she noticed they were identical after however long it took for them to be sitting together.
even though she introduced herself when she entered the compartment. I might have read that whole section wrong, but that is what it seemed like to me.
Other than that the characterization seemed to be pretty well established in this first chapter and the first part really gained my attention and now I want to know more about what happened.
Thanks!
-Kyle.

Author's Response: Hey Kyle!

Thank you for the review, I'm happy to see the story kept you're attention and that you thought I had done good characterization.

Again thank for the review!

Ida


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Review #12, by TreacleTart Chapter Nine

10th February 2015:
Hi Daliha,

What can I say about chapter 9? Both Harry and Katherine pass out from the Dementors. The Gryffindor team sure is unlucky! I'm glad they will both be okay.

I thought you did a good job narrating the Quidditch match. I could feel the confusion between the characters at what was going on.

I was surprised to see Thorfin show up after Katherine had been injured. I didn't really expect him to care enough to do that.

I'm liking how the story lines are all coming back together. Looking forward to reading more!

~TreacleTart

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Review #13, by TreacleTart Chapter Eight

10th February 2015:
Hi Daliha!

I was excited to see how you would translate Sirius attempting to break into Hogwarts. I particularly enjoyed the scene in the Great Hall where Katherine ends up falling asleep next to George. I thought it was sweet when she woke up holding his hand.

I am a little curious about what is going on with her and Blackwood. After he got overly aggressive with her at Hogsmeade I was wondering if she would keep dating him. Based on her interactions with him in the Great Hall, it doesn't seem like she's that interested in keeping him around.

I loved the scene between her and George on the Quidditch pitch. I kept waiting for one of them to make the move and then Fred goes and breaks it up! You did a great job of making this scene come to life.

Keep up the good work! This might be my favorite chapter so far!

~TreacleTart

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Review #14, by TreacleTart Chapter Seven

10th February 2015:
Hi Daliha,

So I'm at chapter 7 now! This story really is quite addicting. I just really want to see where it's going.

First things first. I had a feeling that Blackwood wasn't quite as gentlemanly as he was pretending to be. The scene where he started trying to push Katherine too fast made me want to punch him. I'm glad she threw out an excuse to leave instead of sticking around with him. Also, I can't believe how presumptuous he was when he told her "but I promise I'll be gentle when the time comes" like she's automatically going to give him some. What a jerk!

I was super excited for her meeting with Monsieur Delacroix because I've been dying to find out what her parent's history is. Unfortunately, he didn't give too much away and the way he refused to tell Katherine about how her parents fell in love makes me wonder if there was some illegal activity involved. Maybe a love potion perhaps?

As for the technical part of your writing, I can definitely see the improvement over the last chapters. The spelling and grammar look pretty good and the transitions between scenes have really smoothed out.

I'm hoping to read all the way through chapter 10 tonight, so hopefully more reviews will be coming soon!

~TreacleTart

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Review #15, by TreacleTart Chapter Six

10th February 2015:
Hello again Daliha,

So I accidentally posted this review on your previous chapter. It was meant for this chapter though. Sorry for any confusion.

So as you know I've been reviewing your story as per your request on the forum.

I just finished chapter 5 and I have to tell you I'm pretty confused. At first, I thought I might've missed an entire chapter, but after double checking I realized that I hadn't. Somehow this story just made a massive time leap and several dynamics have changed with little to no explanation.

Two chapters ago, George seemed to be obviously falling for Katherine. You also hinted that a character named Blackwood had thing for her as well, but you made it pretty clear that he made her feel uncomfortable. Now suddenly, George is making out with some random Hufflepuff named Heather and Katherine is dating the guy who she practically ran away from two chapters ago.

I think to make this a bit more cohesive it would help to maybe add some type of explanation about how this happened. Also, maybe a bit more detail showing how George feels about Katherine dating Blackwood and how Katherine feels about George snogging the Hufflepuff girl.

I do like the way you've written Blackwood, although I have a feeling that he's a bit too good to be true. I'm also glad to see that Katherine is happy with him. I just think it needs a bit of back story. How did they start dating? How did he convince her to come out of her shell?

I hope this isn't coming across too harsh because I do enjoy your writing...obviously since I've read about 6 chapters so far today.

~TreacleTart

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Review #16, by TreacleTart Chapter Five

10th February 2015:
Hi Daliha,

So it's me TreacleTart again! I just realized that I commented on the wrong chapter below. That comment was for the next chapter.

For this chapter, I was going to say that I like the little bit of jealousy that George shows towards Blackwood, but I also think it could be taken a bit farther.

I would also like to know how Katherine went from running away from Blackwood to dating him.

Sorry for the mix up.

~TreacleTart

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Review #17, by TreacleTart Chapter Five

10th February 2015:
Hello again Daliha,

So as you know I've been reviewing your story as per your request on the forum.

I just finished chapter 5 and I have to tell you I'm pretty confused. At first, I thought I might've missed an entire chapter, but after double checking I realized that I hadn't. Somehow this story just made a massive time leap and several dynamics have changed with little to no explanation.

During the last chapter, George seemed to be obviously falling for Katherine. You also hinted that a character named Blackwood had thing for her as well, but you made it pretty clear that he made her feel uncomfortable. Now suddenly, George is making out with some random Hufflepuff named Heather and Katherine is dating the guy who she practically ran away from in the last chapter.

I think to make this a bit more cohesive it would help to maybe add some type of explanation about how this happened. Also, maybe a bit of story showing how George feels about Katherine dating Blackwood and how Katherine feels about George snogging the Hufflepuff girl.

I do like the way you've written Blackwood, although I have a feeling that he's a bit too good to be true. I'm also glad to see that Katherine is happy with him. I just think it needs a bit of back story. How did they start dating? How did he convince her to come out of her shell?

I hope this isn't coming across too harsh because I do enjoy your writing...obviously since I've read about 6 chapters so far today.

~TreacleTart

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Review #18, by marissa lily potter Chapter Two

10th February 2015:
Hi!

So this chapter was a lot better with flow! I thought you did a good job. The only thing I would point out was the end. I was really confused between Katherine's memories and the conversation between Fred & George. I think it would be a lot clearer if you used italics for the memories. I'm not sure if that's what you were trying to get across but this is just a suggestion.

The idea of having Katherine play for the Gryffindors is a good one. I think it'll be good for her to socialize and try and get her mind off of her uncle. I can't imagine how she must be feeling. When Angelina told Fred that she was depressed, it really resounded with me. I do feel for her. I'm glad that you've made Katherine someone who is easy to sympathize with. She's not very needy and overly emotional which makes me really feel for her.

I like Katherine. I think she's a good character. I would like to be able to know more about her but I can see that because of how she's feeling, it might not be so easy at the moment and I totally understand that! :)

Fred & George really do make me laugh! I'm really excited about reading the rest of this story. It's such a good start and there's so much potential here. The fact that Katherine doesn't know whether it's Fred or George who is talking to her and is her friend is quite amusing. I feel like it'll cause some problems between Fred and George, especially considering that Fred keeps asking questions and George is lying to him but I guess this happens between even the best of friends sometimes.

All the scenes that you've presented are very believable and I'm glad that you've made it so easy to follow along for the readers. I think George is absolutely adorable. I really like what he is doing for Katherine! I think it's nice and she needs a friend there to support her. It's a tough time for her and a friend definitely makes it better.

I'm curious to see how Katherine's relationship with the rest of the Gryffindor girls plays out. It's nice that they get along. Katherine needs more supportive friends and I think this is good for her.

Anyway, I had a good time reading this chapter. :)

~Marissa

Author's Response: Hey Marissa

First off thank you for the review! I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter, I had posted the memory with italics but I guess the editor went wonky XD

I'm glad you like Katherine, I try to make her as believable as I can and I'm happy to see she comes off that way. I'm also happy to see that you think all my scenes are believable and not over the top :)

I'm glad you had a good time reading this chapter I will definitely re-request in the future.

Ida


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Review #19, by TreacleTart Chapter Four

10th February 2015:
Hi Daliha!

I just finished chapter 4 and it looks like the story if really starting to come together. The flow of the chapter was much easier to follow and the plot is starting to build.

Characterization has been pretty consistent throughout the story so far. I think you do a good job of creating your characters.

The birthday scene at the beginning of the chapter really allowed us as readers to see what a screwed up dynamic Katherine and Thorfin have. It really makes me feel sorry for her and wonder why he hates her so much.

The dementor scene was also interesting. On one hand I like that Katherine seems to be pretty similar to Harry, especially her background. On the other hand, I kind of want to see her break away from that a little bit.

I thought it was sweet how George comforted her after the attack, but also kind of amusing that he had to be told to hold her.

~TreacleTart

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Review #20, by TreacleTart Chapter Three

10th February 2015:
Hi Daliha!

I just finished chapter 3 and I'm excited to see that the flow of the story is becoming a bit smoother. You seem to be getting a hang of the transitions a bit more here. The only suggestion I have to make as far as readability goes is to not start chapters with he or she because it makes it hard to distinguish who you're talking about.

I thought you did an excellent job of describing the Quidditch match and all of the excitement.

The memories of Egin Rowle were also very touching. It was nice for Katherine to have a tender moment of reflection. Now we as readers know why he was so special to her.

Your characterization of Thorfin Rowle is spot on. You made him brash and cruel, exactly as a Death Eater should be.

Overall, good work! I'll be reading the next chapter soon!

~TreacleTart

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Review #21, by TreacleTart Chapter Two

10th February 2015:
Hi Daliha,

I was glad to see that Katherine is starting to come out of her shell a bit in this chapter. I'm curious to see how she will develop. The story has hinted at her tragic past, so I'm anxious to find out more about that.

I noticed one small correction that I wanted to point out. At the beginning of the story, Katherine is instructing Angelina on reverse passes and she says "It's harder said than done." Was this supposed to say "It's easier said than done"?

I'm still struggling a bit with how your story is organized. It still reads a bit choppy and jumpy. The plot is also not quite clear to me at this point.

Regardless, I am enjoying reading it and look forward to more chapters soon!

~TreacleTart

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Review #22, by marissa lily potter Chapter One

10th February 2015:
Hello!

This was a nice, fun chapter to read. Iím a little confused about Katherineís relationship with the rest of the Gryffindors (if itís explained in the later chapters, I am so sorry!) at the moment as she seems to be distant from them. I wonder why that is because she was okay with Fred, George and Lee on the train! I wonder what has changed because she seemed really outgoing then but a lot quieter now. Hmm. Iím just feeling a discrepancy in her character but itís only the second chapter so Iím not too worried yet!

I like where youíre going with this though. I really love how youíre showing Fred and George separately because even though theyíre very similar, sometimes to the point of being the same person, they are their own people. I like that theyíre having different experiences even with being at each otherís side! It relates very well to the worries they were having in the first chapter.

Iím really glad that we got to see some more character relationships in this chapter! I like that youíre showing their relationship with the Quidditch team. The Slytherin relationships seem tense but thatís to be expected haha. Snape was very on point too. I could picture him doing what he did and saying what he said. Youíre very good at keeping true to the canon characters and their personalities, in my opinion.

The flow was good but there were a lot of different scenes that were short each which kind of disrupts the flow. I think if you elongated the scenes or had smoother transitions, it would make the chapter flow better.

Despite everything that Iíve said, I did like this chapter! It kept my attention and Iím excited to see where Katherine and Georgeís relationship will go. They seem like theyíre different enough to make the friendship interesting but not so much that theyíll be constantly clashing with one another. Whatever happens between them, Iím really looking forward to continue reading your story!

Great work with this chapter. Now, onto the next for me! :)

~Marissa

Author's Response: Hey Marissa! Thank you again for the review :)

On to your response:

You'll find out later on why Katherine seems distant. I've alway believed the twins to be their own people, I mean they're always together but they aren't the same person. Like Fred is the more outgoing, some would say harsher twin whilst I find George to be more down to earth, kinder than Fred is. I tried to portray them as closely as possible to canon :)

I'll look over the story to see what scenes disrupt the flow and what not.

Yay! I'm happy the chapter kept you interested :)

Thanks again for the review :)


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Review #23, by TreacleTart Chapter One

10th February 2015:
Hi again Daliha,

So chapter one was a little bit hard for me to follow because so much happened and there were so many different conversations going on. I think creating stronger transitions between each conversation and event would be helpful. I see that you post the dates periodically throughout the story, but even within those dates, a story needs a transition between events.

That being said, I'm really liking your characterization of George. He still seems like the mischievious character from the books, except now we're getting a chance to see how kind and caring he is. I especially like that he communicated with Katherine through paper airplane. I also anjoyed the idea of their secret friendship.

~TreacleTart

Author's Response: Hello again TreacleTart! I can't begin to thank you enough for the reviews you have given me :) I looking over this chapter ASAP to create a stronger transition between events.

Aww thank you I'm happy you like my characterization of George, I do try my best to stick to canon (aside from the obvious non-canon things going on.) Again thank you for the awesome reviews and all the helpful CC :)

Ida


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Review #24, by TreacleTart Prologue

10th February 2015:
Hi There Daliha,

So I found your prologue to be very interesting. The scene with the mother protecting the child seemed pretty reminiscent of Harry's mom dying.

I really enjoyed the part where we see that Fred and George are nervous about the sorting. Since they are such confident people in the HP books, you don't really ever get a chance to see them as vulnerable, so that was nice.

Honestly, I did find the flow of your story to be a bit off. It tends to jump from one scene to the next without any sign of it transitioning. I also felt like this chapter could've been split into two chapters. The part about the mom could've been the prologue and the trip to Hogwarts could've been the first chapter.

I also noticed a few typos, missing words, and run on sentences, but none of it was anything major. Maybe just a quick read through and edit would fix those items.

Overall, good start to the story. I'm looking forward to seeing where it goes.

~TreacleTart

Author's Response: Thank you TreacleTart for the review :)

I've looked over the chapter the edits are still in the queue :) But thank you for mentioning them anyway, I really do appreciate it :)

I enjoyed writing the sorting since we never get to see the twins as vulnerable I thought this would be a good chance to portray them as just that, I mean at eleven most people haven't built much confidence in themselves, so I thought that's be realistic.

Thank you again for the review!

Ida


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Review #25, by marissa lily potter Prologue

10th February 2015:
Hi!

This is such a cute beginning to the story! I love Fred and George and am so partial to them but this was great nevertheless. To read about their nervousness at being sorted into different houses made me feel so nervous for them (even though I already knew they'd be Gryffindors haha). I thought that was very adorable and a very real issue. I can't imagine growing up with someone who was practically the same person as you only to fear that you might be separated for the next seven years!

I'm getting a little ahead of myself though. The beginning of the story was very catching. It got my attention right away. There was just enough mystery to keep me wondering what was happening but not too much where I was completely lost. Hmm, Katherine Rowle. I see what you did there with the last names haha. I wonder how this relationship is going to play out!

For the first chapter, this was absolutely great. I liked that you introduced us to some familiar characters and you gave us a bit of background information on the situation. You've stayed true to Fred & George (I'm a bit of a stickler for canon when it comes to characterization) and I really appreciate that. They're funny even at such a young age! I also like the jabs made at Percy. xD I can really see him trying to tell them what to do.

The story definitely kept my attention. Right from the beginning till the end. I thought that Elizabeth's character was a little off in that I couldn't really feel the emotions she was trying to portray but we only saw her in the beginning and I'm assuming she is now dead so that's not an issue. :)

The scene on the train felt a bit choppy to me but I know those scenes can always be awkward and I totally feel you on that. I just thought I'd point it out anyway. I like the direction that this seems to be going in. I know this was just the prologue but you set it up well by introducing some of the characters that Fred & George will be friends with.

I honestly thought this was a really nice beginning and I'm excited to continue reading and see how the story pans out!

~Marissa

Author's Response: Hey Marissa, thank you for the review, I really appreciate it :)

I happy to see that, I had to have them be nervous for the sorting I mean they're only eleven it had to have been an issue for them. I'm glad to see I had a bit of mystery in there as for Miss. Rowle's relationship with George you'll have to read later on to find out :p

I love Fred and George and I'm happy that you think I did a good job characterizing them :) I'll have to fix Elizabeth's part because I really want her to portray panic and fear.

I'll fix the choppiness ASAP, I'm trying to edit the story to the best of my ability, either that or I'll try and get a beta reader.

Thank you again for the review

Ida


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