Firstly - a very clever title.
Secondly - I love it! It's not only unique, but very enjoyable, sweet and detailed.
Written extremely well, I loved reading about Sirius's thoughts, and al though short, it still stays with you.
I liked the lack of dialogue - it makes it more interesting and engaging. I also enjoyed reading him arguing with himself and the way all his thoughts linked together and we got to see all the possible aspects of which house he could be put in.
In addition to that, I liked the way you described the pressure on him being part of the black family, and the strict guidance.
I loved the way andromeda is portrayed too.
The format is very attention grabbing, and clear structure.
I have nothing but praise for this writing, it's absolutely brilliant!

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Good job... :) Is this Cho's POV?

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Lovely... see tht this is a mix of different authors. May I post a chapter in this?
10/10 adding to favs...

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Hi! Here at last with your requested review :)

So I love the premise here! It's such a unique moment to explore. I wouldn't even know how to begin to describe what it feels like to be Petrified, but you did a marvelous job with it with your description of Justin barely beginning to feel himself able to move after being paralyzed for so long. I also like how he thought Harry was the one who did this to him, which is logical and appropriate. I like how quickly he changed his tune, also, seeing as Harry was definitely a good person.

The ending did seem a little forced to me. I would have preferred to see his relief and return to the land of the living drawn out a little bit more just to make things more realistic. I feel like it would have been appropriate for him to spend a few lines dwelling on practical matters -- should he write his parents? What will his friends think when he returns at last? I also noticed some spelling errors -- it's not "veil" or "vile", it's "vial". I did think it flowed fairly well, though, and I thought you did well with using second person. It seems appropriate.

Nice work! Thanks for requesting a review, and I hope my feedback is useful to you :) You can just respond via PM.

Amanda

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Hey it's Logamind here from the forums.

Sorry this took so long to get back to you, my internet decided it didn't want to be my friend anymore.

I've never read a fic in the second person before and it was certainly interesting. I liked trying to work out what was going on and who was the speaker.

You've done a really good job with this. I didn't think I would really enjoy a story in the second person but it was actually really enjoyable to read.

You asked if it was easy to follow. I would say yes. At first I didn't know what was going on but that's going to happen in the second person and the start was enjoyable even without knowing the full details of what was happening. I worked out who it was pretty quickly and what was going on so it all fit together well.

Poor Justin, this gave a good view on what being petrified was like, I hadn't really thought of it before then.

I thought this was a really good piece of work. The fact it's your first attempt at writing in the second person is brilliant, you've done a brilliant job.

Logamind

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I think that the emotion you infused into the story is fitting for Cho and her character. You've expanded on her character nicely. I always viewed her as someone with very rich and complex emotions, and they were all here, especially at the end. The best part is that it didn't make her seem weak, which I think happens too often. It just made her real.

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This was very beautiful. I wanted a few more hints at the start though that told me who it was, and where we were. I could make guesses, and obviously the suspense is good at the end, but I kept thinking it was a girl speaking, then a guy, then I had no idea.

But I thought it was a very fresh perspective that I really enjoyed reading.

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Absolutely brilliant. I can't believe I never saw this perspective of that story before! It's truly a lovely piece of writing. I love it!

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Hey,

Here with your review :)

This was a nice moment you've chosen and its nice to see the big plans James has for the future. But I thought that his past and present could use a little more detail. Will he only miss the pranks, what about Quidditch? or sneaking off to Hogsmead with Sirius, Remus and Peter... full moons in the Forbidden Forest and all the exciting creature encounters they must have had there...Encounters with Peeves, I'm sure the Marauders had at least several run-ins with him! Oh my! The common room!? I'm positive a place that they spent a lot of time with will be in their memory for a long time...Maybe also a bit about they're time as students growing up and becoming ready to take on a new world.
With the present, some background detail would I think would work for your advantage. The moving portraits, suits of armour, ghosts... things he'd have to leave behind.
Maybe you could add how he would hope one day his children may enjoy Hogwarts as much as he did :)
These are all suggestions so feel free to ignore them :)
The rest was perfect and spot on.I love that you ended with the doors opening. So well done, great effort :) Keep it up :)
~Pen2Paper.

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The troll scene is one of my favourite in Philosopher's Stone and it's a very appropriate choice, since it's the start of a friendship that would save the wizarding world. I like how you described Hermione, how she seems to insecure, how she's always felt like an outsider; I think it's very in-character.

I loved the little Romione moment. It's so cute reading about her noticing him... and the 'o' bit is a lovely detail. :)

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I love Hufflepuff characters. :) They always seem to have an unexpected brave side, but a little less reckless than Gryffindors'!

The moment you chose for a change is perfect. The loss of a parent, the starting of a war is something that makes you grow up instantly and you described it well. Very well done. :)

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I liked the way you took some of the events in Half Blood Prince and told them from the point of view of a minor character. I'm not so much of a Lavender fan, but I like the way you portrayed her relationship with Ron in a positive light.

The last part is my favourite. Not many people think about how Dumbledore's death affected Hogwarts' students beside Harry, Ron, Hermione and Draco Malfoy. :)

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I love how Luna was Neville's first choice and the appearance of Augusta Longbottom at the end, she's awesome. This one-shot is very well written and cute. :)

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Really cool. You have a great style that shows with your descriptive nature and your ability to show emotion within your characters. Although this provoked sadness, I enjoyed reading it. It was a great insight to Narcissa and how she must have been feeling. Great job.

~Celtic~

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Wow. This was quite an insightful piece. I really enjoyed it. Its sad just how much he trully cared for her and always did. You story is evidence of that. The paragraphs would have been a little bit less difficult to read if they were broken up a bit more. Other than that, great story!

~Celtic~

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This was good. A great insight to what a pure-blood family might behave and teach their children. I like your descriptions and how they show depth to the characters. Your representation of the characters seemed spot on. Great job.

~Celtic~

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I really love Luna and Harry's friendship.
She's quite clever and I love that Harry can just be himself around her and ask about things and not get embarrassed about asking it.
I love how they look out for each other such as the quibbler moment. And its touching that they can share this moment with the thestrals without anyone else interffering.

alicia and anne
slytherin

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This is a good little one shot, and I really like how they all met each other, just by randomly running into the compartment :-D
I find it strange that James is weary of Sirius because of his last name (it must have happened but I just can't imagine a time when they weren't firends:-p)
And where on earth has that duck come from? I swear I've seen the three times today in stories! haha

alicia and anne
slytherin

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:-( poor Charlie
I wish he could have stayed with Tonks but sadly the distance was an issue.
She did handle it pretty well though and they seemed to end things on good terms.
I haven't seen much on Charlie/Tonks but I did thoroughly enjoy this one I think I might have to read more about them

alicia and anne
slytherin

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I really liked how James compared losing his friends to losing part of himself and that he knew them so well that he knew their flaws and what could kill them.
And how James is thinking about everything on his last day of school.
I found it really funny at the end with Sirius talking about the duck and 'Eileen' heeh
A great read!

alicia and anne
Slytherin

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This was really sweet and I'm glad that Elphias got a friend.
You wrote Albus incredibly well and I love how he had the same sense of wisdom and generally awesomeness :-P And i'm glad that he sat next to Elphias even though he's pock marked and green. It's such an ALbus thing to do. :-D
This was a good read.

alicia and anne
slytherin

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Aww I like how this is how he decided not to become an auror like he had dreamed and to focus on Herbology.
Maybe it's good that Snape was meant to him in class? to give him that push that he needed.
He just needs ot get more confidence and then he'll start believing more in himself.
I really liked this

alicia and anne
slytherin

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I always imagined that getting the dark mark would hurt and this just proves my theory right (well in my head :-p)
I like how Draco seems scared and how he doesn't want to be there.
Having him crying at the end was a really nice touch and just showed how scared he was, and how much he had to grow up.
A very good read

alicia and anne
slytherin

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First off, this was very well written, no mistakes to disturb the flow and I could just enjoy the plot unfold. Well done :)
I liked how you showed Cedric's anxiety and let us glimpse his thoughts. I also liked how you stopped at that moment, where the glory was all his, and he didn't yet know that he would have to share being Hogwarts champion.
It truly was a moment that started certain events, and sadly for him, it would have been better if he hadn't been selected. But in this moment, I felt happy for him.

Leo (Gryffindor)

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Oh, it's Ron and Hermione again :)
I loved how you described when Ron watched her sleep. It seems so sweet, and especially the moment Hermione realised that she loved Ron. How she was so agitated at first, and then realised the reason for it. It really was a perfect moment for this prompt.
I always love to see canon moments from another's point of view, and you did wonderful there! Great story :)

Leo (Gryffindor)

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