Oh my Merlin, this was just so sad. I am on the verge of crying now =(
Really, you're an amazing writer though. From the beginning of the story, though everything seemed "perfect", I had a sense of foreboding for some reason, and I guess the credit for that goes to your wonderful writing style. The ending still caught me by surprise. I had expected something "bad" to happen to spoil her perfection, but I definitely hadn't expected her to be killed! That was just so sudden and so heartbreaking! *cries*
Anyway, your descriptions and imagery was beautiful throughout. I was hooked on the narrative from the beginning to the end. I also liked your characterisation of Dominique as the non-perfect sister/daughter. Her thoughts on her wedding, on her wanting it all to be perfect, were very nicely written and I could really feel her anticipation and happiness.
The ending twist was written very well too, though it raised a lot of questions in my mind like who was the man, why did he kill her, and even what happened the next day (when her family found her body) etc. so it would be great if you ever write a sequel or continue the story as a short story/novella.
The last flashback was very sweet too, and its good you added it, as we got to know Liam and Dom's relationship with him a little more through it. It was in a very fitting place in the story too, it could almost be considered Dom's last memory, or an echo of what she had hoped for just as it was snatched away from her.
The final sentence was my favourite line though. It really touched me deeply. The idea of her perfect romance turning into a 'perfect' tragedy was just so brilliant, and sad (a whole new level of sad). As I said before, your description is really great.
I don't have any CC for you of course, but I'd like to say again that I'd love to read a sequel or see this turn into a chaptered fic. It was incredibly well-written, and I'd love to see more of it. Great job!
(AditiDraco95) Report Review
I'm here for the snake's Review Tag :)
First of all, you caught me completely by surprise with the last turn of events! Dom being killed was totally unexpected, and of course I keep asking myself: Who did it? Who killed the bride on the last evening before her wedding?!
Apart from the brilliant twist, it was beautifully written as well. I liked how you described Dom's feelings about herself and Liam, her opinion on her family and the wedding itsself.
This story doesn't have the classy happy ending, but I like that! It's different, and that makes it special. Congrats!
Miriel Report Review
Okay, all I am going to say is that at least I got around to completing your review request before 2011 ends. Let's leave it at that.
That was... I was not expecting that. At all. At all, at all, at all.
She can't have just... but she... and the... but...
You, my dear writer, have managed to do the impossible. No, you haven't just rendered me speechless but you have rendered me thoughtless. Man, I know that stories have twists and turns but I was not expecting that. Wow. You did it brilliantly, though.
You should know something. I have this thing where I hate romances that end in tragedy. I just find them a little... contrived. And they really don't do anything for me. They just aren't real.
This was different.
I don't know what it was. But you made me like this. Love this. Adore this. And I don't get why since it has all the makings of something I would hate. Well, whatever you did, keep on doing it. Because I loved it!
The flow was really good. Which is strange considering how sudden the twist was. I loved the way you described how Dominique finally felt like a Delacour. And those little mentions of the rest of her family really rounded her character off. And I could sense her excitement and happiness. I loved that. She was just an ordinary girl on the most special day of her life and you wrote it well.
Then the walk along the beach. The strange this is that it didn't seem ominous or foreboding. It was just Dominique taking a walk on the beach. And then your twist came and I just...
It was so sudden. But it kind of... fit? I don't know. It's a terrible and horrible way to end the story but it worked. And I think I understand what you were trying to do.
That last flashback with her and Liam just broke my heart, though. They really seemed so lovely together and it's horrible to think that they would never have a future together. And of all the days to happen, it had to have been the wedding day! Maybe I'm just a sucker for romance (I am!) but that scene just shoved a knife into my heart and twisted hard. I loved reading it, though.
I do wonder who the killer was. Part of me wants to know his story and what drove him to do what he did, but then another part of me likes that you kept his identity undisclosed. It kind of forced me to focus my attention on the beauty of her and Liam's relationship and nothing else.
This was a really thought-provoking and beautifully written piece. I haven't read any of the other reviews but if anyone ever tells you that this was not a good piece because it didn't end happily, please know that I am of the firm opinion that this was perfect.
PS. Apologies times a thousand for taking a good 5 months to get around to this review!Author's Response: *jaw drops*
JOOP. Oh my gosh.
I completely forgot I requested a review from you, and to be honest, I'm glad I forgot because it made this so much more of a surprise :D
This is amazing, and you made my day. Possibly my week/month/year/lifetime. Just...wow.
Haha, you're a sucker for romance? ME TOO. This was completely different from the stuff I usually write (I'd never delved into the horror/dark area at all before this), but once the idea occurred to me to have her murdered...I couldn't seem to resist it. This was intended to be a nice and happy one-shot, but that clearly backfired!
As for the killer's identity...well, I've had a few reviewers tell me I should do a follow up and explain that, and I can never decide. I initially did not intend to, and I still don't really have anything planned out as to what would happen after this scene.
Who knows :P
I'm glad you liked it, and I can't thank you enough. Thank you so, so much for you utterly jaw dropping review!
-Giola Report Review
So, I totally wasn't expecting that! First of all, what a beautiful one shot, beautiful descriptions, amazing detail. I like how you didn't make Dom look like her mother or sister, you made her distinctly unique, and I loved that. Everyone feels beautiful standing in their wedding dress, hehe.
And when she went for a walk on the beach to unwind...I was so jealous! Until, you know, that whole thing where she gets killed. Which really is an interesting concept, because you want to hear the whole story so bad, but you don't get to know at all about the killer or what his motive was. It's bizarre and it definitely makes you want to know more. I also liked the little flash back that you gave at the end, it was sweet, but also so sad now that you know her fate, you know?
Finally, I had avoided reading this at first because I don't know anything about next gen, and I feel like that's a hurdle I just need to get over. I really enjoyed this story, great job girl!
~LR (Slytherin)Author's Response: Hey Ash!!
Well, I'm glad you got over your hurdle this one time :) I promise you next gen's really not that scary (you should know that, you ARE writing one).
Wow, beautiful descriptions? Really? :P This was written...quite a while back now, and reading over it it sounds so bad...but, I guess I'm my own worst critic.
As for the idea of killing her, this initially started out as a humor piece. I know, right? I woke up one day during the holidays, sat down to write, and the idea of 'what would happen if she was murdered?' floated across my mind. So, I just wrote, and wrote, and this came out. It wasn't planned, and I actually have no idea who the killer is. It's a mystery even to me.
Thanks for the lovely review! :)
-Giola Report Review
Ooer, very interesting oneshot! I saw the description and I saw the genre and wasn't sure what to expect. It was quite sudden, her death -- I had hoped to know who it was! There's sort of lingering open threads that I'm dying to see tied up. Do you have a person in mind for the murderer?
Perhaps a little overly descriptive in the middle -- I'd like some more thoughts on Liam and the wedding throughout, kind of making it a little more cohesive if possible. But I really quite liked your version of Dom. Well done on such a tragic tale! I
- justonemorefic, RavenclawAuthor's Response: Oh my gosh, you review made my day! I'm a huge fan of your stories (which you probably know, I've left you a few reviews here and there...promise I'll leave more :P), so seeing you review one of mine was a huge shock!
I actually have no idea who the murderer was. I was writing from Dom's mind, so I only really saw it from her perspective. Ideas floated around in my mind after I wrote this, but nothing specific. This was written spontaneously, the idea to have her murdered popped into my head one morning, and then...I just went with it.
Thanks for the suggestions, I've read over that section and I must agree. Thanks SO much for the review!
-Giola Report Review
Wow, I loved this. The flow was perfect and Dom was so lovable. I liked how she was nothing of her mother and sister and how she felt like a Delacour, seeing her in herself wedding gown. The emotion, the expectation – all were well described. The ending of her midnight walk was a real surprise which was great, but it got me thinking of who was the one who killed her. I think anyone who read this was thinking the same thing: Who?
The memory at the end of the story fits really great. Why don’t you give there a clue? Like someone watching them from distance, angry about her being with Liam even since back in the school days (giving a name is no necessary)? – just a thought.
Great story, anyways!Author's Response: Haha, I actually have no idea who killed her! Almost every review on this has asked that question, and I honestly have no answer. I suppose I was in Dom's mind, and she had no idea who it was, nor that it was coming, so that's what's shown in the piece. Thank you so much for your review, I feel like I struggle with characterisation and description so that's a big compliment!
Thanks so much!
-Giola Report Review
This was great! So suspenseful near the end, and so beautiful and full of meaning at the beginning. You captured the feelings of a bride wonderfully. I loved it! And I love the intrigue that follows. :)
Thank you for entering my challenge, and I hope to have the results posted in a week or so. :)Author's Response: Thanks for the review! It was an amazing challenge to be part of, I loved writing this (though it was not at all what I had in mind for this challenge). Initially I wanted to write humor...yet this happened! I'm glad you liked it!
-Giola Report Review
Hello there. I'm here to review...well...because I want to. So here goes.
This story was both unique and a little dry, but I mean the last one in the nicest way. There are a lot of beginning authors on here (and not all are good); your writing style in comparison is very pleasing and easy to read. I gobbled this up as though it were words in a published book.
The beginning was very nice, but a little cliche. I like how much hope emanated from her body whenever she thought of this Liam guy. How innocent the story was coming along, and how happy Dominique was. I say it is only a little cliche because you of how you began comparing Dominique to her sister and her family, but overall, it was nice.
One more nit-pic: I understand that Dominique is excited to be getting married, but the whole story revolved around Liam. She really didn't talk about other friends or family, it was all about him. I'm pessimistic...so I'm sorry if I offend you...but it just made her lack character and made her appear a tad obsessive. I would suggest you make it a little longer so we know Dom more before she dies, so we feel a little twinge of regret. When that dude came out of nowhere and killed her; well that sucked but I wasn't overly heartbroken about it.
I really really really like the concept though. That just when your life is going great and you have this bright future ahead of you, it doesn't matter, some psychopath can apparate in front of you and take that away from you. With a wave of his wand.
The ending was spot on as well; the memory with Liam and her longing to be like a Delacour. I like your thoughts of life after death and that you still gave her human qualities and troubles really shined through. Plus I really love Shakespearean endings :)
So in short: it's a really good story with good writing. I just think it would help to beef up the beginning a bit. If you have any questions at all or just want to talk about your story, feel free to contact me on the forums. My username is the same.Author's Response: Wow. Thank you so much! You point about Dominique is very helpful, thank you. I really should go back and add more depth to her character, you're right, it will create more of an effect.
Thank you so much, I'll edit this when I get some time :) Report Review
I hadn't expected that. Quite a shock. You leave me with a lot of questions. Who was he? Why did he kill her?
Your writing style is amazing. The whole story flowed perfectly and I was kind of sad when it ended. Overal, this is certainly a 9 and a favorite.Author's Response: Thanks so much!! I honestly didn't plan the ending like that at all. I started writing this as a humor piece (that obviously failed). As for who he is and why he killed her, I think it's better left up to all of you. I have a few ideas, of course, but it seems like it had to end there.
Thanks again! Though I'm sorry you were sad, if it helps I was too when writing it.
A favourite! Gosh, you have no idea how happy you just made me :D
-Julia Report Review
What a unique idea! It had my interest the entire story. The flow was excellent, and I like the character you gave Dominique Weasley. I want to read more, but there is none! Gah!
I had difficulty coming up with something to work on, but there's this: there are a couple of small typos in this sentence. 'No. I’m just spontaneous,.' Dominique replied, before she collapsed on her back ion the damp grass.'
Really excellent story :D I'm definitely going to read more of your work!Author's Response: Aw, thanks so much! I'll fix that up right away, good on you for catching it, neither me, or my beta or my previous reviewers picked it up :P
Thank for getting to this super fast, you are amazing :D I take forever to get to my review requests (note to self: do some of them soon).
Anyway, thanks again!
-Julia Report Review
Hello there, it's maidenwriter from TGS with your review. :)
I must say, this is a really good story! I think you should definitely extend it and go further with it! Like, why the mysterious man on the beach killed her, etc. It was short and to the point, the flow was good as well. I like your Dominique. It shows that she's not as perfect as her sister, but perfect in her own way.
I was a little confused as to how you mentioned that George and Angelina were characters, but the only characters I read about were Dominique and Liam and the one who killed her. Maybe you could change that around. One more thing, when you said "high school sweethearts" I think that the term should be switched to "school sweethearts" or just leave out high school. Remember, it's Hogwarts, not high school. ;)
Great job overall!! I really liked it! You should definitely keep going with it, maybe even turn it into a novel or a novella! :)
high school sweetheartAuthor's Response: Thanks for getting to this so quickly!
I was wondering about Dominique, i'm glad you like her! I've got an idea for what I'll do with this, but it'll be a while before I post it, I have to plan things out first :)
Did I mention George and Angelina? Whoopsie.
Oh, thanks, I think that must have just slipped out, 'high school' is really a more muggle term :P I'll edit that!
Thanks so much for the lovely review!
-Julia Report Review
Firstly, thankyou so much for coming to my review thread! I LOVE this!
You have used some beautiful descriptive scenes and imagery throughout the story to great effect, the reader actually feels that they are there with Dominique as she experiences those last minute nerves.
The emotions portrayed are absolutely stunning, you seem to have really got them spot on and although I'm not expert on next gen or Dominique in fact, I really do think that it is just spot on, the perfect balance so congratulations for portraying a difficult set of emotions so well :)
The story has such an elegant simplicity to it; you don't waste words but neither do you hold back with them, if that makes any sense? Again, you have mastered the balance perfectly with an elegance I rarely see in fanfic.
But the ending, so sad, so shocking! But yet it fits the story perfectly. I am intrigued by the massive question everyone will be asking. whodnunnit? This is a story I would love to see continued and I will certainly be favouriting both you and the story as I would adore to read more of your writing!
Keep up the good work, you have a lot of talent and will certainly go far!
LGEAuthor's Response: WOW that was fast!
Aw, thank you so much! My jaw dropped reading this :)
When I was writing this, it was originally going to be a light-hearted humor fic. That obviously failed :P It wrote itself, really.
My beta said much the same, about wanting to know who killed her. I can't decide if I should leave it up in the air or not...hmm...knowing me, I'll end up turning this into novel length mystery. Ahaha.
Again, thanks so much for the lovely (and long) review!
-Julia Report Review
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