Reading Reviews for When the Sun Explodes
1 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Phoenix_Flames August Twenty-Fifth

29th September 2011:
Hello there! I'm here with your review as requested. I want to apologize for the long wait. I'm very sorry about that. I've just been pretty busy and my queue has just gotten huge. But I'm glad I finally got around to it.

This was a great opening chapter here. I think you have a very original story coming along here, and I can't wait to see where you take this. This is so original and unique! Really neat.

I love how you started off the story. It was foreboding and captivating. You really pulled me into the story and really gripped me. You really have such a unique story coming along here, and your plot! Wow. I don't know where you came up with it, but brilliant job.

I love your characterization of Rolf. He seems like a great guy. Sweet and a great match for Luna. I can really see her with him, and they would make a great couple. I loved him.

And then what a transition. Your introduction of Artemis was great. What an original name! I feel like the name is always critical to and OC's character. The name shows part of the originality and the avoiding of cliche. So I find it always important to avoid those common names, especially in the HP universe. JKR always had such unusual names, and here you did a great job picking a name she could have easily selected. :) And you've done a great job of characterizing her.

We don't know her all that well yet, but you did get enough of her character across to show us that she is a great girl. I love that you didn't get all of her character across in this first chapter. That is always a bit overwhelming, and I find it a better technique to introduce a new character as the story progresses, and you did a great job of using that technique here. So fantastic job with that!

There was a nice flow going to your story. There was a perfect mix of dialogue, descriptions, emotions of what's truly going on, etc. You did a great job with that. There was never anything overwhelming at any given time. Really nice job with that!

Ah, and then the introduction of Harry. Really nice. I like how you said that Harry Potter is a household name. It definitely is, and you stressed that very well. There's no way the entire Wizarding World wouldn't know about Harry Potter.

I love seeing older Harry after the war, seeing what he becomes and all the different characterizations of things, so I was excited when I saw him introduced. And I think you wrote him very well. He seemed very professional with Rolf here, a good trait for sure. I also found that his relationship with Rolf is probably that of what would actually go on between the two of them if JKR were two elaborate further about their relationship. Harry was never incredibly close to Luna, therefore I don't see Rolf being any closer than that, so you showed that very well.

I think I only have one piece of advice. We understand the importance of Harry's character and his name. You stress that well in the introduction of that scene, so I think that you don't quite have to call him 'Harry Potter' every time he is addressed for the rest of that scene. We do understand his importance, and quite a few times it goes 'said Harry Potter.' I think only once it says just 'Harry.' And you might be looking for the emphasis here, which is fine if that's what you're going for! ;) But that's just the one thing I noticed that seemed a little redundant to me. So nothing major at all, and you totally could have done that on purpose. :)

A really great opening chapter! I think you are off to a great start here, and you definitely have one of the most unique and creative plots of I've seen thus far. I can't wait to see how you elaborate on that.

Really great job! I hope this review helped in some way. Thank you for requesting! Feel free to request the next chapter when it's posted! Thanks! :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review. I am so, so sorry for the amount of time it has taken to respond. I got caught up in school and my mind hasn't been very focused on HPFF recently.

I really appreciate what you said about Artemis. I was worried that she might come off as Mary Sue-ish and that I hadn't revealed enough about her in this chapter. The problem I'm having with writing her character convincingly is that she's so based off of what she's been brainwashed to become. This whole first part of the story, for Artemis, will be about becoming someone else - herself - rather than the vision of the people who've manipulated her. I'm glad you think my plot is original. It was a devil of a plot bunny. Thanks for your review!

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